Rustle has died.

[undergroundpanther]

Luckily He was not in pain.Apparently he had this cancer for a very long time.But because his body functions were all fine despite it, every time he went for vet checkups he came out as OK on his blood workups.The fucking cancer hid itself so well it went undetected until now. Rustle he had cancer all over on the inside of his body.
He went for an exploratory today and as soon as the vet opened him up, she said she knew it was over,the vet advised me to just let him not re-awaken,so after she described what was going on,I agreed,with her to let him go..he is gone now.He went peacefully.At Least he got that small token of mercy from this fucking awful evil world.


Survival of the fittest is cancer's mentality the self survival at the expense of the host,even though the greed of the cancer ends up killing both.Cancer's mind is what our civilization creates,and it manifests as cancer in bodies. Cancer is the soul of a torturer,a reflection of the wicked monster that made life just to make it suffer and die expressed through the medium of stinking flesh.


Why,why Rustle? I want to kill and kill again and again the fucking MONSTER that made reality have to BE like this.I want to destroy what killed my cats,Rustle and all the rest of the sweet animals..I HATE all "creator"deities this shitty life is what their creation is.And I hate Random chance. I can't deal with random chance right now because random chance has killed my sweet cat!And it cannot feel anything!There was NOTHING I could have done to help him!!.I HATE that sweet beings are TRAPPED in these FUCKING horrible BODIES and then forced to exist this way. I HATE BODIES!! Why why do we have to live in these horrible,vulnerable, weak fucked up half dead BODIES for.I HATE THE FLESH.
There is no ascending from this putrid hell trap if you live in a fucking body.Beautiful sunsets and flowers are just window dressing for underneath is a cannibal upon the sacred,a rotting corpse born to suffer kill and die in a hell called life on earth.


Why can't nature/Evolution get a fucking CLUE? Why does life permit all the fucking assholes to live they destroy life,WHY? It makes NO sense.Why can't all the sociopaths authoritarian control freaks,greedy pigs,torturers, ,child molesters DIE off ? All the abusive people,psychopaths and bullies, why can't THEY all be eaten alive by cancer instead of innocent sweet cats like Rustle? Why?
I can't stand it.It's so wrong!And so painful.


I hope Rustle gets out of here and is not caught reprogrammed in the aether's to be forced to come back to this hell, NEVER ever again be forced to live in another stinking, vile torturous horrid flesh bag body, jail.. ever again on this horrible evil planet of shit.

This world kills,abuses and destroys anything innocent sweet and wonderful.That is the way this reality IS ..Fuck the bloody maw of nature it is to be despised not honored.I hate this world for what it does to the sweet beings trapped here.Some say it's senselessly impersonal and I should stop caring,yet to me it is very very personal.And I do care,not for the material shit world but for the beings trapped and tortured by the shit world.
And if there was a god that made this happen I want to KILL it for making the slowly dying torture chamber of a corpse .The prison that killed him,Rustle lived inside..Similar sorts of cages made of alien fleshy messes we all have to muddle through,until it dies.

[Sanity Claws]

1. I am so sorry

It must hurt so bad.
He was not conscious when you said goodbye to him. It's hard to send them on their final journey even when it is for the best.
:hug:

[Shallah Kali]

2. I am so very sorry.

so sorry for your loss.

[Dora]

3. I'm sorry, UP.

My beloved cat companion left this life last year. I understand your loss.
:hug:

[Shine]

4. Wow. That was quite a rant.

I'm really sorry about Rustle and I hope you are able to find some peace, in the midst of your grieving.
:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

5. I'm so sorry that you're in such pain, UGP...

and I'm sorry that you lost your wonderful friend.

