When an abuser attacks, the victim's reaction is often "I can't believe this is happening." It is paradoxical, because victims of repeated abuse are also hypervigilant, on the lookout for, and fearful of, the next attack. But when it comes there is still disbelief.
A battered woman can only hope to escape when she stops obsessing about her abuser ("what is he gonna do?" or "what can I do to placate him?" or "will he beat me tonight?") and starts focusing on her options and the practical steps she must take to attend to her own interests -- and to hell with what he might do in response.
The obsession is driven by very real fears. To let it go can feel like a terrible risk. In reality, it is the obsession that creates risk because it immobilizes. The sense of control the obsession provides is an illusion. Your abuser is going to keep abusing you whatever you do. Since you have no real control over the abusers actions, you might as well stop trying to read their mind and do what you have to get out.
Our Party is suffering from a terrible case of battered Democrats syndrome. If we hope to recover, our fears about how "they" will react cannot be allowed to play a role in our decisions. Deciding whether or not to stand and fight must be based solely on whether or not the goal is worth fighting for.
"Battered Dem syndrome" explains a lot, but it isn't the whole story. There are also a number of counterproductive tendencies that are characteristic of the reality-based community. We must recognize how these tendencies immobilize us and undermine our efforts. When we understand the traps, we can strive to keep our counter-productive tendencies in check and develop more effective habits.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=364&topic_id=2302569"> Reality-Based Community: Do Our Strengths = Our Downfall??A person's greatest strength can also be their greatest weakness. The same can be true of groups.
So, what about the reality-based community? (aka "our side," anti-fascists, or whatever your preferred label).
We value reason and rationality. We pride ourselves on being realistic and pragmatic. But as we fight for the soul of the nation, too often it is the things we consider our greatest strengths that render us impotent.
The Reality-Based Community's
Top Five Losing Tendencies- Pragmatism and "realism" that blinds us to the reality of infinite possibility;
- Assumption that. . .
. . .
Saving Ourselves from Ourselves
Top Five Winning Habits:
- Instead of only going for what our pragmatism and "realism" tells us we can get (and achieving far less than that), we need to cultivate the habit of going for the whole shebang. We need to take up the good fights, even if we "know" it will just be a "charge of the light brigade" (claiming to "know" the outcome isn't "realism" -- it is not rational to believe in our own omniscience);
- . . .
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=364&topic_id=2302569">More. . .