The Thermometer Oath

[politicat]

In an effort to demystify cooking for those who consider it an arcane art practiced in the dead of night, during a full moon, at a crossroads that intersects with a ley line, under the astrological sign of of the Hidden Sky Artichoke, cooks of the world must come together to dispel these myths and mystic habits that have bound us so woefully to obsolete practices.

We must take on a new spirit of scientific interest and experimental interest. We must adopt the Scientific Method as our testing template, creating and changing our recipes with precision and thoughtfulness. We must examine our old habits, handed down from on high by the ancients of our orders, and cast out these proclamations in the face of evidence based cookery. For food must follow us into this new world of the post-Fast Food Era, and to do so, we must outthink the food chemists who have done us such harm.

Thus we must vow to abandon the sacred mushroom brush in favor of a good washing-up bowl, the thump test in favor of a well calibrated probe thermometer, and the dipped cup of compacted flour in favor of the weighed measure. We must seek out good food science and dispel claims that broccoli is bad for the bladder and carrots cause disease.

The Thermometer Oath
Here do I swear to always note the metrics of a dish to the best of my abilities, and to distribute them as precisely as possible; to alter and experiment with the conventional wisdom handed down to me by my elders; and to always, always take my food's temperature before I serve it to ensure that it is healthful, fully cooked, and safe for consumption. By my chef's knife, I shall never again submit to the tyranny of the poke test, the eyeball test or the spatter test, but shall instead endeavor to understand the chemistry of my food and the physics of heat, vapors, and food science in general.

[NMDemDist2]

1. ahhhh Pcat, do I hafta???

:yoiks:

[politicat]

9. Of course not!

Freedom of Religion - especially in the kitchen - is written into the Constitution.

:)

[politicat]

10. Of course not!

Freedom of Religion - especially in the kitchen - is written into the Constitution.

:)

[Tab]

2. The "Hidden Sky Artichoke"??? n/t

[woofless]

3. After a short stint in a professional kitchen,

and a thorough indoctrination in food safety, I became a better cook. The thermometer takes away the guesswork and one need never serve overdone meat, or reheated casseroles again. I have gotten much better at cooking pork now that I temp it. Strange what we once thought was underdone.

Woof

[eyesroll]

4. But I *like* the poke test and the eyeball test.

:cry:

I'm going to poke my eyeball out.

Seriously, I have a probe thermometer and a candy thermometer and these together have ensured me many properly cooked chicken and pork dinners, meatloaves, deep-fried fare and even yeast dough.

[politicat]

11. Don't do that!!!

Else, we'd have to paint you purple and get you a pilot's license!

[Stinky The Clown]

5. The Thermometer Corollary

One leans on the crutch of a thermometer until one achieves that altered state of consciousness wherein one posssesses sufficient experience in eyeballing temperature that one's eyeball is accurate to within ±5°F (or ±2°C, if that's your bent).

Edited cuz my slepping is worse than my temperature taking .... waaaaaay worse. :)

[politicat]

12. I never, ever want my eyeball to be accurate as a thermometer.

I have dry eyes to begin with. OWWWW!!!

;)

[eleny]

6. Always, always, always

I have two of the prong types and use them faithfully. I won't even serve a hamburger without checking it out. Made a meatloaf the other day and used the traditional one spike oven thermometer. And if well done doesn't make people happy - I say too bad. No one will get sick from my kitchen.

I'm just too scared not to use it. Poke test - hah! A disaster lurking and ready to raise it's ugle head - in a stomach. I'm with you, pcat.

[noamnety]

7. What about the smell test?

I usually put stuff in the oven, completely forget it's there, then all of a sudden realize, hey it smells like food! and it seems to always come out perfect.

[politicat]

8. Highly questionable in our house.... but if it works for you, Congrats!

I'm allergic to pines and the changeover to ethanol every year makes me as congested as a 3 pack a day smoker. (So does the change back.) So for about 6 months out of the year, I cannot smell much of anything. By the time I smelt it, we'd need to replace the stove.

DH is worse - he has a genetically limited sense of smell. He can't smell skunk, pepper spray and the gasses used in warfare generally don't affect him much, and he has to have massive stimuli to sense aromas and many tastes. (Poor guy.)

[noamnety]

13. I should have trained as a professional smell tester

From across a large room, I can smell an unlit cigarette that someone's taken out of its pack in anticipation of going outside.