Gay relationships are less mired in deception according to multiple studies.

[bluedawg12]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20061221-000002.html

Queer IQ: The Gay Couple's Advantage
Gay relationships are less mired in deception and perhaps even less prone to friction, according to multiple studies.

By: Kaja Perina

"There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things," quipped comedian George Burns. "Men want women and women want men." But when men want men and women want women, each couple can circumvent treacherous romantic terrain because partners more closely share sexual appetites and mind-reading abilities than do heterosexual pairs.

Most lesbians don't fear rapacious women and gay men need not always soft-peddle their sexual predilections. On balance, gays and lesbians understand their partners' bodies and biases with a certainty that many a clueless "breeder" yearns for. "Homosexuality could be viewed in some respects as the triumph of the individual's mating intelligence over the gonads' evolutionary interests," argues Geoffrey Miller.

The result is that gay relationships are less mired in deception and perhaps even less prone to friction, according to multiple studies.

"If two guys in a relationship are on the same wavelength, it's going to be very hard for them to deceive one another about their motives, their lusts, their philandering. Whereas between the sexes, each sex presents a socially acceptable form of masculinity or femininity that is reassuring to the other person but not particularly accurate," says Miller.

<snip>

Gay and lesbian couples are not only more honest with one another, they are also more likely to exhibit affection and humor in negotiating relationship stressors, according to John Gottman, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington. Gottman compared conflict discussions in gay and straight couples and found that "gays and lesbians talked explicitly about sex and monogamy. Those topics don't come up in 31 years of studying heterosexual couples, who are uptight in discussing sex. In their conversations, you really don't know what they're talking about."

<snip>

Whether a same-sex edge to mating intelligence makes for longer unions is unclear. Among the couples Gottman studied, the projected break-up rate for homosexuals, over a four-decade span, is a grim 64 percent (gay men are far more likely to split than are lesbians). The 40-year divorce rate for straight couples in first marriages is 67 percent. To amend George Burns: If you wait long enough, every couple wants different things.

Psychology Today Magazine, Jan/Feb 2007
Last Reviewed 28 Mar 2007

[NMMNG]

1. But men and women complement each other *perfectly*....

or so the RRRW homophobes keep telling us when they list their lame excuses as to why we shouldn't be allowed to get married. :eyes:

[bluedawg12]

2. Lot's of excuses about us that don't seem to hold up very well

So hate to burst their bubble. :+

[xchrom]

3. recommend

[bluedawg12]

4. This is interesting article -check out the acceptance of GLBT's

in various cultures.

http://anthro.palomar.edu/marriage/marriage_6.htm#return_from_Hijra_photos

>>There is a double standard in regards to transvestitism, or cross dressing, in North America today. Women are permitted to wear overtly masculine clothing without social disapproval, especially in business and recreational settings. However, American men are much more restricted in their clothing choices. When it becomes known that a man wears dresses or other female garb, he is almost universally stigmatized and often labeled as a homosexual. This can have major negative effects on his career, social life, and even personal safety.


The anthropologically most well known transvestites who also often happened to be homosexuals were the berdache , or two-spirited, men of the North American Great Plains Indian tribes. These men led the lives of women and had socially accepted statuses--they were valued members of their societies.

Heterosexual Plains Indian men who were going on hunting or war expeditions generally held the view that sex with their wives or other women was polluting and depleting. In contrast, a two-spirited man did not pose these dangers. As a result, two-spirited men were regularly taken along to perform women's chores and to entertain. Some of them were renowned story tellers.

The Hijras of India are another example of a culturally accepted (or at least tolerated) male transvestite status. These are men who dress as women but apparently are not often homosexual. Many Hijras even have their genital organs surgically removed to symbolize their transition to "womanhood." They are devotees of the Hindu mother goddess Bahuchara Mata.

<snip>
The Hijras are difficult to label as to gender.

<snip>

The Etoro and some other societies of the Trans-Fly River region in southern New Guinea provide an extreme example of the social acceptance of male homosexuality. Apparently, all Etoro men engage in homosexual acts and most also marry and engage in heterosexual acts with their wives. However, heterosexual intercourse is prohibited for up to 260 days of the year and is forbidden in or near their houses and vegetable gardens. In contrast, homosexual relations are permitted at any time.
<snip>

There is no clear explanation as to why societies are permissive or restrictive in regards to homosexuality. However, there are two interesting correlations. First, societies that strongly forbid abortion and infanticide are likely to be equally intolerant of homosexuality. Second, societies that have frequent severe food shortages are more likely to allow homosexuality. An implication is that homosexuality may be tolerated and even encouraged when there is severe population pressure. Heterosexual abstinence and other birth control methods would be expected to be common then also. That appears to have been the case with the Plains Indians and some New Guinea societies.<<

[RetiredTrotskyite]

5. Please Note:

These are all cultures that the Christianists would like to either convert or see wiped off the face of the earth. Sad, really.

