I can't get over the feeling that I am wasting time...

[Sannum]

Between bad luck with relationships and the fact that I am working at a job I hate while spinning my wheels looking for something else, I feel as if I am just wasting so much time. I look back and in the past 5 years, I haven't really had progress - I am just running to keep up.

Something has to change. I need to start my career after having bad luck and being unhappy. I need to find a person to share my life with. Perhaps I am too picky on that front - Chicago fratboys do nothing for me.

I need positive, healing energy and prayers sent my way. I don't know how much more I can take. :(

[omega minimo]

1. You're right, it's unbelievable

"I look back and in the past 5 years, I haven't really had progress - I am just running to keep up. "

Suggestions:

Ask yourself about the lessons of those five years.
Ask yourself where you want to go and how to get there.
Be glad you still have a job.

[winyanstaz]

2. Dear Sannum...

"Look within child..look within...you won't find it 'til you look with-in....
Traveling many life-times..searching for the truth..so many answers..the paradox of life..love is the answer..with love we'll survive..Look with-in"

Words from one of my favorite tunes.
Our lives are like a magnificent movie..and we are the star of the show.
To give up before the ending is like walking out during intermission at the movies :) you will miss the best parts.

Once..long ago..to dang many moons ago..life had taken everything from me and I wanted to give up. I threw myself on the floor in a temper tantrum and was screaming at God. I just wanted to KNOW!! If there was a God..why my life was a mess..etc etc etc.
I suddenly found myself out of body looking down at myself laying on the floor and I told myself.."this is just stupid..get up off the floor and go to the store and buy supper because you have little kids that need you to be strong!"..
So I did.
When I pulled into the parking lot..it was empty..I could have parked anywhere but where I parked..I had to jump out over a little old battered black book with gold lettering that was laying in the rainy puddle in the dark. I had read everything including the cereal boxes at home..so I threw it into the van..did my shopping and went home and fed my family.
The book was called "14 lessons in Yoga Philosophy" by Yoga Ramacharaka (he is dead now for about a hundred years)...but I was quickly unable to put the book down.
I recognized a lot of what he was talking about because I had been out of body many times during my childhood and so I knew I was holding a true book of knowledge.
By the end of the book..several hours later...I suddenly noticed a ring of rainbow light was lighting up each word of the song verse I was reading ..and softly at first and then louder and louder...I heard a million voices in perfect harmony singing the words. (there were no music notes nor did I read music..and yet years later I heard the old hymn on the radio and it was the same tune) I knew it was the angels singing and it was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes.
I put the book down to tell my husband who was also seated on the side of the bed..(he also had a vision at the same time but never saw the Light)...when I saw the air moving about a foot down from my ceiling.
..and every cell of my body froze. I couldn't even blink! I went through enlightenment with my mouth frozen open to speak and my arm raised to point at the light. :)
I watched the air moving and becoming lighter and lighter and soon it was a ball of moving tiny light bubbles of every color..and yet all together they looked a bright soft lavender white. (first time I ever got to see the white light).
The bubbles of light were moving in a double helix pattern..and my soul knew what was going on before I consciously did..because I felt myself leap inside my immovable body.
I then felt waves of love pouring down on me..if I could have moved I could have swam in it..it was actually a thickness to the love pouring down like waves of an oceon..and I was suddenly overwhelmingly ashamed!
If I could have moved I would have crawled under the bed!
It is not easy to stand before God.
I knew that it was God/Goddess/The Creator and that God loved me unconditionally and I knew I had not been as good as I could have or should have been and that everything I had ever done or thought was known..and I was loved anyways....and I was ashamed and at least a cup of tears shot straight out of my eyes all at once and hit the far wall!! (I didn't know I had that many tears) Because I also knew I was forgiven everything and would always be loved unconditionally my ridged body was rocked like I was struck by a blast of lightening. To say it was overwhelming is an understatement.
I felt the kundilini ripple up my back like two hot, thick rippling snakes and to the crown chakra and then it leaped forward to my third eye..and I was taken out of my body at that point and shown many things.
Some of which I remembered when I returned to my body..others I will suddenly remember when it was I saw it or learned of them..and ever since that day..I have been able to see energy and energy fields very well.
Did you know that birds fly in a bubble? Try following their flight on a cloudy day when there is a lot of moisture in the air at around evening..and focus slightly ahead of the bird but see it with your peripheral vision. And when you see a flock of the birds in their bubbles flying if you look close you will see a fine mist of a pale bluish tinted colored energy moving the flock and you will know you are seeing the group spirit of that flock.
I tell you of my first enlightenment so you will not give up hope. Look within and ask for help..and you too will find your way. You are loved unconditionally and so very much....and you are not alone. :)
Blessed Be....

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. Two words that might be of help:

Trust and patience. Trust in your inner guides showing you the right way, trust that you will listen to them and trust that you will know when the right thing comes along. This is key, I think. Patience is the other component. In my life, I've found that things that I need to happen happen on God's time, not mine.

This may not be the case for you, but it was for me. Here's my story: I had my first mystical experience at age 17. Was isolated and alone, helped in part by a controlling mother, who told me what I would do with my life--and since she was my only companion from age 8 to 16, I was trained to believe her. Anyway, I was very unhappy. I did turn within, and came to trust the inner voice, which told me I would find my true place, but that I had to be patient. No, I didn't always remember to follow inner guidance, and wound up sidetracked and still very unhappy, so I went back to listening again. Finally, 21 years later, my guide came to me and said "Something wonderful is going to happen." That weekend, I became a Sufi initiate, met the love of my life, and decided to quit my job of 17 years and move to another state--the break with the old way of living was rather dramatic! But it did change my life, and after several other adventures (some of which were caused by me again not listening to inner guidance), I am working with other mystics in a job I love and believe in, have a wonderful husband and soulmate, and am more content than I was before.

