Tonight, my DU friends, I found peace. The best night of my life in Years.

[The Straight Story]

I cannot pass this night without coming here to DU and passing along something good which has blessed me more than anything in years.

If you have ever followed my threads (pretty depressing) here is a recap of things:
- My mom died
- My mom's best friend, and mom #2 as we called her, died a few months later
- My wife found out she has parkinson's
- my x-wife died (relevant to this thread)

After I left my X wife 11 years ago things were ok. I saw my 3 little boys for a few years and life was ok but painful. Then, 8 years ago, I lost all contact with my kids. Long story short I have not seen or talked to them for 8 years - and it was killing me.

When the X died my youngest son called me blaming me for it all. I talked with him and explained my view on things. He said my oldest son did not want to see me (19 at the time) and my other son (17) wanted to shoot me on site. But we talked, he told me loved me, wanted to meet me even. Then the step dad stepped in and said he did not want me talking to them any more.

I won't bore you with all the many details of the last few days and other things.

Tonight. Well tonight I spent 7 hours on my front porch with my oldest son. Now 20, his girlfriend expecting (I am going to be a grandpa!). We talked. We laughed. We had a damned good time.

He knew my X was lying about a great many things. Even though she was his mom, and he loves and misses her, he knew there were two sides to it all. He saw her 'dark' side (ie - if she did not like someone all she did was say bad things about them all the time).

He found out a lot of things he did not know, but with me filling in the blanks it made sense. We talked about life, kids, 9/11, and so many things my head is still swirling. And tomorrow we are hanging out again.

I cannot begin to tell you how much tonight has meant to me. He likes math, and chess (like me) and he writes country songs (I write poetry). He looks like me when I was 20. Damn sexy if I do say so myself.

Tonight I became whole. There are still issues, but not with him. More so with my other two kids who still live with a violent fundie jerk. My X and this guy had a daughter, whom the idiot ignores a lot. She loves my son and misses him. When he left he gave her (she is 6) his gizmo (from gremlins) - he carried that from the time he was 2 until he was 18. She misses her mommy and wants to call her in Heaven (he wrote a song about that) - and it tears my son apart. He loves that little girl more than anything, and that to me was a sign of him being a mature young man.

I found out a great many things tonight - as did he. I found out my little boy I last saw many years ago is a man, a talented song writer, and kind hearted. I found a boy that had become a man, who put others before himself. And I found the me I lost so many years ago.

DU'ers have been there for me in the worst times of my life these last two years. I thank you all for this. Tonight, I grew up some myself and put behind me a dark cloud that has followed me daily for years. Tonight, I held my little boy - now a man - and knew that things would be ok.

A little twist on it all. He met his GF (soon to be his wife) at wal mart where they both worked. He was fired from there for using his employee discount card for another employee (who had forgotten theirs). He was just trying to help out. Neither of them work there now or ever will again. He is about to lose his apartment since he has no income, so I am helping him find new work tomorrow. They can't get married yet or she will lose her benefits from the state (medical card) and they want to make sure she can get the care she needs before the baby is born (nice republican values at work eh? Here they want to be married, raise their daughter, but if they get married they lose those benefits...). They are between a rock and a hard place. They both want kids, have one on the way, and got screwed over by big companies and repug laws.

He is not looking for handouts, he just wants a few simple things in life like a job and a way to provide for his daughter that will be here soon. His mom and stepdad felt that the only man worth anything worked from dawn until dusk, went to bed, and repeat. He wants simply to work, pay bills, and be there to see his little girl grow up. My X was a fundie whose dad worked like that, and died when she was 16. A lot of good all that money did her. He does not want to fit such a shallow mould.

Why is it that so many people value money and work over family? He just wants a simple life of going to one job, coming home, playing with his kid, and being a dad/husband. Where did we lose our way on all this? Is that a repuglican value? Has our society become so money hungry that we are forcing people away from 'family values' and into 'money values'?

I guess I am rambling now, I am just so happy with the good things that went on tonight that I am also becoming pissed at how bad things have gotten. They may lose their apartment this week over $700 in past due rent and late fees - all because some big stores screwed them both over. Family values my ass. Greed is hurting the people we love. A corp bottom line has become more important than the kids - the kids the right says not to abort, yet at the same time they are not willing to make laws to protect.

Yes - tonight was a great night, but it also was a sad night in that it has opened my eyes even more to the assholes that pretend to care about kids while beating down the parents and taking away their ability to care for those kids.

fuck the republicans. We NEED to win the next two elections. For my son. For my granddaughter. For all our kids.

The party of values is not the right. They are the party of greed.

[Mikimouse]

1. Damn, That's a really fine bit of news...

someday I hope that I can echo your story. I have been estranged from my two daughters for 16 years. I have had one letter from the older one, but nothing else. One can always hope. Congrats on your reunion and my very best wishes for the future!

