Anyone get beaten up for being different?

[undergroundpanther]

I got harassed in school from second grade on.I had no peace.

I am trans-gender and bi and I got and beaten for it. I was taunted with the word Dyke and I dated no one.I would not dare.
I was teased about my clothes, my hair, even my teeth, and how I spoke.I was teased about my religion and sent to the principal over it,I was pagan in the late 70's.I was teased about my feline affinity.
I was teased and ganged up on relentlessly the bus was a torture chamber.I tried to kill myself many times to escape the hell I lived everyday.

One day I thought I'd conform,fit in..I dressed like a typical teen in the 70's I even feathered my hair put on make up looked every inch a"normal""girl" and I felt like a clown.It was horrid to walk around in such an unnatural way and it did not stop the assaults and teasing.
Teachers looked the other way when stuff happened to me right under their noses. but yet when they'd meet for parent teacher conferences they'd cry to my mom about what they saw me go through(I found out about this years later from mom)And still they did nothing.

Now I know there are people here who would say to me 'get over it' and move on,it was years ago.But I can't live in such denial of this.The scars still hurt and I cannot lay down separate everything I feel into compartments so some person can feel secure, and let this pervasive bully problem in the very fabric of our culture go unchallenged. My heart is torn open and the scars triggered when I see Bush swagger on TV to put gay bashing into the Constitution,or when I hear asshole Falwell blame 9/11 on gays, pagans and all.

It's the same mindset of the old bully boys in school who were enforcing conformity than who are now in charge of this nation now and they still hate me and my kind. And yes I am outraged.And I'm not standing by and pretending things changed when they haven't really in fact they are worse.These pigs are in power and making laws to make my life less free and safe.

For too long as a society we the let hate of the stronger dominate,silence,destroy the weaker or different parts of our'society' because the bullies assume they can-do it and get away with it.There are parents who think smacking their kid to teach them a lesson is OK,and cannot-will not see that threats hitting etc is all designed to instill fear of the stronger bigger person in the smaller person. This is bullying!

Every bully who intimidates threatens or hits in fact issues a dominance challenge to the person they abused. Bullies are in essence assuming they are entitled,by default because they don't like you or your kind,to hit you, abuse you,ruin your life,and put their own mental toxins into you(which comes out as suicide,self loathing,blind conformity, fear or horrible self esteem etc.) and traumatize you.

The challenge is to not let the bully get away with forcing his domination onto you ~ Take it personally... If one person can't overcome a bully alone,than a bystander who has compassion for the'weaker'or different, who does want tyranny in society really has a moral imperative to their own community and relationships to assist the victim and stop/deescalate/restrain/shame/call police or even kill the abuser.
(depending on the severity of the assault and the willingness of the abuser to stop doing it)

But we don't encourage this kind of self/other defense,in a personal way in our day to day lives in our culture.We put it off,ignore it,tell the victim to get over it,or conform, we are scared to interfere,we don't intervene. Why?

When we ignore abuse we give the bully permission to let it escalate .
Eventually we call the law or social services to handle it. By than the victim is a wreck emotionally.The damage is done.

In our culture the bully is not seen for what an asshole he is.It's because too many people are guilty,fascinated and scared and don't want to see a bully as a bully choosing to abuse innocent,different or weaker people.Because we don't call a bully what he is,he is allowed to exploit and trample others,ruin their lives,hurt their bodies and scar their emotions at will,Bullies will bully others as long as no one complains or fights back.

The state uses bullies and child abuse as an unspoken way to reinforce social "norms" often of the Judeao-Christian variety that keep all people from finding freedom,adventure and happiness in this life. I know that is a controversial statement,It will offend many parents raising their kids as their parents taught them but think please.. Just look at the effects abuse has on forcing cultures "deviants"and creative people to conform into something they are not..How many gay kids hide in the closet for fear of fathers rage or rejection? And isn't father reinforcing an oppressive social"norm"with his ignorance and misuse of parental authority to make his child be someone he cannot be to please himself and 'fit in' with social norms he was taught are so important and never had to question?