I understand your anger. :(

:hug:

[MorningGlow]

6. Oh no!

Oh, Panther, I am SO SORRY to hear this. Totally understand your fury--let it all out--rage for a while. But please don't hate for very long--that's also a killer. Sending you white light for you to use as you see fit. Be well; know that Rustle is at peace and not in any pain--and is still with you in your heart. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[undergroundpanther]

12. Hate keeps me alive

Hate twords this sick evil,twisted, unjust, prison world and it's many vile systems and archon minds.
You see, I cannot love or rationalize what tortures me and destroys all that is precious and beautiful innocent and kind,as something good.I cannot love what destroys love.The minute I do that,I start wanting to kill myself, because denial and pretending evil is good ,justified or even necessary has led to me suffering some serious traumas.I cannot just because I live in the midst of this horror show,I can't ignore or deny or minimize the awful shit that others seem to deny or minimize with relative ease.

[japple]

7. Dear Panther, your Rustle had a great life with you and you

both cherished the bond of love between the two of you. It sounds like he had a very happy life as your golden kitty. May your sweet memories of him bring you comfort and peace.

Sending you hugs and purrs and a little woof from me and mine.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Cleita]

8. Oh poor dear.

Poor thing and not to know he was so infected. :hug: He's out of his suffering. Be glad for that and take care of yourself too. Rustle will want that.

[undergroundpanther]

13. I know

He had no symptoms,,no pain,no appetite loss or urinary issues,all up until a few days ago,on Saturday he had the shits,nothing serious really..And on Sunday it looked like he had kitty flu.Monday before Vet hours seemed like that kitty flu seemed to be going away....I brought him to the vet anyway this time because I thought if he had nasty kitty flu he might need some medicine to kick it out of his system..and STILL his blood work done MONDAY,turned up nothing.The giveaway was so subtle his spine had become more predominate than usual.At the vet his body temp was cooler than MINE.
97.something.That was strange.They took his temp twice. Little did ANY of us know. it would turn out to be such invasive and advanced cancer.

He had been to the vet close to six months prior to this last time.. for his checkup, I saw he was getting a damn ear infection,and he needed the wax out of his ears too.Rustle's ear wax could have become a candle factory.He just had alot of wax,I'd clean most of it out,but once in awhile he needed a real cleaning only a vet could do.And he checked out healthy than too as far as both of us knew Rustle was healthy.And he went home that time with ear drops and everything seemed just like usual.

It was a real mind fuck,it looked like he was healthy,The vet said he was alert ,playing and eating,all seemed kinda positive until they opened him up .Luckily I said goodbye to him the day before his surgery.I kissed him on his head as he was eating some 9 lives with an IV in him,he looked up at me,we met eyes,than we touched noses,and he went back to chow down.And I gave him a skritch and told him I loved him.On the way out I joked with a tech that I know with Rustle ,My goodbye could not compete with good food to my chubb cat..laughing.

Than boom I get the call and I knew it was best I let him go while konked out on anesthesia,with an IV already in.No use waking him up to say goodbye again with his abdomen split open in that kind of condition..I let the vet put him down.He now rests under a cedar tree in my yard.Wrapped in linen,surrounded in sweet herbs and essental oils and resins frankincense ,myrrh,dragons blood,red sandalwood powder pink rose buds,bonaset herb,olive leaves,copper dust,amethysts,a hawk's eye stone over his third eye area and a crystal point on his crown. I laid him in his resting place facing west,placed his body on a nest of pine boughs,in the bottom of the hole we all dug,covered him in flowers from the yard and I dusted him with a mixture of red sandalwood and dragons blood all powdered together with copper dust.Within his wraps was an image of Sekhmet and Bast there with him,an ankh necklace,a small white feather, a small carnelian stone,along with a scarab over his heart.It was an Egyptian style of burial.I wanted him to have the power and protection he needs to get the maximum chance of escaping this miserable world.

[rumpel]

17. what a wonderful human soul mate Rustle has in you, UP

and what a wonderful caring way to send him, off.

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I believe our four legged friends are masters in disguising their illness, and unlike dolphins we do not have the ability of a natural ultrasound scan. And I agree, we have poisoned so much with the industrial revolution. Now we have to get to work to remedy it. I was hoping for you that he will come back healthy. Perhaps he will, in another body, and fill the void you now feel.

Hang in there, undergroundpanther, I know it's hard.

