How to react to neighbors for Huckabee

[DU9598]

I was so amazed at our local caucus last night. We had a tremendous turnout in the precinct. At the end of the night we were all unified and happy for the direction of the party and the country.

What really ruined my night is our next door neighbors. They are a couple in their middle 30's who have two young kids (3 and 1). I am gay and my partner and I have lived next door to them in a transitional neighborhood for 5 years. We have worked to improve the neighborhood by rehabbing our home and taking part in neighborhood functions. We host brunches for young, professional friends and always invite them to our home. We invite them to dinner when we grill out and they invite us over in similar situations. We even have let them use our wireless internet by giving them our password. We loan them tools, and they share theirs. When our neighbor was gone for an extended period we mowed their lawn and trimmed back trees so his pregnant wife did not need to mow. We use our snowblower to clear their walks.

Last night we got to the caucus. I had the opportunity to work for the party to direct independents and republicans to a table to switch parties. I also had to direct the trickle of republicans to their caucus in another part of the school. Our neighbors came in and politely said hello. I told them how excited I was that they were caucusing. Then came the news that so shocked me ... they were there to caucus for Mike Huckabee.

So, I understand that this is a free country and all but this is a candidate who believes that my partner and I should not be a family and should not ever have intimacy. He wants us to change or be second class citizens. I either want to move away from these people or at least question them about their support and express my dismay. I cannot be friends with people who support a movement to make me inferior in my country. I feel the need to stand up and confront prejudice. There may be several reasons for supporting Mr. Huckabee other than his views on GLBT issues. However, his movement in Iowa was directly tied to abortion, home schooling, and gay marriage.

What should I do? Anything .... just chill out, what?

[demnan]

1. I can't imagine what you might feel in this situation

However, by offering them the example to see an exemplary couple as yourselves perhaps that is the best you can do. Hope that their children grow up and remember you and your partner as good people.

[gaiilonfong]

2. NEVER not say what you think

If you have a friendship with them, ask them WHY they did what they did.
If they are closet homophobes then just say ciao, and move on you don't need people like that in your life.
Good luck!

[vi5]

3. I would just chill.....

Not that I'm saying your feelings are noy valid. They are.

But it sounds like these people in action in real life day to day situations don't judge you or let their political opinions impact their interaction with you. I'm assuming you are out and they know that you are gay?

So until they actual do something other than voting for someone who holds those views (which all the republican candidates do anyway) then maybe just continue to treat them as you normally would until they do something to you that gives you reason to believe they let those feelings impact how they treat you.

[Teaser]

4. Hate them

.

[ret5hd]

5. I'd change my wireless password before you get arrested...

for downloaing illegal images.

(just making assumptions based on other repugs behaviors)

[DU9598]

13. Excellent point

In fact, we already changed our passwords a few months back for other reasons. Thanks for pointing that out, however.

[Didereaux]

6. I would wrangle them an invitation to go hunting with Dick Cheney!

[Turbineguy]

7. Maybe they just think

that Huckabee is the best choice among repubs.

Maybe they think that the Huckster is the worst repug and nominate him and vote for a Democrat.

[TooBigaTent]

8. It seems to me that you have a choice. If you want to keep "peace in the

neighborhood" you will need to ignore what looks like a bias on the part of your neighbors. If you feel the need to confront them, however strongly (or weakly), it will have consequences. It depends on your level of discomfort and how much you value the relationship you have with what sounds like "good" neighbors (at least so far).

Like everything, I guess it comes down to a personal decision. Go with your gut. Person-to-person communication is the best way to solve any problem.

Good luck.

[sinkingfeeling]

9. I've never been in your situation, but I think I'd invite one or both of them over for coffee.

Then I'd ask them directly what motivated their support for Huck. If they piped up with the 'family values' bulls**t, I'd then ask if they were aware of Huck's plan to isolate gays. I'd then remind them that you've been their good neighbors for 5 years and ask them to explain how you so offend them by mowing their yard, etc.

I'd be willing to bet that they were there because their church urged them to support Huckabee.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

10. Kill them with kindness, as you are.

Change nothing. Everything you do puts the lie to everything Huckabee stands for in his campaign. While he is a rather disembodied figure in their lives, with a real probability of going down in flames, you and your SO are immediate and daily examples who show them how wrong he is.

Prediction: They go to a church where the pastor is telling them how to vote. They are just mindless enough to listen. That said, do you *really* want to start feuding with the next-door neighbors?

I am sure that the sting of all this, fresh as it is right now, is great. I know sting, and it is hard to ignore.

[JackintheGreen]

11. Yikes! and I'm sorry

but there isn't a whole lot that you can do. I learned a longtime ago that there are some very nice, even wonderful people out there...until they open their mouths about topic X. I have a very hard time dismissing people out of hand after I've known them for some time only to learn much much later that they have some odious views on something.

