O'Neal Expresses Concern Over Solar Stability.

[NNadir]

"If I would have known being a Sun meant being a part of a system where gravity could collapse, causing my radiant celestial body to explode in an event 10 times brighter than an ordinary Phoenix Sun—or worse, dematerialize into a neutron star or possibly a black hole—I would have never agreed to the trade..."

...While O'Neal said that simply being a part of the Suns' runaway-nuclear-fusion-reaction style of play would be frightening enough, he added that learning how an aging supergiant star typically ends its life cycle in a violent explosion was a profoundly terrifying experience. The 35-year-old center, who considers himself a super-giant star in the twilight of his career, has refused to go anywhere near his new teammates...

..."I'm scared I will not be able to flourish in an environment where there is a risk that the Suns' supply of hydrogen could be exhausted, which would cause the core of the Suns to collapse into the center—in this case, me—and create a rise in temperature and pressure that would become great enough to ignite helium and then start a helium-to-carbon fusion cycle."

"Not even electron degeneracy pressure is enough to stop a supernova when that happens to a Sun," O'Neal added..."

...Though O'Neal has reportedly told Phoenix Suns coach Mike D'Antoni that he refuses to set foot on the U.S. Airways Center court until he is guaranteed that the arena will not collapse on itself at speeds of 70,000 kilometers per second, he informed Phoenix general manager Steve Kerr by telephone late Monday that if a supernova could not be avoided, he would consider playing with the team if he at least knew what type of stellar explosion he could expect.

"There are five types of supernovas," O'Neal said. "I told Steve that if I have to endure one of the five, I would prefer the Type 1c, which has weak or no helium lines and no strong silicon absorption features near 615†nanometers. The worst would be the Type 1b, which is characterized by non-ionized helium. I made it perfectly clear that, with all that I've done for this league, a neutrino-heavy Type 2L is simply unacceptable."

Early reports indicate that O'Neal was willing to compromise when he learned no other NBA team had any interest in the oft-injured athlete.

"I'm still the most dominant player in the game," O'Neal said. "I'm still a big star. But people must realize that, since I am as big as eight conventional stars, the risk of me going supernova is that much greater..."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/shaq_terrified_of_phoenix_suns

[Fovea]

1. Well, when he finally burns out

you know what they will say then?


aiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!!