Stop. Look. Laugh. (TOTALLY non-political)

[badgerpup]

I do stuff like this because it gets pretty damn intense here sometimes...
**********************

PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.


And finally,


11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[JeffR]

1. Thanks, badgerpup

Our dogs & cats enjoyed this too.

[bahrbearian]

2. Bookmarked Thanks

[ms liberty]

3. Printed - thanks! n/t

[Viva_La_Revolution]

4. I swear I just heard my cat giggle

really!

[LiberalArkie]

5. AMEN!!!!

I am still trying to get my dog and cats to accept me in their house also. I realise that I am just someone who provides the viddles, but I would like to also have the bathroom by myself. I like to sometimes turn over in the bed without have to fight the cats to do it..

Thanks

[badgerpup]

12. That is a mystery to me...

Why do they feel we need an escort to the bathroom?
It's not like we're going to get lost...or fall down the toilet...or something...

[Mabus]

17. Well, I escort my dogs to the bathroom

when I take them for walks. I suppose they think they should do the same for me.

My shih tzu will pee on the toilet if he has to go and no one is around to let him out. I've had the little fella for the last eight years and this is something he started a few years ago. At least he knows where he should be peeing. He's just not tall enough to make it into the bowl.

[Kadie]

6. "fur"niture...

:rofl:

Thanks for posting.

[marew]

7. Excellent!

Got it posted for my golden retriever and four cats. Thanks.

[Sparkly]

8. "Dear Dog..."

Dear Dog,

I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp, which you did not break; the fish tank you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint....



Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.



Best regards,

The Cat

(Not sure where it's from originally; I got it in an email, just googled it and found it here: http://nedmartin.org/amused/dear-dog)

[Graybeard]

9. "4. To you, it's an animal",reminds me...

...that someone once said that we should not refer to them as
"dogs" and "cats" any more(so demeaning)
but rather as Canine-Americans and Feline-Americans.

Loved the post. 

[tuvor]

10. Now on my fridge at recommended height.

Thanks, badgerpup!

[Mabus]

11. As someone who shares a bed with three dogs

a husband and slew of remotes, I can definitely relate.

[roguevalley]

13. fabulous. I have four dachsies, my entourage. this totally applies.

[Mabus]

15. A German Shepherd, a lhasa apso and a shih tzu

all of three of them are rescues and all three of them are spoiled rotten. At least they wait until we get settled before they move on the bed and take their positions.

[Kerrytravelers]

14. Love it!

So does Pitter-pat and Sniffles.

[SeattleGirl]

16. Thanks for the laugh, badgerpup!

I'll definitely post this for my three cats and my dog! :rofl:

[Duppers]

18. funny & sweet!

my fur-baby and I appreciate it. Thank you! :)

[blue_in_a_red_state]

19. My dachshund needs to read this!

She definitely thinks the stairway is a NASCAR track--at least I know I'm not the only one! Thanks for the laugh!

[OneBlueSky]

20. here here! . . . "I like my pets a lot better than I like most people." . . .

so do I . . . much, much better than most people . . .

pets give unconditional love, forgive you immediately if you step on their paws, and want nothing more than a little scratch behind the ear each day . . .

I've yet to meet a human who comes close to that . . .

[Nicole]

21. Thanks for the laughs

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! :rofl: