Are you out?

[Bertha Venation]

How long have you been out? Are you out to everyone?

I've been out for going on 12 years. I live out.

[mitchtv]

1. yes and yes

since about 1969 Dp since 1977

[Cuban_Liberal]

2. Have been out for 3 years.

I live openly with another 'out' gay male.

:)

[progressiveboston]

4. Been out for 7 years

Hoping to get married later next year :)

[mourningdove92]

3. Yes, completely out. Even my job where I am in management.

Have been for about 25 years.

[libnnc]

5. Can't shove me back in the moth balls

I've been completely out about my being a lesbian since '91. I've lived with my partner for 12 years. I'm not out to my hometown community, just my Mom's family. Mummsie hasn't taken it very well. She's never met my partner. But I'm sure the small town gossip has caught up with me. I live in the big city now and don't get back home very often.

Lesbian Prodigal daughter poster child...that's me B-)

[Bertha Venation]

9. hola, newbie, welcome to DU

:hi:

[LeftCoast]

6. Out with obligatory Gay Pride Flag flying on the house.

BTW, the flag's still there after multiple window replacements from the idiot who was driving by and shooting at the house w/ a pellet gun.

[Bertha Venation]

24. Holy crap.

:scared:

But we choose to be gay, right? ;)

[davidinalameda]

7. yep

I'm out and about

:bounce:

[donheld]

8. I've been out for 15 years now

:bounce::bounce::bounce:

[tjwmason]

10. Partially

My parents know, but neither of my sisters; some friends do (those that don't wouldn't be bothered by it). At work I've just not mentioned it (my colleagues don't appear to have the imagination to consider it).

I don't make much of a deal about it personally. If asked I reply honestly, but if not asked, and not placed in a situation where it becomes evident it makes no difference to me.

[bigwillq]

18. Hi tjwmason!

Welcome to DU!:hi:

[bigwillq]

11. Been out to family and friends for 5 years

I am not out to any co-workers, been at this job for 3 years.



The important people, know. The others can wait and find out at another date.

[soleft]

32. Same with me, but I would like to be out at work

Mostly with my boss, because I've known and worked for the guy for almost 20 years. I really get a - don't tell me I don't want to know vibe from him - which makes me both sad and pissed off.

[jonnyblitz]

12. out everywhere but military in the 80's

It was strange. I came out, then enlisted in the navy so I sort of went back "in". after the military, in 1994 I was COMPLETELY out.

[Technowitch]

13. Aye, since '96

[SnowBack]

14. Since 1978...

Queer and proud... :party:

[bigwillq]

19. Hello, SnowBack

Welcome to DU!:hi:

[dannynyc]

15. 39 years and counting . ..

I've been out for 39 years. Most of my employers have known I'm gay, and most of my co workers have known. (And, the ones I didn't tell, guessed correctly!) I am out with my family, although my extended family ignores the issue.

I live in NYC and my Mother lives in Cleveland, Ohio. On Sunday two friends from college came to visit. This has become an annual tradition. My mother makes a fabulous dinner and we sit and chat. And, everyone knows that these two people were instrumental in my coming out process - I'm not sure what I would have done without them.

[bigwillq]

17. Hello! Welcome to DU!

:hi:

[soothsayer]

16. I'm sort of don't ask, don't tell

It's obvious, I think, but it always surprises me, the people who will not see.

[tjwmason]

28. I know what you mean

I don't flaunt or anything like that, but people at work frequently start passing comments if I mention going to see a female university chum. They really don't have any idea, but as you say, it seems obvious.

[Moloch]

20. I've been out for 10 years...

I'm 25 now.

[tjwmason]

27. I'm 25 too (though don't usually admit it)

but I had no idea 10 years ago - when I look back I don't see how I couldn't have guessed, but it only occurred to me a couple of years ago.

[sans qualia]

21. meh...

Most people who know me long enough pick it up, but I don't generally go out of my way to tell them. I'm out pretty much as a matter of necessity. In a few years, hopefully, I'll be able to go back in the closet and stay there.

[Bertha Venation]

25. hi, sans qualia -- why do you hope to go back in?

Just curious.

[sans qualia]

26. Because I gain nothing by being out

and I lose a lot because of it. All it does is subject me to grief at the hands of intolerant morons and make it harder for me to live a normal life. To me, that doesn't seem like something worth striving for.

[foreigncorrespondent]

63. But wouldn't it make more sense....

...to remain out and fight the intolerance and bigotry on an open and out level.

You do realize don't you that if all the queer people (barring those in the Military who really can't) came out, that we would really be one hell of a force?

