A Pregnant Woman's Musing on Abortion

[IdaBriggs]

Today I am 18 weeks pregnant with boy/girl twins. My husband and I are thrilled, although frankly, pregnancy has not yet been as much "fun" as my fantasies might have painted it. (A week long stay in the hospital due to "hyperemesis" or "super puking a lot" is still fresh in my mind...sigh.)

We have been trying to have children for eight years. We have danced the infertility dance in all of its glory, and mourned three miscarriages -- the first occurring the day after we saw the heartbeat, and the other two being "early" losses. At some level, I will forever mourn those "might have beens," and I accept that. It took a great deal of courage to "try again" after each loss for both my husband and myself. Sometimes I wasn't sure I could do it; sometimes I didn't want to -- that level of pain leaves permanent scars, even if there is no body to bury.

I am not 100% recovered from my anger at Ronald Reagan, who let his religious beliefs interfere in my medical treatment when he stopped infertility research in this country for twelve years due to it being "too much like playing God." If he'd read his bible, he might have noticed that dealing with infertility is one of the most challenging issues faced by the women in that book! In my mind, God gave us the brains for science so we could become part of the "creation" process, but that deals with my religion, and not Reagan's.

I do not call my "babies" by the medical term "fetuses." I point out "my son" (who likes to hang out on the left side) and "my daughter" (who likes to hang out on the right). I have witnessed them kicking each other in the head via ultrasound, and my husband and I jokingly refer to them as "Jean Claude Van Damm and Brucella Lee."

Neither of my "babies" could live outside my womb at the moment. In addition to all of the "normal" terrors of pregnancy (are they going to be healthy? are they going to be normal? am I doing anything "bad" I don't know about? etc.), I worry about not making it to "full term" and having to spend time in a NICU wondering if they will make it. My goal is to "keep them inside" until they are at a point where they can leave the hospital *with me* when I go home.

I am in the middle of one of the most "pro-life" moments of my entire life -- and yet, when it comes to abortion, I am still "pro-choice."

I do not believe it is for me to make medical decisions this important for other women. I do not know their specific circumstances, and frankly, it is none of my business.

I know the "reality" of the stats -- 2% of all pregnancies are ectopic or tubal; that means both mother and child *WILL DIE* if the pregnancy is not terminated. I know women who have had to face that choice, and I have born witness to their grief. And I thank God I did not have to make a similar decision. (shudder)

I know women who decided to terminate unplanned pregnancies because of non-medical reasons. A lifetime commitment to a child was not something they could make at that time for a variety of reasons -- perhaps a poor choice in partner, or financial challenges, or even just outright terror because it wasn't a stable period in their life such that they could welcome a new addition with joy. Some knew I was struggling with infertility, and told me they felt shame at giving up something I so desperately wanted, and I did my best to point out they had to live their own lives, not mine. Whatever decision they made was a decision I would support; it was not my place to judge. I believe that still.

I may know one woman who used abortion as a form of birth control -- we never really talked about it. I believe that phase of her life was colored by the drugs both she and her partner were abusing at the time, and I know that as the quality of her life improved (losing the druggie partner/getting off of illegal drugs herself) the behavior didn't continue. She was not a bad person, but had suffered much trauma and grief in her childhood, and the "self medication" cycle was painful to watch. In time she gave birth to two children, and she loved them dearly.

I know three women who have had "second trimester" abortions. The first had Lupus, and thought she'd be able to carry to term; the disease flared, and her doctor gave her the choice of dying, or terminating the pregnancy. I remember her grieving; she and her husband had *wanted* that child -- a girl -- so much! She told me once she sometimes questioned if she'd made the right choice when the pain was too strong. The wound was still fresh when I knew her; I saw her beginning to recover toward the end of our relationship. (She was a coworker, and we lost touch when both of us moved on to other positions.)

The other two women who had "second trimester" abortions both had babies with (oddly enough) the same incurable birth defect -- a heart problem that would result in death within hours after birth, unless a heart transplant was performed immediately. Both were told, very gently, that the odds of an infant heart being available fell into the "slim to none" category, while possible alternatives included keeping their child alive on machines for three to four years with multiple surgeries before they died anyway. They could, of course, hope for a miracle, but miracles to cure this type of problem were close to nonexistent. Both chose to terminate the pregnancies; we heard the tale of another woman who didn't, and ended up spending months in a mental hospital after machines had kept her baby alive for four months.

