Rev. Haggard starts "long term restoration" project; in danger of selling cars.

[Bluebear]

Note: this is NOT satire. If the laying on of hands does not get the gay out of Pastor Ted and he quits their little charismatic ex-gay program, he is doomed to selling cars or shoes and being miserable.

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DENVER - There will be prayer, and perhaps the laying on of hands. Note: Booga, booga, booga! There will be counseling and a confession. And there will be advice, confrontation and rebuke from "godly men" appointed to oversee the spiritual "restoration" of the Rev. Ted Haggard.

After tumbling from the pinnacle of the American evangelical movement amid allegations he snorted meth and cavorted with a male prostitute, Haggard has agreed to a rehabilitation process that could last three to five years.

"I see success approximately 50 percent of the time," said H.B. London, vice president for church and clergy at Focus on the Family, the conservative Christian ministry in Colorado Springs. "Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process."

Those who fail "end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives," London said.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061109/ap_on_re_us/haggard_what_s_next_3

[blitzen]

1. Who you gonna call? GAYBUSTERS!

[Erika]

2. I've never felt evangelicals were more perverse than over

this issue. I'd sell cars, Amway, anything to keep their hands off me.

[ToolTex]

3. I'll bet it is a tedious process, having to confess every little detail.

Over and over again. Every little detail. "And then tell us where you put it again and what he did, and how it felt, and could you repeat that part about where he put his hands."

Yeah, I get it. "Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process." Poor bastards. There ought to be a law against those perverts!