[jadedconformist]

38. **Deleted**

Deleted - posted in wrong area

[never_get_over_it]

42. Completely none of my business

but I'm assuming there was a divorce and you don't see your daughters - you said you have had one letter. Have you tried to make contact with them - since the letter - or recently?

Reason I ask - my father left home when I was 5 - youngest of the kids - have absolutely no memory of my father ever living under the same roof as me - saw him intermitantly from 5 to 16 - I always got the impression he came to visit us to see my mother - anyway the last time I ever saw my father was when I was 16 at my brother's wedding.

One Sunday in I think 1984 my mother called to say she had just gotten a call from my father's best friend stating that my father was dying and wasn't expected to live through the night - my mother asked me if I wanted to come home - and I said why would I come home I don't even know the guy

My brother who is older than me and had a relationship with my father did make it home to see him before he passed

I share this to say I wasn't any saddder that my father passed than I would be with anyone who passed too young - but what I was really sad about is that his death meant I would never have a relationship with my father

Dads are really important for girls - so if they haven't made the effort to contact you please don't give up and keep trying. Sometimes easier said than done - but just wanted to give you a daughter's perspective.

[Mikimouse]

43. Through the years, I have tred to maintain contact...

and you are correct about the divorce. When I left the area, I left because the visits I had with the kids were always ruined by their mother. I decided at that point that it would probably be better for them if they were not constantly exposed to conflict (I was, as a child of divorcing parents, and it did me no good). I bought them an 800 number when I moved and gave it to their mother, as the girls were always too busy to come to the phone, and on the rare occasion that they did, it was obvious that it was something tha they didn't really want. I also wrote to them on numerous occasions, to let them know what I was doing and to ask about their activities. I had some help in that department because a good friend of mine lived near them and saw them periodically. He would then fill in the gaps. I tried to visit them, but mom always had plans for them on exactly the days when I had time to fly up and see them. The letter I got from the older one. I responded by return mail (about 8 pages worth) and have heard nothing since then. I know that she is a graduate student (she's a brilliant young woman, and will do very well). My younger daughter is a sophomore in an undergrad. program and is doing very well (also very talented). They are both talented and attractive young women, with great futures. Perhaps some day, I will have a similar post to the OP. Hope never dies.

[never_get_over_it]

45. I don't know the circumstances

since this is an internet site - your ex-wife could be a total ass who was so pissed by your relationship that she poisoned the kids against you - which is what my mother did - my whole life all I heard was what ass holes men are in general and what a huge ass my father was in particular - this is VERY damaging - so I hope that is not the case with your ex - also she could have remarried - don't know if the girls have a step father or what. On the other hand you might have done something really heinous - since I have no way of knowing - but if that is not the case I suggest you try to get their phone numbers and pick up the phone and call them and KEEP TRYING and here's why

I told you the story of my father - but sadly I have another - well my brother was involved with a divorce with a son who was very young at the time of the divorce. He tried to maintain a relationship but there were more marriages of his ex wife and the step father's caused problems - and truthfully it is easier to give up and in this case better for the kid not to be in the middle of the STUPID adults - when my nephew was an adult he reconciled with his father a bit - it was slow going and it was getting better over time - actually the rest of my side of the family finally got together with my nephew after SO MANY years - I mean I met my nephew again when he was about 28 or so - previous to that I had seen him when he was about TWO - my sister kids had never met him their own cousin until Thanksgiving 2004....we were all headed for a sort of reunited family - and on June 12, 2005 my nephew was killed in a horrific car accident -

I don't know what is compelling me to write this back to you - but I guess all I can say is although I know it is SO HARD to try and face the rejection - PLEASE keep trying - one never knows what the hell might happen -

Ok I'm in tears now - I have to shut up and mind my own damn business

[LiberalVoice]

2. Im really happy for you Straight.

Honestly. I hope you and your sons bond continues to grow with time. :D

[The Straight Story]

6. I am so happy I am mad :)

Happy for the good things this night has brought me, sad for what I see more and more of - young people in despair and unable to make it because they cannot pay the monthly bills.

My son wants to work, and will soon. But how to make it by in life with so little? He nor she wants much, money to have a roof over their heads, utilities, and food - while pursuing their dreams (song writing, learning new skills, etc).

If we so value family and kids in this country, why is it near impossible for those starting out? Used to be you got a job wherever, lived, and if you wanted more you worked harder, got an education, moved up etc and so on.

Thesedays it is near impossible to survive on a single income as rates are so high - from housing to insurance (car, health, et al). What changed?

[LiberalVoice]

13. Alot changed.

We dont live in the same world as we did 50(hell even 15) years ago. Systems change. Balances of power. The human cycle. Sometimes it has to get alot worse before we decide to make it better.