Judge them as murderers? NEVER! With compassion, I hold fast to prayers that I never have to face such an awful circumstance myself!

I do not view abortion as murder anymore than I think "God murdered my unborn babies when miscarriages occurred." I hold fast to my belief in a loving, compassionate deity. Life, with all of its losses, happens. We all do the best we can with the resources we have at the time. I want abortion -- a medical procedure -- to be safe, legal and rare.

In the meantime, I count my blessings daily, and pray that in the spring I will be counting fingers and toes on healthy babies. I have been given a gift to treasure, and getting pregnant was *MY* *CHOICE* -- and while I might have the occasional 'what the heck was I thinking?' moment in the middle of a puke fest, I am generally speaking, happy. My babies are wanted, and I am content. They are miracles to me, as are all children, and my life is exactly that -- mine. I can only do my best to live it with courage, compassion, and integrity, while trusting other women to do the same. Their choices are their own, and in this area, I *will* *not* judge.

As a matter of personal life and death, such decisions are best left to the individual.

I am Pro-Life. I am Pro-Choice. For me, they are one and the same.

[annabanana]

1. A beautiful post.

You have covered my feelings on the matter exactly. We all have our own challenges and our own lives to live. Our opportunities are ours alone. It comes with the "naked into this world" and "naked out" part of life. I would never interfere with anyone's life choices.

May all your wishes for your babies come true.

[Finder]

2. Excellent essay. n/t

[two gun sid]

3. Great post, IdaBriggs.

[LiberalEsto]

4. Beautiful commentary!

I wish you the very best luck with the remainder of your pregnancy and a safe, healthy delivery. Your babies are lucky to have such a compassionate, thoughtful mother.

[blogslut]

5. Thank you

That was lovely.

[Greybnk48]

6. This is beautiful.

Please post updates on your Kids (the twins).

[movie_girl99]

7. Thank you for posting this

I think you captured the way many of us feel. Good luck to you and yours.

[cali]

8. Lovely essay.

I wish you and your husband a joyous time with the twins.

[tavalon]

9. That was beautiful

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Chorophyll]

10. Beautiful post!

Isn't being pregnant strange and wonderful? It was hard for me to get there too, but I have a brilliant five year old son now. And I'm more pro-choice than ever! (Going through a full-term pregnancy will do that to a person!)

Best of luck to you and the twins! (And no more barfing!) :)

[dubykc]

11. Beautifully written, heartfelt essay, which just happens to...

capture my feelings on the "pro-life"/"pro-choice" debate perfectly. Best of luck through the rest of your pregnancy and the lives of the twins.

[PassingFair]

12. I have had 2 babies myself, Ida, though one at a time....

and the thought of FORCING a woman
to go through with a pregnancy against
her will seems
INHUMANE after having been through a
few, doesn't it?

It is such a PERSONAL, INTERNAL life
experience, I cannot imagine a force,
government or person, DEMANDING that
I bear live young against my will.

I can understand the terror and fog
of anxiety and potential psychosis
that some young girls feel when they
found themselves trapped in situations
where no safe, discreet options are
open to them.

When I meet up with someone who has a
"Choose Life" bumper sticker, I ALWAYS
make it a point to say "I like your
sticker!" When they start to smile, I
add, "I especially like the 'Choice' part".

I CHOSE to have my two kids.
I will be ever happy that I did.
In other circumstances, my choices might
have been different, but they would have
been the right ones for me and mine.

[trotsky]

13. Thank you for this, Ida.

Best wishes to you, your husband, and your babies.

[hedgehog]

14. Exactly

I think that any discusion that attempts to dismiss the new life as "merely" a fetus or "merely" an embryo is trivializing the entire issue and insulting the women involved. Abortion is a serious decision, not something a woman casually schedules between a hair cut and a manicure. What is removed is not merely a clump of cells but a future that the woman decided could not be.

[Triana]

15. What an incredible piece of writing. Thank you for sharing this...

...you're an incredible person and I send Best Wishes for your and your babies' continued health and happiness!