We all face the grief of having to deal with the bigotry and intolerance towards us on some sort of level. Just look at Sapphocrat and me, it affects us every single day, because we are forced to live in two separate countries! Neither of us would consider going back in the closet for the simple reason we realize that is giving the fundies exactly what they want. And we certainly don't want some fundie idiot screaming in our face how they won the war against queers!

[sans qualia]

67. It's complicated...

Believe me, I've thought about this a lot. On the one hand, I care about the issues facing LGBT people as a whole. I really do. I think homophobia is every bit as important a matter of social justice as sexism, racism and poverty. Hell, my mom's a lesbian, so it hits pretty close to home.

On the other hand... well, I have the luxury of being able to hide. I don't consider myself "queer." I don't have to be "out" to be myself. In a few years, if I wanted to, I could move somewhere far away and never ever ever have to deal with my past again. Is that selfish? Maybe. But it's still tempting. If you and Sapphocrat could be magically whisked off to another world exactly like this one, but where the two of you would be completely accepted, would you do it? Or would you stay on this insane little planet to fight for everyone else?

Anyway. Would it make more sense for me to stay out? Absolutely not. Would it be the right thing to do? I don't know. It might be. In any case, it'll be a while before I have to make that decision, and in the meantime I have every intention of doing doing what I can. Which probably isn't much, but oh well.

[Zep]

22. I am so totally out!

But first I had to be out to myself.

I'm 48, and when I was growing up it wasn't a question of fundiness, it was simply not normal to be gay. That was part of the mainstream secular culture of New York City, not "Jesusland".

I was 26 years old before I stopped chasing girls I did not want, because I "had to".

You might not guess I am gay seeing me walking down the street, but everyone who knows me knows I am gay.

BTW, don't take the set back of the last election too hard. Think of how far we have come.

When I came out, gay marriage wasn't even thinkable. Not merely prohibited. Truly unthinkable. Not even a concept in anyone's mind including gay people, let alone an issue.

We have everything short of that now.

Keep fighting and we will win.

[sans qualia]

23. Welcome to DU, Zep!

Hi hi! :hi:

I'm sure lots of people here can sympathize with the "not normal" thing. I grew up in a pretty open, liberal enironment, and it took me years just to figure out that other people like me even existed... sometimes simple ignorance can be worse than open opposition.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. yes. yes.

its worse being bi..cos i have to come out all the time. its like being cant accept i am bi. so everytime i date someone i have to come out to some community or the other.

[livinginphotographs]

30. Yes.

I'm straight, but I'm definitely out. ;)

[solinvictus]

31. Out..

Well, I had to admit my bisexuality to MYSELF first. I don't broadcast and neither do I fit a stereotype as I've been in a long relationship with my bi, female SO. I joke about it around friends, but that's the extent of it.

[indigo32]

33. Out to family and friends

anyone with any perception picks it up anyway. I just don't mention it when I'm working and mostly nobody bothers to ask.

[Rockholm]

34. Yes.

[BTTB]

35. Nope

I prefer to have a loving family.

[Slyder]

36. Late Bloomer

I have been out for 15 years, but did not come out until my late 30s. I came out to myself as a teen on the night I accidentally caught the CBS TV documentary on the homosexual in America. About 1967 or so. I remember thinking that I was one of those, but I did not seem to have the psychological hangups they said gay people had. I knew instinctively there was nothing wrong with me as a gay man. Coming out to the rest of the world took a while. I am disabled. Trust me, in the 1960s and 1970s there were few enough gay role models, generally, and absolutely no role models for the gay and disabled guy! (Are there now?) Would I be accepted in the gay world? But I got it figured out and came out gradually. My family was OK with it. I did have to find new friends as most of my pre-coming-out friends rejected me. But now I am out at work and pretty much everywhere else. I am socially and sexually active at a level I would not have dreamed possible before I came out. I am happy with myself and my life.

[booley]

37. yeppers and a funny story to go with that

I never really came out or anything. it was a gradual proccess of coming out a little and learnign to accept and like what was going on.

anyway, I had gotton into my first real relationship and my family saw enough of my BF to know his name and such. But I never said he was my boyfriend.

So one day my younger sister calls me and asks, "Are you gay and is J$## your boyfriend?"

Deciding to just be honest, I said "yes" as matter of factly as I could.

to which my sister replied, "Oh Good. becuase we were worried about you being lonely."

Apparently they accepted me being gay long before I did.

My sister and my mother are both Catholics and among the most loving people around. My mother especially and she was especially devout until the day she died. And she was never hateful or used her religion to bash anyone.

