Here's a cheerful sermon to start off your day:

[beam me up scottie]

Hell is Real...

Don't be fooled!

People don't like to hear about hell. But I'm here to tell you that if Jesus is not your Lord and Savior, you are on your way to hell. Some of you will be upset at this bad news. You think that I'm all gloom and doom. Tell me this...if your house were on fire, would you want me to let you know? Of course you would. You'd probably thank me for telling you. Well, if you go to hell, YOU will be the one on fire.

Hell may not be a politically correct topic these days, but many people enter hell everyday. Out of the 120,000 people that die everyday, most end up in hell. Hell is a real place despite the fact that people laugh and say that they want to go there. They simply don't understand how terrible hell is. Just because you've never seen hell doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We have a searing, accurate description of what hell is like in God's word. (We'll get to some scriptures in a minute) Hell is awful and if you don't believe in Jesus, you'd better get on the stick or else that's going to be your eternal destination.
*******************
Did you know that if you do not belong to Jesus Christ you belong to Satan? You don't have to be a card carrying Satanist to serve Satan. You don't have to be a murderer, drunkard or drug addict, either. All you have to do is ignore Jesus Christ. If you don't have Jesus today, you are deceived and hell bound--you are a child of hell, a child of the devil.

How many times have I heard someone say, "A loving God wouldn't put His creatures in hell." Well I have news for you, friend, God doesn't put anyone in hell--their sins put them there. Know ye not that hell was not created for man? Hell was created for the devil and his angels--
*******************
Sinner, you will either TURN from your sins to Jesus or you will BURN for your sins. If you reject the Lord Jesus Christ, you will be tormented in the flames forever without a single, solitary hope. The biggest fool in the world chooses hell. No need to argue with me about this. God said hell is real, your argument is with Him and you won't win that one. You have been warned. Repent or perish.
*******************
http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/hellreal.htm

Regular beam of sunshine, isn't he?

[GOPFighter]

1. I CAN'T BELIEVE....

...I sat through sermons like that every fricken' Sunday for the first 18 years of my life!!!! In fact I heard these exact words from our preacher so many times I could scream: "Tell me this...if your house were on fire, would you want me to let you know? Of course you would. You'd probably thank me for telling you. Well, if you go to hell, YOU will be the one on fire." And yet, other than being a Cleveland Indians fan and having a truly warped sense of humor, I somehow made it to adulthood relatively sane.

But my next question is: how the F*** did you stumble across that gem of a website, BMUS? I followed the link and really really wished I hadn't!

Did you read the sermon: "The Atheist and His Atheism"? (notice by the title that only males can be atheists? :P) Anyway here are some excerpts:

"Atheism is a belief system that ardently denies the existence of God. God calls the atheist a FOOL. Many atheists spend much time and effort attempting to "disprove" that God exists. According to Romans chapter 1 they know that He exists, but they want to control their own lives and not submit to the Lord. They are actually rather tragic figures just like any other unsaved individual. It is hard to live out their atheism--if they did, they'd actually be considered crazy like O'Hair was.

"Think about this: What does the atheist have to offer you? Eternal life? Spiritual comfort? Love? Kindness? Comfort in the midnight hour when no one is around? No, none of these. He has nothing to offer you but blasphemy, hell fire and the wrath of God. The atheist will tell you fabulous fairy tales like

you were spontaneously generated from a rock,
a monkey is your daddy,
a fish is your cousin,
you have no hope,
you should just live for today,
when you're dead, you're dead.

If you follow their ignorant advice and die without Christ, you WILL forever regret it and you will remember that someone told you the truth and you scoffed."

------------------------------------------

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :puke: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[beam me up scottie]

2. It was weird, I was looking for info on Dante's

different levels of Hell on Ixquick and this site came up.

Not very pretty, is it?
I think the only thing he hates as much as atheists are catholics.

I do like this:

"you were spontaneously generated from a rock,
a monkey is your daddy,
a fish is your cousin,
you have no hope,
you should just live for today,
when you're dead, you're dead."
:rofl:
I may use that as my sig line!

How did you ever escape from the Church of the Rubber Room?

[GOPFighter]

4. How did I escape the church?

Vietnam intervened. I joined the Air Force, and was yanked out of the BuyBull Belt, and served with sane people who deprogrammed me! Hallelujah!

[beam me up scottie]

5. Ah, an intervention...

and a government one at that.
A good thing, in this case.
Was your family worried this would happen?

[GOPFighter]

14. Good question

Yeah, they must have been scared to death about my going into the military, not because I could get killed, but because I would be exposed to un-Godly behavior.

Even sadder, they were more upset when I decided to go to college after I got out of the service. They were convinced that colleges had an agenda of turning students into vile liberals, and eventually Communists. I remember my Dad grabbing my urban geography textbook and taking it up to his bedroom to look at. He came back down, threw it back to me and said, "That's nothing but Communist propaganda!" Urban Geography! That's when I realized they, and their church, had gone woo-woo!

I could write a book about the things our (their!) church put us through.

[beam me up scottie]

16. You should

write that book.
Sounds like it might get mistaken for horror fiction, though.

Your poor parents, all those years of conditioning and brainwashing, down the crapper...

[salvorhardin]

6. Not true! Not true!

L. Ron Hubbard told us that our daddy was a clam.

[beam me up scottie]

7. Well, it's hard to argue

with such an esteemed scholar.
I mean, if John Travolta and Tom Cruise believe him, who am I to question his authority?

[salvorhardin]

8. and Kirstie Alley!