Peace

[Mojambo]

3. Your wonderful night has made mine.

I'm very, very happy for you.

Thanks for sharing.

[Erika]

4. Democrats want hope for all

Bushbots want a caste system which they've effectively put into place with their control of government.

It feels great and warm to love and care. Think of the Iraqis families we stole that from.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

5. TSS, I remember your posts about your sons

and how much you missed them.

I am crying with joy for you now! You are well on the way to healing past hurts and putting your family back together.

Just love them. They will see it and respond accordingly.

Fuck the current neo-con created mess. They are irrelevant in this situation. Family is what matters.

I'm soooooo happy for you and your son! :bounce:

[The Straight Story]

9. I told my son tonight

He can move in here if he wants (he wants to be independent) and needs to. I gave him some money for gas for coming out here to see me (He lives on west side, me on east side).

All he wants is to have some kids he can love. He wants to give his daughter a good home and a stable one. Seems so hard to do these days.

And thank you so much for your reply. Tonight was the start of a whole new life for me, and my wife as well. I am finally focusing on someone else instead of me and my own pain. I grew up a lot tonight, I needed that. tonight I feel like the old me. I feel like a dad again.

[Frustratedlady]

7. Congratulations to you both for your reunion.

AND, congratulations on the news you will be a grandpa. You're going to love that! Those little fingers will grab ahold of your heart and never let go.

[WilliamPitt]

8. Few things in this life are better

than a closed circle.

Blessings and joy be yours. Nicely done.

[The Straight Story]

10. Thanks Man

Tonight ended a terrible episode in my life. It began a new chapter of hope and joy, and put to rest demons that have haunted me for years.

Tonight, more than ever, I saw the reason I don't want the repug assholes in office anymore. It brought home to me forcefully the reasons we must win and continue to fight.

I have been so lost in my own pain and suffering I didn't always see the bigger problems and issues. Micro versus macro scale I guess.

Is my life better than it was 4 or 8 years ago? Yep. Are the lives of many others better? Nope. There are always those new young couples facing a brave new world. I fought for myself for so long I lost site of fighting for others.

tonight I woke up.

[BanzaiBonnie]

11. May peace be with you TSS

May blessings pour out upon you and yours as you reconnect and find the love you hold between you.

[wake.up.america]

12. Life is, compassion, fairness, friends, loved ones. If you have that..

you are rich beyond anyone's dreams.

Peace and Love

[itzamirakul]

14. A desire has been fulfilled, a dream has been made real, a

prayer has been answered.

The next step is to actively feel GRATITUDE. Feel it inside. Feel gratitude to the power that brought a thought into physical manifestation - by whatever name you call it or don't call it...Nature...God...Godhead...Divine Right Action...Universal Mind...Jesus...Buddha...Mohammed...Holy Mary...all of these names and more...

Gratitude...

Thank you...

For the answer to my heart's desire...

[Solly Mack]

15. I'm in tears. I'm so happy for you and your son

the first step...the most needed step....just reaching out.

(((((hugs to you all)))

The family values crowd likes to chant about "children are our future" but they don't understand what they are saying...it's just a slogan to them. A useful tool to rally their base...but to actually help our future? They don't do it.

They like to talk about the importance of families...but then do everything to rip families a part - to include denying a chance to be a family for many.

They talk about marriage....but then work against it with their policies.

[Asgaya Dihi]

16. Good for you

My father and I never got along much at all. Parents divorced when I was 10 and he assumed I wouldn't remember what really happened so every time some reference to the past came up he'd try to act as if he didn't know what I was talking about, or say my mother must have fed me that. Insulting as hell. We finally stopped talking at all for a decade or better till I heard he had cancer and decided I'd try one last time.

Wrote him a long letter describing where we'd lived when I was 4-5, things that happened there, then a move and the name of the complex and street names of the place I lived from 5-6 or so, and so on. Phone numbers, peoples names, streets, details. Some don't remember when they were a kid but for some reason I remember all of it like it was yesterday. Took hours writing this thing out then sent it to him. He never contacted me in return in any way. He died early this year. My wife and youngest son who he'd never cared enough to even meet went to the funeral though I didn't and she came back telling me that he'd never even read it. Got far enough in to decide he wouldn't like it so deleted it.

I'm glad things seem to be working out better for you. It does take two to work things out, one side isn't enough.

[H2O Man]

17. No dam ever built

can hold back water that was spilled in the past. But we can change today. And while change can be uncomfortable at times, and often is difficult, it is -- as you have shown -- worthwhile and important.

Thank you for sharing this. Peace to you and yours.

[lildreamer316]

18. KICK.

Love.