:grouphug:

[undergroundpanther]

23. Cats purring is ultrasound.

I dunno if you know that. The frequencies of cat purr is the same freqencies used in orthopedic and injury rehab.A cat purr mends bones,tendons muscles cartilage and joints.

My cats tag team purr on me if my back acts up.Rustle would stretch himself out,being a big kitty and lay himself right against my back on my spine and purr and purrrrrr..When I woke up I would be fine,because of them,their body heat and purring did the job.Sometimes I didn't need painkillers.Cat purr is one of the cat's heart songs.
Here is more info on purrs.
http://www.paulapeterson.com/CatsPurr.html
Scroll down to cats that heal..
http://www.21stcenturyradio.com/articles/04/1012312.html
http://www.my-pet-medicine.com/2007/06/19/cat-health-do-cats-self-administer-ultrasound-therapy/
http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/teach_20yourself_20to_20purr_2e

[FirstLight]

35. I know how it feels to lose a furry companion, soulmate, familiar..

I am crying for you right now UGP, I know the pain and it is so unbearable. Its hard to imagine those little furry people just crawl right into our hearts...
My Sheba died in my arms a year ago, poisoined, she dehydrated in a matter of hours right in front of us. I will never forget wrapping her body in linens and blessing her before taking her to be prepared for cremation. and now we still have a special statue of a kitteh for us to hold when we miss her. I know I was angry for a long time and the nonsense of it all...how someone could even use a poison like that - ugh!

we got a new kitten six months later, and it was a blessing to have new life in the house again. I pray you will be ready for some joy and new life too...after the mourning is done. and that can take as long as you need. :hug:

[WhiteTara]

9. RIP good friend

meet with my sweet Wolfie, he was my best friend for 20 years, may he be yours as well.
:hug:

[ricochetastroman]

10. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know, losing a pet is just awful. Thank God for the great love you had for your cat.

[mysticalchick]

11. Sending you love and light ...

... it feels so so unfair, doesn't it?

Rustle is indeed at peace and sends you his love. (I am not sure why I wrote that but it just came out.)

In peace,
Lisa

[Bluestar]

14. Underground Panther, I am so, so sorry for your loss

Rest in peace, dear Rustle. You are greatly loved and rewarded for your sweet and loving nature.

[SeattleGirl]

15. I am so sorry!

It's so hard to lose someone you love, whether that someone be a human or an animal.

I lost my beloved Miss Kitty two weeks ago. She was 18, so I had had her for the longest time. She was in no pain when she passed on, and she was in my arms when it happened, but it hurt so much.

I'm sorry that you lost your dear Rustle.

May peace find you soon.

:hug:

[undergroundpanther]

24. OMG that had to hurt

I had a pet rat die,in my hands,and he insisted on looking into my eyes,He even put his little front paws on my chin to make sure I was looking at him,It seemed the last thing he wanted to see before he went was me crying my ass off.That Rat was Tramp he died of stomach cancer.
He was one of a kind..

I hope you are recovering ok.Maybe rustle is hanging out with Wolfie and miss kitty wondering when we are gonna show up.

[SeattleGirl]

31. It did hurt.

But today, I picked up Miss Kitty's ashes, and I feel better.

As if she is with me, in a way.

It's comforting.

I hope you fill find some comfort too, up.

:hug:

[Silver Gaia]

16. I am so very sorry to hear this.

My heart is with you. Peace to you and to Rustle.

[MagickMuffin]

18. I am so sorry for your loss, Panther

Just remember that the two of you shared a life worthy of love and light, and without that we are indeed fucked. However, think how unbearable life would be without our pets to help us keep our perspectives of sharing something more important.

I know how much you are hurting believe me, I just lost my precious kitty Kagome. She was a feral kitty and I tamed her even though she had a very hard life. She was only a little over a year old, and the pain has not yet left me. She was a very sickly kitty and I tried sooo damn hard to help her. I ache everyday for Kagome. I can't stop thinking about her.

She died on Independence Day. It was not an easy passing, but she didn't suffer for very long. And we were there for her for every breath she had left in her. We tried to comfort her as best as we could. She died at five in the morning and I even called the vet so we could take her in, but she passed away before he returned our call.


