Republican Bombshell: Republicans are the Victims

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In a series of remarkably moving speeches, all Republicans implicated in the Foley cover-up have announced that when they were children, they themselves were covered up.

"Even in August," said a tearful Speaker Hastert, "My mother would keep a blanket on me. It was traumatic, and I regret that it has caused me to fail in my duties today."

In a related story, when asked if she had been briefed in July 2001 about an impending attack against the U.S., Condaleeza Rice said, "I can't remember." Experts say she may be suffering from repressed memory syndrome.