[mopinko]

16. life begins with a willing mother

at 6 weeks, or at 26 weeks. you are a person when your mother accepts you as a person.
i have 5 kids. they were not all imvited into my life. i feel strongly that even women who do make my choice, which was to give up a lot to raise them all, are free because that choice is available. i had the choice. i chose to have them all because i am that kind of person. but without that choice, i would be a slave. because i could choose, i am free.
those kids would be different people if they had been raised by a slave.

good luck ida.

[il_lilac]

17. pro-life equals pro- choice for me too

I was told that my pregnancy 12 years ago could kill me. Having been pro-choice all my life I was surprised how difficult the decision was to make. I discovered I was unable to have an abortion. My daughter was born healthy, wanted and loved BUT had that choice not been mine to make I would have gone through that nine months scared and resentful. I always knew the decision to see the pregnancy thru was mine and only mine and therefore the consequence also. I have and would still stand by any woman's choice to terminate or continue a pregnancy.

[wicket]

18. I love you Ida

Thank-you for an incredibly heartwarming post. Best of luck to you, your husband, and your twins! :hug:

[Beetwasher]

19. Hi!!

Great post Ida!! :hi:

I hope you're feeling better! My wife is doing better as far as the nausea, but her back has been acting up. She's been getting pregnacy massages twice a week that have been helping!! Something for you to keep in mind for the weeks ahead!

Don't remember if told you but we found out it's two boys!!

Hang in there! :loveya:

[Warpy]

20. Thanks, Ida, I think that's something we can all live with

and I hope the battling twins are born healthy and full of fight.

[leftchick]

21. When is your due date?

I am so very excited for you and your husband Ida! What a most moving and wonderful post. Also a must read for any "prolifer".

As far as your pregnancy, I know exactly what you are going through. I finally became pregnant after five years of infertility treatments including five IVF cycles and two miscarriages. I have two beautiful boy "miracles" now almost 12 and 10 years.

I also relate well to your abortion stance. Anyone going through infertility treatments has to weigh in on reducing a pregnancy (aborting one or two fetuses) in the event multiples. I prayed I never had to make that decision and Thank God I did not have to. I would never ever make a judgment on another woman's choices either.

Congratulations!!!! :toast:

[TriMetFan]

22. First of all Congratulations!

My you and your spouse have many wonderful years with your kids. And I say all this from my Heart. Even though I don't "know You" I can tell you this much from some one that had to go through the ups and downs of trying to have kids. Once they are here the love you might feel right now for them will triple. Also what a Great post. Your post speaks volumes. Again Thank You.

[Arkansas Granny]

23. A beautiful post, IdaBriggs.

I think you summed up the feelings that many of us share. Best wishes for you and your family.
:hug:

[elehhhhna]

24. Ida ,

your TaeKwonDo twins are so lucky. Great going on scoring a two-fer! IMO the gretest gift a parent can give a child is a sibling.


Try to remember that when they're double-team sassing you in about 8 years, 'kay?

[passy]

25. Nice well thought-out post.

Best of luck to your family. I hope for your children's sake that you will not keep those names after they are born, although Brucella is quite cute and Lee and Leah would be a perfect twin combo.

Passy

[Nikki Stone1]

26. bookmarking and recommending

Thank you.

[philosophie_en_rose]

27. Such a beautiful post.

:pals:

[flying_monkeys]

28. Very nicely penned :)

You should send this one out to be published somewhere....


Congrats and good luck!

[RobertSeattle]

29. Girl-Boy Twins ROCK!!!

Yours,

Father of Girl-Boy Twins Addison and Cooper.

[Beausoir]

48. Aren't they just the most fun! Love my twins. n/t

[kath]

85. I'm curious - which one is the girl?

[RobertSeattle]

90. Addison is the girl, Cooper the boy

When we have guests over, I pick them up, spin them around, and I have "Addison Cooper 360" - get it? :evilgrin:

[EnviroBat]

30. Thank you for that...

Almost lost my girlfriend to an ectopic last winter. She's doing great now, but it was a horrible experience I hope we never have to repeat. The doctors saved her life with very little time to spare. We often think about "trying again", but we are still very fearful about what happened... I thank God all the time that there were no legal delay's to what had to be done to save her.

