Were You Bullied as a Kid?

[Totally Committed]

I am doing research on the subject of bullying, and would love it if you could help me.


If you answered yes to having been bullied, and feel okay about discussing it, could you answer the following questions?

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?


Thanks so much, in advance, for you help in this project.

TC

[Deep13]

1. Did you open old wounds as an adult?

:-(

[Totally Committed]

2. Actually I was bullied as a kid, but worked through it.

At present, I'm thinking of writing a paper on the subject for my local School Board, as I am seeing and hearing more and more examples of kids being bullied in this town. It's something I'm just thinking about, but think it would be helpful to have anectdotal information from adults as well as the kids I will talk to if I go forward with this project.

Thank you for your answer.

TC

ETA: I watched "Back to the Future" the other night, and that movie got me thinking about the subject again.

[goddess40]

20. THE best book on the subject is by Barbara Coloroso

The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence by Barbara Coloroso

http://www.amazon.com/Bully-Bullied-Bystander-Preschool-School-How/dp/006001430X/sr=8-5/qid=1163430530/ref=pd_bbs_sr_5/002-4523825-3407249?ie=UTF8&s=books


I'm going to run for school board next spring, mainly on the issue of bullying. They have a little paragraph in their handbook about bullying and they, sometimes, will help a bullied kid if the parents scream loud enough.

Both of my son's have autism spectrum disorder and they have been bullied at school for years, the elementary schools did jack. Middle school is working with us for the younger son but did zip for the older one.

The funny thing is, was this was an issue I had hoped to deal with long before my son's had issues with it.

[CoffeeCat]

42. I really appreciate your insight on this matter...

Hi Goddess40--

I'm sorry that your sons have been bullied at school for years. I know it must be so difficult. Those
situations are difficult for kids and parents. I hope things have improved for you and your family.

My situation with my children's elementary school was similar to yours. My daughter was bullied in kindergarten
by a girl who would bite, hit, pinch and emotionally torment my daughter. She had her in an abuse cycle--one minute
she was her friend, the next day my daughter would be shoved in the mud, hit, etc. It went on for more than
6 months. I was completely taken aback by the principals' reaction. He never used the word "bully", and he
suggested that my daughter be more assertive. They treated it like a problem with my daughter.

We went along with the principal for a while and worked with our daughter. She was only in kindergarten, so it was
very difficult. We taught her to yell back and tell on this other girl. Finally, it all stopped, but it was a very
upsetting experience. While I am glad we helped our daughter to be more assertive, she had the right to be safe at
school. She wasn't and she was very stressed out. I couldn't believe how in-denial the school was. They were not
pro-active about this situation, and they seemed to lack a healthy plan for tackling bullying issues.

Truly, an eye opening experience.

I think it's awesome that you are running for school board on this issue. That's amazing and I commend you! Best to you
and your boys. Please keep us posted as the election draws near. You're a great mom for caring so much about this issue
and for trying to do more to help your kids, and others as well. :)

[BlueStorm]

113. How do you run for school board?

Do you generally have to have some teaching degree?

I have Asperger's Syndrome and I know that pain very well. I am trying to get a discussion group here on DU dealing with that. Skinner said that he would put it up after the elections or so. I hope he remembers, lol.

Blue

[goddess40]

130. The only qualifications are:

you have to live in the district and be over 18. (actually I'm not sure about the age thing)

My youngest has Asperger's and the oldest has Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD). I believe that the cause was the inoculations they received as infants. My youngest had extra shots due to the hepatitis shots they had recently started giving.

[Dinger]

157. Thanks For The Reference

I teach young children, and bullying is always an issue. However, I have the sweetest little group! They support and care about each other, no exceptions:)

[Skittles]

3. no I wasn't but....

I moved around a lot as a GI brat and I was one hell of a defender of the bullied - if I saw anyone getting picked on in any way I would intervene and scream YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS SH**, FIGHT BACK! and I would start kicking - I know I taught more than a few timid kids to stick up for themselves; yes INDEED. I think it was easier for me because I was always the new kid in school and I knew I'd never be staying long. :)

[Totally Committed]

5. Good for you!

One of the "good guys"! Thanks for what you did for the timid kids.

TC

[Skittles]

8. awwww that's sweet

I think I got my training from being the only girl in six kids :)

[knitter4democracy]

4. Of course I was.

I was a nerd and a girl (not pretty or popular enough, either), so I was a target. I wouldn't say my step-brothers bullied me, but they weren't all that nice. So, I was bullied at school by my peers.

I was never beaten up. It was threatened, and kids threw marbles at me in the hallway, but I was never beaten up. Someone melted the lock on my locker, shoved trash through the vents, stuff like that, but I wasn't beaten up. The verbal stuff was mostly pretty lame and easily answered or avoided.

Bullying started in middle school. There was some "mean girl" stuff in elementary, but it never rose to the definition of bullying to me. It got worse in high school.

No one in authority helped, other than the janitor trying to fix my lock. It was seen as normal, and I decided to handle it on my own.

I wasn't in the popular clique by any stretch, and I never dated in high school. Because of stuff at home, I became an evangelical Christian, and that helped me handle a lot of the bullying at school and the crap at home. I had my group of friends to lean on, and while they didn't get as much crap at school as I did, I was in student government and on committees and therefore out in public more than they were.

I would say that the only way it affected me as an adult was to keep an eye out for it when I taught high school. I was concerned that my students wouldn't be able to brush it off like I did, and I did have to intervene with one student who became suicidal because of the intimidation and bullying he was a victim of.

I wouldn't say it's affected my world view. People respond to the stress of being in groups in different ways. Some become bullies, and it is the job of the rest of us to contain them.

[Totally Committed]

9. Thank you for answering....

Do you mind if I ask if you are still an evangelical Christian?

Thank you for teaching, too. I've always felt it was such a noble and undersppreciated profession.

TC

[knitter4democracy]

No, I'm not anymore. I no longer teach, either.

I was so strongly involved in the church that I went to one of their colleges. That started my ultimate conversion to Eastern Orthodox Christianity. When you attend an evangelical college, you see the logical extension of their beliefs in action, and it's quite disheartening. First, you are angry at people's behavior choices, then you're angry at the beliefs they base those choices on, and finally you have to decide whether you're okay with being one of them, believing those beliefs. I couldn't, so I left.

I taught for three years in Catholic high schools and quit when we had our first child. My pay was so low, it only cost us a few more thousand in med school loans for me to stay home. I was so burned out and angry that I welcomed the chance to take a break. Now, years later, I'm considering getting my master's degree.

[seabeyond]

6. to be totally open. 4th grade and 7th grade each individual situations

of a girl bullying me for a short period of time until the issue was addressed and then went away. i never felt i was "bullied" thru out school or anything like that though. just someone didnt like me. i dont think it is the same as what yo are asking.

[Totally Committed]

11. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[sweetheart]

7. yes, bullied

1. at school and in the neighborhood
2. I existed and did not respect bully's authority
3. I artfully chose the timing and velocity of my travels to and from school
4. Yes, kicked in to a huddle by a gang on the school campus in honolulu,
held down and made to mock-hump a tree by another gang in california
5. Being on a varsity sports team became my gang/social structure for defense in older childhood.
6. Bullying years... age 7 - 15
7. No
8. No
9. I have zero tolerance for bullying and will demand an end or an end to a relationship if it begins.
10. Bullying is the systemic cultural abuse that keeps us such a warmongering hateful tribe.

And as an adult, i hang out with buddhists, and bullying is entirely from the past,
and on the occasional message board where ignorant people attempt to win arguments
with thuggery.

[Totally Committed]

10. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

17. I'm PMing you.

[Totally Committed]

61. I received your PM...

Thank you for your answer.

TC

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

155. Sure. Good luck with your research.

[noonwitch]

12. I was bullied by my brother and by girls in his grade

At home, by my older brother. It's what older brothers do when kids are left alone by their parents at too young of an age.

In elementary school, I was the kid with cooties, so I was verbally taunted by everyone. I don't think it was how I looked, it was more that we moved to the school when I was half way through kindergarten, and I was sensitive and cried when I was picked on. One kid tried to beat me up (a boy), but one of my friends and I ended up kicking his ass, instead. He went and complained about it to the principal, who said "You got beat up by two girls, when you were trying to beat one of them up?".

In junior high, I had two girls who were a grade ahead of me that bullied me. One, it was because she thought I laughed at her passing her in the hall one day, although I didn't. She slapped me a couple of times in the hallway, and the guidance counselor heard about it, set her up, and she was expelled for hitting me ( I didn't tell him, my friends did).

Another girl, who hated my brother, followed me off school property and started wailing on me one day. My brother saw her, chased her off, then continued to kick my ass for letting another girl kick my ass. She never really bothered me again, and was a girl who I had a certain amount of sympathy for a few years later, when I realized she had had some serious mental health issues at the time.

These things would probably have bothered me in the long run a lot more, had I not witnessed a very popular, athletic kid at my school get bullied by a high schooler when we were in 8th grade. The HS kid followed a group of us off school grounds after our track practice, singled this kid out and beat the shit out of him while he didn't fight back at all. We could have ganged up (there were at least 7 or 8, and 2 were hockey-playing boys in Winter)but the kid getting the beating said no, that would just make it worse. The HS kid did this a couple of days, then gave it up because the kid would not fight back (it was a christian thing, which I understand better now than then).

[Totally Committed]

13. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[hobbit709]

14. What is "billied"

and do I really want to know?

[Totally Committed]

28. Thanks for pointing out that typo

while I could still fix it! :)

TC

[sweetheart]

15. would love to hear from the one guy who was not bullied

Where did you go to school? Was it public schools? In the US?

[TexasLady]

16. mostly the 11-13 yr age range

I think I must have had that'Im kinda shy and need to be messed with' attitude. Dad bullied at home so I was scared of him. (not now, all is pretty good with him)

started in 6th grade. A group of girls who smoked cigs and pot decided I was easy to target. I was never hit by them, it was all verbal. Then I moved to a reeeally small country school and the entire eighth grade picked on me(well, there were about fifteen girls and about the same amount of boys)and that all stemmed from a jealous girl who got mad that her bf liked me. So being the ring leader, she got all the girls except maybe one or two, to kick me repeatedly in the ass, everyday, for the entire eighth grade year. Teachers saw, and did nothing. Telling my parents wasnt happening. I was scared it would make it worse.

Moved to a bigger school for high school, and never had another problem from anyone. Weird, huh.
PS, facing my father as a woman solved ninety percent of my problems. Girls seem to start at a young age making 'three's a crowd' their friendship code. Boys feel like the more the merrier, while girls are best together in twos. At least it is my observation. Stick a third seven year old girl in the pot, and watch the least liked get moved aside and picked on.

[Totally Committed]

23. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[wyldwolf]

18. I bullied bullies

I developed a pattern all through school - from first grade to highschool graduation - of coming to the aid of those being bullied. I'm sure I put myself in that position because I befriended the social outcasts, so to speak.

I had one friend (who dies of AIDS back in '97) who I'd known literally since the day he was born (I was 5 month older.) He was constantly bullied in school for being a "sissy" and I would often identify the weaknesses of his tormentors and then bully them back - often resulting in physical fights, most of which I was the winner.

But that was my pattern with multiple friends and outcasts. I would step in and defend kids in school I didn't even know, turning the tables on the bullies.

[Totally Committed]

24. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[lynch03]

162. ff wrong thing

[Union Thug]

19. Yes... responses below...

1. At school and in neighborhood
2. During grade school years it was mostly because I was the quiet, easy target. In junior high/high school, it was mostly class related (not able to afford the same trendy clothes, etc.)
3. Withdrew and learned early to hate the rich jock kids, moved into the stoner/rocker crowd.
4. Yes. Jr. High - two ninth graders decided I was good for a punching bag, for example!
5. Had a few trusted friends, and we mocked the preppies/jocks/trendies mercilessly for their plastic lives
6. Grade school and jr high mostly
7. No.
8. yes.
9. yes.
10. Yes. I still can't stand the popular/jock/general purpose ASSHOLE crowd :-)

[Totally Committed]

25. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

21. my answers

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?
Yes, a bit. A little in my neighborhood and a little at school.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
In my neighborhood growing up, I was the youngest, so they tried to take advantage of me. In High School, it was nothing in particular. I was just an outsider at a new school.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?
Interestingly enough, when I was younger in my neighborhood (up to about 12), I usually fought back, and because I was bigger than most of them, I was fairly successful. A bit too successful, which caused me to withdraw because I thought that wasn't very healthy to be beating the hell out of anyone that picked on me. So when I got into junior high, I pretty much just let them say whatever, and it bothered me a lot for a while. Then I made the state championship Varsity football team as an 8th grader, and it pretty much ended from there. I was still a bit timid though, except when playing sports.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
Mostly just verbal. No one thought it was a good idea to fuck with me physically, for good reason.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?
I stopped defending myself, physically or verbally, for a while. Ultimately, in college, I started getting my confidence back and started defending myself again, but it took a while. I was somewhat popular during high school and college, but during high school, I didn't have anyone that I was all that close too. I just kind of drifted along a sea of cliques.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?
Up until about 8th or 9th grade.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?
No.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)
Not really, although I got plenty depressed for a while.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?
Yes, actually, it's mostly been a positive experience. I've learned crucial lessons in defending oneself without resorting to violence. I also learned not to let what other people think of me affect my view of myself or my actions.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?
Yes - we need a LOT more mental health care infrastructure in this country. We focus on making rules tighter and locking down schools when what we really need are more programs to help people work out their problems.

[Totally Committed]

26. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[H2O Man]

22. I had a gym teacher

who didn't like me, because I had what was considered "long hair" in his mind. (I note that even Ronald Reagan would wear longer hair than the Beatles when they first came to the US, and no one said, "I can't tell if he's a boy or a girl.")

