Can you live a life without suffering?

[oxbow]

I've been dealing with alot of primal stuff lately. I'm beginning to break the link between pain and fear forged by childhood trauma, and my heart has recently become open for the first time since I was three. There's a lot of resistance though, and most of it deals with pain. I'm getting a lot of resistance because my lower self fears that I will be hurt emotionally, physically, etc, and so it's still holding, restricting the flow of energy, protecting itself from the world as it sees it.

I was very good at shielding myself from pain and suffering before, to the point where I could take in the most violent movies/books/whatever and not even flinch. I can't go back to that place though. I can't armor myself again. I have to find a different way to live in the world.

How do people like us deal with it? Do you become strong enough and wise enough that the pain of living just doesn't hurt anymore? Do you just learn to accept suffering, process it when it happens and move on? Do you follow the Buddhist path, giving up desire for things in order to bypass suffering?

I want to live with a open heart, I want to take things lightly, and enjoy life again, but I don't know how. I've been living a certain way all my life, and I had to let it go without knowing what will replace it yet. So to you who are farther on the path, I'm putting this question: How do you live in the world without suffering?

[DemExpat]

1. Not sure if I am further along the path, oxbow, but have many more

years' experience perhaps....

I have lots of fun and joy now after opening up....awakening in some ways from unconsciousness, but pain-free life here on earth at this time, I am not so sure this is possible.

Maybe because I went through such depths, went through some years of running from the pain with all kinds of addictions (medications, alcohol, smoking, sex, etc.) and SURVIVED and learned from it all, that now I am grateful to feel, to really feel the highs and lows and in betweens.

The difference with me now is that I don't deny or run from the suffering, I experience it, work through it and process it and let it go. The difference now is that it DOES pass and makes room for lots of joy, peace, gratitude, and fun, while in my past I was closed up and stuck.

It still hurts, but after opening up and facing truths it is bearable hurt, and one that passes...

I accept that I am highly sensitive, appreciate the gifts that this brings and have learned to arrange my life that I can accomodate this and have a good life.

But it takes time - especially in the early period after opening up - so patience is warranted here IMO.

Congratulations with your incredible courage to go through this process, you will be so glad that you did!

:hug:

DemEx

[oxbow]

2. Dammit you're gonna make me cry, Dream!

Tears of joy though, not pain ;)

Thank you for the good advice. It's nice to know that a friend has been where I have and made it through to the other side.

[Cleita]

3. My personal philosophy is that we aren't here to be happy,

but to make this a better place. We do this by bringing up the new generation. Everything we do to fulfill our destiny should take this into consideration. Are our children getting what they need to be functioning adults so that they in turn can bring up the generation behind them?

I truly believe that this is the meaning of life, to do what we can that is positive to make this a better world to live in by protecting and nurturing those who are too helpless to do so themselves for the time being. I include other species in this. If we should happen to find happiness here and there on this path, we should be grateful for these moments.

When you realize that, it puts your life in perspective and I truly think you can be a happier person because of this realization.

[sofedup]

4. Oxbow, I'm reading a book...

...called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle that addresses the issue of suffering and of stopping suffering in our lives. I *highly* recommend this book. I have also carried a great deal of pain from childhood and this book is giving me an astonishingly fresh and helpful perspective.

[oxbow]

9. Thanks sefedup. It's going on the list!

I'll read it right after I finish the book I'm reading now (The Web of Life)

[NMDemDist2]

5. honor your ego, it's just trying to protect you and is afraid you'll do

something stupid and get you both (you and your ego) killed! reassure it, tell it you will keep both of you safe, then buy that inner child a Nintendo and tell it to sit in the corner and let you get on with it!

and why would you pass up pain? a little pain is part of life and makes the sweetness even sweeter

you read my other thread but don't hesitate to PM me if you'd like when things get too scary

i'm a great 30 second "sponsor" :rofl:

edit to add: that childhood stuff is tough I know. when I used to tell my story in the rooms of AA I'd get all these people coming up to me after wards aghast at my childhood. Thankfully there was no molestation but it was pretty bad comparatively I guess

I did a great weekend workshop that I really should outline here soon in it's own thread. it was incredibly powerful in breaking thru the lies we told ourselves as children in order to survive.