How many people are angry as Rush Limbaugh,Ann Coulter and hate radio.How many by stand and mutter amongst each other and will not picket the hate stations or walk in on Rush's/Ann's show and take the Mic out of their hands and tell them they are bullies to their respective faces on the air? No we argue over politics,who said what, and never get down to the roots,of this hate which is abuse.

Misery,strife and insecurity are very profitable to keep up(just think of profits of diet aids,antidepressants,and tooth whitening gel sales)

This bully culture we have is why we all MUST watch out for each other's safety and well being.Those of us who can live and let live,who want to cooperate need to shame abusers for their abusive acts no matter who they are,and force them to evolve out of their conduct disorders and feel ashamed for their domination and sadism.WE need to rip off that mask of sanity they wear.This is why we must not by stand,and instead stand up for our rights to be who we are no matter what parents,bullies,politicians,religionists,or ANYBODY else thinks.


Freedom is not going to be really free as long as any bully is determining what you should be-and how you must live-or else.
Democracy,equality human rights and peace cannot be had in a community with a tyrant,bully or asshole messing relations up in it.
Tyrants,control freaks,elitists,haters,bullies, dominator's and abusers and those who do not live and let live, who seek to bully others or 'teach them lessons' to not be who they are,
are incompatible with any egalitarian,democratic free civil society.

I feel eventually the attacks on "our kind" will force liberals to give up nit picking over issues and find their solidarity,it will come to the point where all distinctions,gay,poor,obese,black,transgendered,woman,handicap,mentally ill,etc.will merge into a big disenfranchised people category,and it will be the same kind of domineering bully network of swaggering hateful people looking to force 'norms' or their own hegemony in a group who are doing the abuses that will oppose our self actualization,happiness, our peace security and safety in our lives.

This is the real culture war the bullies are itching for,smear the queer,whap a geek, beat the bitch,burn a witch,kill a crip,lock up the nuts and torture them,and smack the snot nosed little brats ..etc.
And teach us all a lesson,that might makes right and how dare we evolve and break free from this rigid social domination system.

Bullies are not so fragmented in whom they hate, really as long as they have someone else to dump their insecurities frustrations and mental toxins into,they'll do it >They use anyone they can call themselves superior to,they are clearer as to whom they hate and they always seem to hurt the same sorts of people.

Some people never learned might does not make right.Who knows why they have conduct disorders? Who cares? Either way,somebody has got to teach them to feel and understand why it is wrong to abuse others.If they will not get along,or live and let live, what's wrong with taking them out? They made their decision if they refuse to stop abusing,so what is wrong with meeting their domination challenges and saying NO like you mean it?

In school I got together with several outcasts like myself. We were all hated for different reasons ,and life was hell for all of us .We made an alliance we defended each other from abuse.It didn't stop the bully attacks but it lessened them.We refused to by stand and look away when someone else got hurt by a bully.
Now in an attempt to reduce school violence they are trying to eliminate by-standing.In a school where one anti bystander program was started, it was found when even 1 person in a crowd steps into a altercation,and tries to stop it,it was said 90% of the attacks were thwarted.

So how many of you were beaten up for being gay or transgendered or just different?

How many of you stood up and refused to by-stand when a bully(any bully) threatened a friend,a kid or or stranger who was like you or different than you ?

Just some thoughts I had that were inspired by the Jesusland article.

[fertilizeonarbusto]

1. They tried to beat me up in 8th grade

I hit the little posse leader across the mouth with a world atlas. He lost three teeth. His parents tried to start something, but they hadn't met my mother. That was the end of that.