Anyhow, the guy thought he was a Marine Sgt, and was a prick to lots of kids. One day, he grabbed me by the throat and said my hair upset him. I was in grade school. That afternoon, by chance, my oldest brother picked me up after school, rather than my father. He saw I was upset, and inquired about the reason. When he found out, he went in the school to chat with the gym teacher.

In order to communicate, one must speak the language that the other person understands. My brother was a professional boxer. After their "conversation," the gym teacher might not have liked my hair or me any better than before. But he never dared to be rude to me again.

By the time I was in jr. high school, I was a good enough amateur boxer that I was featured in articles in the top boxing magazines. I never had any trouble with bullies. But I've never forgotten what it was like to be picked on by a cowardly dog.

[Totally Committed]

27. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[wicket]

29. I was bullied

1 - at school
2 - popularity & class
3 - I withdrew into my shell, I'm ashamed to say I bullied some myself
4 - no
5 - I was popular in high school, was at a different school than grade school (my town had no high school), but became severely depressed due to other issues
6 - Grade school & middle school
7 - Not in grade school - in high school the counsellor could tell something was very wrong and tried to get me to talk
8 - YES
9 - Yes
10 - No

[Totally Committed]

54. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[wicket]

176. Thank-you for doing this

:hi:

[Greyhound]

30. Male, bullied.

1.) Always at school

2.) Looks (I wore my hair very long)

3.) Tool it until the 5th grade, finally had enough and got violent with one of the perps. Had to repeat at new school in 8th grade and again in 9th.

4.) Yep

5.) Learned to be popular, but I had given up on school at that point and was rarely there.

6.) Grades 3 - 10

7.) One teacher in the 8th Grade tried to intervene, but the bullies had connected parents (white suburban hell) so her efforts were a waste. It eventually stopped after I hurt one of them pretty badly. In the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades, it was the teachers that engaged in the abuse and harassment, (this was in the 70's before anyone ever thought of suing a school)

8.) Was a pretty anti-social teen, not necessarily related to bullied background, but I'm sure it was a factor.

9.) I'm sure it has :shrug:

10.) In spite of being white and male, it gave the view from the bottom, and has dramatically impacted my life.

ETA: If I was younger and subjected to the horrors of our "modern" edumacation system, I would undoubtedly be in jail today.

[Totally Committed]

55. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[atommom]

31. I was bullied mostly during the junior high years, mostly by other girls.

It was at its peak in 5th and 6th grades, but some of it continued into high school. The girls lost interest in picking on me by the 10th grade, but some of the guys took longer.

I was nerdy, shy, and bad at sports, so I was a natural target. The bullying was mostly verbal. There were a couple of guys who shoved me around, punched me in the arm, tried to feel me up, etc., but the verbal bullying from the girls was actually worse. I tried to deal with it by withdrawing and not showing emotion. Anything I said just seemed to make it worse. I had few friends in high school, and just concentrated on getting the hell out of there. I started to open up more after high school, and was relieved to find out that people actually liked me. In the college environment, being smart was no longer a liability.

The people in authority were no help. The message I got was that if I was being picked on, it was my own fault, and it was my problem, not theirs. They seemed to think that if I would just stop being so weird, the problem would vanish.

I didn't do anything risky or self-destructive during those years, but I was very depressed. I drank too much beer in college, but that's probably a separate issue. ;)

It may have affected me as an adult. I still have a tendency to see myself as the outsider, even when there's really no reason for that. I'm wary of opening up to people I don't know well.

As far as my world view goes, I think it may have given me a more holistic view. Everything we do affects the people around us, often in ways we never would have expected. I'm glad that bullying is getting more attention now, but it's tragic that it didn't happen until after some kids turned violent.

[Totally Committed]

56. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[treestar]

129. The way the adults look at it is really strange

By the year 2006, you would think we would realize that the bully is the one with the problem and focus on the bully rather than the victim, no matter how "nerdy" the victim may be. That's not a threat to society. The bully's behavior potentially is.

Yet, at least in the 50s, 60s and 70s, the bully was somehow just doing you a favor - teaching you to stand up for yourself. How he/she got appointed for that "teaching" was never discussed. Or what he/she was doing wrong always seemed glossed over.

[atommom]

137. I think there's less tolerance of bullying now, but when I was a kid

the adults seemed to identify more with the bullies than with the victims. They didn't join in, but they did often look the other way. The blame was placed on the victims for bringing the abuse on. It made me wonder what my teachers had been like as kids. If they had been bullied, I would have expected more empathy. OTOH, if they were bullies themselves, they might not have seen anything wrong with it.

I think bullying is a poor way to teach kids to stand up for themselves. There are many possible responses to being bullied, and most of them aren't pretty.

[magellan]

32. Yes, female

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

All three. At home, by my mother.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

I never really knew, except that I didn't fit in. At home it was the same.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I withdrew, until joining the military. Now no one gets away with bullying me. No, I didn't become a bully, I just learned how to stand up for myself. Funny enough I've been very popular since leaving school, the funny one who everyone thinks is nice.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

It was mostly verbal, but I was accosted by two older boys almost every afternoon on the walk home from elementary school. They would wait for me in a wooded area and then follow me, flick lit cigarettes at me, and sometimes knock my books from my arms. In high school I was spat on, and there was more verbal abuse.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

I hung with a group of outcasts who were into scifi; we shared a common interest. I also moved in and out of the group that smoked pot. We were all harmless.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

All.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

My mother intervened once during elementary school because of the two boys in the woods, though I begged her not to. The principal spoke with them and things got predictably worse afterwards.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Well, I guess smoking pot qualifies. lol (I gave that up long ago, btw.)

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

It hurts me deeply to see others going through what I did. When I see someone being bullied or otherwise unfairly targeted for being different, especially a kid, I step in.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

I think so. The "Might Makes Right" worldview peeves me. Having been subjected to that attitude, I know it can be the catalyst for thoughts of dark retribution. I feel I was lucky to have developed into a caring and objective person, but it's easy for me to see how others might want to lash out at those who hurt them. The little guy isn't necessarily going to lay down and die or turn the other cheek just because someone more powerful says so.

[Totally Committed]

57. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[johnnie]

33. It happened a few times

I was one of the shortest kids in class and once in a while someone might start something. Typically I told them to fuck off. I never got into any fights over it.

I wouldn't say I was bullied though, because it didn't happen that often and it usually were a one time deals until the bully realized that I really didn't give a shit.

I also had the tendency to step into the middle of a bully situation and tell them to kick mud if they started on someone. I couldn't stomach the bullies because they never went after someone that could kick their ass, and they were obvious cowards.

[Totally Committed]

58. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[raccoon]

34. I was bullied, by an older sibling.

Our society is WAY too tolerant of sibling abuse. Abuse that would appall and outrage parents if perpetrated by a kid outside the family, fail to raise an eyebrow if it's a sibling.

I was bullied some at school. Being a loner and short made me a target, I think.

It's good there's a lot more awareness of school bullying, but another area that needs to be looked at hard is WORKPLACE bullying. There's a lot of bullying that goes on in the workplace. There are still many bosses out there who believe that being a bitch/bastard is the way to manage people.

And in today's tight job market, it's ridiculous to say, "S/he should just find another job." Especially if you're talking about a job with benefits.

[Totally Committed]

59. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[AngryAmish]

35. Male ,Bullied

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood? School

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex? I was small and nerdy.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope? No long term effects. It was kids stuff.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
there were beatings. Nothing too bad.


(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?
Not effected in high school. We (and the other victims) formed a gang (of the good students) and attacked all the bullies. Tied them to trees and beat them with bats. The bullying stopped.


(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All? Grade school and junior high.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation? Did not want any help. It was embarrassing.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.) No

(9) Has it effected you as an adult? No. It is a good memory, tho.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how? Yes. Use of force is necessary and appropriate.

[Totally Committed]

60. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[pauliedangerously]

36. Elementary school...

My family moved from New York to Texas in 1974. I was a smaller kid and a "pretty boy." I was labeled as a fairy, homo, Yankee, etc.

My parents just told me to fight back. My Dad gave me a lesson in sucker punching and he told me if a bigger guy messed with me to go for the nuts. I got my ass kicked a few times but I also kicked some ass (and some nads). We ended up moving to a better neighborhood in the middle of the school year.

That was third grade. Sixth grade I got bussed to a school in a redneck neighborhood and it started again. Same deal, except I stayed there the whole year and I rode in on a bus in which I was the only white kid. I got a little crap on the bus until my bus mates found out I was a Democrat. I butted heads with a lot of the local kids at school and by the end of the year I had mastered verbal confrontation.

School authorities? Hell no. Did I get hurt? Yeah, sometimes. Other times I did the hurting.

If anything, these experiences made me callous. I'm not very sympathetic; now that I think about it, these experiences could be a factor in my two failed marriages. My bedside manner really sucks.

Oh, I almost forgot...HA, this is like therapy...I had a job in a cabinet shop for three years and got harassed constantly by my boss and two of the senior guys there. That probably had a more desensitizing effect on me than the school days. Actually, my experiences as a kid really helped with the cabinet shop. I always fought back, but those years were filled with anger.

It's been eight years since then. I'm definitely tougher, but I'm trying to be more of a sweetheart these days and I'm getting better and better at it. Maybe I'll become LTR material some day...

[Marr]

37. Yep.

1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

At school.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

We were very poor and most of my clothes were a bit ragged. Especially my pants and shoes. Other kids would call me names or throw rocks at me when they saw me. Older kids, mostly.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

It's hard to say, because I think I did most of those things in different situations. I tended to withdraw from the people I wanted to like me- particularly girls. I became aggressive towards people that were bullies, people that had bullied me, and honestly- people who just had a certain kind of over-confidence. I became physically aggressive at about 13 or 14, and got into some altercations with people I perceived to be bullying someone else or trying to get the bluff on me- but I never picked on people. I got a job when I was 15 years old to pay for clothing.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

I was beaten up. But verbal bullying was worse, in a way. It seemed more personal, somehow.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

I had a group of good friends, and most of us are still in contact (I'm 34 now). I was popular with girls by the time that popularity with girls became important to me, but I was shy. I had girlfriends, yes. I had my first girlfriend at 17, long after my bullying problems had ceased.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

I was bullied from about 1st grade to the about age 14-15.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

I went out of my way to avoid letting any adults know. I didn't want them to think I was a wimp. My mom thought I was the most popular kid in the school, because I never complained about anything. My sister and younger brother, who were also bullied- complained to my parents alot. But their intervention never seemed to help. It seemed to make things worse.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Nope.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Only in the sense that I can't stand to see someone with power abuse someone who has none. It really pisses me off.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

Same as answer nine. I've always tended to come down on the underdog's side instinctually. I know plenty of people who come down on the side of authority every time, without even thinking- and I've never understood that.

[Totally Committed]

63. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[The2ndWheel]

38. No, not bullied

Then again, I wasn't anything-ed. I was both naturally reserved and left alone(always a fairly big guy, so). I could fit in anywhere, but never fit in anywhere. I was practically a ghost(especially to the females out there), and that did have something to do with my grades in high school, never did too well. I let the lack of a social life bring everything else down. Tried being more out-going any way that I could. More open with communication, went out for football, tried to do well on tests, etc.

To have been bullied would have meant someone paid attention. Come on, that's funny.

Always danced to the beat of my own drum. Still do today. Still trying to find someone that "gets" me, or just enjoys my company. Come on, be honest, that's funny too.

So wasn't bullied, didn't bully, and basically didn't exist. Not much help for the project. Figures :hi:

[Totally Committed]

64. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[Annces]

39. I come from a large family and there was always a pecking order

You dare not mess around with the person above you. My older sister like to make us kiss her big toe at night or she would kick us out of bed. The worst thing I can remember doing to my younger sister was when she was going out for treat night to get chips, I told her to get doritos. She said she wouldn't. I then chased her down the block and caught up with her and told her if she didn't get doritos, at the stroke of 12 midnight, I would slit her throat. She turned white as a ghost and I realized what I had said and regretted it.

Generally, I think adults need to keep an eye on that stuff, so it doesn't become regimented. There is still sibling competition in my family to this day.

[Marr]

41. Whew! Your siblings respected the pecking order alot more than

mine did! We were always fighting- I mean- FIGHTING. I'd had my nose broken twice by the time I was 12, by different siblings. One shoved my head through a window. I broke things on them as well. We were a mess.

My little brother would've bitten my toe off if I'd told him to kiss it. Hahaha.

[Annces]

45. Wow

Crazy times!

[Totally Committed]

65. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[Annces]

92. Also to add

I also had a period of a few years in early grade school where our family was the last white family remaining in a black neighborhood. People at school were okay. But outside of school, me and my family would get knocked around, and threatened. So I was driven to school. I stopped going outside until we moved out of there. I don't consider that so much bullying as problems with race relations.

[MsUnderstood]

40. female bullied as a child

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?
all the above

(2) What was the subject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
intelligence (school), failed friendship (neighborhood), mentally deficient sibling(home)

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?
Shut down

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
Not including home life Almost beat up once..most attacks were verbal (name calling, threats)

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?
Bulling stopped by high school

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?
6th through 8th
(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?
no
(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)
no
(9) Has it effected you as an adult?
yes
(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?
yes--I'm much more defensive when I hear my children talk about bullying, lack of response by authority figures, how the children are coping and quick to contact the school if I don't feel the school is shutting down the bullies

[Totally Committed]

66. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[ourbluenation]

43. Read "Odd Girl Out" re: girl bullying, aka relationship aggression

My daughter was on the recieving end of that this summer....all is well now but jesus - "queen bees" are sneaky and so cruel.

[Totally Committed]

67. I read this book....

It is so scary what girls are doing to other girls these days!

Thank you for your answer.

TC

[elocs]

44. I was bullied in grade school/junior high in the 1960s (6th, 7th grade).

It was more like what went on in A Christmas Story when somebody was "after you". My bully didn't have a long attention span and wasn't very determined. It really had no long term affect on me.