[peacebuzzard]

6. I have learned from abused/abandoned pets.

Over the years I have worked w/ animals and I currently I am the guardian to 5 dogs and a cat.
However, I do not believe I am very far on the path you refer to. I have just tried to forget my own needs/wants and focused on the little critters.
That is how I have found meaning to this crazy world. And I have a full home to come to, and a responsiblity that pays me back w/ uncompromised love and devotion. You should see how excited they get to see me! I feel like a rock star when I come home!

[I Have A Dream]

7. oxbow, I think that there are some people who ultimately learn how...

to live without suffering. (I, personally, haven't yet gotten to that point.) I think that it probably involves being able to maintain balance and maintaining one's own space regardless of what is happening in our environment. I think that it also involves being able to view a bad situation as an opportunity to grow/learn/be one step closer to overcoming that which makes us have to continue to incarnate. For me, I can do this after the fact, but I haven't yet been able to completely maintain this viewpoint when I'm in the middle of a bad situation. I'm trying to work on this.

Living without suffering is not my specific goal; living with integrity and freeing my higher self from my ego (lower self) are my personal goals. However, it would be a wonderful side effect if it were to happen somewhere along my path.

I hope that you're able to continue to find joy in the small things in life. It makes me so happy to see your heart starting to heal. :hug:

[oxbow]

8. Thanks all. I read something TNOE wrote in another thread...

basically about how you just don't let yourself get hurt if you think everything in your life is divinely ordered. Like you said Dream, just looking at bad things as opportunities. I think this is appealing to me because I've had a lot of pain in my life so far and don't want anymore right now. I read somewhere that there is no limit to how good you can feel and I really want this to be true, to be the way I look at things...I don't know, I guess I'm just thinking out loud now.

AZDem is right though...pain is just another flavor of life. In a weird kind of way, it does add sweetness to all the other experiences we have. It's my own relationship with pain during this life that is coloring my view of it right now. Maybe that's the problem, and not the fact that there is pain in the world per se...

[I Have A Dream]

12. You've been through so much, oxbow. I think that you're...

doing exactly the right thing in focusing on what makes you happy and brings you joy. Someday down the road you'll find that you've again built up a reserve of inner strength that will allow you to easily deal with any new challenges that are presented to you. However, for now, I think that you're right to celebrate, in any way that you can, your new awakening!

:hug:

[TNOE]

14. Oh Oxbow

I'm so flattered that you mentioned me here - although it is probably not deserved. I struggle like crazy too - but believe me when I tell you I have come A LONG way. I have been "suidical" since I was about 12 years old - and apparently that problem runs in my father's family as nearly all of them did commit suicide and my father has struggled with it too, like me. We are both on Zolofot (which I don't know how on earth I could live without - I want to and I can't believe there is a thread on SSI's which I'm dying to get to, but haven't had time yet).

I can only say it is through trying very hard to understand and connect with my spirit/soul that I have learned to become a truly happy person. But I'm not totally there yet, and I wonder if we ever will be totally there. But I also learned "be careful what you ask for" because I decided I would ask to have "no fear" and boy, did I ever get whammied - but truthfully - I can't think of a thing now that really scares me - but its one of those "be careful what you ask for".

Hopefully without sounding arrogant (because I have plenty of flaws) I believe all earth angels came into this world into abusive situations in order for us to grow - it was meant that way.

The Conversatoins with God books I LOVE LOVE LOVE and they have really helped me alot. Also a website http://www.nibiruancouncil.com helped (read the power of Compassion) there and basically spending my quiet time learning and reading other spiritual works, etc.