So it can happen. Just hope that, for you, it doesn't take 21 years!

[MorningGlow]

4. Sending energy now, Sannum

I understand your situation completely. You sound young (mentioning Chicago frat boys)--is that the case? The reason I ask is because when I was in my 20s I felt the same way: time was running out, I was wasting time on the wrong job, wrong living arrangement, wrong friends, wrong guys, etc. Is that the way you feel?

If so, try not to worry too much. When you're a twentysomething, everything feels urgent, but you can't rush timing. Things will come when they're supposed to, and not a moment sooner. Sucks (from where you stand), but it's true. So the best thing to do is embrace it. Treat the present as a classroom--what are you learning that you can take with you and utilize in the future? How are you different from only several years ago? How would you like to be different several years from now? What would you like to learn more about? Then go ahead an learn it.

Use your free time to experience things that interest you. For example, when I was in my mid-20s, I taught high school for one year and found out I hated it. Instead of packing up and moving home as soon as the school year was over (as my parents wanted), I stayed in the town through the summer, until my apartment lease was up. I did what my type A mother would have disapproved of--a whole lot of nothing. I wrote stories, I read, I hung out with other teacher friends, I even watched a lot of really bad TV. But I also haunted the (only) New Age store in town and started to study esoteric topics. The next thing I knew I was experiencing a personal initiation into shamanism that was just as powerful (if not more powerful) than my traditional initiation into a coven a couple of years later.

My point is that no time is wasted time, and if we rush through any of it, we could miss out on really important and profound lessons that life has to teach us.

As for the guys...well...yeah, interesting guys in their twenties are few and far between. :P Don't try to take them seriously for at least another decade!
:rofl:

[Celebration]

5. I'll send that to you!!

Please do remember that life is a process, not a destination. It is a meandering path, not a superhighway. Look to your inner guidance for changes you may need to make.

[winyanstaz]

6. I was tired when I wrote my post. to you last night....

and I left out some of the most important parts!
When the kundilini raised to my crown chakra, I felt God/Goddess/I AM within myself and I knew it was myself. My consciousness rayed out at that moment like spokes from a crown on my head. It was as if there was a band or crown that went all the way around my head from low on the back just above my neck to the forehead/third eye area in the front and I felt my consciousness ray out like spokes and touch everything in the universe (words are so inadequate to describe what happened)..and I knew I was that as well. This all happened just before I was taken out/left my body and was shown many things and it all happened in an instant.
The point is:
This level of consciousness is within us all. This is you just as much as it is me and it is available to us all.
I was not able to stay at that level of consciousness and have only made it back there once since that day..and I am still working toward the day when I can stay there.
But I know it is there and it is of such great comfort to me when things get rough.
I was at the point of giving up when Spirit showed up in my life and changed it forever. In fact, at that time I was at the point of suicide.
My ex (who had a lot of money) had taken me to court in state after state and I had run out of money to fight him with (that was just before they changed the law so people couldnt do that)..and he had once again gained custody of the boys. I also was just laid off and my new husband was cheating on me. It was a terrible dark time for me but I am so glad I had help from Spirit.
Sometimes it happens in a very dramatic fashion as it did the first time for me. For others it may be in increments or a slow dawning/awakening.
Sometimes finding the right book can open doors..sometimes just a kind word at the right time...or maybe even a post on a blog.
I hope this is of some comfort to you and gives you the hope you need.
Always remember...the darkest hours are just before the dawn..but no one can hold back the Light.
blessed be

[Fire Walk With Me]

7. Pray for energy, insight, support, perspective, and experience.

Pray that the Universe opens your eyes to your greatest good, with ease and grace. I'll do so as well..:hug:

[WhiteTara]

8. don't look for flowers in the garden

don't waste your time with that excercise
inside you are flowers waiting to bloom
(paraphrasing Rumi)

I'm sending you loving energy :hug:

[FirstLight]

9. I know the feeling of "spinning one's wheels"

I have been grappling with this my whole adult life it seems, and have nothing to show for it but poverty and children from men whom i would rather not admit I married...

But on the upside, i AM remembering to meditate more often than not, and praying and staying connected to other like minds... you have to give yourself credit where the credit is due.
It may not feel like much more than platitudes, but just being "awake" at this point in time is a big deal. and though the world has much to do to catch up with the changes we need and forsee...we are the ones who have to shine the light, even when having those dark nights of the soul.

at least you can come here to ASAH and know you have brothers & sisters who stand in the light WITH you. the more you connect with those kinds of people, the more you will see them in your personal world. Try finding a yoga class or something like that where you can meet people in your neck of the woods who share your craving for meaning. you'd be surprised at how many men are showing up for this kind of energy shift now!
hugs and keep on keeping on!
:grouphug:

[conscious evolution]

11. the more you will see them

True words here.
After a while you just know when someone is awake as soon as you see them.

[winyanstaz]

12. That is very true :)

I have also noticed that people about to wake up in consciousness have a golden yellow shaggy looking "halo" around the top of the head and shoulders area..a lot of yellow is in the energy field itself too but you can see it the strongest on the head and shoulders area...

[Cleita]

10. Stop looking for a relationship right now and instead focus

on spending your spare time on doing something you like doing, whether it is writing, art, sports or anywhere your interests lead you. It will make work more tolerable when you have something to look forward to when you come home. Also, in pursuing your interests, you will start meeting like minded people. A relationship could follow when you least expect it.