[Control-Z]

42. Hi EnviroBat

:hi: I had an ectopic pregnancy many years ago and came very close to dying. (My falopian tube had already burst by the time they diagnosed it.) I understand the fear you are going through.

The gave me very slim odds of having a normal pregnancy - 50% chance of getting pregnant with only one falopian tube, 80 % chance the pregnancy would be another ectopic.

But they were WRONG. I have 3 healthy children and had to get really good birth control so I wouldn't have more.

If you or your girlfriend want to PM me you are more than welcome. :hug:

[EnviroBat]

96. Thank you sweetheart...

It's soooo nice to have friends here! She's trying to get the word out to other women in the community about the warning signs of an ectopic. I remember when she woke up that morning, she felt some pain, but didn't think anything of it and it didn't feel serious enough to go to the hospital. That turned out to be a bad idea... She's fine now, and I think the "eagerness" to try again is gaining some momentum...

[Stargazer09]

104. I had the warning signs with my current pregnancy...

And I went in to the ER to get checked out. They had to call in the ultrasound tech from home, and she was angry when she found a normal embryo in the uterus, instead of an ectopic. I guess she thought I was faking the pain or something, as if I had wanted to spend hours in the hospital just for fun. She kept pushing the probe into my belly as hard as she could, even though she knew I came in complaining of cramping and severe pain in my left side. I felt like she was punishing me for bringing her in to do her job.

I hope your girlfriend will consider trying again. I know it will be scary for her, but as long as she gets regular care, she should be fine. Many OBs now have ultrasound equipment in their offices, so they can verify the position of the gestational sac as early as 6 weeks.

Good luck!

[Erechtheides]

31. That was beautiful. Thank you.

(n/t)

[FourScore]

32. K & R!!!

This is so beautiful, Ida!!! Thank you so much for this. I think you should submit somewhere for publication.

Your babies are so lucky to have you as their Mama! A whole new world will open up to you when they are born. I do believe they will stay put inside you long enough for you to avoid the NICU. I will certainly pray for that.

I have three babies and it is the greatest joy I have ever known. Pregnancy has it's rough moments -- but the magic far outweighs the puke. At least that's how I remember it now. (I was quite the puker myself.)

Thank you again and please keep us informed on how you, Dad and the little kickboxing darlings are doing.

[Old Smokey]

33. Very well written

I pray that a loved one of mine never, ever has to make a choice like that.

[Blue State Blues]

34. Thank you, Ida

And best wishes for a healthy pregnancy.

[Morgana LaFey]

35. I want abortion -- a medical procedure -- to be safe, legal and

not discussed at all. By anyone beyond the woman and her doctor and family if she finds it necessary.

Yours is a wonderful commentary, but I so despise that gratuitious, ubiquitous, thoroughly unnecessary addition of the word "rare" -- IT's AN APOLOGY.

No one needs to apologize for abortion. Ever. Period.

It's a fact that abortions happen less when women as a group have more economic freedom and opportunities. Society needs to deal with THAT instead of cluck-clucking over the fact that abortions happen and they're bad, bad, bad, and shouldn't happen. If women have enough support -- that is, enough rights and equality -- abortions would be much rarer.

But IMO abortions SHOULD happen. Because even in a perfectly ideal society, there will likely STILL be women who do not want a child "right now" for whatever reason. Then there are those women who flat shouldn't be a parent, and they know it. REJOICE that they know it. That choice should be the woman's and her choice should be absolutely supreme. Period. NO DAMN APOLOGIES.

Finally, abortion IS birth control. It's extreme birth control, after-the-fact birth control, but it most certainly is birth control. So if a woman is so dysfunctional (as you point out with your example) or otherwise "not together" enough to take care of herself with less extreme birth control, thank GOD there's still the extreme form, abortion.

Let's quit being embarrassed and shamed by the fact of abortion -- and the need (and society should be ashamed about that), because that shame provides a sure-fire way for the anti-abortion crowd to gain traction.