[AtomicKitten]

19. Peace to you and your family.

My father died this past January and we NEVER had a good relationship. The sadness I feel is partly because we never had a moment like you shared with us. I can now imagine how it might have been.

[Name removed]

20. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[babylonsister]

21. I am so happy for you, your wife, your son, and

the healing that is going on! Congratulations, grandpa to be! :hug:

[myrna minx]

22. I am so glad that you were able to commune with your son.

:hug: You sound so at peace. :hug:

[laylah]

23. I am so happy

for you SS, soon to be "Grandpa". Blessings to all of you!

Jenn

[BlackVelvet04]

24. How wonderful for you and your son. n/t

[NotGivingUp]

25. I'm very happy for you, and I hope your life just keeps getting better.

[Mythsaje]

26. I feel you...I really do.

I've been through some of that myself. When me and my ex broke up, she married a guy who, while not a "fundy," might as well have been one. He had "cult leader" written all over him. Things went from bad to worse very quickly. The custody hearings were a joke. He had money, I did not. That's all it takes.

I didn't see my kids for five years. Then one day I heard that they'd split up and were getting a divorce, so I decided to take a chance. I picked up the phone and called her. She was suspicious at first (she actually thought HE put me up to calling, which is weird since I hated the bastard from the beginning), but by the end of the call, we were having a conversation like the ones we used to have before it all went South.

My boys, 9 and 12, are coming over to spend a week with me at the end of next month. I've seen them a few times in the last couple of years (they live all the way across the state--a five hour one-way trip, so it's not that easy to see them in person) and I've talked to them on the telephone and written e-mails back and forth.

My oldest has had a rough time of it. He and I were very close before it all went to crap and that, as much as anything else, has had a big impact on him. He's a mini-me with a few darker memories than my own.

I'm glad to hear you were able to reconnect with your oldest. I think a lot of people really underestimate how important kids can be to their fathers as well.

[Tsiyu]

27. Hugs, Straight Story

It's never too late for reconciliation, and your post proves that.

Thanks for sharing your joy and pain with us.

Best wishes to your son and his little family and congrats to you, Grampa!


:hug:

[Arkham House]

28. What a wonderful, hopeful post!

Thanks so much for sharing this...I really believe your grandchild has a good chance of seing a better world than what we have now...if we all pull together and make it happen. Your story makes me feel more sure than ever that we will...

[MissB]

29. Gramps!

Congratulations on reuniting with your son. Kids do figure out the truth as they get older - I'm glad your son figured it out in early adulthood. I hope that you'll be able to reconnect with your other two sons soon.

[klook]

30. Beautiful

That's great that you're reunited with your son. Too many divorced parents try to use their kids as weapons against their ex, which is so hurtful to the kids. They should remember who the adults are and act like it.

[AzDar]

31. Congratulations and all the best! I have two little boys and it is my

overwhelming concern for their futures that fuels my angry existence these days.
'We're all gonna be all right'...that's my sad and hopeful mantra.

[Sequoia]

32. I'm very happy for you.

And that you are getting back with your children. God bless you.

[driver8]

33. Straight Story, I am so happy for you.

I have two small children and cannot imagine not having them in my life. I am glad to hear that your oldest son is back in your life and that things are going well.

You are right -- we have to win the next two elections for our children and our grandchildren.

Let's kick some rethuglican ass!!

[Generic Other]

34. I am very happy for you

I know what it's like to be estranged from one's child.

[roguevalley]

35. ahhh. this is so nice. I will pray for your kids. I am so very happy for

you. It is a good night.

[NNadir]

36. That's quite a story.

May you all have peace.

[calimary]

37. This is terrific! Thanks so much for sharing the details.

Sounds like you paid in advance for the long-awaited results you've now achieved.

Bless your heart - and your son's (and his family's).

:toast:

[jadedconformist]

39. Great story

I am 26 and going through some things with a girl of 7 years (just recently my ex) and have a 3 year old son out of it. This is an extremely painful time in my life and all I want is the best for my son. His mother is extremely manipulative and very irresponsible (drugs, partying all the time with men, losing jobs, etc) that I am actually trying to get custody. I never imagined it would get to this point but I am slowly getting over the pain and focusing on my son and what's best for him. I hope it all works out in the end and I hope the same for you.

[NMDemDist2]

40. congratulations! Great! n/t

[gardenista]

41. I remember reading some of your threads on this saga, and it's

great to see that your kids are now reaching out to you and bringing new loving energy.

It's just wonderful. Thanks, your story made me really happy.

I hope this is just the beginning of new blessings in your life.

[The Straight Story]

44. Have not replied much on this thread

as I have been with him off and on all day and am talking to him right now and have been for last 4 hours via phone.

Is amazing all we have both learned, and he tells me he loves me each time we have to go for something.

Still on cloud 9 :)