I have been up since 5:30am, been a rough few weeks and dealing with some big personal issues. Spent a lot of time this morning reading here and had some things I wanted to share, some apologies, etc.
For those who might just be perusing this forum and not know what 'the list' is (I didn't until this morning) it refers to a list of things Obama has done for gays while in office.
About that list, the good and the bad IMHO:
The good:
At my job (have not been there in 3 weeks, gonna be another 8 before I go back at least - x wife is really ill, taking care of daughter, and have some personal health issues I will rant about later in GD - it helps me to personally rant there at times, get things off my chest and such) we have coaching sessions (I am a customer service rep/tech support and also program) where my bosses go over calls and emails I handled and rate them.
Did you answer the call the right way? Offer survey? Use your resources to fix the problem? etc and so on - it is a long list. They are not jerks about it, the idea is to give you good marks on what you did right, and let you know where you can do better and how.
For Obama and the dems I see the list in a similar fashion. You did X right, but Y needs improvement.
He and other folks in government are our employees, evaluating them needs to take into account the good and the bad.
The Bad:
Seriously? Ask fellow DU'ers about health care. They can create a 'good list' - and they will laugh it off and say 'where is single payer?' - try to tell them that Obama did more than Clinton/Bush in making progress on health care and they will remind you that it is no where close to being what was promised or needed.
People are dying over lack of health care. A candidate who once said he was against people being forced to pay for private insurance, etc, cannot hide behind a list of mediocre accomplishments.
Is it better than it was? Sure - could not get much worse. But a small list of minor changes does not change the simple fact that the people most affected are still suffering.
The wars. My son is in Iraq right now, thought we would be out by now. One could make a list of how Obama has done better on the small things. The big things....well we are still there and every time my phone rings and it is not a number I know my heart skips.
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My best friend since I was 13 (am 45 now) is gay. He has been with the same man since his 20's. James was the best man at my wedding. I wanted to return the favor, but cannot.
When his partner needed out patient surgery for testicular cancer James could not get the time off work to take him, He called me and asked me if I could take his partner to the hospital, bring him home, and stay there until he got home. Had it been my wife I could have gotten the time off. He had to work all day and worry, or lose his income.
One of the guys I used to work with was an interpreter for the govt, translating Arabic. He worked in intel and loved his job. They found out he was gay and he was gone. A valuable asset to our defense dept thrown out. Something Obama could have fixed his first day in office with an executive order barring people from losing their jobs over their sexual orientation.
He didn't. But there is a list of gays he has hired/etc.
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I apologize if (and I have) offended any gay (or other) DU'ers.
**HOWEVER** let me say this:
I believe people can disagree and not do so because they hate others. I did not agree generally with the idea of 'keeping the powder dry' on many issues (you make a stand, you stick to it, and we work together).
Back in the days of 'the snickers ad' I did not see it as a big deal. I got called homophobic because of that. Some people followed me around to threads and berated me, called me a child molester, etc.
My friend James signed up here after talking to me one night during those threads. He had called me to see how I was doing (mom had died, Mary, etc) and I told him that I was upset because some folks were saying I was homophobic. He laughed. "Uh...You? We have been friends for years, been across country twice, slept in the same hotel rooms and sometimes beds, I watched your kids...." and I mentioned the superbowl ad and he said "Todd and I laughed about it too, seriously, people think you don't like gays because you don't share their viewpoint on a tv ad? Do they think I am homophobic too?"
I have felt bad for years about that whole issue. I was for gay rights then as I am now, but some folks felt I wasn't because I did not see the ad as offensive. I can't always agree on things - you might be offended by something but if I am not does that make me bad? How can, on the one hand, I can be seen as a friend to my gay friends and an homophobic person on the other hand because I did not 100% agree on a tv ad?
--- I get it - gay folks have a hard time in the US. You don't have the rights you should have. I, and others, are on your side. We might not always be as sensitive as we should. There are some folks on here who would trade your rights just to win an election, I don't think they hate gays but that they are more interested in other parts of the picture that relate directly to THEM (like health care, etc) and they see their issues as more important than yours (so electing a dem to fix their issues is more important than anything else).
** Let me say one more thing in hopes you can better understand me, as I am trying to understand you and how I can better post/reply so as to show more respect:
I am used to being around folks not like me. Gays, etc (I grew up in a white neighborhood and the first black family and first Asian family here were not welcome, I became their friends as did my mom. My mom was on the PTA for our school and she made damned sure that the only Jewish kid in our school would not be 'left behind' and so on the 6th grade picnic she had me paired with him in the three legged race. Mom taught me that people are not always like me and that no matter what I was not better than them or superior, we were all the same in God's eyes - and if I treated others different because they were not like me than I was the problem, not them) James and I can joke as I have been able to with my X brother in law (who was able to get married in CA before that all went bust). James, when he came out of the closet was telling me about 'gaydar' and how his boyfriend dressed nice and liked antiquing - how he fit the stereotype. When we drove across country and I told him 'turn left, then go straight' he would say "Um...not going straight, how about forward instead?" and we would laugh.
I made a comment the other day to xchrom concerning why some people don't like gays, It's because gay men dress better and get all the chicks. Insensitive and stereotype? Probably, but I am used to being around people who are gay and say things like that. We never question each other, attack each other, or feel that we hate each other (James' partner uses the term 'breeder' a lot, I don't like it, but I don't think he hates me, I accept him as he is and care about him).
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Overall, I care about all of my friends on DU. You have been there for me many times. Talked to me in the worst moments of my life, helped me when I most needed it.
I have offended some of you, pissed you off, made you not feel welcome. Hurt you by some of the things I have said.
That was never my intention. I am just me, my life experience is different than yours.
I am on your side. I may not - and I am sure will not - always agree or take your side, and even when I do take your side I may try to show the other side (that is the chess player in me).
I hate that you have been screwed over. You are not just some posters out there on the internet to me. You are real people, with real problems, that my voting and that of others was supposed to fix.
And all you have is some lame list and people telling you to 'wait'.
You have waited too long. James has waited too long to have what I have.So has Richard, Charles, and Amy.
We are not going to agree on everything. I sure as hell don't with other DU'ers on a plethora of topics.
But I promise to do better for you, and to make you feel more safe an welcome here.
--- I have not always done my best to make you feel welcome. I have used my own personal experience (as noted above) and did not take into account your experiences and problems.
You are my friends, I do care about you, I do want to make you feel more welcome here.
This is not something Skinner can magically fix. This is not something I can easily change or fix - we are not going to always agree.
You have problems that I cannot fully understand - and I have problems you cannot relate to either.
But I can do better, from here on out, in making you feel a little safer and happier here in this place I call my internet home.
*** A song for you, in hopes that we can start over, work together to get you what you SHOULD have. I'll do better to make you feel more comfortable here, just give me the benefit of the doubt that even when we don't always agree I am not against you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LuGzwNy2ws&feature=relatedI face some really dark things in the next few weeks. I don't want to face them alone. I know you are facing things like I am on a regular basis. I will address those things later in GD. I am sorry if I did not give you the respect you deserved and if I offended you, it was never intentional.
We are in all of this together, and we should work together. The things coming down the pike for me are not good at all, looking back I know I did not respect my gay friends enough and their needs (not because I did not care, but I did not always understand). I am sorry but please know I never meant any disrespect.
-Your friend, TSS
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