[Totally Committed]

68. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[Tyler Durden]

46. Yep

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

School and neighborhood

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

Looks (Geekish) and Intelligence (High)

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

Withdrawl and low profile, unless brains were the issue.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Both

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected?

The bullying kept up.

Were you popular with your sex of choice?

Nope

Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Nope

Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you?

Yep. Fellow Geeks.

Did you join a gang?

Nope

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

All

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

Nope.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Nope.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Underacheivement.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

Yep. Zero Bully Tolerance.

[Totally Committed]

69. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[shance]

47. "Take the Bully by the Horns" - a great book by Sam Horn

Sam Horn is an author who understands the bully psyche and how to better deal with those who threaten, connive, and bully.

She gives ways to confront situations in a more empowering way than by simply avoiding the situation with a bully, which is really the worst thing you can do, and ironically it is what so many have been taught to do.

[Totally Committed]

71. I have read this book...

and actually recommended it to one of my clients when one of her kids was getting bullied in his school.

Thank you for your answer.

TC

[shance]

94. You bet TC***

n/t

[kiahzero]

48. My answers

1: I was bullied at school, and at one point by my neighbors who went to the same school.
2: The 'cause' of the bullying was lack of popularity (because I was a little socially awkward), my looks (I wasn't great at most athletic pursuits, so I got called fat a lot), my class (my dad got laid off and we moved in with my grandmother; money was tight for a while), and my sex (I wasn't seen as masculine enough).
3: I withdrew a lot... I still have trouble relating to new people because I don't trust anyone I haven't been around for a little bit. I also redirected a lot of anger inward, and blamed myself for it.
4: Oh yeah, there was plenty of physical violence.
5: I was still bullied going into high school, so I was still very withdrawn and uncomfortable around people. I wasn't popular at all. I started dating in my senior year; had she not come on to me, I don't know that I would have even been dating at that point. Once I got to about 10th or 11th grade, I started actually having friends again, which hadn't been the case for quite some time.
6: Bullied all the way from 3rd grade through 9th.
7: The "help" I got from the various school authorities was, "Just ignore it." By the way, that's quite possibly the worst advice ever, especially coming from someone who has the capacity to do something about it and chooses not to.
8: Yes, somewhat. Nothing too major.
9: Absolutely. I still grapple with the issues that it created... keeping in mind that I'm only 22, so it's not that far in the past.
10: Definitely. I think it made me far more empathetic towards others in pain, which directly led to my liberal philosophy.

[Totally Committed]

72. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[Tyo]

49. Here's my story

Got pushed around all through grade school for being gay. I withdrew into books and fantasy. Had a few good friends, but was the official target of choice for every every little jerk out there. My parents weren't quite sure how to cope with it except to get me into speech therapy in an attempt to help me get over my lisp. Yup, I know. I was a classic alright.

Finally in the 5th grade something just snapped. A guy was hassling me and rather than trying to get away I turned on him and he was so surprised and unprepared for this that I was able to pretty much beat the shit out of him before he’d figured out what was going on. Best thing was quite a few people saw it including a couple of my other regular tormentors.
Luckily for me no one chose to help him.

I might have been femmy and timid but I wasn’t physically weak. I’d never been in a fight before that and haven’t been in one since but after that I felt like I could take care of myself if I had to. Word got around and my situation improved literally overnight. I carried myself differently. A lot of the “timid” went away as did most of the teasing and bullying. I'm still kind of a fem though. And proud of it!

In middle school and high school things were actually better on the whole. There was some friendly teasing, which I kind of enjoyed actually, as well as some real verbal abuse. I responded in kind to the latter plus some and was usually able to shut it down. Helped that I had supportive friends and that I was smarter than the dickwads who liked to give me a hard time.

By my senior year of high school my being gay had pretty much become a non-issue, in fact being gay was borderline cool. I had a real boyfriend by then and things were pretty good. Grade school was a bitch and a half though and I would never wish those years on anyone. I don’t know what would have happened to me if the rage hadn’t kicked in and given me the strength to stand up for myself.

Aside from some bad memories I guess I came out of okay. I think I'm reasonably well adjusted and am in a solid relationship with a great guy.

[Totally Committed]

74. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[TlalocW]

50. I answered yes, and I don't mind the questions

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

School and kids in my neighborhood

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

Popularity - I tended to just not go along with the popular crowd - didn't care about sports or cars, enjoyed riding around town dressed as Batman on my bike, when I got older I rode a unicycle and juggled :)

I should preface this with I grew up in a small farming community in Kansas of less than 2000 people where football was king even though our team sucked so I was going to stick out.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

Well, I was pretty much a wimp about it. I can remember one of my sisters (14 years older than I) giving a talking to to some kids who bullied me after I came home crying. But I didn't try to change because of it. I still did my own thing. Part of the bullying was because of my intelligence, but I didn't hide it, nor did I try to spruce up my looks. In sixth through eigth grade, I was pretty sullen and withdrawn, but that may have been puberty hitting. :)

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Mostly verbal. I remember being in two fights (which I didn't instigate), both before third grade, and I lost one and won one - the one I won though was against two neighborhood kids. I got lucky though. I punched the first guy in the stomach, and he went down on all fours, and the second guy tripped over him and hit his head on a log. I still went home crying even though they hadn't touched me because I felt fighting was wrong. :)

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

Between 8th grade and high school, I came out of my shell quite a bit because I realized that in all likelihood I would be going off to college and never seeing most of my classmates ever again, and I developed a quick wit and became quite mouthy, even towards seniors who tried to push me around because I learned to play the system against them (the teachers, quite frankly, loved me), and I was tired of taking crap. I also started lifting weights and got quite large compared to some who liked to bully me (even wrestled during my upperclassmen years), and I would bully back with my intelligence - for instance, if someone tried to bully me before a class started, if we had a test that day, I would tell him in front of as much of the class as possible that I wasn't going to before, but now I felt like blowing the curve on the test, which believe it or not would get him (the popular one) in trouble with our peers. Of course, I always tried to do my best on tests, which always tended to blow the curve anyway, so it was going to happen anyway. :)

More often than not, bullies started leaving me alone because I could either make them look foolish or go into a routine that would get everyone laughing with me instead of at me.

One time, it got physical with a guy a year ahead of me in band class, but when he attacked, I got him in a wrestling hold and held him there and made fun of him in front of the rest of the class until the teacher came in. That guy was the biggest bully in band, and he and his friend were fond of giving people "red-bellies" (take down a kid, pull up his shirt, and take turns open-hand drumming on his stomach), and he was quite chastened for a few weeks afterwards.

I was not popular with the ladies - at least for dating. They found me amusing, and I would help them with their homework if they needed it, but it never went beyond that. I had two good friends - both incredibly popular compared to me (one of them was lusted after by every girl in the school, and every guy liked him because he was a good athlete), but they didn't care for most of our classmates either. I found out when I was a senior though that a lot of the underclassmen looked up to me because I did my own thing, and one of the freshmen cheerleaders liked me, but I never asked her out because I was leaving for college in two or three months.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

All.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

They helped me without realizing it because like I said, I started playing the system. That thing about red-bellies in band was very pervasive when I was a freshman - every band freshman was supposed to get one, and they never could catch me - that as well as my comments about their latent homosexuality pissed them off big time. The last day of the school year they told me they didn't care about the consequences, and they were taking me down in the hall between classes. Every teacher though gladly gave me permission to leave class five minutes early because I "had to go get something from my car" before the next class, which was always waaaaay on the other side of the campus, started, and I didn't want to be late. The faces of my fellow band members who were also in those classes were priceless.

The amount of red-belly giving started declining after that because some of the larger seniors graduated, and the guy who attacked me (the main instigator of them) wasn't as brave without them around. When he attacked me, I was a sophomore, and I stopped him from doing a few when I was a junior, and when I was a senior, I told the band (the juniors and sophomores specifically since the freshmen didn't know about them) that the tradition of red-bellies were started by a bunch of sexually-frustrated assholes who had now all graduated, and we wouldn't be continuing the tradition.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

I guess mouthing off to seniors might be considered risky. Suggesting "Send in the Clowns" as the song for when the basketball team took the court wasn't looked on fondly by them. Something about school spirit. :)

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

I'd have to say humor is a big defense mechanism, but it's brought me out of my shell. Being able to come up with humor off the top of my head though has helped me out qutie a bit - I'm now an entertainer on the side - juggling, magic, and balloon twisting - can entertain all age groups, and I make it a point when entertaining kids to tell them they can do anything they want, just as long as they practice it hard enough (normally during the balloon twisting part of the show).

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

In high school, when I started really paying attention to politics, I started associating republicans with being bullies, and I realized I was a liberal at that point.

TlalocW

[Totally Committed]

75. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[distantearlywarning]

51. I was bullied.

1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

I was bullied mostly at school. There was one idiot kid in my neighborhood who bothered me at the bus stop, but I wasn't that afraid of him, and he didn't affect me much. The really bad bullying took place at school, and it was from other girls.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

I was very smart and hadn't learned how to hide it from other kids. Also, I went to school with all the rich kids, and I was middle-class. Plus, my parents didn't believe in buying me all the crap the other kids had. So, I guess you could say it was a combination of intelligence and social class. Also, I was a late bloomer socially - I was still playing with stuffed animals when the other girls had moved onto boys in junior high.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I became extremely depressed and gradually withdrew emotionally from school. I remember going home every day on the bus in 7th grade crying. I was always a tremendous student but my grades dropped precipitously in junior high. In the 8th grade, I found a new group of friends who accepted me no matter what - the stoner/goth crowd. (See #8).

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Both physical and verbal. I also witnessed several male friends of mine over the years get the living crap beat out of them by some jock-type.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

After the 9th grade, I became physically agressive towards the bullies because I was tired of taking crap. The bullying tapered off significantly after that. I got thrown out of the rich kids' high school in 10th grade, went to a lower income high school, and I was quite popular there. I had a steady boyfriend, and was friends with a lot of people in different cliques. I had several good friends who I hung around with all through my junior and senior years - my best friend was the girl who became valedictorian.

Part of the reason things got better for me was because I fought back aggressively and the bitches found easier targets. The other reason is that in my 10th grade year, I grew up, grew boobs, got my braces off, and became a very good-looking young girl. Sad to say, looks get you very far in this world.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Late grade school and middle school, early high school a little bit.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

With a few exceptions, the authority figures in my school were firmly on the side of the bullies. They blamed the victims for every conflict, and supported the bullies. It was an extremely harmful dynamic. I place a lot of the blame for the bullying I saw go on at the feet of the authority figures.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Yes, I developed a drug problem at the end of 9th grade. The kids who would accept me were doing drugs, so I did them too so that they would continue accepting me. There were a lot of other behaviors that went along with that lifestyle which were not so good either.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Yes. I don't think I realized how much until I was in my late 20s. See below.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

BAD: I have had few female friends in my life, because I don't trust other women not to hurt me. I am also suspicious of other people in general, especially when they are in groups together. The aggressive nature I cultivated to fend off the bullies in junior high has not always served me well as an adult - I tend to have more conflicts with people in my real life than others do because I escalate instead of compromise. I don't work well in groups, which has made some jobs I've had difficult. I learned not to trust authority figures, so I have had problems with bosses.

GOOD: I am absolutely 100% intolerant of cruelty. I am more empathetic than other people. I am willing to make a stand against things that are wrong any time, anywhere, when other people won't or are too afraid. I have a highly developed moral sense of right and wrong. My aggressive nature once kept me from getting raped by a stranger, and allowed me to leave an abusive relationship. I see right through groupthink BS, and will never get caught up in excessive patriotic zeal or the mob mentality. Because I don't trust authority figures, I never fell for the Bush BS, etc.

In short, the bullying made me the person I am today, both good and bad.

[Totally Committed]

76. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[devilgrrl]

52. Yup... bullied at home & school

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

At home, at school, in the neighborhood by fellow students, teachers, my older brother and most especially my mother

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

Looks/body image, gender, race and intelligence.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

Withdrew and became very depressed.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Major league verbal

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

Big time loner

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

all years, elementary by my mother and teachers, jr. high & high by my mother and peers

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

Yes but it only made it worse.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Yes.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Yes, I try to keep people out of my life as much as possible

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

Probably.

[Totally Committed]

77. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[fhqwhgads]

53. my answers...

Sorry this is a little long...

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?
Only at school, but it was pretty much constant from about age 7 to 12. I was lucky enough to have a happy family life.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
I hit the jackpot. Dark skin, ethnic name, intelligent, wore nerdy glasses and dressed unfashionably, chubby, sang in the choir, played in orchestra. Not good.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?
Mostly I withdrew. I did have a group of good friends, though, many of whom I'm still friends with. I didn't hide my intelligence (my pride wouldn't let me) or spruce up my looks (not until college, anyway). Once I turned 13 or 14 I started to become meaner though, especially to people who I thought were not as smart as me, or that were popular. I remember once in 9th grade or so, we were paired up with classmates and told to interview each other and then write a short biography. The girl with whom I was paired, a popular cheerleader, wrote a very nice essay about me. I wrote something very mean-spirited, and got in trouble for it.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
Both.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?
I remained mostly withdrawn, although things got a little better in 10th or 11th grade when I taught myself to play bass and started a band. Then I went from being the fat nerdy kid to being the musically talented kid, which of course was far better. That was also around the time that I started actually making friends with the opposite sex. I never dated (I got asked out once or twice but my self-image was so poor that I couldn't imagine a girl liking me in "that way"). I still have trouble in that regard.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?
All the way up through about 11th grade. By that point, I had gone through puberty and was big enough that I didn't get picked on much anymore.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?
No, couldn't buy real help, even when my parents intervened. It was pretty frustrating, actually.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)
No. Mostly I just became kind of anti-social and depressed. Didn't start doing other things until after I graduated high school, and it was more for fun, not as self-medication.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?
Yes. I became much more social in college, and was friends with a diverse array of people, from frat boys to stoners to theatre kids. But despite having an active social life in the sense of having a lot of friends, going out frequently, etc...well, let's just say that I thought The 40-Year-Old Virgin was funny, but painful. Basically my experiences as a kid wrecked my self-image, and that has caused a lot of problems. It's no fun being nearly 30 and having the experience of the average 14- or 15-year-old.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?
I guess I identify with kids that are bullied, and sometimes I find myself sympathizing to a certain degree with kids that have sought retribution. Society hasn't done nearly enough to help kids in trouble like that.

