|
Because of our current political climate, we, the intelligent, compassionate citizens of the United States, are being forced to seek another home for several million of our fellow citizens.
As much as it pains us to admit it, these folks just aren't a good fit in our home anymore. We originally thought it might be possible to rehabilitate them, but we've had to give it up as a lost cause.
They are very aggressive, spending too much of their time and energy growling and snapping at anyone who gets too close. Impossible to house break, they frequently urinate on our Constitution. They are prone to fear-biting, cowering in the corner, then launching themselves without warning, often attacking friend or foe alike with no consideration beforehand. It's not that they're dumb or anything...they're just very fearful and often forget who is and is not their enemy when in the throes of panic.
They make excellent guard beasts--though we do recommend the use of a heavy chain to keep them from straying too far. They're extremely destructive when they slip their leash, tearing up whole cities and chunks of countryside if allowed to run amuck.
They can be placated by feeding them treats of empty platitudes and reactionary rhetoric, as well as bible verse taken completely out of context. They enjoy praise, and can easily be controlled through empty flattery. They particularly enjoy being referred to as the "Chosen People" or "Patriots" though it remains unclear why they think they're 'chosen' and what, exactly, is patriotic about their actions and attitudes.
They are all purebred registered Republicans, with papers. Many, if not all, come from a good lineage. Many are show quality, though some are only pet quality. They can be shipped with or without their own toys and bedding--as you prefer.
We'd be very grateful to anyone willing to take them off our hands. In fact, at this point, we'd be willing to pay YOU, or, at the very least, allow them to take their personal fortunes with them.
in abject desperation,
The TRUE patriots of the United States of America
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