I think you've already done the best thing you can do: you have demonstrated through your actions that you and your partner are not insane enemies of God, or some such. You seem to be kind, caring, considerate, neighborly, open, honest...all the things that "moral" people claim to be reasons for supporting "values" candidates.

Besides, you don't know why they support Huckabee. It could very well be something far more benign than the conservative anti-gay agenda. I don't know what kind of campaign he ran in Iowa, and there is no doubt that many of his supporters are of precisely the stripe you fear your neighbors are, but is it possible that they support him for his views on education, or border security, or creationism and that they accept his views on homosexuality as just an unfortunate tangent, if they think about it at all?

We should all do everything we can to defeat candidates like Huckabee, but we cannot, nor should we, transfer the sins of the candidate onto his or her supporters. Until you know that they support him in order to prevent your right to your family, continue to educate them through your actions.

Good luck

[displacedtexan]

12. My gay friends (and my daughter's gay godparents) are just like you...

... friendly, genuinely happy to help neighbors,
and just plain "good people."

At some point, they've all come to discover that they had
become "entertainment" for their closeted-bigot neighbors
without even knowing it: "fun" to know and talk about,
but not the sort of people you'd consider really "close friends."

It's really pathetic when I go home to Texas, and the people
I've known all of my life make cracks like, "I just love
(fill in the blank)! He's a fruitcake, but he's funny as hell."

Now that I'm older and braver, I always challenge these
dumbass remarks. "He's a what?" I'll ask.

They always stfu promptly and get all red-faced.

Sorry for the rant, but I'm sick and tired of two-faced
people.

As for what you should do, I don't know. Your situation is heartbreaking.

If you come to DC, let me know. I live on Capitol Hill, and I
have a great guest room. I'm serious.

[BillSam]

30. Good points!

As a gay man, I've always known that in addition to genuinely gay-supportive straight people such as yourself, there are two-faced people who are gay-friendly to our faces and homophobic (or at the very least condescending as hell) behind our backs.

Some gay people don't want to believe this, and I can understand why. You want to believe you're being totally accepted, that there are no mean or stupid jokes being said behind your back, but sadly that isn't the case a lot of the time. Jews, African-Americans, women and other oppressed/minority groups have had to deal with the same thing.

As for the OP, he should confront his neighbors, and be prepared that he might not like what he hears and will have to cut them off.

[Sadie4629]

14. Don't take it personally

I know quite a few Republicans, none of them very happy with any of the Republican candidates. They will always vote Republican, but for such a wide variety of issues that it is impossible to paint with such a wide brush as the term "homophobe." Maybe your neighbors don't want to pay higher taxes, or believe that a Republican prez will keep them safe from terrorists. Maybe they truly believe that life begins at conception. Or something else that has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Just don't make assumptions about their motivations, and realize that they are only two votes out of millions that will be cast next November.

[hisownpetard]

16. Don't take it personally? If someone wants me to burn in hell then, yeah, I admit,

it does feel a tad personal.


:nuke: :hi:

[hisownpetard]

17. Delete - wrong place

[shireen]

15. i could tell you to take the high road ...

and continue to be good neighbors.

But I can't. Usually, I'm pretty accepting and non-judgmental towards people. But some things bring out the vindictive vengeful bitch deep side of me.

Clearly, those idiots are taking advantage of your kindness. They don't deserve to have neighbors like you. If I were you, I'd
- stop the dinner invitations
- change your wireless password
- stop loaning them tools
- stop gardening for them
- just STOP dealing with them!

They support a candidate who believes you're big-time sinners who are living a "life-style" by choice. (I hate that word "life-style" because it implies you chose that "style". Referring to being gay as a "style" is demeaning.) They support a candidate who believes you're not entitled to the same rights are heterosexual married couples.

Have they ever let you babysit the young kids? Or be alone with them? Probably not, after all, they've heard that all those evil gays are pedophiles.

What's going to happen when those kids get older and ask mommy and daddy why you and your partner live together as a couple? How will they react when they see you hug and kiss? That's around the time you'll start seeing the true ugly side of mommy and daddy.

Those people are toxic. If you want to confront them, go for it. Personally, I like the deep freeze method -- stop responding to them, and treat them with cold indifference. They are not worth your time and energy.

[Arkansas Granny]

18. In all reality, it is probably not Huckabee's homophobic outlook

that has convinced them to support him. If you can find an opportunity to discuss this with them in a friendly and reasonable fashion (and it sounds like this is a possibility considering your past friendship with them), by all means do so. It could very well be that they have never given much thought to that particular plank in Huckabee's platform.

[SacredCow]

28. I agree....

I'd say if you're that bothered by it, then open a dialogue with them about it- It doesn't sound like they're hateful and homophobic by their actions.