[Iris]

40. I, too, cringe at the word "rare"

When statistics such as 4 out of 10 women have had an abortion by the time they are 50 are thrown about (I've never tried to track down the source of this statistic, but have seen it on bus stop ads in metro Atlanta) one has to wonder who will make the decision for those 4 women that their abortion throws the numbers too far over the "rare"? And how would that decision be made? So that's why this

"not discussed at all. By anyone beyond the woman and her doctor and family if she finds it necessary."

makes so much sense to me.

and this is crucial to my pro-choice position:

"but IMO abortions SHOULD happen. Because even in a perfectly ideal society, there will likely STILL be women who do not want a child "right now" for whatever reason."

No woman should be coerced into having a child she does not want, even in an ideal society.


Otherwise, this is an excellent essay and IdaBriggs should consider trying to publish it somewhere. I've often wondered how pregnancy, childbirth, and infertility might affect a person's pro-choice position.

[omega minimo]

50. There appears to be an apologist campaign (no reflection on OP)

showing up lately, to appease and coddle non-Dems with promises to make abortion "unnecessary."



:evilfrown:

It's just too hard for people to support women's rights and come from that position.

[Left Is Write]

63. Abortion will never be unnecessary.

We should, of course, be working to provide affordable contraception, education, and resources and support for women to help prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place, but there will always be a need for abortion. It will never be my place or the government's to decide for any given woman what her choice should be.

[puebloknot]

54. ...not discussed at all.

I just posted this last night:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=2717620&mesg_id=2720886


Wonderful post!

Judy Barrett, Citizen
United States of America

[Lars39]

62. Thank you, Morgan LaFey, for putting my objections to 'rare" into words.

I'd never been able to articulate why that word severely bugged me.

[PinkyisBlue]

86. The word "rare" does make it sound like one is apologizing for abortion.

There's too much discussion about abortion in our country, period. As you state in your post, abortion should really only be discussed by a woman, her doctor, and anyone else she wishes to discuss it with.

Secretly, I do hope abortions are rare, but I don't like to see this thought articulated, because it does sound like an apology, an admission that it's a bad thing. For some women, as Ida Briggs described in her post, abortion is her best choice. And, ideally, other forms of contraception should be used if a woman is using abortion for contraception (which I do believe is rare). But I digress, as it's really none of my business why any woman chooses to have an abortion. It's difficult enough to try to make the right choices in my own life without trying to evaluate someone else's choices. And I am glad that abortion is a choice.

[calimary]

87. Agreed wholeheartedly! And I'd add one more point - abortion is

NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS. PERIOD.

It's private. Should be safe and legal and a matter between a woman and her doctor and her conscience.

EXCELLENT OP, too, Ida! Congratulations. The most important point in your piece is that your babies are SO wanted by you. That's the ONLY point, ever.

[July]

102. I've called myself "pro-abortion" for the reasons you give here.

There was a thread here some time ago in which someone said that "no-one is pro-abortion." You explain better than I did why I claimed that I was.

Further, making abortion illegal will not eliminate abortion. (Unsafe) abortion will still be with us, and women will die because it is performed in secret. THAT would be something to be ashamed of.

I've also got a very large problem with the anti-abortion team's expectation that others must follow their religious beliefs. To me it is the height of arrogance to tell women who don't believe abortion is murder that they must live by the beliefs of those who do.

[kaygore]

36. How very beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

[Control-Z]

37. Thank you for your beautiful essay.

You have covered so many of the feelings I've been unable to articulate.

My mother died from a self induced abortion in the 60's.

I was lucky to live through an ectopic pregnancy in the 70's (before ultrasound).

Today I have 3 healthy children and am living through the joys of teenage years.

I am pro-choice, pro-life and pro-woman.

Good luck with your babies.

[Horse with no Name]

38. You have summed this up beautifully.

To the point. Sympathy and empathy all rolled into one.
Of course you are carrying babies--because as one poster above pointed out, you made the choice to have a baby...so a baby it is.
Or two as it were.
I wish you the best and hope your dreams come true.
Babies are remarkably tough.:hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

39. *hugs* and kudos. I too lost babies very early on, but I like to think

that i got them back again in the two that I carried to term. :D

[yellerpup]

41. You'll be a great mom, IdaBriggs.

Thanks for the beautiful essay. And, congratulations! :applause:

[knitter4democracy]

43. Oh sure, make me get all weepy.

You said everything I've said when I was preggers before. I had some trouble conceiving mine, was told that I might be infertile, all that, and the only anger I had was at how hard it is to adopt in this country.