[bluedawg12]

7. You might find this interesting - Shattering the Sacred Myths

http://www.evolutionary-metaphysics.net/sexual_morality.html

Looks at sexual morality from an evolutionary point of view and condemns the traditional religions for their positions on women's rights and birth control.

Religious leaders sometimes think and act like ruthless businessmen who will seek any opportunity to increase their market share. In violent times, they often resort to violence, and in peacetime, they often use threats of damnation and other forms of coercion and bullying.

As the head of a thriving transnational corporation which earns countless billions of dollars each year and employs millions of people worldwide, just like any other business executive, the pope's highest priority is the success of his church, not the welfare of humankind, and unless the church changes its policies on birth control, then these two objectives are not compatible.

While most religious leaders express strong opinions on issues associated with sexual morality like marriage, homosexuality, and abortion, they rarely ever speak out about real moral issues like racism, dictatorship, or war. If anything, traditional religion is often used to justify these rather than to oppose them.

........

[izzybeans]

6. As a straight person, I've found that my gay and lesbian friends are much more mature about their

sexual and non-sexual relationships. By mature, I mean all that is stated above (open and honest). My hetero friends treat sexuality in much the same way as a fart; it's funny when mentioned, but not polite to discuss. "In their conversations, you really don't know what they're talking about." Because they act like children when it comes to sex. IMO.

"if you wait, long enough, every couple wants different things." I believe my g/l/b friends are much more honest and realistic about that fact.

[bluedawg12]

8. Thanks for that! BTW - this is hilarious

"My hetero friends treat sexuality in much the same way as a fart..."

I wonder if that reflects dominance ideas, rather than bonding or love?

Did you see Borat? The frat guy mentality of looking for sex.

[izzybeans]

10. I think it reflects treating sex as dirty and private.

But the dominance part probably comes into play because many of us have never had to actually examine our sexual selves for real meaning; unlike individuals who are forced to question or examine themselves for being "different". I had a professor in college who conceptualized the coming out process as one of maturation. So that those who were able to successfully do so were more self-actualized than those who could not or are not forced to go through it. The what doesn't kill you makes you stronger thesis. Paulo Friere called it the Pedagogy of the Oppressed. Anyway, that's my sociological training speaking for me.

That same professor opened up our human sexuality course by saying "if you don't like words like fuck, or phrases like getting fucked, then get the fuck out of my classroom. If so, than thank you for being grownup enough to at least be able to seriously consider this important aspect of everyone of our lives." :paraphrasing of course: It's obviously stuck with me. He then went on to explain what laughing about sex meant about the person laughing and so those same Borat style frat boys were put in their place on day one. As were the people who thought words used to describe the good, bad, and ugly of sex were too vulgar to talk about academically.

[bluedawg12]

11. Our culture seems to reinforce the immature style of communication about sex

Sex is used to sell things, women are objectified, it's all pretty silly and then comes the double standard whallop--suddenly sex is sacred, it is a religious right of passage only for heterosexuals and these notions arise making family "sacred" while at the same time, on another level, we keep continue to getthe message that sex is something secret, sleazy, and commercial.

This is a very confusing culture, on the other hand, the extreme opposite is found in strict authoritarian cultures, where sex is so narrowly interpreted that 14 year old girls who are the victims of rape are stoned to death.

There has to be a healthier middle ground and dialogue. Geesh.

[mondo joe]

9. Dr Gottman's research and findings are endlessly fascinating to me.

And my personal experiences back him up.

[bluedawg12]

13. I was wondering if anyne else thought this was grim?

Geez, forty years? 64% at two years would be grim, but four decades? Did I miss something? :+

>>Gottman studied, the projected break-up rate for homosexuals, over a four-decade span, is a grim 64 percent (gay men are far more likely to split than are lesbians). The 40-year divorce rate for straight couples in first marriages is 67 percent.<<

[adamuu]

12. makes sense to me

my partner and I catch each other checking out the same other guys... how can we fault each other? LOL

By the way, this is such an awesome quote
"between the sexes, each sex presents a socially acceptable form of masculinity or femininity that is reassuring to the other person but not particularly accurate," LOL such a way with words.

[bluedawg12]

14. The cultural burden of masculine and feminine seems pretty contrived

I'm sure there is a big debate out there --again--about how different we all are.

But, much of it seems so superficial.

Besides, just think of the Grouper:



http://www.bio.fsu.edu/coleman_lab/grouper_ecology.php

>>Sex change in groupers is a one-way street, from female to male. It occurs in a social context when fish form spawning groups...

Social interactions among individuals in the group allow some sort of assessment to occur of the relative numbers of males and females. If there are two few males, then dominant females will change sex so that by the following spawning season, more males are available.
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