But unlike you I want her to return to me, because she brought me so much joy and love that I need her in my life to help me through the hardships that life presents to us mortal humans. She offered me an escape from the trappings of our human bondage. I hope you will reconsider your feelings about life without your sweet Rustle.

You have every right to feel the pain you are experiencing. I would never try and take that away from you. I was pissed that the Cosmos took Kagome away from me, but I have been praying that the Cosmos will return her to me, because we had such a strong bond that I want to continue to cherish the love we gave to each other. Hopefully my prayers will be answered. Hopefully Kagome will be returned but in better health and be my Sweet Little Kagome.

Take as much time to grieve but remember to spend quality time with Vinnie and Sparkle. They will help with your grieving process and they need you. I have four other kitties, two of which are Kagome's siblings. They have been helpful in my grieving, but it is still very painful when I can't have my Kagome to share in the love.

Take care Panther:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

19. I'm sorry, MagickMuffin.

RIP, Kagome.

:hug:

[MagickMuffin]

33. Thank You IHAD

I haven't been able to post about it yet, because it has been so painful, but I've gotten to the point that I probably will in the next day or two.

This has been a very difficult time since Casper died exactly one week to the day before Kagome. I have been questioning if there was a reason for this to happen to me. Somehow I feel responsible. Even though I'm almost certain that is not the case, but at times like these, you do have your doubts.

Thanks for the hug. I'll return one for you:hug:

[undergroundpanther]

25. Vin and Spark..

I have been with them ALOT. Holding them petting they don't want to play obviously.But I gave them some catnip around 3 am last night they didn't turn that down.Sparkle acts like he's like desperate crack head scanning the carpet for any remaining flakes until it's gone.I am glad catnip ain't addictive to cats.I think it helped them both relax a bit.

They are on my bed now out like lights.Finally they are sleeping.

I love them so.

Anyways Rustle I want him to be free of this world.
My wants get put aside for him because I love him and I respect him.Rustle if he decides to return it will be of HIS choice. I don't want my emotions Vinnies or Sparkles emotions or the archons bullying or manipulating to influence a decision that is HIS to make,only.
I want his choice on what to do, to be his own.

[undergroundpanther]

27. sorry ,about your sweet kagomi

at least Kagomi knew what love was before she left you. Maybe she will come back to you.If that is what Kagomi decides to do All I can say is I wish NOTHING interferes with her coming back to you.I hope you can read her signs of her arrival and easily find her again.


I have been with my two cats ALOT. Holding them petting..curling up,passing around treats.. they don't want to play obviously.But I gave them some catnip around 3 am last night they didn't turn that down.Sparkle is so funny on Catnip,he acts like he's like desperate crack head scanning the carpet for any remaining flakes until it's gone.He was licking the flakes out of Vinnie's fur Vin couldn't reach.I am glad catnip ain't addictive to cats.I think it helped them both relax a bit.

They are on my bed now out like lights.Finally they are sleeping.
I got some time to respond to these kind supportive posters.
I will go offline when they stir awake and I hear them.I have to be there with my sweet fur friends first.

I love them so.

For Rustle I want him to see he has an opportunity to be free of this world. After all the goal of Buddha was not reincarnating forever but to end the reincarnations.So my wants and needs will get put aside for his sake.This is because I love him but I am aware I cannot ever own him and even though he lived with me for 14 years,he may have his own reasons to have been here to consider returning here or to not be here,reasons that may have nothing to do with me or Sparkle or Vinnie at all..If Rustle decides to return here,and to me again..I want it to be his own will and be of HIS choice alone.Because this time is when he makes the most important choice he has to make right now.I know he knows I and Vin and Spark adore him. But despite that I don't want my emotions or needs Vinnie's or Sparkles emotions or needs ,or the archons bullying or manipulating crap or the aether's illusions to catch him and reprogram him, and have any influence a decision that is HIS to make,only.I want this to be his choice on what to do, to be his own,alone.