She was a Vulcan once and she ran that busy bar on TV and that lingerie company on TV too. She must be really smart. I'll go with the clams and the evil galactic warlords in the volcanoes.

[beam me up scottie]

9. Yes!

I will too!
It's much more fun than that boring old reality atheists and skeptics are always going on about.

See, I'm open minded.

[Taxloss]

15. I don't think any rationalist would spend a lot of time trying to prove a

negative. It can't be done.

[BiggJawn]

3. Well, if my house was TRULY on fire, it'd be pretty easy to prove it...

But PROVE to me that people actually go to this "Hell" place.

They can't do it. All they can do is wave an ancient book of dubious lineage and murky provenance in my face and spit "Gawd's WORD sez it's so!"

As for that bit about me spending all my time trying to "disprove" Gawd. Um, sorry, I'm too busy living in the Here and Now. And besides, the burden of proof is on the Mythists, not me.

That "preacher" would probably tell you that it's not enough to just go to church...You gotta go to the RIGHT church, and which church is that?

Why, HIS church, of course! Gawd TOUCHED him! Called him to dial the number on that matchbook cover. Lead him in the spirit to became annointed and edjoomacated by the Close Cover Before Striking Schiool of Divinity and Taxidermy....

[Hello_Kitty]

10. OK, I'm confused now

The purpose of his diatribe is to convince me I'm going to hell and yet:

Know ye not that hell was not created for man? Hell was created for the devil and his angels--

If hell wasn't created for us, then why are so many of us sent there? Or, if I'm an angel of the devil, how come I don't have any of those cool satan powers?

[beam me up scottie]

11. Because you've been

a bad girl. :evilgrin:

Yeah, how do we make a deal with the devil?
He's never even had a telemarketer call me.

[Hello_Kitty]

12. Maybe he did have one call you, but it was one of those automated ones

I always hang up on them :shrug:

[beam me up scottie]

13. That's true.

I let the machine screen them.
I wonder if he's hiring...

Reminds me of the Don Henley tune, "Garden of Allah"

The Garden Of Allah
by Don Henley

It was a pretty big year for fashion
A lousy year for rock and roll
The people gave their blessing to crimes of passion
It was a dark, dark night for the collective soul
I was somewhere out on Riverside
By the El Royale Hotel
When a stranger appeared in a cloud of smoke
I thought I knew him all too well

He said, "Now that I have your attention
I got somethin' I wanna say
You may not wanna hear it
I'm gonna tell it to ya anyway
You know, I've always liked you, boy
'Cause you were not afraid of me
But things are gonna get mighty rough
Here in Gomorrah-By-The-Sea"

He said, "It's just like home
It's so damned hot, I can't stand it
My fine seersucker suit is all soakin' wet"

And the hills are burning
The wind is raging
And the clock strikes midnight
In the Garden of Allah

"Nice car.........
I love those Bavarians.....so meticulous
Y'know, I remember a time when things were a lot more fun around here
When good was good, and evil was evil
Before things got so.......fuzzy
Yeah, I was once a golden boy like you
I was summoned to the halls of power in the heavenly court
And I dined with the deities who looked upon me with favor
For my talents; my creativity
We sat beneath the palms in the warm afternoon
And drank the wine with Fitzgerald and Huxley

They pawned a biting phrase
From tongues hot with blood
And drained their pens of bitter ink
Vainly reaching for the bottle of empty Edens
Branded specially for the ones
Who had come with great expectations
To the perfumed halls of Allah
For their time in the sun

We were stokin' the fires
And oilin' up the machinery
Until the gods found out we had ideas of our own"

And the war was coming
The earth was shakiung
And there was no more room
In the Garden of Allah

"Today I made and appearance downtown
I am an expert witness, because I say I am
And I said, 'Gentleman....and I use that word loosely...I will testify for you
I'm a gun for hire, I'm a saint, I'm a liar
Because there are no facts, no truth, just data to be manipulated
I can get you any result you like....what's it worth to ya?
Because there is no wrong, there is no right
And I sleep very well at night
No shame, no solution
No remorse, no retribution
Just people selling t-shirts
just opportunity t participate in this pathetic little circus
And winning, winning, winning' "

It was a pretty big year for predators
The marketplace was on a roll
And the land of opportunity
Spawned a whole new breed of men without souls
This year, notoriety got all confused with fame
And the devil is downhearted
Because there's nothing left for him to claim

He said, "It's just like home
It's so low-down, I can't stand it
I guess my work around here has all been done

And the fruit is rotten
The serpent's eyes shine
As he wraps around the vine
In the Garden of Allah

[Goldom]

17. "Card carrying Satanist"?

I did not know Satanists got cards to carry proclaiming such. That would be fun if you got pulled over, and were looking for your drivers licence, and accidentally gave the cop your satan card, and he'd be like, "..."

This is how my mind works. Ignore me.

[GOPFighter]

18. You didn't get your card?

Hmmm, let me check my records. :evilgrin:

(and this is how my mind works. Scary)

[rexcat]

19. Mental illness comes in many forms.

[Brewman_Jax]

20. How does he know?

If heaven is inhabited by people like him, I don't want to go. I'm not thrilled with meeting them here on earth. I can't read it because it's blocked by the firewall. (hate/discrimination)

Maybe we were coughed into existence by the Great Kitty Cat. Maybe hell really getting buried in the Eternal Litter Box?

I know this because the cat told me. :P

[onager]

21. You'll learn more talking to your cat...

...than listening to morons like that one.

My experience was similar to GOPFighter's, except I went in the Marines.

My family had fits when I came home with dogtags marked NO PREF in the space for "Religion." ("No Preference.")