[Totally Committed]

78. Thank you for your answer. /nt

TC

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

62. Your poll is an either/or

Either you're bullied, or the bully in this poll.

In real life, the bullied often grow into the bullies when they're the older students.

[Totally Committed]

70. That's what I asked the question about

how it effected people as adults. Your input is correct, but in fewer cases than you'd think. I just thought the more to-the-point the poll was, the more "statistics" I'd have.

Thank you for your answer.

TC

[donsu]

73. I was always telling the bullies to stop bullying other kids

nt

[Totally Committed]

79. Bless you for that!

Thank you for your answer.

TC

[Maiden England]

80. my answers

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?
At school

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
Because I was the only Jewish kid in school. I got to miss morning prayers (in the UK) so I stood out to other kids because of that.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?
Mostly I think I ignored it, although I was a quiet kid anyway at the time, and I had a small group of friends, that was not effected by the bullying.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
Actually that was the last straw. It started out as name calling and the odd shove in the corridor and went on for months. Then one day the bully and her gang surrounded me and taunted me, pushed me around and laughed that I wasn't going to defend myself. She got right in my face, so I laid her out. Although the rest of her gang attempted to give me a good hiding, I protected myself and never gave in. I guess others got involved and pulled me out of there, because I wasn't hurt, but as I went I promised to thump anyone of them that came up to me again. That really killed the bullying right there. I was never bothered by any of them again, the name calling also stopped.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?
I eventually changed schools - went to a Jewish boarding school, not because of the bullying, but because I'd been reading kids books about boarding school and wanted to go. I wasn't bullied there, and I had a small group of friends, but I was never really popular. I left that school to go to another for my high school years and there I decided I was going to be popular, so I came in with a lot more confidence and kind of 'faked out' that I'd been really popular at my last school. It worked and I have had a much more confident outlook on life ever since, and been a part of large social circles all the way into my adult life.
(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?
The bullying occured in middle school

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?
I don't remember any teacher involvement
(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)
No

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?
I guess it must have, I am fairly assertive and confident and I don't take shit from anyone, even when I was in medical school, and we'd have professors trying to humiliate us - the old school method of teaching, and I'd stand up for myself instead of let them. (Even though the rest of my firm would be agast I'd speak out, I always passed with flying colors). I also wouldn't stand for anyone else being picked on, I'd have to jump to their defence. I attribute that to standing up for myself way back then.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?
I don't know. I'm a peace loving liberal, who believes in learning about other cultures and not trying to force our ways on anyone else. I'm sure all the experiences we have when growing up, provide the groundwork for out views on life, but I couldn't tell you how exactly that one event helped shape my thoughts.

[Totally Committed]

81. Your answer to #9:

"I guess it must have, I am fairly assertive and confident and I don't take shit from anyone, I attribute that to standing up for myself way back then."

This was my experience, too. I find myself very capable and assertive at adocacy and self-defense now. I'm not necessarily happy with the bullying, just the empowerment I found at fighting back assertively then.

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[ThatsMyBarack]

82. One of my best friends in 6th grade....

....became my worst enemy in 8th grade. At the time, I couldn't understand what I had done so wrong to deserve all the name calling and hitting I got from her. I thought I must had done something terribly wrong to deserve it all. Today, I think it was because she was part of the "popular" crowd, and I was a grade geek. Also, she was tall and skinny, and I was short and chubby. She had the power to turn the whole school against me. Soon everyone thought they had to insult and hurt me in order to be cool. As a result, when I was in high school, I dieted myself into anorexia. I thought I had to be stick-thin in order to be liked--or at least not picked on.

[Totally Committed]

84. Oh, that's so sad. A friend as your bully!

Do you mind my asking: Do you have trouble trusting in relationships now as a result?

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[ThatsMyBarack]

139. I certainly do.

But I still have them. My best ones are with my co-workers! :)

[lapislzi]

83. I was bullied throughout my school years

Always because of my intelligence and funny clothes. My parents were not well off and we lived on the fringes of a very affluent area where the school was located. I was a smart, badly dressed dorky girl.

I experienced physical bullying in grade school--always at the bus stop or on my way to or from. When it became obvious that the kids got a charge out of my reaction--any reaction--I became totally impassive. Ignoring them if I could, crossing to the other side of the street, or at worst, just not giving them the satisfaction of knowing that they'd hurt me (sometimes physically; sometimes with personal vandalism: destroying my stuff; dirtying my clothing, etc.) Nobody offered any help, except occasionally the school bus driver if she saw something. She would chase off the kids.

In middle school it was viciously verbal and generally from other girls. My response was to become a wicked smartass, and occasionally to barter with them by giving them homework assignments or letting them copy test papers in exchange for being left alone (it never worked. Those kinds of bargains are always one-sided). I also became a serious champion for anyone who was more bullied than I was. I would take on bigger kids (physically) if they picked on someone else. By the time high school came around, I had a reputation of being slightly wacko, unpredictable, and not worth bothering with. I hung with a group of other smart kids, but never received much attention from boys (the clothes again? The weirdness? Or maybe I just wasn't pretty).

I was miserable throughout middle school and even considered suicide. That was the period during which I had the fewest friends (all misfits themselves).

As a person who was bullied, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around my teenage daughter, who is extremely popular. I don't know how that must feel. I'm also constantly monitoring her interactions with other kids for signs of the nastiness that I experienced as a teenager (so far: none).

Being bullied has certainly fostered a sense of empathy, and my heart goes out to those dorky kids who were just like me.

Hope this helps with your research (sorry for the autobiography!)

[Totally Committed]

85. I'm so glad you made it out the other side okay.

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[cwydro]

86. yes

1. Yes, bullied at school (elementary)
2. I was very small for my age, but the main reason was I had a British accent (parents both Brits). Parents dressed me in the best of clothes and fashion for an English schoolgirl, only problem was we were in NC. I also read at a much higher grade level than most of my classmates, no doubt this did not endear me to them. I was painfully shy, which didn't help me either. My looks and weight were "normal". I was a "tomboy" too, didn't help either.
3. I did withdraw, became even more shy. I tried not to fight back, and if I did it was only with words...which was a bad idea because there was the accent again...
4. Verbal bullying was all that I experienced, though I do remember two girls who said they were going to beat me up. I walked to school and they would lie in wait. I took another route.
5. School got better as I got older. Dating in high school was barely an issue for me as I was struggling to come to terms with the fact I was gay. I had friends, but superficial for the most part.
6. Elementary.
7. No.
8. No.
9. I am very aware of ANYONE getting picked on. I hate to see ANYONE get ganged up on...even on a message board, though it seems to be a sport with some. I will quickly come to someone's defense who I feel is being piled up on. I also truly do not care about what others think about me or about conforming to fit in. I think this is a good thing that resulted from my experience.

[Totally Committed]

96. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Kelly Rupert]

87. And, the answers:

1. At school.
2. Intelligence and appearance (I was short and smart.)
3. I withdrew socially and concentrated on studies.
4. I was beaten up. I fought back, by engaging in fights. I won all of them by fighting "dirty" (blows to the groin followed by blows to the head). This ended a large part of the bullying.
5. I was never popular with the sex of my choice in high school. I had a small group of similarly socially-backwards friends.
6. Middle school.
7. Nope.
8. Nope.
9. Very likely. It encouraged me to learn how to interact with people properly. Now I am a fully-functional college student with a girlfriend and a network of friends, though a slightly limited one. I do have a few lingering anxieties, but therapy has removed most of them.
10. Hard to say. People are complex, chaotic creatures. It certainly had an effect, but I couldn't say what exactly it is.

Also, for future reference, "affected" is the word you're looking for. ;)

[Totally Committed]

97. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Charlie Brown]

88. I was bullied

a few jerks thought that kids who wore glasses and wasn't as big as they was easy pickins'. It continued until I was about 12. The one time I fought back we were all suspended from class for several days. That incident put me off fighting and violence, 'cause I realized no won would win.
That's one reason why I'm a pacifist today, and believe in standing up for people who are bullied at large by society, like gays/lesbians, immigrants, atheists, the poor, etc.

Incidentally, I also believe in forgiveness, and don't hold grudges against the people who did it, even though it challenges my principles sometimes.

[Totally Committed]

99. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing to take away from such a negative exoerience!

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[hunter]

89. I was hammered as a kid.

(1) At school and in the neighborhood. The first taunt that comes to mind is "Queerbait."

(2) I was skinny, weird, obsessed with odd things, and didn't talk much. I was also a teacher's pet and got good grades.

(3) I mostly withdrew, but I started to fight back in eighth grade. The frequency of bullying was reduced, but the violence escalated greatly. I did lots of things to avoid bullies, like riding my bike to school instead of taking the bus, not walking predictable routes, eating as fast as I could and going to the school library for lunch, etc.

(4) Beaten up? Hell yes. Many times.

(5) I tried to be invisible. Girlfriends? Are you kidding? I did have a couple of friends -- other odd invisible kids, boys and girls.

(6) From fifth grade on. I got out of high school as quickly as I could. Community College was wonderful. Nobody there ever punched me in the face, tripped me down the stairs, or slammed my head in a locker. Back-to-school grandmas thought I was sweet.

(7) There were people in authority who looked after me, but sometimes it made things worse because the schools were severely understaffed. People in authority couldn't deal with all the shit on their plates.

(8) Yes. Not sex, drugs or alcohol, but lot's of extremely reckless and dangerous things.

(9) Too much. It's messed up my relationships at times.

(10) I'm not sure what a "world view" is. Am I cynical? Yes. I've also been much more involved with my kids' education than my parents were. I'm not sure my parents ever fully comprehended how rotten things were for me in school. I got fairly good grades, so they figured I was okay.

[Totally Committed]

100. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Jed Dilligan]

90. Yes

1. At school by rich kids, no one in my neighborhood would dare mess with my family.

2. All of the above, except race; bullying was white-on-white.

3. I became a punk rocker and started carrying choke chains. I broke one of the bullies' ribs and didn't even get in trouble because he was such an asshole to everyone.

4. I wouldn't say beaten up. A lot of dirty tricks like finger crushing, blindside kicks, but no full-blown beatings. Mostly verbal.

5. I've never had a "group" of friends because I always thought one or more people in each clique was an asshole. I tended to have one friend from each clique and our friendships always caused problems. I had no interest in romantic relationships, just sex, until my late 20s. As a teen it was slow coming but it came...

6. Mostly junior high. I smeared a jock kid on the first day of high school and then no one bothered me anymore.

7. LOL! I guess when they didn't expel me for breaking that kids' ribs, that was sort of a help.

8. I don't know if I did it to cope or not, but yes, plenty of risk and self-destruction in my youth.

9. I will always mistrust mainstream, clean-cut, jock-type guys. I think this has actually served me well, rather than damaging me...

10. I believe my intensely anti-authority stance depends somewhat on the experience of being bullied. I'm also willing to sell the rich down the river because I know what they were like as children. I don't like kids in general and I'm particularly disgusted by "protect the children" politics.

[Totally Committed]

101. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[jeffrey_X]

91. Yes.

My answers.

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?
Yes..a little in each of the areas mentioned.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
I don't remember it being any particular thing.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?
I was always shy and continued to be somewhat of an introvert through high school.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
Was never beaten up, mostly just intimidated.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?
Really never had any girlfriends. Things got much better when I left for college and got a fresh start.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?
7th through 10th

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?
Not really, it was fairly covert and no real incidents to speak of.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)
Not that I know of.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?
I feel like I have chip on my shoulder, when others try to break rules to get ahead of me. It's the small stuff...driving, cutting in line. It bothers me when people don't follow the rules. Not sure where this comes from, but I think it is from my days of being bullied and maybe taken advantage of, while I followed the rules. I also have some resentment for my parents for raising me so naive. I think my naitivity and shyness was obvious and people realized it making me a target.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?
I root for the underdog. I hate bullies in all walks of life. I was raised conservative republican and have been a progressive liberal the past 5 or 6 years. (am now 38).

[Totally Committed]

102. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[marlakay]

93. yes bullied

1. at home by my brother. at school by a group of "hards", same group downtown at Woolworths

2. I was shy, few friends, not popular, low self esteem

3. Didn't fight back, scared. I coped by staying close to few friends.

4. Not beaten up but clipped, tripped, pushed and lots of verbal threats and put downs (at home with brother more physical he would hit me)

5. It changed in High School the bullies saw I had made friends with popular guy from next door and left me alone from then on. Also my brother left home when I was 13.

6. From 5-12 yrs old my brother and from bullies at school 8th & 9th grade junior high.

7. Remember asking for help with my mom, she did nothing. School did nothing.

8. I used to day dream alot for hours and pretend my life was different.

9. It could be part of the low self esteem I have fought for years.

10. I hate to see anyone get picked on and if I see it happen on the work site I stand up for people. Its never physical at work but verbal put downs and back stabbing. I have alot of compassion for people.

Mostly I felt like I was on my own and it scared me as a kid. My parents both had problems my dad had stressful job and drank at night and my mom couldn't handle my brother and eventually had nervous breakdown when I was 12 so had nothing to give me.

[Totally Committed]

104. Thanks for you answer.

And, thank you for sharing. I, too, am the Adult Child of an alcoholic father and an emotionally fragile mother, so I can relate. Thank goodness we came out on thepoitive side, eh?