Some days I feel so strong that I could conquer the world and that nothing can get to me, and then of course I have my moments. I've still got a ways to go but I am so glad to be away from those very very dark days that was my earlier existence. I can honestly say I love life now and look forward to each day, knowing that whatever comes will be for the best.

I swear by this saying: I have said it every day for a couple of years and I swear it is the most powerful thing inthe world. I say it every morning, driving to work, everytime I begin to worry about something, I interrupt my worry, at night, whenever - make a mental note to say this, put it on your bathroom mirror, whatever - but say it:

MY LIFE WORKS IN PERFECT DIVINE ORDER.

If you have a big problem, say that you don't need to worry about it because God has already handled it for you.

My heart goes out to you and I send you peace and love. I love this forum so much, I wish I had more time to spend here. It has helped me immensely and I'm so glad we have this community.

In therapy the one and only one thing I did learn that having been abused, my natural reaction was to abuse myself, if I did something wrong I would beat myself up, or if I thought I said something wrong, I would beat myself up, every thing I did, I would beat myself up for. And I learned to stop doing that and instead think about if my daughter had done this or said this - how would I react and I always think how I would just show her love and then I learned to show myself the same love that I would give to her.

I'm in a hurry and i'm writing this in a rush - so I hope it makes sense - but I wanted to respond to you. Take care of yourself and say that saying!

[rumpel]

10. Some quotes on suffering

Suffering is the sandpaper of our life. It does its work of shaping us.
Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.

~ Ram Dass

When you are aware of your pain and suffering, it helps you to develop your capacity for empathy, the capacity which allows you to relate to other people's feelings and sufferings. This enhances your capacity for compassion towards others.

~ His Holiness the Dalai Lama
from The Pocket Dalai Lama, edited by Mary Craig, 2002

The real source of my suffering is self-centeredness: my car, my possession, my well-being. Without the self-centeredness, the suffering would not arise. What would happen instead? It is important to imagine this fully and to focus on examples of your own. Think of some misfortune that makes you want to lash out, that gives rise to anger or misery. Then imagine how you might respond without suffering. Recognize that we need not experience the misery, let alone the anger, resentment, and hostility. The choice is ours. Let's continue with the previous example. You see that there is a dent in the car. What needs to be done? Get the other driver's license number, notify the police, contact the insurance agency, deal with all the details. Simply do it and accept it. Accept it gladly as a way to strengthen your mind further, to develop patience and the armor of forbearance. There is no way to become a Buddha and remain a vulnerable wimp. Patience does not suddenly appear as a bonus after full enlightenment. Part of the whole process of awakening is to develop greater forbearance and equanimity in adversity. Santideva, in the sixth chapter of his Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life, eloquently points out that there is no way to develop patience without encountering adversity, and patience is indispensable for our own growth on the path to awakening. -- from The Seven-Point Mind Training by B. Alan Wallace, edited by Zara Houshmand, published by Snow Lion Publications

[alterfurz]

11. and a few more...

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are stronger at the broken places. -- Ernest Hemingway

The soul would have no rainbow, had the eyes no tears. -- John Vance Cheney (1848-1922)

Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something. -- Dread Pirate Roberts, in "The Princess Bride" (1987)

The grapes of my body can only become wine
After the winemaker tramples me.
I surrender my spirit like grapes to his trampling
So my inmost heart can blaze and dance with joy.
Although the grapes go on weeping blood and sobbing,
"I cannot bear any more anguish, any more cruelty,"
The trampler stuffs cotton in his ears: "I am not working in ignorance.
You can deny me if you want; you have every excuse,
But it is I Who am the Master of this Work.
And when through my Passion you reach Perfection,
You will never be done praising my Name."
-- Rumi

[oxbow]

13. The Rumi quote is really nice

Maybe it's because I'm from Iran too, but he's always spoken my language when it comes to these things ;)