[TlalocW]

2. Nowhere near the experience you had

I was the math/science/computer geek in a small farming community of under 2000 people in Kansas. I wasn't athletic until high school when I started lifting weights and actually went out for wrestling because it was something different to do. I also juggled and rode a unicycle, did not drink, and did not follow sports. Not being popular used to bug me quite a bit, and I was a crybaby when I was younger. When I got to high school, I started not caring what most people thought, got bigger from lifting (which probably helped me not get my ass kicked), and just gave myself over to my sense of humor (mocking, cynical sarcascm) which when properly used was enough to shut most people up - especially the braindead. In a way, I became an intellectual bully who made it known to the assholes that I would be blowing the curve on the test, and I mocked their pain. I didn't realize how powerful mocking sarcasm could be until my senior year in college when a friend of mine mentioned to me that the senators from student government were happy that I didn't show up at some sort of campaign meet and greet because they were afraid I was going to mock them all. :)

When I got to college, it was a breath of fresh air. The three "cool" kids from my class that also went to my college dropped out in the first two semesters, and I was pretty much free of my hometown except for visits when my best friends are back there for family holidays, etc. A lot of the "cool, popular" kids (as well as being snots) seem to have had trouble succeeding out in the real world and are now back in town having gotten married and are raising their brats and trying to "recapture a little bit of their glory years" as Springsteen might sing. High school in that small town was the best time of their lives, I guess, and they'll hold on to it for as long as they can. Our 10th year reunion was a few years ago, and I didn't get an invitation which tells me that I've successfully hidden myself from my former classmates.

As for me, I've got a good job as a computer programmer and make pretty good money on the side from the type of skills I was mocked for having as hobbies - juggling, unicycling, (and now) magic, and balloon twisting.

TlalocW

[Quakerfriend]

3. Hey undergroundpanther

So sorry for the bullying you suffered through the years. I must say that I have noticed that things have gotten a lot worse in the schools over the past 20 years. Being a Quaker and a mother of two boys, 8 and 12, I made a point right from the start to teach them about caring for others. First, by teaching them that they had the responsibility to go to the aid of others when they saw stuff happening. I often reminded them that this was the law in Paris! It comes naturally to them now. It sad, because it starts with the parents when they are young, and is so easy to teach. Don't give up hope in you fellow Americans. I think there are many like you and me too.

[Behind the Aegis]

11. If only...

...there were more parents like you! What wonderful things you are teaching your children! I hope more follow your example, including your children!

Brightest Blessings!

[undergroundpanther]

4. Juggling

Great pastime...My kitties love when I do it,thier heads spin in unison it's so damn cute!(and distracting...heh)
I think they are just waiting for me to drop the balls,sometimes I'll do it with tin foil balls,and toss one when they least expect it and they all scramble after it..
My other hobbies are/were swordfighting & fencing and fire eating& fire magic, I just love playing with fire,it's exciting and beautiful at the same time.I get a major kick out of pretty colored fire..( my cats are safe away when the fire is going,I do my fire stuff outside and the kitties watch from the window sometimes the neighbors kids too..) LOL
Somehow when I mess with my torches and all my anger vanishes.
My torch re fuel bucket is a lion head shape..I pull the torches out of his mouth.I saw it at an antique store I think it was for fireplace ashes,but it was too cool to pass up.

[foreigncorrespondent]

5. The next time...

...someone says to you "get over it" it happened years ago, ask them if they would say the same thing to a survivor of child abuse. And when they come back with; "but what you went through is different to child abuse" exlain to them that child abuse happens in many forms, not just in the home, and not just under the age of 10.

I am so sorry you were put through that. Unfortunately no matter what I say to you, it won't help take your pain and anger away.

And in answer to your question, I was only ever beaten up badly enough to leave marks at school once, and to this day I really don't know why. It could have been because my sexuality was being projected back then, but I can't say for certain.

You hang in there, and I do hope you find some inner piece soon. :)

[Deja Q]

6. Yes. I was taunted, beaten up, and had some cruel pranks committed...

I'd rather not go into details, but some of them are disgusting.

And the school system did NOTHING.

I even wanted to transfer by 7th grade, it was that bad...

[undergroundpanther]

7. I understand

I tried everything to escape school too.
I faked sick all the time,Sometimes I would make myself sick to prove it,Sometimes I would get off the bus and spend the day in the woods,I tried to get out and just there was just no way that was lasting,
I even considered setting off a bomb in the school cafeteria..
But eventually I lost it,before that happened and I wound up in a psych unit,for 6 months and for the first time,for longer than a short while I was treated with kindness.The place was like paradise .I tried to kill myself when I was discharged after 2 days out.
Home too was hell for me too.
The woods,up in the trees were my safe place.