TC

[Alexander]

95. Male, and yes, I was bullied

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood? Entirely at school.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex? My parents always fought over what type of school I went to, public or private. This was in Connecticut, and the attitudes were much different in each type of place, ranging from snobby old money to snobby new money. I ended up attending about 5 or 6 different schools, both public and private, before high school, and in most of them I was "the new kid", had big thick geeky looking glasses that my parents bought for me (my folks being older than most kids' parents didn't help), and didn't have many friends. Thankfully I was smarter than just about everyone who picked on me.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope? In most cases I withdrew or found friends who were better than that. One time in 6th grade a kid who verbally bullied me tried to make it physical, and then I started pushing him around and he stopped. In one instance in 7th grade, I took my anger out by bullying another kid - I'm still ashamed to think about it, and when I realized nobody else, teacher or student, was going to address the reason I did that, I stopped. Thankfully that only lasted about a week or so.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal? Mostly verbal, although a couple memorable events were physical. I was withdrawn from one private school in 1st grade, because the bullying reached such a boiling point, one kid punched me in the groin, not caring that parents and teachers were watching. After that it was mostly verbal, except for the case where I took it out on another poor kid.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang? In high school it was much different, the bullying was relatively tame and entirely verbal, and I had my own group of friends who were smart enough to see past that. To top it off, the cliques in high school bothered me, and I think a lot of other kids saw and respected that, so I eventually was able to make friends of all different stripes - even some Jesus freaks. I had a couple girlfriends in high school, and that definitely helped.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All? 1st grade (physical), 4th-6th grade (verbal), 7th grade a bit (mostly verbal and a little physical), and it kind of tapered off after that, once it became entirely verbal and I mustered the courage to tell people like that to fuck off.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation? No, nobody with any authority was interested in helping me, even though it was hard to miss what was going on. As far as they were concerned, I was the "new kid", a smart-ass and an upstart, and I deserved what I got. However, once in 9th grade when some kids were memorably verbally harassing me, a teacher of mine once called them out and demanded that they stop. I will remember this teacher fondly forever, and to be honest, he looked like the sort of guy that might have been bullied when he was a kid, so he didn't put up with that at all. That's the one time an authority figure helped me.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.) Nothing really self-destructive until well after bullying was a problem, so I'd say no to that.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult? Yes, I am far more combative and confrontational than ever before, and am far more likely to tell people off.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how? Absolutely. Kids can be little monsters, and with the society we live in, the mentality of the parents often trickles down to the children. As a result, they form cliquish mobs, pick on the weaker individuals, try to "fit in" and go with what's "popular", and have trouble accepting anything that punctures the bubble they've set around themselves. I'm fairly libertarian and a capitalist, but as far as raising kids in a healthy environment goes, something like a commune or a kibbutz would probably be best.

[Totally Committed]

105. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[SmokingJacket]

98. Yes.

I'm a woman, incidentally

(1) Where were you bullied?:
at school and on the bus, only a little in the neighborhood.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying:
Popularity (lack of), looks (goofy), intelligence (too much of).

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life:
became extremely shy and avoidant of people.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
Mostly verbal, but was also physically grabbed and pushed by a much older boy, who, in retrospect, must have had serious problems, is probably a sex predator now

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected?
Things improved in high school, people taunted less, plus I had a few friends.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Middle school through early high school.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?
No.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.) Yes!

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?
I try not to let it, but I'm pretty bitter still and cynical. Pretty distrustful. I think I'm naturally a kind and empathetic person but it's taken a long time to be that person in public.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how? Yeah, I assume that a certain percentage of people are cruel.

[Totally Committed]

106. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Seabiscuit]

103. Me - NO ..Wife - Yes and more

My wife read your post and wanted to respond to your message. Her message to you is below:

Hello TC -

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?
-- Was bullied in 5th grade for a short time and bullied again in 7th grade. In 5th grade, I was bullied by a Queen Bee. She challenged me to a fight after school. I showed up as well as other kids from school (who wanted to watch the big event), but she didn't show up. The humiliation must have been intense because that was the end of her bullying to me or anybody. In 7th grade, there was a boy who would punch me very hard in the arm or the back whenever he saw me in the hallway walking to my classes. I had black welts and bruises from it. Although other friends witnessed this harassment, they didn't do anything. This went on for at least 3 months. I never told any school officials or my parents. Until one day, I just had enough and I punched him in the face and knocked him on the floor. Apparently, I had a good left hook for a girl. I yelled at him and told him never to touch me again. The next time he saw me in the hallway he said hello and smiled. We ended up having classes together in the following years and he was as sweet as can be to me. I was never harassed at home or in my neighborhood.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
--- In regards to the 5th grade bullying I believe it was due to my looks and race. I am of latino descent and was one of two latina girls at a predominately anglo school. I was well liked by other boys and girls and pretty good looking but not part of the Queen Bee clique. So I think it was due to popularity, in the sense that perhaps I rejected their clique.
---I really don't know what the reason was behind the bullying in 7th grade, but I was at the time the shortest kid in 7th grade. I also suspect that there was some sort of weird crush on me from the guy who bullied me.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

---The lesson I learned in life is to fight against bullies. I did bully one mentally retarded girl once in 8th grade. It was one day and I joined other kids at taunting her verbally but I felt bad afterwards and stopped the behavior and told other kids to stop too. I think kids that are "special" have a harder time in public schools.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
--- Yes both beaten up and verbal (see above)

5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang? --- My friends in high school consisted of knowing kids from different social groups (the rockers, the nerds, the gang members, the potheads etc.), I flowed freely from each group and for the most part was well liked. Had one boyfriend in highschool my senior year and met him through a group of "skater/rock" friends. He was older (21) and not in High School but he was a verbal bully to me and controlling, but I stopped his ass too.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All? - See above

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation? No one in the school system tried to help, nor did other kids who felt afraid try to help.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.) -- No risky or self-destructive behavior, but a strong sense of self at an early age. My bouts of bullying were for the most part on a short-term basis, but I don't know how I'd answer this question of the bullying went on and on for years at home and school.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult? The effect that I have is that I will never allow anybody to hurt me or anyone in my family physically or verbally.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how? Yes! I learned that you must fight back whether it be at home, the workplace or in the voting booth! I can go on and on about what we can do as a nation and as parents but I don't want to take too much space up in my response. However, I do want to add that this Bush administration where bullying (verbal/physical/mental) is systemic and praised and supported by a large group of hateful people across this country including our media who celebrates it. It is no wonder that slowly it begins to creep into our cultural and social psyche. It begins to become accepted behavior and without one realizing it starts trickling down into your subconcious. It needs to stop!

Additionally, I want to add a little extra:

I have a 2 year old toddler in pre-school and I'm part of a parent group that meets with the administration regularly. An issue that came up last week is that bullying has begun in a three year old class. Our director talked to us at length about this and she said that they are seeing bullying at a younger age now sometimes verbally and sometimes physically. It is sometimes difficult for the administration to distinguish regular 3 year old behavior from bullying. She said that the children's learned behavior begins in the home. If you teach your child to respect other people and things, they will learn to do so. The director continued to say that when they see repeated behavior they talk to the child and then to the parent. Its sad really. I believe all parents can do their part at home with the schools lending the support system to prevent future bullying. It shouldn't be tolerated anywhere.

[Totally Committed]

107. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[kerry-is-my-prez]

108. I was a skinny girl who kicked the bullies asses. They used to pick on my twin brother.

You didn't want to piss me off because I would turn into a "hulk" type creature.

[Totally Committed]

110. ROTFL! Good for you!

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[flvegan]

109. Male, bullied as a kid

1. Where: school, mostly. Rarely maybe by one of the neighborhood kids, who I avoided anyway;
2. Popularity and body image. I was a fat kid, relatively poor, quiet.
3. How did I cope? I learned to be clever, avoid the negativity of bullies. I think it made me try harder, to "rise above" so to speak.
4. Beaten up? No. I might've gotten shoved a few times by an older kid, but never beaten up.
5. High School wasn't a problem for me. I was friendly with every "clique" so I didn't have bullies at that stage. Plus, I was working hard and making money better than the rest of them, so they assumed I was into something not legit and I was better left alone.
6. I was bullied 3rd-8th grade.
7. No, and I didn't ask for help.
8. No.
9. As an adult, I think it helped mold me into the type of person that roots for the underdog and stands up for the little guy in the face of a bully (no matter the type). I've adopted a "been there, so you don't have to" mentality. Maybe even a vigilante bend to my mental state.
10. I find it easier to recognize intent, so yes.

[Totally Committed]

111. Rooting for the underdog... tells me why you're a Democrat!

I root for the underdog, too. I bet everyone who answered in this thread does!

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[BlueStorm]

112. I am a female,yes.. very much, I was definately bullied.

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

In the early parts of my elementary education I was mainly picked on at school. When I moved to Kentwood, I was picked on by one girl who seemed to get everyone to rally around her. During the summer the kids would pick on me, the entire neighborhood. I remember one time when I walked up to a so-called friends house, all of the kids that were playing with her, about 10 or so ran screaming into the garage and locked the door. I couldn't get in and they were acting like I was radioactive or something. Then one of the sisters, Courtney came out and gave me a cracker and I had to eat it. She had hidden a slice of jalepeno pepper in it and I ate it, she went back in the garage and I could hear the kids laughing, oh they were laughing and my mouth was on fire. I went next door and hid in their kid's little Fischer-Price playhouse and used their hose to take a drink. I then turned around and saw Courtney standing there and she told me that I couldn't be in "the club" whatever the hell that meant.

There was this girl in my fourth and fifth grade class that gave me sheer hell. She was an instigator of alot of stuff. She once followed me all the way back home poking my back with a stick and yelling at me. She played alot of mind games. She would be my friend for a period and then not in the next. She would call me names in school and try to pick fights with me. I really can't remember alot right now as it is a bit traumatic for me. It's actually making me depressed and weepy just typing this.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

I really don't know, even to this day but if I were to take a guess, it was either because of my hearing impairment, my hygiene problems, or the way I acted. I was very much a loner in school. Come to find out about 22 years later that I have Asperger's Syndrome.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

It has had a dramatic affect. I still don't trust people but yet I am still quite outgoing. I really crave attention and want someone to talk to. I never fought back, I didn't know how and I am afraid of getting hurt as well as abhor violence. I usually sat alone at the lunch table or I would go to the library during recess. I started to read in class just to shut the world out. I started drawing during class in middle and high school for the same reason, or I read. Even now when I got to the public library or a restaurant I will shut my hearing aids off in order to go into my own focus and shut everything out.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

It was mostly verbal though there were a couple of times my tormentor tried to get violent with me back in fourth and fifth grade.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

I isolated myself pretty much. I never associated with alot of people and pretty much kept to myself. I hated being in social situations. During the last years of my high school I also hid out from the inane pep assemblies. I hated being in a crowd. I was never popular though I craved attention and adoration from a group of people (I still do) There were times I actually had to leave the classroom because of the kids in there. I often felt as I was being picked on.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Pretty much all, high school wasn't so bad except for the EI/HI classes I had to take. There were alot asses in those classes that took delight in picking on me. It just seemed like I had an aura or an invisible sign that said "Pick on me!!! I'm fun to pick on!!"

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

Yes in fourth or fifth grade, my counselor tried to get me to be friends with Chascity (my own personal bully bakc then) telling us that if we got along for three weeks we would go out to BK. We did it but after our reward she began to pick on me again. Now that I look back I'm kind of pissed off that my counselor did that. I hate to be forced to socialize.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Yes. I tried to kill myself by strangulating myself. Twice in sixth grade and once in eigth grade. In sixtth grade I slipped off during 6th hour gym class with a jump rope. I went into a bathroom stall and tried to strangulate myself, however I was prevented from continuing when the bell rang. In eigth grade, I was in my closet with a shoe string, I was interrupted by the damn cat coming into my closet.
Truthfully now that I look back I think I did it just because I wanted to hurt myself more than off myself. I mostly internalized my emotions. I often think of suicide even to this day, but I just really want to hurt myself more than often. I will sometimes pinch or scratch myself to cause pain because there are times when I don't feel worthy, this is just a recent development. I have tried cutting but that is just to intense for me.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

I have Bipolar II, and I get depressed quite often. I also was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at age 21. I still am a loner, I don't socialize, go to bars or any of that stuff. There are people I do associate with but I don't have any true friends except one that I have been friends with since my freshman year. I am a bit egocentric. I like to show off my drawings and stuff. I crave attention either online or off, because I have been hurt so much I want approval from people. I know this may seem contradicting, but I am usually shy at first when I meet someone, but once I feel comfortable with them then I talk their ear off and often will say personal things, etc. That is due to the Asperger's. Often or not, I don't know how to communicate or pick up non-verbal communication.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?
I have always hate violence. I am a big advocate of tolerance and I like the some of the anti-bullying iniatives that are out there though I think that there should be more. I try to love everyone regardless of who they are.

Another note: I have told this to my counselor, my mom and others that I am close to, If school shootings were going on back then, I think I might have attempted to do the same thing. I have had many fantasies of kidnapping my tormentors, who ever they may be at the moment, and torturing them to death, causing them pain like they have done to me. Thankfully those fantasies have been either kept to myself or relgated to paper. Like I said I really don't care for violence.

[Totally Committed]

118. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Behind the Aegis]

114. If you are still collecting data....

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

Oh hell yes! I was bullied at school, mostly. Sometimes, I had problems in the neighborhood. I was also bullied by my father. I was an army brat, so I grew up all over the country. Every time I moved, I hoped things would change, but they never did.

