Have fun with this whackjob email I got today!

[jrw14125]

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.


We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."


Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

(Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every USA computer!)

[Richardo]

1. .

:boring:

[sharp_stick]

2. This whining moronic drivel has been around for awhile

It just smacks of isolationist idiocy with no real basis in reality. Therefore, it's a perfect fit for the average GOP supporter isn't it?

[magellan]

3. If it comes to my computer I'll delete it

I happen to admire the nations on List 2 for having the good sense not to follow Bush** into the criminal actions taken against Iraq.

[Coexist]

4. we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska -

Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.

:rofl:

Thanks for the giggle on this somber day.

[Missy M]

5. For a minute I thought it was a Bush speech until I got to the....

part that reads he wants to "eliminate hunger and homelessness in America". Then I realized it was a spoof.

[Skip Intro]

6. good Lord, get that person some therapy asap n/t

[Mythsaje]

7. And meanwhile, back in reality... n/t

[TexasLawyer]

8. You know it's a fantasy

right off the bat, 'cause this vindictive, mean-spirited and obvious RW-er is pulling our troops out of Iraq.

So no aid to Israel, Egypt, etc...? No humanitarian aid to anyone but Britain and others in the coalition? And a news flash on the coalition. Our good buddies are almost all gone. Even Britain has whittled down to just a few thousand soldiers. These countries joined up, but they all left America holding the bag.

AND what about help this country receives on other occasions-- like Katrina relief? Even the dreaded France stepped up to the plate on that one.

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=3241

[glarius]

9. Since my country, Canada's on list 2, I'd like to set the record straight

"A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change."
The author of this brilliant :sarcasm: missal is so ill-informed, it is pathetic. Here's what I would like to say to this person. First of all, when Iran took your people hostage in 1979, the ones who were trying to escape went to the other embassies in Tehran (including the British) before they got to Canada's embassy. All other embassies turned them away, except for Canada. We took them in at risk to ourselves. We hid them for months and then smuggled them out of Iran using fake Canadian passports. I remember at the time the grateful people of America flying Canadian flags from coast to coast and saying, "We love you Canada and will never forget this!" I would also say to this person, did we piss you off when we were just about the first nation to join you in Afghanistan? We are still there; have lost soldiers in combat and through friendly fire and have the largest contingent there, except for the Americans...We did not join in the Iraq adventure, which you'll have to admit does not seem to have been such a good idea, after all, does it?....Despite what you have decided, we still consider ourselves America's friend.

[EstimatedProphet]

14. Well put

See my other post for more on this

[borlis]

10. I think I got this forwarded to me about a year ago.

from my wonderful father-in-law who doesn't read anything he gets, he just hits forward.

[uppityperson]

11. Soldiers talk me English? wow.

tripe, drivel, blech
Edited to add that technically they are partially right since my father was a WWII vet, though he would've taught me to read even if he weren't a vet.

[Norquist Nemesis]

12. You know, the USPS made chain mails illegal long ago

Seems it time to put these chain spam-mails into the same category.

[EstimatedProphet]

13. Only a true shitheel would write this

because only a true shitheel would be so self-important as to think that the rest of the world OWES us allegiance, even when we attack nonthreatening countries.

This crap was written by someone who believes that the world owes us a favor, that we are by nature so much better than the rest of the world that everyone is supposed to suck up to us, and if they don't they are treating us terribly. This was written by someone who thinks he is superior to everyone else. He probably sits around and demands dinner from his wife, and if he doesn't get it just like he wants it, he beats her. American pretend royalty.

This line alone says it all: A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
What did Canada do to piss us off anyway? Not agree with us? It's not like they barred us entry, or threw out our diplomats, or anything of the sort. They disagreed with us. For this they become our enemy, according to the freeper backwash that wrote this. Now what, exactly, is that if it isn't an expectation that we are supposed to be sucked up to?

[glarius]

16. I believe there are more who think like you than like the subject of this

thread....:toast:

[EstimatedProphet]

17. I hope so

Not because of me, but because this piece is deeply offensive.

[Rude Horner]

18. I wish I could put my thoughts to keyboard

like you and so many others here at DU. Excellent points and well written.

Yes, I'm being serious. I just admire people who can articulate so well. I wish I was better at it. :)

[EstimatedProphet]

20. Only reason I can do it sometimes is practice

You'll get there...
:hug:

[Rude Horner]

21. Thank you.

Posts like yours give me something to strive for. :)

[Rude Horner]

15. You have to laugh at the simplicity of their world

It smacks of 3rd grade playground mentality.

[Warren DeMontague]

19. I couldn't get past "congress does not want to spend any more money on

this war"


O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

[Spirochete]

22. I get that bullshit

in my e-mail once or twice a year. It's idiotic, and I just delete it when I see the title.

[jrw14125]

23. Yesterday, it was one of those emails smearing Cindy Sheehan...

Never, ever let them say we're no different than them. Here's one MAJOR difference: to convince us of something it often takes several independent news sources citing actual facts (for example, from official government reports).

To convince them of something, all it takes is a biased, poorly-spelled e-mail (preferably with incorrect usage of you're/your, and their/they're/there, as well as unnecessary insertions of apostrophes to signify the plural form of most nouns), from an *anonymous* author, urging them to forward it on to their/there/they're friends, and promising the blessings of their/there/they're dear LORD and Savior JESUS Christ if they do!

[Blue_Tires]

24. seen it before

not even one of the more clever pieces of nameless RW spam....

"It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America."???? The Americans will do a good job of eliminating themselves! lol


and just as a pet peeve, even the most ignorant of conservatives should know that a "Beemer" (not "Beamer") is a BMW Motorcycle!
a BMW car is a BIMMER!

[jrw14125]

25. the person that wrote this probably drives a pickup...

[EstimatedProphet]

26. Well, I drive a pickup

and it has a Kerry/Edwards sticker on the back.

[dysfunctional press]

27. omg...how do we get on list two?

"we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come..."

do they REALLY believe this? do they know that 'decades' means a whole lot longer than 4-6 months?

this country really is a lost cause.

i hope that someone puts us out of our misery soon...
(are you listening, China...? -it's your world now, and you can HAVE it.)

[dysfunctional press]

28. and what the hell has soccer got to do with any of it...?

nt

[genieroze]

29. I agree with the first four lines, and the unpaid parking tickets.

[dysfunctional press]

30. "The money saved during the first year alone... "

"...will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war."

since when do we spend a trillion dollars a year on foreign aid?

whadda dumbfuck.