And whatever he decides I will respect that decision.If he does not want to return I want him to know that is an ok thing to decide Also if he does return to me I want him to know I won't ignore the signs of his returning either.

This is his"liminal time" around three days is how long it is,This is the time where material influences can impact his spirit for good or ill,and where the forces controlling this world and trapping spirits here will try to control him.I am fighting those forces and pulling away the confusion that death causes in his recently released and disoriented spirit.This is very important task to do for the dead.At least as for what I experienced observing the death process,he is vulnerable and confused during the liminal time,and this is the time he faces challenges..

I want him to be free to find his bearings in the spirit world and sense his own will and decide for himself the next steps he takes.
Meanwhile here I protect him,I journey and help him from a distance,and make things clear to him the best I've been calling Sekhmet and Bast to protect him until he is free and his true will is free to decide..He had all those resins herbs and oils in his shroud to give his spirit power and strength to overcome the liminal state between the real and unreal,manifest and unmanifest or anything he encounters in the so called bardos or hours of the dead,in those rites of passage he will go through.Alot of mystery traditions describe changes ,detachments and perils for the dead to face and overcome .Rustle if I can help it will not be trapped by any of those perils.

What I said was not simply wishing to boot him away from me because this world is hell, the intent was much deeper than that.
Being upset I know it colored what I typed here, what my real intent is for him is more complex..I want him to be free of all the shackles and confusion life and death cause to newly departed beings.If he wishes to come back here really I will honor that decision and be thankful to him that the loved me so much to do that.If he never comes back I will respect that too, and regardless I will fight my hardest down here to make sure he goes to a place where the shit of this world cannot touch him when he decides.If he leaves I want him a straight shot back to his true source.Which is the source of where his golden heart originated.People often have issues with me because I choose to live in the liminal zone, it is my nature and true will,to be both and neither.. I am physically not male or female,I identify as non human but seem human enough,I am a peaceful yet vicious warrior,I am ambigous yet I am obvious easy to find..I am a canary in a coal mine, a boundary breaking boundary keeper, this is part of my magickal path,for I am a sentimental mercenary..And I offer rustle any protections,assistance or power he needs to transform,and do his true will while he decides his next step in the strange distorted realities the newly dead go through.
I will assist him in how to be dead.So that he may become..

More about death trials for spirits and the liminal state:
http://www.deathreference.com/Py-Se/Rites-of-Passage.html
http://www.candywei.org/media/jing_wellesley_speech.html
http://www.wesleyan.edu/music/braxton/papers/death-after-2.html

[MagickMuffin]

34. Well I do understand that it isn't our decision if the newly departed want to come back to us

But I still feel the urge to ask the Cosmos for reuniting us. Of course if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen and I will have to accept that.

My first cat that I had with my partner (she was rescued from the park at the lake) because we let her outside ended up getting run over. We buried her under an Elm Tree in our front yard. A few months later we were at a park eating lunch and the creek was swollen from all the heavy rain we had been getting. We had our windows down when we heard a faint meow. I shouted "Astra" we both jumped out of the car and found our Astra Luna. We took her to work with us and then brought her home.

I let her outside the front porch and she wanted me to follow her. She walked straight over to where we buried her and walk around in circles where she was laid to rest. She is the only one of our many kitties that I asked the Cosmos to return, even tho I would love them all to come back to me. All our cats have found us, with the exception of two. We adopted our best friend's cat after he died, so Tasha was already a family member. The other cat we adopted belonged to my neighbor's brother, and she told us if we didn't want it she would put her down. We couldn't bare to think that her life would be snubbed out so we took her in. She has real issues, but she gets whatever love she needs and doesn't mind being left alone.

I was really inspired by the send off you gave Rustle. He was very lucky to have you in his life. I hope if he does decide to come back he will find you again.

:hug:

Thanks for the links.

[undergroundpanther]

37. idiotic reasons for putting cats down.

>The other cat we adopted belonged to my neighbor's brother, and she >told us if we didn't want it she would put her down. We couldn't bare >to think that her life would be snubbed out so we took her in.

