I just shot my neighbor two doors down (Impeachment Satire....)

[The Straight Story]

He is a convicted killer, did six years in jail for it. Also used to deal drugs, and was a major thief (which, even though this is Satire, that part is true).

I shot him because someone told me he might be planning on torching houses here and killing people.

OOPS I was wrong it appears. The SOB did not even own a match.

I am grateful there will be no investigation into this, was an honest mistake ya know. And I am sure the cops and prosecutors will just shrug it off, even though when I shot him I ignited a fire and killed most of his family in the process (was his fault for having that propane tank in his house ya know).

No, I am well known, so I am sure the folks in power will see how innocent all this death was. I'll be ok I suppose, and hell, I have a good salary and power so people won't fuck with me. Might make THEM look bad to call me out on it anyway.

After all, wasn't really my fault ya know.

Oh I am sure someone will want to 'investigate' it. But the people in the hood here know me, and we don't want them to get upset over something so trivial as me killing a few people who most did not like here anyway.

Laws are for the little people. Me, my family was one of the first to buy a home here. They know me.

No, we need to look at the BIG picture. And only big people would understand that. You folks that just moved here might be yelling about it all, but hey - in the end it is best for the hood if you just shut up and go away. OK?

Now I am gonna move out of here in two years, and go do speeches about why I had to do what I did and make a ton of money.

In the meantime, I am tapping your phones and putting up cameras to watch YOU. Just in case you SAY something I don't like, cause then you are next.

I know you are too scared to do anything to me. I counted on it. Now excuse me while I take more money from the hood to buy some more ammo, I got some killing to do.

As for you little people - well, you best not screw up one tiny bit. Got it?

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[ClayZ]

1. Bravo! K & R

[Ecumenist]

2. Sadly hilarious and strangely yet stunningly identifiable... nt

[0rganism]

3. for some reason, that seems familiar

It's like I've heard it all before, but I can't quite put my finger on who said it.... :eyes:

[Vidar]

4. Pssst: The Straight Story's secret identity is Dick Cheney.

[The Straight Story]

5. BWAHAhAHAHA

I guess that fits as well :)