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I am really psyched today I'm getting my top surgery done pretty soon. I am a FTM androgyny..
I have wanted this done since I was 13 when I grew breasts I never wanted. When through the years I would go to regular doctors and GYNs for health reasons I'd ask them,could you take my uterus out,could you stop my breasts from growing somehow,later it changed to could you set me up with a surgeon to take them off. All those years no,no, no..I got my uterus out eventually because I was bleeding so bad I got anemia from fibroids(lucky coincidence but with tons of pain) My therapist is signing the permission for me and very soon I will be having my first appointment to set things up for surgery.
I am so looking forward to this.
I'm gonna throw a bra/binder burning party after all is said and done.
I just wanted to let everyone whos' transgender or sympathetic or just curious..know,my wait in a body that was wrong from the start is drawing to a close..
It was a wait that took me around 25 years to get fixed. Sadly. If it was any other kind of disfigurement something in the range of "normal" like a harelip,buck teeth or burn scar,the"professionals" would have sympathized and helped..I think because because it was in their own range of experiences of what they recognized as disfiguring,but sadly trans-gender issues are only an issue that is most painful for transpeople..The normals cannot understand it easily because they are happy with their gender. They can't imagine being not happy with it..So because of"normal" people who are happy with their gender who could not step out of their own self perception long enough to listen_to me_..I had to wait..and suffer. I had to jump through hoops and ask,ask,ask,..
If I had my way I would have had all this done decades earlier,before my first period and that would have saved myself 3/4 ths a lifetime of emotional torment. I am 39 now,most of my youth is spent.Spent in a body that was a painful prison to me. And this is all about to end.
If someone with the skill to help me change would have just listened _to me_, Heard me without projecting their own inability to relate to being transgender,personally , and gave up their own insistence playing games with themselves, Gave up trying to change my mind and convince me that I really deep down was like them... and if instead these professionals throughout my life ' would have helped me do what I said I needed to do, if they just took me at my word , they would have not wasted so much of my life-time trying to change my mind. I would have had a very different life I think..I needed a change of body to feel more comfortable in my own skin,as soon as my body became feminine. With my gender not being an issue anymore maybe I can have an easier time healing other issues I got, being less distracted by the pain of the gender stuff.
I know this surgery change will not end all my problems.I still got healing to do.It won't eliminate all my stress, it's no grail of perfect happiness, it won't fix my trauma issues..BUT after this..I won't have to feel the deep sense of wrongness I feel everyday when I look at myself anymore I won't have to feel trapped..
And that is what I always wanted.To be free of the wrong body.
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