Sometimes it feels like there is no haven from bullies in this fucked up world.Especially with fundie freaks running the government like little hitlers.
Anyways, I wish I could be there instead of being just a bunch of typing online.I want to let you know I understand,more than I have typed here,I understand how fucking sick bully assholes can be. And I am sorry that you were hurt.No one deserves this shit.No one..I wish there was something I could do.I wish there was anti domination anti bully juice I could dump in the drinking water to make all authoritarians,bully assholes,bigots, fundies and control freaks get over themselves,and live and let live.
Purrs and warm furry cat hugs to you,Hypnotoad..from Panther
BTW the Hypnotoad is so funky Loove It! Wish I could get a graphic of it!

[Zep]

8. I sure did ..

... see other thread for details.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=221&topic_id=2014&mesg_id=2014

Looks like you had it a hell of a lot worse then me, though.

Well :grouphug: you're in the right place now!

[Technowitch]

9. Oh yeah... it was my motivation for learning to run like hell

Sometimes the bullies caught me... once they broke my arm, and I ended up in a cast for two months from the shoulder down.

Running away became my way of dealing with it all -- because if they couldn't catch me, they couldn't get me.

Another thing I did was to schedule all my study-hall periods for the end of the day so that I could bail early.

Riding the bus? Out of the question. I covered at least two miles to get home, each day.

And it was all because I didn't fit in, because I was different.

The one upside to it all was that I found a similar group of semi-misfits after I turned 16 and was able to get around on my own. Those guys and gals literally saved my life.

[Dark]

10. No, I suffered the other type of abuse gays experience.

I was (and, to my family still am) in the closet for nineteen years of my life. My suffering wasn't the physical abuse, but the ignorant emotional abuse.

I remember listening to my aunt and grandma saying that 'homos should go back into the closet', my father tell gay jokes to his friends and I'd laugh as my father made fun of who I really was.

I remember having to watch every movement, guard every gesture to ensure that no one was even hinted that I was gay.

Everyone I loved was disgusted with who I was. Not what I had done, not what I believed, not what I had seen or said.

My own mother and father despised me. My preacher and congregation would speak of the evils of homosexuality, vigorously and passionately reconstructing the torment that God had constructed for me because of how he'd made me. And every time I heard 'and Jesus will send the queers to hell' I chanted amen. Every time I heard 'They will writhe in agony for all time.' I muttered amen, alongside my aunt and grandma, my two most beloved relatives.

I loved them and they secretly hated me. They didn't know, always assuming that I was a 'saintly christian boy' when I was a deviant unloved faggot.

I prayed every night wishing for God to fix me. To turn me right. I wanted to be attracted to girls, or at least to not be attracted to boys. But it never happened.

I hated myself. I would lie awake at night, looking at pictures of Britney Spears, pinching and punching myself because her half naked poster didn't even create a feeling within me while just a black and white magazine photo of Dicaprio's smile excited me.

I hated myself. I thought I was going to burn in hell, and no matter what I did, I couldn't stop it. I began to think of suicide. But I decided against it, because I thought that maybe God would heal me.

It took the invasion of Iraq to make me feel as though I was normal. Because it was this invasion, which I couldn't rationalize. It was then, that I began to think maybe these republicans could be wrong. Soon, I was okay with other's sexuality, and I accepted my own.

[Laughing Mirror]

12. Hi Darker

I am glad that lightness is starting to come into your life. That church you went to and the people going sound like a demon's coven. Were you able to escape, or do you still have to put up with that ghastly superstitious nonsense?

Bring us up to date on where you are now.

Courage!

[Dark]

13. Right now I'm living in college and don't go to church.

My life is certainly better. I've come out to my friends and they've all accepted it and don't treat me any different. It feels like I can breathe again.

But I still dread going to my family, but they know I'm a liberal, so we all avoid talking about politics, which means no more anti-gay comments because of the fights we get into.