Pro-life is pro-choice. You are so right.

[Shredr]

44. We're all praying with you...

For your continued health and that of your two little miracles!

Thanks for this beautiful post.

[VelmaD]

45. This makes me want to cry and scream and tear my hair out...

knowing the Rep. Murtha, who does not believe in the right to control our own reproductive lives, is slated to become the House Majority Leader. I would send him a copy of this post if I thought it would make a damn bit of difference.

[SoCalDem]

46. Congrats to you, Ida..

Here's hoping those little kidlets stay inside so long you'll need a lawyer to draw up eviction papers..at say 40 weeks :)

My friend had her twins at 30 weeks, and they did just fine.. One's now a teacher..the other a lawyer. :)They each weighed in at around 3 lbs :)

She did not even know she was having twins until the delivery room..(this was before ultrasound was routinely used, and apparently every time they listened for a heartbeat, those rascals were face to face, and only one heartbeat was heard :)

[Beausoir]

47. Oh what a wonderful post. I have b/g twins! You are in for so much

fun and exhaustion! What a rollercoaster!

Stay healthy and thanks for your compassionate and reasoned words.

Your twins are lucky!

[omega minimo]

49. This is very beautiful. Thank you for sharing this

May I say it is unfortunate that people feel the need to use the highly (violently, murderously) charged term "Pro-Life" that was created, marketed and propagandaized by the woman haters, abortion bombers and moral hypocrites.

[redwitch]

71. I call them anti choice.

:-) ProLife term pisses me off!

Forgot to add that I think this is a fabulous post and I too wish you, hubbies and babes all the best. Keep us "posted".

[omega minimo]

73. "Pro-Life" = Domestic Terrorists

How soon people forget.......................

[ronnykmarshall]

51. Great post Ida!

Best of luck and sending out love to you, your hubby and "Jean Claude & Brucella".

Maybe they might be future soocer players.

[SeattleGirl]

52. Thank you for sharing this, Ida.

:loveya: :hug: To you, your husband, and your babies.

[DemBones DemBones]

53. More about ectopic pregnancies. . .

"Ectopic" means "out of place" and most ectopic pregnancies do involve an embryo implanting in a Fallopian tube, so they're called "tubal." But not all ectopic pregnancies are tubal.

Some ectopic pregnancies involve the embryo implanting in the abdominal cavity and result in the eventual surgical delivery of a full term baby. Often, the woman doesn't even know she's pregnant until term. Those are rare enough to be news items!

When a pregnancy is "tubal," as the embryo grows, the tube will burst and surgery will be required to prevent infection from setting in, which would endanger the mother's life. It's not a matter of aborting the pregnancy but of being unable to save it. There is no "choice" involved; it would be suicide for the mother to refuse surgery, and futile since the embryo is usually dead by the time surgery is performed. With ultrasound, a tubal pregnancy may be diagnosed before the tube bursts and the mother's OB-GYN will give her medication to dissolve the embryo, but again, this is not an issue of "choice" but of "no choice" since there is no way to have a live baby if it has implanted in a place where it cannot develop, and no way to move it to the right place, either.

It's important for women to know about ectopic pregnancy in case they are one of the unlucky few women who have one.

You said that 2% of all pregnancies are ectopic while I was taught that it is only 1/10 of 1% (0.01%), though it jumps to a 10% chance for subsequent pregnancies after an ectopic one. Still, many women are able to have more children after an ectopic pregnancy. Anyway, if 2% of all pregnancies are now ectopic, there's been a significant increase in ectopic pregnancies in recent decades so I'm interested in knowing your source for the info.

Congratulations on your twins!

[puebloknot]

55. Beautiful!

This is such a hearfelt and stirring message. Thank you for posting it.

I had twin cousins, girl and boy, when I was 16. We had *such* fun with them!

I also had a cousin who had five or six miscarriages before she *finally* gave birth to her first of two healthy children.