That's how I got Vinnie.
A friend of mine had a daughter she hooked up with a boyfriend who didn't like cats.My friend told me about it,and of course the idea off a cat being killed over such petty bullshit pissed me off,and fearing for Vinnie I took him in.
I found out he has been"owner shuffled" around a bit,so the first few times I switched residences, Vinnie got pretty depressed.I think he was afraid he might be abandoned again. But now he knows he's stuck with me and Sparkle for the duration.After 3 moves and he came with me each time,he's finally convinced he is not going to be abandoned now.

[Eurobabe]

39. You two take care {{{{UP and MM}}}

Your stories about your furbabies have torn my heart in two for you both. :cry:

[liberalla]

20. I am so sorry to read this news.

I really am. I'd read your two previous posts, and one brought me to tears. I had intended to add a post suggesting you take a piece or your clothing or a blankie to the vet, so he would be comforted by the familiar scent (in his cage), but my computer froze and I had to shut it down. (I really need a techie visit/repair) Anyway, I did send healing energy in my visualization/meditation.

I so hoped that it would be benign and survivable, and you would have your dear Rustle with you again at home. Rustle sounded so special.

[easttexaslefty]

21. I'm sorry about Rustle

he was a well loved kitty

[crikkett]

22. ((((undergroundpanther))))

:hug:

Rustle isn't in pain.
I'm very sorry for your loss.

[BanzaiBonnie]

26. This is tragic...

I am sorry for your loss of a dear friend.

[LWolf]

28. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

My mom lost a young dog (3 yrs) to spine cancer 2 years ago. He was her constant companion, and it was the hardest thing I think she's ever done to let him go.

When I sat with him, a couple of days before, while she was still hoping for a miracle, he laid his head on my lap, looked at me, and so clearly told me that he needed to go. I cried, stroked him, and did the hard thing.

Told my mom she had to let him go for HIM, because it was time, regardless of how much it hurt her. She did, because she loved him.

She had a couple of months to know about the condition, try treatment, and prepare herself, and it was still crushing. She still grieves for him.

My heart goes out to you.

[DemExpat]

29. So sorry that the end was so near, UGP.

Rustle certainly seems to have been spared a long and drawn out suffering. :hug:

I understand (and sometimes share) the anger and fury you are feeling for the finiteness of our loved ones' lives. It seems such a cruel trap because we are so aware of how on this plane incarnated immortal souls are housed in the mortal bodies whcih we get so much boundless and tactile love and pleasure from! Certainly from our furry love buddies.

So sorry for your pain at this time!

:hug:

DemEx

[saracat]

30. I am so very sorry. I felt the same anger and rage as well as dep sorrow

when I lost my beloved Saracat to the pet food debacle. My deepeste condoleces and white light and blessings to you. Rustle is now safe and beyoned harm.

[mother earth]

32. My condolences, Undergroundpanther. I always read your

threads, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you take your grief and direct it into complete appreciation for having your dear friend, Rustle, for however short a time it has been. It seems your relationship was a gift, and please go beyond your grief and regard it as such. My heart pours out to you, since I know the loss from losing a dear furry friend. They are completely loving and forgiving and only see our hearts.

I also understand your anger, but please do not wallow in it. Rustle was a gift to you, and like all animals, they are part of a world that does not understand anger, they simply are, they live and live in the moment, unlike us.

Hugs to you, Undergroundpanther, it's so hard to say goodbye to someone we have loved so much. I want you to know there are many human souls who share your love and understand. One day we will be united with those who have gone before us.

[Coyote_Bandit]

36. .

:hug:

[Flying Dream Blues]

38. I'm sorry to be so late, undergroundpanther, but I'm so sorry about Rustle.

I know it's incredibly painful, and I wish there was more I could do to comfort you, but I'm sending a hug to let you know I'm thinking of you. I know Rustle is in a happy place, free of pain, and I believe you will be together again one day.
:hug:

[arikara]

40. I'm very sorry, undergroundpanther

It may not be much consolation at this time, but I strongly believe we will be with our loved ones again, including the four-legged furry ones when we pass over ourselves.

:hug: