Pregnancy, money, age, etc

[DaveJ]

Not sure where I'm going with this, or even if this is the best forum, but I was wondering what people's thoughts were about whether to wait until having a sufficient income to have kids.

Lots of folks just have kids and expect money to come later, or just don't give it much thought. While others who do wait run the risk of waiting too long. We got a late start by spending much time in college, wandering the planet, etc. I have some confidence things will get better soon.

My family always thought people should be financially prepared before having kids, but if we wait much longer, that means we never will. We have a nice house in a picturesque town, but without her income it will be almost impossibly tight at the moment.

Not sure what to do. This is not a pressing urgent matter or anything. Just wondering what other people would do.

[applegrove]

1. I worked with a girl who had a 2 year old child. Her boyfriend was being

trained at a call centre. They were just about to move out of her mother's home. They found an apartment and needed a downpayment but would have the money for a week. So I lent her the money. I don't know what young families do when they have no savings and no financial support from their parents. I seriously don't know how they make it. They are one bit of bad luck away from being homeless. It is terrifying.

[DaveJ]

2. Uhm yeah

I wasn't sure how to phrase this, but perhaps I am a little bitter about people who have kids even when they are not prepared, while those of us who want to prepare sometimes never get kids... I wonder if that is going to have a long term negative effect socially.

[applegrove]

3. Certainly kids who have kids in North America are rich compared to

kids in other parts of the world. I think some of us are just overly cautious. I had two friends in collage who both got preggers and both of them were great parents.

[virgogal]

4. I'm old and come from a generation where we just had them. None

of us had much money,we spent little and scrimped a lot,but we all survived. We also had fairly large families---I had 6.

IMHO if you want kids----go for it.

[noamnety]

5. Do what feels right.

There isn't a right or a wrong path - just different paths.

Having a daughter in my early 20s meant that by the time she was into kindergarten I was able to start a career when I was still young enough to be hired in an entry level job and work my way up. If I'd have her later, the time away from the work force might have looked bad on a resume and the career interruption might have hurt me even more financially. If both parents are going to keep working and put the infant in day care of some sort, that's less of a concern. Personally, we were not well off when we had ours, I was on WIC coupons, none of us had health insurance for a few years. So there was some risk. But on the flip side, being young, it didn't feel so bad to be broke and made it a more feasible decision for me to stay home with her the first few years. I think we had a better quality start because I was home and we didn't have (couldn't afford) a tv. We were forced to have real quality time together. When you are scraping by, decisions are made differently. She didn't have a bed until she was maybe 5 years old - just a super thin mattress on the floor and a pile of blankets. So that seems bad by US standards, but people elsewhere sleep on futons on the floor as a matter of course, and for a child it's actually nice not to have to worry that they will fall out of bed. I guess you have to evaluate for yourselves what "impossibly tight" income levels are for you.

[bemildred]

9. I agree, it's all about motivation.

And being a good parent demands a lot of motivation, rich or poor.

[SheilaT]

6. Personally I waited until I was a

full-fledged adult, and had actually had a life of my own before I had kids. That worked out well for me.

[Tumbulu]

7. I was 45 when I had my daughter

and the hardest part for me was going from a full fledged semi-successful very independent adult to becoming the "pee-on". Parenting is so humbling and exhausting. And the younger parents do have so much more energy. Now I would like to think that my age earned "wisdom" makes up for the lack of energy, but I am not so sure about that. The older parents that I know, struggle with the sort of collapse of personhood which accompanies becoming an older parent. The younger parents seem to both give up less of themselves and understandably seem less plussed by the whole change. But, that said, I am really glad that I did have financial resources to draw upon because I did stop payed work for quite some time and still am not able to put in the time to bring in the money that I once did. I am too old to do the multitasking things as well. And my daughter is so precious to me.

Good luck with your decision.

[Chemisse]

8. I would (and I did) have kids now

If you wait for things to be just right, you will never have children. It is amazing how you can find ways to make it work.

[Sanity Claws]

10. People are waiting too long to live their lives

I'm all for saving and making prudent choices but things have gotten seriously out of whack. Don't wait until you're over 30 to have children. Women have a much easier time getting pregnant and giving birth when younger. You're also better able to take care of children when you're younger. It's tough to be over 40 and getting up in the middle of the night to take care of a crying baby. You're more resilient about loss of sleep when younger.