AP: Speaker Hastert Claims He Was Molested By Bill Clinton

[Bucky]

from the Assimilated Press

Friday, October 06, 2006
Speaker Hastert Claims He Was Molested By Bill Clinton

Washington, D.C. - In a very strange development, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert is now saying that several years ago he was molested by then President Bill Clinton and that post traumatic stress disorder from that event is the reason he reacted so slowly in dealing with the Mark Foley scandal. Hastert further stated that he believes that the entire Republican leadership as well as Representative Mark Foley were also molested by Bill Clinton which he says explains why the episode with the congressional pages happened in the first place.

Said Hastert, "At first, I repressed the abuse I suffered from Bill Clinton. Then, in the last day or so, it came back to me all at once. My therapist called it memory recovery and said it is common when someone is subconsciously hiding something that traumatized them a long time ago. As I thought about it more and more over the last 24 hours I realized that this whole matter of Representative Foley's sexual misconduct and the lack of response by the Republican leadership is actually a Democratic scandal that is Bill Clinton's fault. If Bill Clinton hadn't molested me, Mark Foley and the entire Republican leadership none of this would have happened."

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has contacted former independent counsel Ken Starr and instructed him to reopen his investigation of Bill Clinton in order to pave the way for the prosecution of the former president.

[napi21]

1. I never heard of Assimilated Press, but this looks like junk mail to me!

The GOP has spent 10 years calling BC a womanizer, and accusing his of rapng women etc, and now they're saying he ABUSED MEN?

I guess it depends on whathe means by abusing????

I'm not a professional, but I really don't think they can claim BOTH!

[maseman]

2. This is is hilarious sarcasm

[alfredo]

It's not the onion, but closely related.

[wryter2000]

5. It looks more like the Onion to me

Humor.

[NEDem]

6. Ummm, you do realize it's a joke, don't you?

[SoCalDem]

3. and was his mother a Jewish alcoholic? n/t

was his name originally Hastertowicz?

[Mythsaje]

4. This is a joke, right?

It's gotta be.

They can't REALLY be that stupid.

[oldboy101]

7. Hastert says Clinton shoved a lit cigar up his fat butt,

an exloding cigar. The shit really hit the fan.

[louis-t]

8. Tee hee.

giggle. Funny.

[Jackpine Radical]

12. Did Clinton really do that? OMG--it explains everything!

Hastert had his balls blown off by Clinton's impromptu hemmorhoid treatment.

[zoeb]

9. Is Clinton a closeted clergyman?...'cause that makes it a whole

lot worse!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[The Wielding Truth]

10. Hitler imagined that someday Bill Clinton would molest everyone so...

Hitler wanted to take over the world to prevent Bill from those horrendous acts, and save the good Christian right from perversion. Hitler was a wonderful Christian leader, just like our wonderful George W.. Now may I please vote Republican again?I can't wait to help Exxon and Haliburton,our benefactors.If I could only work a few less hours at Wallmart I would be able to have another more patriotic job,maybe in the Reserves.My biggest goal would to be a Washington Lobbyist so I could help our economy increase by making things a little easier on the largest of our American(or Presidential approved American Friendly) corporations.


How sick does this make you? Yet we have heard this type of bizarre speak from the mouths of people who manage to hold jobs and raise families. How can they function with these delusional thoughts in the heads?What will it take to reach them with the truth?

[dogday]

11. The Clenis Did It

The Entire Congress..... Sir, I salute you

[Nikki Stone 1]

13. This is hysterical!

:rofl:

[demosincebirth]

14. Him too?

[Peace Patriot]

15. In a related development, Borg News reports that former pResident George

Bush, who is believed to be living with former dictator of Chile Augusto Pinochet and former "Great Leader" of North Korea Kim Jong-il on a fortified island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, has entered a plea of insanity for all actions taken in his name by Fascist Cabalists Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, in the New Nuremberg trials instituted by the Reform Government of the United States. In the Carlyle Group's negotiations with the Reform Government regarding prosecution of George Bush, Jr., the government agreed to a blackout of all satellite coverage of the island fortress, except for top secret satellite linkage with regard to Bush Jr.'s remote participation in his trial. The island is reportedly protected by nuclear-armed missiles that were spirited out of North Korea during the 2006 coup when Kim Jong-il was forced to flee the country.

In Bush Jr.'s insanity pleadings, he alleges that he was "forced" to act as president of the United States and was literally under "house arrest" in the White House, where he was periodically strapped to a chair, given injections of mind-altering drugs, and forced to watch snuff flicks from Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay and other less well known prisons. Pundits are calling it the "'Clockwork Orange' defense." In essence, Bush claims to have been drugged and brainwashed throughout his tenure as pResident. The defense is using speech analysts among the hundreds of psychological experts who have been paid to write defense affidavits. An entire school of psychiatry at university was hired to conduct evaluations and research. The speech analysts claim that no one can speak in the fragmented, dissociated, incoherent manner of George Bush without being "programmed" and "not in his right mind."

In another of Carlyle's stipulations for the trial of George Bush, conviction of the accused on any of the war crimes charges that have been brought against him would be commuted to equal time in confinement on the island where the other two dictators are believed to be in residence. There has been much speculation about this fortress island. Some have alleged that they know where it is, and that it is a volcanic nightmare--a "Dante's Inferno" or "Devil's Island." Others say that it is an "island paradise" and that its volcanoes were tamed and converted to an energy source, by engineers at Bechtel and GE, using billions of dollars in hidden funds in the U.S. Department of Defense budget. Nothing has so far been verified as to the island's location or characteristics. The whereabouts of Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, and a number of other alleged participants in the plot to install an idiot as pResident--which has been dubbed "'Manchurian Candidate'-gate"--are unknown.

Excerpt from a Borg News exclusive. "Collective Writing for the 21st Century"

--------------

Truly, folks...

Check out this year 2000 revelation of the CIA connections to Pinochet in 1973. (Is this one of the reasons the Idiot was installed? --to smack down a CIA that was starting to come clean on its evil activities?) http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/news/20000919/index.html

Read the story of Bechtel, GE and other private corporations' involvement in providing nuke technology to No. Korea, and how this dangerous and potentially cataclysmic technology gets proliferated around the world, in this case into very unstable hands, indeed, on both sides of the No. Korea/Bushite war. Billions and billions of U.S. taxpayer dollars are going to these and other corporations to proliferate nukes everywhere. http://cns.miis.edu/research/korea/nuc/chr95.htm

[Justice Is Comin]

16. Get out the subpoenas while you still can.

Ha ha ha.