(2) What was the subject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

I was bullied for many things. I am intelligent and always did well in school, so I was teased for being a "brain" and "teacher's pet." I was a great target because of my size (I was always shorter than all the other boys), and I was not athletic, but scrawny, a huge point of contention for my father. I was bullied for being a Jew, once I was even threatened by another boy who said he'd blow off my face because I was a "Christ-killer." In one high school (I went to three, one in GA, one in PA and one in VA, where I graduated), I was bullied for being white (the school was 80% AA), including having one student calling me a "cracker mother-fucker." He actually opened the door to the class I was in and yelled that at me. Nothing was done to him. In PA, I was bullied for not being rich enough. I was also bullied because I had a Southern accent. The bullies included teachers, one calling me a "hick" and asking if I was in the Klan. The biggest "bullying point," was my, the perceived, homosexuality (yes, I am gayer than a Christmas parade, and damn proud of it!). I was threatened with violence all the time. I got death threats in my lockers and calls to my house.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I was painfully shy. I rarely spoke up in class or talked to anyone. I still am, for the most part. Now, once I am comfortable with someone, I open up easily and talk up a blue-storm. I attempted suicide at 15 because of bullying. I was usually depressed. I did have a small group of friends, but making friends was always hard and soon as I did, we would move and the process started all over. I did fight back on occasion, usually with razor-sharp wit (I get that from my mother).

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Primarily, the abuse was verbal.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

High school(s) was HELL ON EARTH! I was always the odd man out. I did have a few friends and usually a jock would take pity on me and be my protector. In my last HS, I hung with the misfits. There were a few of the popular kids that liked me because I was smart and helped them with classes.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

It started in the 4th grade and went through college. I learned to use my mouth as a weapon.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

On occasion, some teachers would help. Sometimes, teachers were the bullies. The only person I could ALWAYS rely on for help was my mother! I have seen her make grown men shudder and cry! You don't mess with her babies!

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Yes. Alcohol was the number one bad behavior. But, after arriving at college, I learned I was good at sex, so that was also a way to cope, and I used it to my advantage.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Yes. I chose to go into a field where I could counsel students. My areas of expertise are diversity training and management.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

Yes. I tend to be very pessimistic. I try not to be. I will still retreat on occasion into my own world. I still deal with bullies and I am 37, but I have different ways to cope now. I also see the world as cruel and unbalanced. I try to find the good in people and myself, but sometimes fall short of the goal. I still work with minority groups, but now I focus more on animals (they are cuter and they love you unconditionally).

I hope you will share your report or at least let us know how it goes.

[Totally Committed]

119. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Kaufman_Lib]

115. Definitely bullied

(1) At school, at home by my father, in my neighborhood

(2) I was always bullied for being a fat kid and also for being awkward.

(3) I withdrew into myself. I think spending so much time by myself led me to be creative.

(4) Both

(5) High school wasn't so bad, actually. There were so many of us from different middle schools that the bullies were too busy. I had a small, but tight, group of friends. My first real girlfriend was in my senior year of high school.

(6) Elementary school up until high school.

(7) No, but I don't remember asking.

(8) Yes, I experimented with drugs and other risky behavior.

(9) Yes, I think so. There is a place in my heart for kids that are bullied.

(10) No, not really.

[Totally Committed]

120. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[MrSlayer]

116. Sure, a little bit.

The older kids always picked on the younger kids. It was basically a test to see how you would deal. If you didn't do anything about it you would get walked on. If you showed some guts and fought back you got respect, win or lose. I was picked on because I really am a gentle soul and people take kindness for weakness. It wasn't until I knocked one kid out and challenged the whole corner that I got some respect. And it sucks because I never wanted to hurt anyone at all. I was just forced into that position.

So basically I was bullied until I made it stop. A lot of times if you just fight your aggressor and stand up for yourself it will end, they'll go looking for an easier target because most bullies are cowards at heart.

It had no long term effects other than to teach me to not take anyone's shit and that turning the other cheek is not a viable option. People will only treat you the way you let them and sometimes you have to send a physical message. You don't have to win everytime but you have to show a willingness to stand up.

The worst thing you can do is go running home to mommy or to the cops or to the principal. This only makes you look like a coward and no one likes a coward. Of course I'm talking about the everyday pushing around and mocking type of bullying. If someone is holding a gun or a knife or something like that on you, it's acceptable to rat but generally you should take care of a bully yourself.

[Totally Committed]

121. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[mattfromnossa]

117. yeah, I might know a thing or two about that.

i'd prefer a private message/email though.

[Totally Committed]

122. Please PM me, by all means....

a lot of wonderful DU-ers have already.

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[dysfunctional press]

123. most of my bullying- physical, verbal and emotional, came from my father...

and i can tell you that it truly fucked up my entire life- after 45 years, i still have little or no self-esteem, and i spent the bulk of my young adulthood seeking out someone to love and be loved by, rather than building a career and a future for myself.

i am now tho happily married- no kids and no desire for any- and i'm finally beginning to enjoy life.

[Totally Committed]

124. Glad to hear you are starting to enjoy life!

Thanks for you answer.

TC

[freethought]

125. Answers to your questions. I'll keep it short and sweet.

1.)Bullied at school. All through elementary and through high school.
2.)Body image mostly. Intelligence and academic performance less so.
3.)Made me more withdrawn. Would spend time hiding in corners and places where I was not noticed and would not attract attention. Coped by surrounding myself with activities and interests that took up time and held my attention
, usually they were solitary in nature and non-social. Never became a bully myself. Did, on rare occasion get into fights.
4.)Vast majority of bullying was verbal. Some physical bullying.
5.)As I aged, almost became anti-social. Almost never participated in social functions, parties, dances, that sort of thing. Was never popular with opposite sex ( I am male). Some of the verbal bullying even came from opposite sex.
Did have a group of friends but these were people who were in nearly identical circumstances and were not welcomed elsewhere. Did not have a girlfriend.
6.)Bullied through grade school, middle school and major part of high school. Senior year it seemed to drop off.
7.)Teachers and other authority figures helped at particular moments when needed but for most part turned a blind eye. Parents were probably not aware situation was bad, they were busy supporting the family.
8.)Risky or self destructive behaviors. Never became an abuser of alcohol, drugs or became violent. Did develop problems with eating and weight control and dysfunction in close relationships which persist to this day (age is in mid-thirties).
9.)Definitely had had an affect on me as an adult. Have aversions to new relations and dating and a tendency to avoid activities that are competitive. Makes meeting people difficult. Sometimes have a very negative view of
social activities that others may engage in.
10.) Yes, has definitely affected world view. I tend to view certain activities of institutions and organizations with suspicion, especially certain government activities and corporate actions.

[Totally Committed]

131. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Ravenseye]

126. Yes

1) I was bullied at school, at home by an older sibling, and in my neighborhood by other kids.

2) Subject of bullying was varyed. Majority was because of ethnicity, with strong amounts of intelligence and popularity.

3) I fought back. It would often get me in trouble at school or at home. For instance once a gang of kids in my neighborhood grabbed my bike from me (I was 13) and then proceeded to destroy it. Jumping up and down on it, ripping off the chain and tires, all while laughing and calling me racist names (incorrect ones I might add). I tried to fight back, and chased them off. I chased the leader of the gang to his house, grabbed him as he was running into his front door, slammed the door on his head (in front of his horrified parents), and proceeded to drag him back to my house (semi-consious) telling his now racist spewing parents that he broke my bike and that he was now 'mine'. Of course that's when my parents pulled up. The kid and his parents of course lied, and I got punished heavily. That frequently happened. I would get bullied or attacked, and respond back in force which ended up getting me in trouble, and not the bully.

4) I got plenty of verbal bullying from my sister growing up, but externally it was more physical. I never got beat up though. They did for picking on me though. One time a larger kid on the bus was sitting behind me and he had a ring. He kept tapping my head with his ring. It hurt. I kept telling him to stop. He and his friends just laughed and he kept doing it. I eventually got fed up and whipped around, and dumped him into the aisle of the bus, pulling his arm back and pushing his face to the floor. The driver stopped the bus and I got in trouble for it. After we were off the bus, the kid came back after me in the open "now that we wouldn't be interupted" and attacked me. I kicked him in his naughty bits, and droped him with one punch. His friends backed off.

5) I was affected by my own behavior. I was suspended and had detention more than I could serve. I was even expelled from one school after standing up to another bully. It was after gym class in the winter time and we were outside the gym waiting for the bell to ring. There were a few ledges by open windows with a cool breeze flowing in. I was sitting by one, getting cool air to stop sweating from being in gym. An older kid (I was a freshman in HS he was a sophmore but had a good foot and a half on me) came over and said that I was in his seat. There was another open window just 10 feet down, so I said, "fine there you go" and moved to the other window. He came down to that one and said "that's mine too" His friends in tow (they always have friends in tow) laughed. He picked me up and threw me off the window sill. They laughed. The bell rang and I stood up. He reached out and ripped my shirt open, the buttons in the front spilling onto the ground being pulled off my shirt. I swung, and put him on the ground in a headlock in about 5 seconds and punched into his face till blood started coming out. I was suspended for a week out of school for that, but enough witnesses were there to show I didn't start it. He threatened to get me outside of school, but never did. From that and later incidents I got a reputation as a troublemaker myself, and the superintendent of schools famously told his daughter "you can date anyone in school except for X" I ended up dating her for three years. I like to think I was moderately popular with women, had a few girlfriends in highschool, and had a close knit group of friends, but was friendly with a wide bunch of people.

6) I stopped getting bullied after 10th grade when I was expelled (and readmitted after 55 school days missed thanks to my lawyer). I had finally built up a reputation of 'dont mess with him'. I came close to winning senior class president no thanks to people not wanting to find out what would happen if I lost. Up until that point I always faced bullies.

7) I had one guy try and help. A vice principal when I was in 8th grade. He understood. He got it. I just, at the time, didn't understand what he was saying. I do now, and recognize his wisdom nearly every day. Most authority figures though didn't like or trust me for their own racist reasons.

8) I think it should be established that this answer is a big yes. Counter violence is very riksy and self-destructive. If I hadn't found other ways to cope with people, and not resort to violence who knows where I'd be today.

9) Yeah. I have to be very consious now about all my reactions. I don't want to be violent ever again, and so many years on the defenseive made it second nature to me.

10) Probably. Couldn't say how. I believe in standing up to bullies of every sort from the guy on the street to dictators. Maybe.

[Totally Committed]

132. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[shanti]

127. yes, for a short period of time

and i'm a female.


(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood? WAITING FOR THE BUS AT THE SCHOOLBUS STOP AND ALSO AT SCHOOL.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex? MY SHYNESS WAS THE SUBJECT OF THE BULLYING.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope? I JUST SUCKED IT UP.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal? VERBAL (NAMECALLING), AND ALSO THE BULLY WOULD PUT DISGUSTING THING IN MY LOCKER.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang? DIDN'T HAPPEN AFTER 7TH GRADE; I WAS VERY SHY, SO I GUESS THAT WOULD BE UNPOPULAR OR NEUTRAL RE OPPOSITE SEX; YES, I HAD A GROUP OF FRIENDS; NO ON GANGS.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All? 7TH GRADE - MIDDLE SCHOOL ONLY.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation? NO. I NEVER BROUGHT IT TO THEIR ATTENTION (AT SCHOOL) AND THE OTHER TIME WAS NOT ON SCHOOL PROPERTY.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.) NO

(9) Has it effected you as an adult? NOT AT ALL

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how? NO

[Totally Committed]

133. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[RamboLiberal]

128. Yes - I had one pain in the butt bully in grade school

1 - At school.
2 - Girl in class shared same first name with me - that's the only reason I could figure for the bullying.
3 - Fought back with words.
4 - Bullying just verbal.
5 - I was kind of a shy kid. Went to a girl's high school. Had a few close friends. Never one of the in-crowd. No boyfriend.
6 - Around 5th or 6th grade up through 8th grade.
7 - I never took it to school authorities or parents.
8 - No
9 - No
10 - No

[Totally Committed]

134. Thanks for you answer. /nt

TC

[Karenina]

144. It seems quite a common experience, eh?

Reading all the details offered to your question makes me cry. See how often those who were in a position to CHECK IT and put a STOP to it did not do so... I'm pushing 6 decades on this planet and STILL get bullied.
I have my coping mechanisms which have been honed to a fine point. Mostly I'm sad to live in such a realm as this.

[pink-o]

135. I'm a 6'1" Amazon...

..who's now 52 years old and still pretty damn strong. Humans have grown significantly since I was young, so imagine in the 60s when I was the biggest kid in the school--bar none, be they of the X or Y persuasion. I never learned to fight because no one who wasn't a blind idiot would've picked a fight with me.

However, I admit to beaning a couple of boy bullies in the school yard who picked on the more vulnerable among us. Nothing serious--but they never came after the kids again if I was around.

It's interesting that you're studying this subject now. I think of Bushco as being the Schoolyard Bullies for six years now, and finally all the kids who've been abused gathered together and launched a full-frontal assault. Immediately the bullies backed down, the dreaded Rummy ran away, the Idiot son tried to make nice and say he didn't mean any of it.

Really, these bastards are no different than 5th graders. I wish I could smack some sense into them like I used to when I was younger!

[Totally Committed]

140. One of my daughters is a 6'1" Amazon, too....

Growing up, she was miserable, but always stuck up for the kids getting picked-on. As a 5'4" munchkin, I actually envy you both your height!

Thanks for your answer.

TC

[Geek_Girl]

136. I was bullied in school

from kindergarten to middle school it was mainly due to my hispanic ethnicity. After moving to miami I became kind of prejudice toward white people which made life difficult since my mother and step mother were both white. As an adult I have a very low tolerance for bigotry.

[Totally Committed]

141. Thanks for your answer. /nt

TC

[T Town Jake]

138. Male, not bullied. And here is, IMO, the reason why:

...my parents taught me never to go looking for trouble with a bully, but never to back down from one, either. They didn't talk to me about "entering into a dialog" with bullies, or "seeking common ground" with them, or trying to "educate" them, or running off to a "safe place" to avoid them; no one really talked like that about this kind of thing back then.

They simply told me one very effective thing: if a bully tries to pick on you, punch him in the nose as hard as you can and keep swinging; you may lose the fight, and probably will, but it'll probably be a cold day in hell before you get picked on again..