To them and the rest of my Mom's side the family, it was just important that I was healthy and happy and had found somebody. That my spouse had more facial hair then I did was beside the point.

Which is why I say never accept any Kristian telling you he can't accept gays becuase of his 'beliefs" it's a crock.

[queerart]

39. You Must Have Been So Proud Of Your Family.....

That truely was a wonderful story my friend....

[Bertha Venation]

41. 'never accept any Kristian telling you he can't accept gays becuase of his

"beliefs"' -- HEAR HEAR!

I dig your tale, Booley. Thanks for telling it. (Dig your username too. Makes me think of Dan Ayckroyd.)

[rawtribe]

38. Always

I've been a Nelly boy all my life! Can't even see straight!

[Rowdyboy]

40. Out to friends since the age of 19....Mom/brother at 35

I never "came out" at work. I lived with the same man for 16 years, never dated or mentioned women, and talked a lot about our lives together cooking, traveling and gardening. I assume it was unnecessary to actually say "I'm a queer". I didn't ask about their sex lives so I never mentioned mine. We're open with other members of our church, our priest and our neighbors, and have been for years.

I like it a lot better than the closet.

[Chovexani]

42. To friends. Not to family.

They'd never be able to handle it. And neither could I.

[ronnykmarshall]

43. Since 1981.

Talk about a closet exploding!

[BTTB]

44. Oh, I'm out to my friends

Or at least the ones who don't care about that type stuff.

[Misunderestimator]

45. Out for 23 years

Howya doin Bertha? :hi:

[MoonWomyn]

46. It's Vermont

No one notices! I'm very out where I live and work. With my family it's all unspoken but that's the norm. My Mom always prefers not to know more than she needs to, so she knows I live with my "friend" (just like my cousin!) and that we do things together and take care of each other, etc. And if she doesn't have to think about it in more detail than that she's happy.

Cyndi

[Zhade]

47. Kinda. It's only been three years since I accepted myself.

Mom knows I'm bi, Dad doesn't. One brother knows. Some friends, the close ones. Most don't.

Not really proud of my fear of telling Dad, but there it is.

[dsc]

48. out to family, friends, and my church

not at work. I am a new teacher and in a fairly small southern town and figure I would be fired.

[Terran]

49. Yes and yes

I came out in 1983, at the age of 23. And it was the best thing I ever did. I'll never forget how great it felt.

[Fire]

50. I'm not gay but I'm out about being an ally

[hraka]

51. 42 and out for 1/2 of it

I am out to family, friends, coworkers, employers. I don't feel I am any different from any other person, gay or straight.

I was 19 before I knew you could be interested in someone of your own gender, and I learned it from a gay man I knew. He told me I was a lesbian. I said, "Maybe I am, what is it?" It started me thinking. But it wasn't until I met a couple of women in my building when I was 21 that the concept made sense. They took me out to play pool. I walked in a women's club and instantly knew what had been wrong my whole life.

To those of you feeling beaten by all the hate and injustice in this country, don't give in. I am seriously considering a move to Canada, but not just because of our government's open persecution of me and others like me. The war, unfair taxation, unaffordable healthcare, and the trampling of free speech are right up there, too.

I can't ell you how to live your life. I can say that we have nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone in this country, hell, in this world, deserve basic equal human rights, not the crap our government is cramming down everyone's throats and calling it democracy.

[Langley85]

52. Sort Of

I am openly gay online and with close friends. My parents know. I've been so for a couple years. I'm 19.

[Meldread]

53. Kinda sorta.

I came out to my mother two years ago. She was supportive, and then went into denial. Don't talk about it now, but I have plans to in the future. Right now it isn't really relevant. I'm out and open to everyone I know online, though.

I'm currently taking care of my elderly Grandmother who has terminal cancer, and once she passes (she doesn't have much longer left :( ) I plan to leave Virginia and move to Massachusetts. I hate to leave, this is my home, but the fundies have too much power here and I'm scared to stay. All I really want is to get married and maybe have a few children. I can't do that here, I can't even give my partner power of attorney.

I'm not going to worry about coming completely out to my family until I'm ready to settle down and make a commitment to someone. I'll send out wedding invitations, and they'll show me how they feel by it if they show up or not. If they show up, all the better, if they don't that’s a few less Christmas presents I've gotta worry about getting each year.

[xchrom]

54. well, let's see

i came out in 1968.
that's 30 some years, isn't it?

though, i had several affairs with women{gay man here} as i went along.
and they knew i was gay -- please don't ask how that happened -- i'm sure they put something in my coffee. but i sure as hell had fun!

i can't imagine not being out -- i mean fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
i'm the only one who has to live my life -- and i'm not answering to anybody when it comes to who i'm fuckin.

