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I wanted to share this because for me the experience was quite significant and quite unlike what I expected based on everything I'd read. Totally NONintense.
My summer term ended the Friday before July 4. I don't even remember any more what day that was. But there was a huge sigh of relief at having just the night job and mornings and early afternoons to myself, no studying, just being with my animals and farm. I had a list of must do stuff that kept me busy the first couple weeks, and then I crashed and burned.
I had planned to add to my blog weekly, and I did in July. And then suddenly, I didn't want to write any more. Couldn't. Not there. Not here. Not anywhere. I became a kind of "closed system."
At first I was still very stressed and afraid and couldn't enjoy my time off. Each day I took the dogs to the nearby pond for swimming. They had a blast, but I just fretted as if I didn't deserve the break.
And then the Universe started dropping little gifts at my feet. I had read about the mathemetician who played the lottery regularly, and who won 4 multi-million prizes. So I decided I could do that and each week I bought a scratch ticket and a couple megabucks. Every week, all summer and into September, I won 1 $2 megabucks. Every. Week. My 3rd scratch ticket was a $30.00 winner. That same day I won $1 in a free supermarket scratch ticket.
Late July, on a Monday I saw a bundle on a boulder by the pond. Somebody had left some clothes. I picked it up, expecting it to be a little girl's dress. It was a woman's sundress. Perfect condition. Perfect fit. Favorite colors and style: batique magenta/violet with sea blue dragonflies. The sort of thing I might have bought for myself in the old days when I made good money. Abandoned, so it came home with me.
Jake was tired of his floating frisbee, although adding Luna into the mix had revived his competitive spirit. So cute when they swim back each hanging onto it, like a couple of brothers fighting over a toy. Who would get the honors of bringing it to mom?
And then one day, I noticed something teal-blue by the pond. It was a rubber dog bone. It floated. The dogs went crazy over it. Joy revived.
But there was something else, harder to put my finger on. I didn't just reconnect with spirit and earth. A whole that has been in my spirit for as long as I can remember, was plugged in. I was plugged into myself. I felt a completeness, an absence of an empty lonely longing that has plagued me since childhood.
Crap stopped bothering me at work. I just didn't care. I appeared on time, did what I needed to, left. Didn't matter how the customers were. (Last week I had somebody screaming at me re: a mutual fund policy. I picked up my microbiology notes and quietly reviewed them while she was screaming!)
And then it all started to recede. Maybe being back in school, more to do, less time to just hang out. I don't know. Suddenly I stopped winning any lottery tickets. Then I stopped buying them. The closed unto myself feeling dissipated, but the lonely longing hasn't returned. Maybe the hole is plugged, but the feeling is no longer new, so not noticeable. Just the way it is.
But it was a very magical time. I hope it returns, and suspect it will. Last week while walking the dogs, the universe dropped a couple gifts on me again -- literally 2 sealed cans of beer by the side of the road!
Message received.
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