[Chovexani]

14. All the time in high school.

It's why I dropped out.

[readmoreoften]

15. I got punched in the face by an anonymous male regularly

in the hallways. I don't know what it was about. I assume anti-gay or anti-feminism (I wasn't out in highschool in the mid 80s but I was a hardcore punk) I'm almost positive it was a male because of the intensity of the punch, the size of the fist, and the height the punch came from.

[khashka]

16. Yes I know it hurts

and that won't ever stop, really. But you learn to live with it. Or better yet, you do what you have done and take the pain and transform it into something brilliant and cool and life-affirmirming. It is possible to take the hate directed at you and transmute it into love. Possible, surely, but difficult.

You can take the abuse you suffered and visit it upon the children. But you don't. I suffered this and I'll make damn sure noone else does, seems to be your philosophy. And it's a good one.

I can't take that pain you felt away. I wish I could. But even if I could, maybe I shouldn't. It informed you, formed you. You grew into an incredible man. Maybe the anger and fear and pain made you the man you are today. Think on that (goddess! I actually think I'm being profound here!) and keep on being the feirce cat you've always been.

Khash.

(Oh... could you teach me to do that fire thing?)

[dsc]

17. I had a very tough time in middle school

I literally ate entirely alone for the better part of a year due to the wide spead assumption I was gay. I also hated the bus, which also had high school aged kids on it. It was a very tough time for me. I was a little luckier in high school, and much better off in college. It is very tough to get over, I still have people from that era that I won't even talk too if I see them. Thank God schools are getting better about bullying, too bad it took Columbine for that to occur.

[livinginphotographs]

18. Straight lurker here, who got fucked with for being gay.

I think "gay" became the catch-all term for someone who was different. I didn't play football or any sports, hung out with guys who wore make-up, and was skinny, so I guess they assumed I was gay. Pretty stupid reasoning, but whatever.

Growing up atheist, though, I do sympathize with GLBT'ers. Of course, my different-ness is a bit more acceptable, so I definitely have it a lot better than a gay person when it comes to discrimination.

[ropi]

19. i feel your pain

from fifth grade on... until long after i graduated... <ugh> some of the highpoints:

1. roadkill placed in locker
2. dirty bag of feminine hygeine products taken from girl's room and put in my locker.
3. constant taunting; entire jr. year i was told by the lovely girl and her boyfriend next to me how they were so happy that i was going to die of aids one day. hmm... how wonderful eh!?
4. lunchroom pariah
5. rode the bus until some christian parents took it upon themselves to complain that i may infect my peers with some disease.
6. couldnt complain to faculty; i did once..was told i brought it on myself for not defending myself.
7. spit on, hit, beat up...


i could really go into the horrors of it..but i won't. these are just a few of the wonderful things from my experience. did i get over it? hmm, no. years of therapy, writing it out... no... it still stings to this day as bad as it did then.

[readmoreoften]

20. of course!

Punched (sometimes by grown men when I was a teenaged girl), taunted, sexually assaulted for being queer, bottles thrown at me walking down the street, blah blah and etcetera. And that was while I was in the closet.

[xchrom]

21. yes -- by the jocks

but i hung out with the freaks --- so for one thing if they wanted to get high -- they had to be somewhat nice to me some times.

but i was particularly hated -- because i was popular and outgoing.
i even came out to my friends when i was eighteen.

what i have always found interesting -- was how the jocks managed to have gaydar?

but through the years i have been accosted at gun point on three different occassions for being gay.
i was kidnapped{at gun point} once and held and verbally abused for four hours.

i have lost jobs for being gay.
but a cool thing happened at one bar i worked at -- the straight blue collar boys, the yuppie lawyers and doctors, the sports freaks -- all asked the management to get me back.
they liked my ''faggot ass''!

the story goes on -- and i would be remiss if i didn't tell the part where my friend rayray and i used to beat up straight boys.

see, i'm not really the wilting type.

i've brawled on many occassions with straight boys who wanted to beat the fuck out of a gay boy -- and i kicked their fucking asses!

guns though will get my attention.