Bible, watermelon stop stray bullet.

[laconicsax]

Her 10-year-old great granddaughter was sitting in the back seat, shot in the stomach.

“I turned around and looked and she raised up her shirt and I could see the bullet,” Thompson said. "I could see where it went in and where it went out.”

Police later showed Thompson the path the bullet took through her car. She now believes that path was guided by God.

“Came through the door, hit her, then it went to the Bible,” she said. The Bible was sitting on the seat between the two girls. “It went in here and come out here and it shredded my Sunday School book. The word of God slowed the bullet so that it didn’t kill anybody." ... “The word of God and the Lord’s power saved. He sent the bullet into the watermelon.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25710198

Umm...so let me see if I have this straight.

God was looking out for these kids, and in his infinite benevolence, guided a bullet in the car they were riding in, made sure it traveled completely through one girl, saw to it that the bullet passed by God's favorite Bible passage, then came to rest in a watermelon?

Or is it more like this:

God was looking out for these kids, and in his infinite benevolence, waited until the bullet had already traveled completely through one girl, then used the power of his book to only slow the bullet enough to enter a watermelon, but not pass through it and hit the other girl?

Why is the grandmother so upset that the girl who got shot lost her innocence anyway? If it was God's will, then shouldn't it be a joyful occasion that God took away the girl's innocence?

[varkam]

1. Here's your problem:

you're thinking. You are trying to apply logic and rationality to something that is inherently bat-shit crazy.

[onager]

2. Important theological question!

Will this work with a Muslim watermelon?

I can never figure out these cross-cultural-theological things. For example, if the need arises, I've often pondered how to kill a Muslim vampire. Obviously a crucifix and/or holy water wouldn't have any effect. Should I wave a pork chop at it? A Danish newspaper?

I'm asking because it's watermelon season in Egypt now, too, and I often bring one home with me. Sometimes I buy them from a donkey cart here in Alexandria, but most of the time I buy from one of the little farm villages on my commute. (For the curious, a big juicy watermelon here costs 2 Egyptian pounds, or about US $1.)

Those village farmers often walk around with guns, going hunting, so I can probably duplicate the experiment mentioned above and see if it works for myself.

Oh, and I'll make sure my driver has a Koran in the car.

[Nevernose]

5. A Muslim vampire? That's easy!

First, find out where he lives. Then go down to your local mosque on a Saturday morning and inform the people there that one of their neighbors is a pig-fucking gay Jew who draws pictures of Muhammad for a living.

It's the Hindu vampires I worry about. Maybe you just tell your Indian neighbors that he's a cow-fucking gay Muslim who tells insulting jokes about Gandhi for a living?

[JNelson6563]

3. I wonder if it had been a Koran

if the Christians would think it was "God's work". Doubt it.

Julie

[varkam]

4. That's easy:

They'd say that god directed the bullet that Koran to show his displeasure with people worshiping false religions. :D

[phantom power]

6. God was clearly using the girl and the bible to save the watermelon.

[ihavenobias]

7. Amen n/t