WARNING: Extreme Mass snarkiness follows. Read at your own risk.
ONE COLUMNIST'S DREAM COME TRUE
Boston Globe, THIRD, Sec. METRO, p 41 12-03-1995
By Globe Staff Mike Barnicle
I am getting increasingly concerned about the pace of the election fight between Bill Weld and John Kerry. Unless they adopt a more measured approach, the two of them will look like crash dummies by St. Patrick's Day, and there will be nothing left for me.
Already, Weld and Kerry make the Serbs and Muslims look like they're playing kissy-face in Bosnia. They came out scratching like a couple of fishwives, throwing a month's worth of ashcans in only five days time.
Puh-leez! Slow down! Save your strength! Your vocal cords will be gone by Christmas and we'll have to hire interpreters to follow you.
But what could be better than this? Two rich, incredibly Caucasian Ivy League fellows going from the Berkshires to the Bourne Bridge expressing their wonderful, bone-deep hatred for each other as they swish into taverns shouting, "A round of Campari and soda for the house. On me," while spilling so much invective the EPA will have to monitor the air around them.
This race means only one thing: I can take next summer off and simply mail in stuff that starts with Kerry or Weld saying, "I think he is a flaming. . . ."
Marvelous.
Some observers were surprised when the governor decided to go for the Senate seat. But when you think about it, the signs were there: Weld has been bummed since his idol Jerry Garcia got gratefully dead after practically offing himself, so the only way he can honor the man's memory is by going to Washington to "rock on" with other brainy Republicans like Rep. Sonny Bono.
Then there's the weight thing. When Weld is feeling lazy and bored -- about 22 hours a day -- he eats so much that he looks like a cross between Rosemary Clooney and Dom DeLuise. To him, running for the US Senate is the equivalent of going on Tommy Lasorda's diet: a bottle of Jack Daniels per day and a sensible meal at dusk. As governor, he got so fat he looked like he was chowing down on helium and his own kids were calling him William "The Refrigerator" Weld.
Kerry has no weight problem. Forever, he has been thin as a waiter, puts food away with both hands and still has absolutely no midruff bulge and no swollen arse either. True WASP look.
But the best part of this fight is neither man will waste any time telling the truth or talking about issues. It'll be one solid stream of venom.
Kerry will suggest that Weld and Gingrich have probably been lovers for five years because the governor is enthralled with the idea that the speaker wears fishnet stockings and women's underwear beneath those boat covers the Georgia loudmouth uses for suits. Weld, meanwhile, will charge that Kerry has personally delivered $27 million to huge welfare bust-outs with 67 Social Security numbers who used the cash to take trips and put their children into prep schools.
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Yeah, it was like that. And this was almost a year before the election. You can't have a Fight for the Heavy-Weight Championship of Massachusetts without both fighters being in tip-top shape. You had Weld, Harvard man, recently re-elected with some of the highest numbers ever recorded in the Commonwealth against John Kerry, Yale man, who punched out all those rivals in '84, slapped that kid Rappaport around in '90 before flattening him at the polls and taking the only contestable Senate seat in MA for himself.
In order for a Championship fight to be good, it has to involve two people who are pretty evenly matched. These guys were both 'wicked, wicked smaht' (Weld is a summa cum laude grad of Hahvid, Mr. Kerry is one of the smahtest guys on CapHill.) Both guys had to have the 'fire in the belly' that would show they had the will and strength to duke it out for 15 months or so that it took. (This race began in July of '95 when word seeped out that Weld was bored with being Gov and wanted a challenge.)
There is nothing, besides a Red Sox win, that MA likes more than a real political fight among guys who are pretty evenly matched. That's what made it a deathmatch and a Championship prize fight. Those are very rare occurrences, usually incumbents just breeze in. Not this time. It was one hell of a fun race. (And the best man, who wanted it more, won.)
Please note the press coverage. Barnicle was a bit out there, but this was the tone of the coverage and, still sort of is. We don't pull punches in MA. There were gooey, nice and serious articles published then, but the race was just too much fun to not have at it like Barnicle did above. My fav race of all time, because it was so hotly contested.
EDITORIAL OK guys, make us proud
Boston Herald, First, Sec. Editorial, p 46 11-30-1995
There are few things quite so exciting as a political race in which issues and approaches and philosophies are debated by two articulate candidates with fine minds and healthy egos.
So pardon us if we - without endorsing his candidacy - applaud the entry of Gov. William Weld into the race for John Kerry's Senate seat.
Too often a strong incumbent - and make no mistake about it, Kerry is certainly that - gets a virtual free ride from the opposition party. And in a state where the Democratic Party has long been dominant in voter registration, and still overwhelms self-declared Republicans, that may be a perfectly logical inclination.
However, the result is a frustrated and sometimes alienated electorate - and an electorate which in recent years has registered in ever-increasing numbers as "Independent."
The other down-side of a lack of political combat is an incumbent who becomes intellectually flabby and remote from his constituency.
Rest assured, dear voters, that won't be the case next year in a Weld-Kerry match-up.
Weld will have to use the bully pulpit of his current office not to make campaign speeches but to persuade voters he has the conviction to follow through on the host of ideas he is forever advancing. Follow-through hasn't been Weld's strong suit. Wary voters will need to see more.
And John Kerry will be tested as he has rarely been. Kerry too has made some tough speeches designed to advance his image as a New Democrat - the kind of New Democrat Bill Clinton wanted us to think he was. But his voting record hasn't always squared with that image. Now the intellectual and philosophical challenge of a Weld candidacy will force him to tell voters exactly what kind of Democrat he is and intends to be in the years ahead.
This kind of contest ought not to cost either candidate truckloads of campaign dollars. Let's face it, neither one of these guys is shy, neither lacks for name recognition, and both have the ability to use their incumbencies to discuss issues.
Ah, issues! It's obvious candidates can talk issues for free. But too often they have done that and then used campaign funds for the worst negative ads money can buy. Weld's negative ads against an already totally overwhelmed Mark Roosevelt in the last gubernatorial race were quite simply gratuitous.
This is a contest that all the nation will be watching. We hope the combatants will make it one of which they and their constituents will be proud.
You can read it in that Herald story, this was a race worth the time and effort. It was fun, dammit.