[Stepup2]

55. Yes

I have been since 1980

[JordanTO]

56. Yes, I'm out.

I came out to my parents 3 years ago, and to my friends shortly after that.

[MyMouth]

57. Only with a friend...

That I have for lunch once in a while.

[StrongbadTehAwesome]

58. partially

My husband and I are both bi, though neither of us really realized it until after we were engaged. Most of our friends know, and his mom knows (but is in denial about it) because he basically yelled it at her during a fight.

None of my family (hardcore fundy Christians) knows yet. We just came out to them as atheists...I figure they need some time.

[Liberal Socialist]

59. Out

I've been out for about 3 months now and enjoy every moment of it. Sure, are there are those who oppose my life and sex style but they will have to deal with it.

[sundog]

60. yup

since 20

[6000eliot]

61. 13 Years

I don't make it a point of telling everyone, just talk about my life and my partner.

[rbnyc]

62. Yes, but no one believes me.

I'm bisexual. I first came out as a lesbian about 16 years ago, but I knew it wasn't true and so did everyone else. At that point, I didn't understand that Bisexuality was actually a choice. I thought that if I wanted to hook up with a woman, I had to be a lesbian, and the fact that I was still attracted to men... Well, I was confused.

Then I came out as bi and was dating a woman, so everyone thought I was actually a lesbian.

Now I'm married to a man, so people ask me if I'm not really straight and why I identify as bi if I'm married, and if I'm just being fashionable and any number of insulting things.

I'm out. I'm out to everyone. The people who are closest to me understand...but people in general, do not.

[TrogL]

64. One of the worst-kept secrets ever

I was one of the last people to know.

[progressiveandproud]

65. Hello.

I'm 20, and I've come out to lots of family and friends since I turned 18. In late 2002, I was "questioning" and "confused as hell", then I agonized over my orientation for another year. When the dust gradually cleared like half a year ago, I settled on, "I'm gay": I was sick and tired off hemming and hawwing, having to explain myself and somehow coming out with a slightly different explanation every time? It was weird. One day the two words, "I'm gay," sat better with me.

By the way, being gay is a big reason that I'm a progressive. I started to take offense, all the time, at the mainstream media's coverage of GLBT issues. Quoting bigots as often as GLBT-rights activists, legitimizing gay-bashing as "religious expression" or "freedom of religion". Yuck. The straw that broke that camel's back was a nasty little Op/Ed that appeared in the NY Times around two years ago. Had to do with.... Oh yeah, it claimed that gay marriage signified the beginning of end of human morality. "Moral decadence" may have been the exact words. Glowing report, huh! :: shakes head ::.

Jonathan

[Dark]

66. Only with friends.

Family may have an idea.

But still in at work.

[oxymoron]

68. I'm completely out

for the past 34 years. :hi:

[ianna_kur]

69. Thank you

This may seem odd, but I wanted to say thank you for asking this question.
I hadn't really thought about this before. I'm sort-of out. I'm out to my sister and brother-in-law and my close friends, and of course to the wonderful women that I've been involved with.

The reason why this question meant a great deal to me, is that while I've been out to myself for my whole life, I've never really thought about it.

I guess the best way to explain this, is that I've reached the point in the last couple of days, where the political has finally become personal.

I apologize if this doesn't make any sense. I feel like I've only recently discovered my sexual orientation...even though I've been out to myself for years.

[khashka]

70. Yes and (sadly) No

I've been out for 21 years. When I finally decided to come out I really seriously came out. Told everyone I knew (and funnily enough no one had problems with it), became president of our Gay and Lesbian Student Union, got politically involved (i.e. running a gay political group, speaking in front of our city council, etc.). What finally made me come out in high school was a note I found on my bed one night from my little sister. It said " I know you're gay. Why won't you ever say it? Why won't you tell me about it? Do you really think I wouldn't love you any more? Don't you trust me?". Yep, boys and girls that hurt. And I told her and she convinced me to tell my parents. And from then on....

But the last few years... I've been living in Texas. Now I'm only out to certain people. I feel very very threatened. I think about how I act, what I say, what I wear. I hate it. (Not all of Texas is too difficult to be open and honest in, but parts of it are.) It's not just being gay that leaves me open to threat, there are other things that I also keep very closeted - such as my religion. (Never did that before either.)

I keep thinking of a KaTe Bush lyric: "I've been out before but this time it's much safer in". And wonder if I'm being prudent or merely a coward.

Khash.