They were right, and right, and right - on all counts. One of the biggest bullies in school knocked me off of my Husky Racer and tried to steal it right in front of the entire sixth grade recess class one day: I punched him square in the face; he kicked my ass; after the dust had settled I got my bike back; I never had a problem with him, or any other bully, again, right on through high school.

Am I offering this as some kind of advice for anyone to follow today? No, I'm not, so you can hold the flames. I'm just relating how it was for me; how I was taught to handle it, and did.

[Totally Committed]

142. Thanks for your answer. /nt

TC

[Totally Committed]

143. TWO THINGS:

First, thank you so much for all your answers. I am so honored and delightedly surprised by the number of answers I have received here and by PM. I thought it would be only the polite thing to say thank you to each and every one of you, but I am now about to sign off for the evening, so I am going to thank all of you who are so open and supportive with your answers. Everyone who answers from here until the end of this thread have my undying thanks. THANK YOU ALL!

Second, since I am getting so many replies, I will be ending the collection of data at 7am EST tomorrow morning. I will then put all of your answers into a file, and start analyzing the data.

Again, thank you to everyone for you totally unselfish generosity! You are all the greatest!

All my best,

TC

[William Bloode]

145. O.K.

1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

No, all of those groups were scared of me. Most folks thought i was a potential axe murderer at the time. Ran around with a lot of much older guys, they enjoyed thrashing the shit out of me though. My mother was also a bully.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

Age, and intelligence for the older guys. Thought i was a know it all, and i got pounded for it. My mother's problems with me stemmed from things my dad had done, and the fact that i looked just like him.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I just fought harder. The guys who would trash me told me it was for my own good "it'll make you tough". I was thought of as a bit too compassionate as well. Made me avoid my mother, and i was hospitalized for depression. The biggest effect was it made me become a tough guy, and pursue a career in martial type arts. I also did my best to project a scary image. That way no one bothered me.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Beaten almost daily to some degree.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

Never went to high school. Quit school when i was 14-15. Ran with the older druggie crew, they were a gang.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Never bullied in school.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

N/A

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Lots of self destructive behaivior, drugs, fights, stupid shit in cars, or on motorcycles.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

It actually made me who i am today. Stand offish, brusk, a little too straight talking than most people like. willing to fight at the drop of a hat. Even at my age lol!

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

The way i grew up and the things i endured shaped my whole view. But i am not a war monger, nor crazy conservative. It actuall made me more compassionate overall.


Overall i am glad things went as they did. Sure i would have had my mother be a bit kinder, but i understand her problems and don't blame her. The guys bothered me some from time to time, but it did make me tough as nails. I harbour no hard feelings. The guys who treated me badly ended up having a much worse life than i. Most are now either dead, or a hopeless drug addict. For all the problems and hardship i suffered, i really would not change anything. Yes i've had some hard times, but overall i have had a great life and really have no regrets. I'd do it all over again.

[bigwillq]

146. No (nt)

[Evoman]

147. Everytime I went to a new school...Male, yes (sort of )

I was a pretty skinny guy in elementary and high school, and didn't look particularly tough, so yeah, I was bullied.

My story:

I went to a tough elementary school...I lived in the center of my city, a very bad area. I went to school among kids who would probably stab you if you looked at them wrong. Oddly enough, I loved the school. I befriended most of the really tough kids...I think it was a "little buddy" syndrome thing. Plus, I'm a minority (latino) and as poor as anyone, so I think that helped. The school and neighbourhood I lived in toughened me up somewhat.

After grade 6, I moved to a new "all-white" school. Lol...people think poor, minority kids are bad....they make the fucking "upper middle class" assholes I went to school with look good. The only difference was that the white kids would get away with their bullshit. Anyways, because I was poor and latino, I was a target. Didn't last too long...I was skinny, but still had the "tough" mentality...I refused to let some white kids make a punk out of me. So I stood up for myself...they still picked on my group of friends (the geeks) but they generally left me alone.

Same thing happened in high school. I got into a fight in grade nine, hit the kid with my lock, and almost knocked him out. People still bugged me, but it wasn't that bad. Luckily, I had a pretty good sense of humour....I almost became popular by the time I was grade twelve. But I think my skinnyness and big glasses kept me from reaching the upper echelons.

I've worked out a lot since then...I've gained about 20 pounds of muscle since then. I don't get messed with very often now.

[proud patriot]

148. I was teased more than bullied

I grew very early and towered over everyone until
7th or 8th grade :hi:

I have grown 3 inches since I was 12 :shrug: I also
wear glasses and was a tomboy/jock .

[Nicole]

149. No n/t

[Nikia]

150. Yes, I was bullied

1. All three
2. My looks, my being a nerdy, and being a late bloomer in understanding things that most autistsics/asperberger's syndrome people do (but I didn't have aspbergers)
3. It didn't help my social development. I was sad and nervous most of the time.
4. I was hit a few times in first grade by a third grade girl.
5. I'm not sure. I was a superachiever who demanded perfection from myself. I was a popular runner. I dated a couple different guys. I did mistrust everyone though and really wasn't that good of friend. I thought that everyone really thought poorly of me, but a friend confided that some people didn't want to hang out with me because they thought that I thought poorly of them. When I was in college, I finally believed that people saw me on equal terms instead of what I referred to as "the unworthy person". This made a huge difference in me making friends and how people treated me in general.
6. I was bullied from the beginning until high school, probably 10th grade.
7. I didn't notice helping me, but I didn't notice a lot of things people did. That was part of the problem.
8. I had a number of odd coping behaviors that would come under the general heading OCD as well as eating disorder behavior. As I mentioned, I became a perfectionist, which I know realize is fairly destructive.
9. It is easy for me to think of myself as the unworthy person. When I have low times, I really have trouble believing that anyone should like me.
10. Yes, it affects everything.

I do want to add that I wouldn't attribute all my self esteem and emotional issues to bullying. I suffered from a bad family environment also that affected me even before I went to school and suffered from bullying. The bullying certainly didn't help though.

[slackmaster]

151. Male, was bullied on occasion, and took revenge whenever possible

I was nerdy as a child and wore glasses.

A few people tried to push me around in high school, but I made it a point to do something to get them in trouble with their parents. I had a close circle of friends who were happy to help me out. The bullies were jocks and surfers. I was an intellectual.

e.g. Place burning bag of shit and some broken glass on the front porch, set off string of firecrackers, drive off honking and hollering.

Then call parents and say something like "Your son (bully's name goes here) knows why we did it. Ask him."

The close relationships I developed with several of my cohorts (we referred to each other as "droogs" as in A Clockwork Orange) have lasted into adulthood. I feel that I am a stronger person for having learned how to stand up to assholes.

[Skittles]

153. you are my kind of guy, slackmaster

yes INDEED! :thumbsup:

[dsc]

152. My answers

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

Yes to all three. My brother was four years older than I and he was pretty brutal. At school it was because I was perceived, turned out accurately, to be gay.

(2) What was the subject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

My sexuality. To a lesser extent my intelligence.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I worked my ass off in school determined to escape my hometown. At home I mainly avoided my brother.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

My brother beat me up fairly badly at school it was mostly verbal and/or humiliation things like getting spat on or wedgies.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

By high school I became better able to pass as straight and had befriended a football player who often stood up for me.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Grade and middle mostly though first year of high school as well.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

I was afraid to tell since I was being bullied for my sexual orientation which I didn't wish to disclose at the time.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

I later turned to alcohol though that may not have been directly related.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

See above. Sober for 6 years though.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

I teach and I don't tolerate bullying or hazing.

[BIG Sean]

154. Yes I was - Male

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

I was bullied in school, and at home (by cousins)

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

I was mostly bullied for two reasons, I was overweight and with my parents divorced, we didn't have much money.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I became very angry, and this is something I've had to deal with as an adult. I became a boxer...and most of the nonsense stopped.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

When I was younger...yes, I was beaten up a lot. However, most of the crap I had to deal with at home was verbal.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

I have a strong click of friends. We were not a gang by a long shot, we were mostly a motley crew that seemed to draw to each other.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Mostly grade and middle school. By High school I was boxing on a regular basis.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

When a teacher would step in, half the time they created more problems than they were worth.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Yes.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Yes, very much so. I still deal with anger issues, and if do not deal well with people who are very aggressive towards me.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

Honestly, I am not sure.

[hsher]

156. Yeah, I am female and I was bullied

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

School and on the bus.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

My intelligence and class. I was a black Jewish kid and the black Christian kids tried to beat me up all the time. I was called "Encyclopedia", pushed down, had my books knocked out of my arms, my glasses slapped off my face, and would be tripped, chased and threatened. The bus driver, a black woman who played mother to all these kids and WAS their mother or aunt in many cases, would do her best to alter her drive-by times so I would miss the bus. She would also call the principal and tell him lies about what I had on me or was wearing, so I would be pulled aside and questioned. The white kids liked me OK, but white administrators and teachers didn't like that a black girl used exceptional words, scored great on tests and read all the time. I regularly had white teachers call me nigger, uppity nigger bitch, et cetera. One bigot teacher told another one, as I overhead, "If it is the last thing I do, I'm going to break her spirit."

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I withdrew, then eventually fought back physically. Once I beat up the lead girl, the bullying group never bothered me again. I saw them once a couple of years ago. They all had children out of wedlock, were poor, and kept their eyes and faces down as they spoke to me. They were being very friendly to me. As if nothing had ever happened. BUT I REMEMBER IT.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

It was verbal, pushing, lying about me, and tripping me up as I walked past. It eventually tried to turn physical, but when I fought back, that stopped pretty quickly.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

I was not popular with boys in high school. That changed when I was in college. After college, my body suddenly sprouted huge boobs, my skin cleared up, I got contacts, my hair grew long, and all of a sudden I became this "sexpot". Guys were very interested in me, but I remain uninterested in them. Man, I just remember too much, man. Guys calling me ugly... now suddenly they want to have sex with me? FORGET IT, PAL. I do wish I could get over it though. I avoid boyfriends because all I can see in my mind is how these guys treated me when I was a dog, in my presexy days.

I didn't have a boyfriend. Are you kidding? I was an ugly nerd girl!

I did have a group of friends, though. We were the art and drama clique, and we used to walk around school in the popular blue windbreaker jackets with C.R.U.D. on the back of them - Captain Rebellion's United Dictatorship. Our gang leader was a guy named Mike who called himself Captain Rebellion. He was very much a snarky, cool, Stephen Colbert type. Colbert would have LOVED THIS GUY. Mike would have defended Stephen from bullies. He was proud of being a smart geek and made it and us cool. I'll never forget Mike. Here's to you, man. :)

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

ALL.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

No, they did not try to help. They never do. They tell you you must be part of the problem and advise you to "stop provoking" the bullies.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

No.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Yep, I'm a bitch now :)

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

No. I still love and trust humanity.

- thanks, interesting questionnaire :)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

158. My answers.

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

Not bullied, exactly, but teased at school.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

Weirdness, basically. I skipped a couple of grades when I was very young, was not quite 5 when I started first grade. So although I could read as well as the other kids (my parents taught me before I started school), I was a lot younger and smaller, and not as socially mature, so naturally I got teased and picked on.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

I was very shy, kept to myself a lot.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

No, just teased about being weird.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

I was a nerdy kid who was friends with a few other nerdy kids but didn't date until college. The teasing pretty much stopped by about 10th grade; after that I was pretty much ignored, never got asked out on dates, never went to prom, etc.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Middle school was the worst.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

No. It wasn't obvious enough for teachers to get involved.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

No.

(9) Has it affected you as an adult?

Probably. You don't ever quite get over being the weird kid, probably overcompensated.

(10) Has it affected your World View today? If so, how?

I tend not to be very trusting.

[bridgit]

159. yes, routinely...

[Redstone]

160. Twice. Once in eighth grade, once in 11th. I put both of them in the hospital.

Neither ever bothered me again.

Redstone

[SmileyBoy]

161. Yes, I was frequently bullied as a kid

1) At school, mostly. But also by a couple kids in my neighbourhood.

2) Out of those things you mentioned, Popularity, looks, body/image, athleticism, my disbilities, and sometimes my ethnic (Turkish) name. There was a lot of foul-mouthed bullying too. Kids calling me "motherfucker", "queer", "fag", "cocksucker", etc. I never got the tame "four-eyes" or "poopyhead" kind of bulying.

3) It got frustrating to the point where I started fighting sometimes, then it got me very frustrated up until the 8th grade, which was kind of a tipping point, at which time I got arrested for assault (fighting with another kid). By the time I was in 11th grade, I had made a HUGE social turnaround. Not only was I not getting picked on by any kids anymore, I was on the football team, I was one of the "jocks", and I was a hanger-on with the popular jock kids. It has never been a problem since then (for the past 7 years or so).

4) Like I said, I got into fights.

5) I explained some. I have only had one girlfriend in my life, but this was after high school. She broke up with mr on Valentine's Day, 2003. I think she broke up with me because I was too shy to do anything around her, like kiss her, or even have sex. She probably thought I was an unconfident weenie. I'm 24 and I'm still a virgin. I don't have a lot of confidence around girls.

6) From 3rd grade up untul 9th grade or so, when it started to level off, then fizzled out by the end of 10th grade.

7) I don't even want to get into that. Too much shitty stories to remember. Let's just say that I was not pleased with my teachers and counselors.

8) To some extent, yes.

9) I don't think it affects me much anymore. Although we can never tell what affects us subconsciously.

10) To an extent. It has made me more of an idealist, and it has taught me to not percieve everyone in the world as being super-nice and compassionate. It taught me to be a little more paranoid, and less naive.

[lynch03]

163. I was kinda

There were many incidents, and I usually settled it in a way that would result in suspensions, and people deciding not to overlook my seemingly vulnerable and submissive personality anymore. One of these incidents was in my Sophomore year of high school, there were a group of kids who thought it'd be funny to try and trip me as I walked up the stairs. They did this and I ignored it but on the third day of them doing this one of them took it up a notch and book checked me as I was going to my locker. I end up pushing the kid into a locker breaking his collar bone. I was always underestimated, and people never thought I would fight back, I would always ignore it until it got out of hand, and then I proved a point.