[Tyo]

19. I've got a similar problem

A woman I work fairly closely with is a Fundie who through her church and conservative religious front groups is actively involved in the battle against rights and protections of any sort for gays, forget marriage. She doesn't push her agenda at work at all, although she makes no secret of her views either. But she is always very pleasant to me and even occasionally asks about my partner.

I am totally out at work and have never had a problem with anyone in this regard. Just the opposite actually. My company is very supportive. And technically I don't have a problem with my Fundie co-worker. It's just hard to be around her knowing what she believes and what she is doing in her off hours. I'm resigned to sucking it up cuz really I don't think there is any other choice.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

20. Give them information on Huckabee they might not know

I bet the reason they are for him is either religious or because of his "flat tax" initiative, rather than his issues on gays. And even if it isn't, here's some facts to hit them with about their candidate:

1. On taxes--while Governor of Arkansas, Huckabee did nothing to try out the flat tax scheme. He kept Arkansas income taxes, and actually increased sales taxes by requiring service industries to start charging taxes. So, from his track record, you can expect Huckabee to raise taxes, not lower them.

2. On living his faith--One of the Commandments fundamentalists know is "Thou Shalt Not Steal". Yet Huckabee took the furniture from the Governor's Mansion when he moved out. The furniture was not his to take.

Also raise the issue of judgment with the pardoning of that convicted rapist, who went to MO and killed again almost as soon as he got out. That argument has swayed some independent voters I know who were looking at Huckabee as a candidate.

You might also let them know that, as governor, he increased government bureaucracy and lessened local control by requiring school districts to consolidate. In most cases, the actual schools weren't closed-they just added another layer of supervisors and made it so that small districts that were forced to merge with larger ones wound up having to pay more in school taxes. I can cite specific examples of this from northwest AR.

[bigscott]

21. Been there done that

I continued to be civil to my former neighbors but stopped inviting them over regularly. I agree this is a free country but when you think i am a second class citizen then no more steaks on the grill for you!

[hisownpetard]

22. Let their lawn grow and grow, till it tickles God's butt.

P.S. And can you please come and move near me???

[Voltaire99]

23. They're little Eichmanns.

Your neighbors bite, alas. Better to know than to live with a fantasy.

Keep the peace but trust them no more.

[meegbear]

24. From your description, it sounds like they know you're gay ...

so I would discuss it with them. Find out their views on his anti-gay stance before making a decision on what to do.

[insleeforprez]

25. Kindness

Let's assume that your neighbors actually are homophobic and support Huckabee for that reason. Yet, they have shown nothing but courtesy to you on a personal level. Perhaps this has been difficult for them. On a personal level, I would suggest returning the favor.

However, I would also suggest having a civil discussion with them about politics, and explaining why you believe as you do. It is difficult for this to happen without hurting feelings, but it can be done.

[fightthegoodfightnow]

26. PUT A QUARANTINE SIGN UP AND ROPE THEM OUT OF YOUR VIEW

Or you could go with the option of giving them a Bible when they enter your house highlighting the part about how Jesus was conceived out of wedlock, born from a virgin, who never married, never had children, broke Old Testament law by healing on the Sabbath, hung out with twelve men and more than a few lepers, and who spoke of love...........and then shake their hands with plastic gloves.

:)

[davidinalameda]

27. keep on being polite to them

until they start burning crosses on your lawn, you might as well play nice

[plantwomyn]

29. Ask the mover one last time.

Challenge them to explain their support of a candidate who would deny your rights. If they can't {they can't} or won't tell them how that makes you feel. Tell them how unfortunate it is that after 5 years your relationship has to change. Tell them that though you may not be "christian" enough for them to vote to protect your rights, that you are "christian" enough that if a emergency should come up you can be counted on to help them if you can. Tell them that you no longer feel that a "friendship" with them is possible.
I have found that sometimes straight people think themselves as "christian" and inclusive if the acquiesce to be in your company. Aren't they soo nice to let you do for them.
You know that ya'll will never have the same relationship. Think about next summer and having them at a BBQ and how awkward you and your other gay friends will feel having them as part of the "family".

[and-justice-for-all]

31. Well is'nt that a bitch slap...

They must have done what the MSM told them to do, some people are easily programed and buy right into the bullshit.

I would talk to them and have a very direct, but civil conversation with them anout who they have chosen to support. Get all your talking points in a row and basicly have a mini debate with them and help to understand that they are support Hitler-incarnate.

[Smarmie Doofus]

32. I'd get more info.

>>>There may be several reasons for supporting Mr. Huckabee other than his views on GLBT issues. However, his movement in Iowa was directly tied to abortion, home schooling, and gay marriage. >>>

Personally, I tolerate a variety of POVs re. abortion and home schooling.... depending on where ( if I can so discern) the person is coming from.

But I'd cross 'em off the invite list if they disrespected my family.

Ask 'em.