To me violence was pretty much the answer, at least for the physical bullies. When it came to those who just opted for verbal abuse, I threatened that if they said one more thing about me I was going to kick their ass. Some knew I wasn't lieing from fights I was in in the passed. It probably saved me from lots of bullying.

[TheBaldyMan]

164. other: Bullies tried to bully me but I wasn't playing their game.

As a kid I was short, skinny and an all round runty little dude, the youngest of five kids. This is a great preparation for run-ins with bullies.

I would get some guy come up to me and attempt to beat me up and I'd use my combat skills honed by years of fighting with my brother and sisters, all older and much bigger than me.

The bullies sometimes beat the crap out of me but every time they'd go away with a barked shin or black eye. Next time they'd remember me and think, "That's that crazy kid who fights like a wildcat", they would pass me over and go pick on someone who didn't fight back.

Bullies keep picking on those that let bullies intimidate them. Take control of the situation, ignore them if you can but stand up to them if you have to. They get the message pretty soon and move on to easier pickings.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

165. Yes

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

At school

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
I was smart, bookish, wearing unfashionable clothes, and raised more strictly than was normal in my town..

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

Since I felt that I couldn't do anything about the causes of the bullying and didn't feel that I could trust most kids, I mostly withdrew and spent my time reading and practicing music.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Verbal and emotional abuse. There were some girls who went in for the subtle but extremly wounding digs that some girls are so good it. For example, they would pass out party invitations in school to everyone but me, but throw a smirk in my direction so that I knew it wasn't just an oversight. The closest thing to physical abuse was when one girl kept pushing me off the risers in choir. With boys, it was sexually harrassing catcalls in the hallway, and I was considered a joke in general. Boys used to tease their friends by suggesting that they take up with me.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

Because of my social isolation, I had a lot of catching up to do when I entered college. I felt as if I were really only 12 instead of 18. I dated some, but it took a long time to find a serious relationship. During junior and senior high school, there were kids who were non-hostile, but I didn't have the kinds of friends I did in elementary school.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Junior and senior high school. I actually got along well in grade school. Things improved a bit in my junior and senior years of high school, perhaps because the other kids were more mature, perhaps because I started hanging out with a guy--it would be an exaggeration to call him a boyfriend--who was 6'4". College, where I could get a fresh start, was a relief from my reputation as a geek.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

Are you kidding? Although the teachers never bullied me, they certainly bullied other students.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Not really, but I know now that I was depressed much of the time.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Yes, I take a while to warm up to people, and I sometimes feel as if I "don't know the proper script" in social interactions. I have a gut-level aversion to people who look as if they were snotty suburban bullies in their youth. I still hate being in the suburbs.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

I root for the underdog, and I'm deeply cynical about celebrity and "the American Dream." (I'm seeing a great deal of similarity among the answers for this item.)

[CatFelyne]

166. Yes, bullied

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

Was bullied at school, and many times would follow me home as they took same bus and lived in same neighborhood.

(2) What was the subject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

To this day, can't say it was any one definitive thing. I'm a small person, and I kept to myself. Due to undiagnosed ADD, I know I have poor social skills, perhaps they thought I was being stuck up or more than likely just saw me as a loner and weak and an easy target.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life?

As a child, I withdrew and became even more of a loner. My way to cope was trying to be even more inconspicuous, perhaps everybody would leave me alone. Just wanted to do my own thing and be left in peace.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Both, a lot of verbal intimidation, pushing, shoving, crowding me so couldn't move. Physical occasionally.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected?

In high school I had no friends there, was not popular with my gender or opposite gender. Due to a volunteering experience, I developed a handful of friends in other high schools, and even a very good long time boyfriend.

(6) What years of school were you bullied?

All. Did seem to decline a bit in high school, by late high school it was some verbal but mainly consisted of being ostracized and talked about behind my back.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

I remember a few times being in principles office with bully/bullies due to parent's involvement. We would both be talked to, explained our "version" of things to authority figure. When that person stepped out to talk to other teacher &/or parents, bully would just smile and laugh at me. Because they would always play a very good innocent game. End result-nothing really happened, bullying would most times escalate for a short time after getting called in the office...I was pretty much told to stand up for myself more, be more assertive, and make more friends.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

Not that I know of.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Absolutely. I have no true close friends of my own to this day, and I don't feel the need to even seek any out. Reaching out for friendship, and talking to complete strangers is extremely difficult, and I tend to avoid it. Definitely anti-social. Those I consider "friends" are actually those developed with friends of my husband. Many of those he's had to encourage me to do so and to maintain those friendships. I'm definitely a homebody, and probably well on the way to becoming a hermit as I grow older. I don't like strangers or large crowds. When I finally get comfortable with people, then I open up and am alright. Takes awhile, and if you ask them now, they'd say I don't have a problem. I am scared of being old and alone in my later years though

(10) Has it effected your World View today? Yes
If so, how?

Only thing I can say overall, I just don't like people very much. As a species, we are very hostile and destructive to each other and the world around us. What happened to me is a case in point, one of millions of children affected, and its only getting worse for kids out there, not better. Something fundamental has to change.

[NMMNG]

167. I was bullied

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood? I was bullied at school and in my neighborhood.

((2) What was the subject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex? My looks and body image.

((3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope? I spent my entire school career trying to fit in but never really did. I tried wearing the clothes the popular kids wore, having the "right" hairstyle, etc., but it never helped.

((4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal? I was verbally and psychologically abused throughout (K-12), and physically abused through around Jr. High.

((5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang? I had one close friend and a few casual friends (e.g., people who talked with me in school). I didn't date anybody in school as I am a lesbian and to let anybody in school know that would have only made matters worse for me.

((6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All? All.

((7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation? When I was in middle school my friend once reported some of the bullies to the principal who took action. It calmed down for a while then went back to its usual level.

((8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.) To avoid bullying in the neighborhood I stayed in the house a lot and became a "couch potato" (which only added to my weight problem, which was a big reason I got bullied).

((9) Has it effected you as an adult? I'm probably not as well adjusted as I could have been, nor do I trust people as much as I would have otherwise been able to.

((10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how? I believe my staunch advocacy for human rights, particularly those of people with disabilities and others who are otherwise less able to speak up for themselves, arose from my experiences as a bullied child and teenager.

[Raine]

168. Yes

I was bullied in elementary school, in particular the 4th grade. I had gone thru a death in my family and I was withdrawn and depressed leading to becaming an outcast. I was also very small for my age, luckily being a girl I didn't get beat up but made fun of. My mother tried to help and went to the school to talk to the teacher but ended up making it worse. The teacher didn't want to be bothered by a parent and so she took it out on me. The teacher then treated me like a dummy, was insulting to me and embarrassed me in front of the class. Things were so bad that the next year my parents put me into private school.

The effect it had on me was that I HATED school, never did homework and faked being sick as much as I could. I got bad grades and felt stupid, lacked confidence in my intelligence. After I managed to just barely graduate from high school I went to the local junior college where they let in just about any one. Junior College was a big change for me though. I got interested in learning, gradually became more confident and got A's and B's and realized that I was as intelligent if not more so than the average.

I'm rather bitter though because I feel that I never achieved things I could have because of feeling stupid and lacking confidence.

[donheld]

169. Mercilessly, at home and at school

But I survived :woohoo:

[Caoimhe]

170. Yes

Here are my answers:

1. At school. I lived out in the country, which separated me from my peer group.

2. Popularity, looks. I was super tall and gangly and we didn't have a lot of money so I didn't wear fashionable clothing. I wasn't allowed to go out for sports and that put me at a disadvantage. PE was the worst. The "mean girls" would throw basketballs at me as hard as possible. They would trip me for laughs.

3. I became a loner and not very trusting of people (esp girls) my own age. My way of fighting back was to ignore them and become "aloof". A lot of people thought I was stuck up because I kept to myself and my very small circle of friends and tried my hardest not to interact with the "in" cliche unless I had to.

4. I was both physically and verbally bullied, but since I grew so tall so fast the physical tapered off as I think kids were a bit afraid of my size lol.

5. Near the end of High School things began to change for me and I dated a popular boy (whom I eventually married and we are very happy), but I never was accepted by the popular girls, in any grade. All of my friends were the outcasts and unpopular kids. If I were a kid today I'd probably be a goth or punk. We didn't have gangs, per se.

6. well.. all through. So grade 1 through 12 (1977 through 1989)

7. Yes, teachers always tried to stick up for me and it only made it worse for me. In the end the kids who want to get at you will do it, even if they have to prey on you for some time before getting their chance.

8. Yes, I became sexually active and took a lot of risks in that area. I didn't use protection and would get drunk. I didn't get along with my parents (part of that was because I realized I was liberal and they weren't!!! but that's another story) and I really rocked their world when I brought home boys that were altogether shocking, like a black boy, a punk stoner with long hair and black leather pants, etc. I think my parents were terrified for me.

9. Yes, I have a hard time forming trusting friendships with women. I always feel they are judging me based on my appearance. I would rather work with men than women because with men I don't have to explain where I bought my clothes, what brand makeup I wear, etc..

10. I think it has affected my world view because I've always taken up for the underdog. When someone is being picked on or abused I get extremely angry and take their plight on as if it were my own. I don't see this as a bad thing, but sometimes, esp in employment, it can get in the way. I have been in battles for union representation several times, which is pretty stressful, but usually rewarding in the end.

Hope my answers helped.

PS my 10 year reunion the same bully girls were there and were entirely rude, but I didn't let them bug me. One walked up to me and in a condescending (almost disgusted) snarl asked "So you married *hubby's name*? OH MY GAWD!" I looked at her and answered "Sure did.. I heard you were in rehab, how'd that go?" hehe

[Jack Rabbit]

171. I was the smallest kid in my class

You could have held me back two grades and I still would have been the smallest kid in my class.

Most of the bullying was in the form of verbal threats and put downs. Physical violence was rare. In fact, one characteristic of a bully is that he doesn't want to actually hit his victim. That would make him look like a bully, which would not be good for public relations. So I learned to stand my ground.

That bullying and just being small has been the most profound influence on my personality. Although I finally became a reasonably good athlete, I never considered that important. Instead, I became bookish. I could name the presidents in order when I was eight (it was easier in those days; I only had to go up to Eisenhower) and read Shakespeare when I was ten. I was sick a lot and my best friend was World Book Encyclopedia. I tend to think of other people as mean and have become reclusive.

[Keseys Ghost]

172. Only for a while; then I got bigger than them

[EnviroBat]

173. Yes, and now I'm quick to start swinging when confronted...

I'm also a sickeningly angry person now, and I trust no one. But a heart attack will probably get me soon and rid the world of me.

[Onlooker]

174. I had a weird bit of fortune in third grade

I was the new kid in school, and on first or second day, the school's biggest bully decided to charge me. At that moment, by shear luck, I knelt down to tie my shoe, and the bully went flying over me, and people cheered. If I hadn't knelt down at that moment, my school experience might have been different.

[benEzra]

175. Yes (but not all that much, thankfully). Male.

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?
School.

(2) What was the suject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?
Random, but probably just because I was an easy target (small for my age). I only remember a handful of incidents; it wasn't a regular thing.

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?
It didn't happen often enough to effect me much, I think. I did study karate for a year in early high school, which helped my self-confidence immensely, but it wasn't so much because of bullying as simply because I was interested and had the opportunity to study with a good sensei.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?
Mostly verbal (threats), but I was punched in the stomach once.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you effected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?
Didn't really affect me. I wasn't one of the "in" group, but I was reasonably popular for a nerd :) and had both male and female friends.

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?
I was punched in the stomach in kindergarten, by an older child (don't know how old, but the school I attended went up through 6th grade). There were some threats around 3rd (maybe one or two incidents, I told a teacher and she took care of it), and some mild threatening in high school that may have been just posturing.

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?
Only once did I report it (3rd grade), and the teacher took care of it.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)
No, I thankfully wasn't victimized enough to be seriously affected.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?
No.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?
No.


() Thanks so much, in advance, for you help in this project.

You're welcome. Thanks for drawing attention to what IS a serious problem for a lot of kids. (My wife was seriously bullied all the way through school, and it affects her self-confidence and such to this day.)

[Brewman_Jax]

177. Yes

To answer your questions...

(1) Where were you bullied? At school, at home (by siblings), in your neighborhood?

School

(2) What was the subject of the bullying? Popularity? Your looks or body-image? Your intelligence? Your ethnicity? Your class? Your race? Your sex?

Size (was short for my age 'til my senior year), intelligence, looks (not a snappy dresser)

(3) What was the effect the bullying had on your life? Did you withdraw? Did you become a bully yourself? Did you fight back? (If so, how?) Did you compensate by trying to his your intelligence, or your spruce up looks, or what? How did you cope?

Loner, read a lot, watched a lot of the Bruce Lee and other kung-fu films, practice martial arts, all to the present day; lifted weights in my basement in HS and in college.

(4) Were you ever beaten up? Or was your bullying just verbal?

Fought as the new kid in elementary school once, verbal after that.

(5) As you got older (in high school), how were you affected? Were you popular with your sex of choice? Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you have a group of friends who liked you and welcomed you? Did you join a gang?

Hung out with my fellow nerds. No girlfriend. :(

(6) What years of school were you bullied? Grade School? Middle School? High School? All?

Off and on, i.e. not constant, thru' HS (no middle schools at that time, just elementary and HS)

(7) Did anyone in an authority position in the school system try and help you? Did it help or hurt the situation?

They tried, no significant change.

(8) Did you develop risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope? (You don't have to say what they were to answer the question. If you are comfortable with a simple yes or no, those answers will be very helpful.)

No.

(9) Has it effected you as an adult?

Not comfortable in unfamiliar social situations and talking to new people. Not good at relationships.

(10) Has it effected your World View today? If so, how?

No, still a liberal.