Keep the faith!


Judy Barrett, Citizen
United States of America

[Midlodemocrat]

56. Beautiful post.

Best wishes with those two little liberals you are carrying!

:hug:

[Democrat 4 Ever]

59. My daughter and her husband are now expecting their first child,

a little boy, the first part of February after undergoing in vitro fertilization that fortunately took on the first try. We are very thank for the science that has made our joy so boundless. Everything is going fine and they are getting good reports. I am anxiously waiting for that first grandson after six perfect, super duper, beyond my dreams granddaughters.

My next door neighbors' son and his wife under went in vitro fertilization seven (7!) times before she was finally able to stay pregnant for any length of time. My neighbor called me and said her family now have a brand new set of twins - a boy and a girl - delivered last night. (They had given up all hope before deciding to "try one more time.") Both babies, mother and father are doing great. Better than great - the odds were so long against this day ever happening. They did take the twins a month early but each weighed in at a little under 7 pounds so I'd say they were more than ready to be born.

So don't give up believing in miracles - and science. Don't stop thanking the wonderful people who made this miracle and thousands just like it possible. We have marvelous, complex, extremely capable brains that work best when they are used.

And you must post a picture of your little angels after they are born so all the DU aunts and uncles can enjoy them, too.

[XanaDUer]

57. Best post today.

Bravo!

[Arugula Latte]

58. I gave birth to a son and a daughter, and I'm staunchly pro-choice.

I want abortion rights preserved for my daughter (and my son, for that matter).

Good post. :thumbsup:

[flamingyouth]

60. Thank you for this wonderful post, Ida

I wish you all of the best. :hug:

[pinto]

61. Thanks for your post. I'm a fraternal twin (I have a sister). Hope it all goes doubly good.

[rhiannon55]

64. Thank you Ida, for a beautiful essay

And I feel like that, too. Pro-Choice IS Pro-Life. Congratulations to your family. I'm sure these babies will be born whole, healthy, and beautiful.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

65. Great Post. I'm Firmly Pro-Life As Well While Believing Abortion Should Be Safe, Legal And

hopefully someday rare, or rarer at least anyway.

You expressed yourself wonderfully in that post. My experience during my wife's first pregnancy is what pushed me greatly toward the pro-life part of the spectrum, but like you I couldn't ever be pushed far enough to that side to think that the basic right to choose should be eradicated. I hope with all my heart that through different programs, protections, education, assistance and economic improvements that abortions in this country can in fact become a rarity, but whether then or now the access to safe and legal means of terminating a pregnancy should be open to all.

Congrats on your pregnancy, hang in there and God bless!

Trust me when I tell you there are rare joys in this world more precious than that which comes with being a parent! (nor more exhausting LOL)

Congrats! :toast:

[Suich]

66. Wow...just...wow!!!

Thanks for a wonderful post, IdaBriggs!

Recommended.

:hi:

[janetle]

67. Hydatidiform Mole

Thank you for your moving post and congratulations of the upcoming birth of your babies. I have had three pregnancies and two of them were successful. My first pregnancy was a hydatidiform mole. It was a horrendous experience. You beautifully explain how pregnancies are not black and white for every woman. Many gray areas exist. To me, my molar pregnancy proved that life does not necessarily begin at conception.

I too am Pro-Life and Pro-Choice. Many unfortunate circumstances require that pregnancies end. Only a woman and her doctor know.

[Vektor]

68. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt and wonderful post.

I wish you the very best of luck as your pregnancy progresses. I am wishing you, your children, and your spouse health and happiness.

[LanternWaste]

69. Wonderful essay(-ette?).

Wonderful essay(-ette?). Not that I was ever going to ask a pregnant woman, "have you decided on a name for your feus, yet?", but now I know that I absolutely *won't* do that. :)

Congratulations, by the way. If I was in love and married, I'd be envious. Heck, I'm single and desperate and *still* envious!

[HappyWeasel]

70. Yeah, I think this is the proper attitude needed to be a good parent. Good Luck!

Though, I usually like to consider the difference between a fetus and a person baby is that you have named the child (or at least have an alternate name if the sex turns out to be opposite)
Names are just really important to me.

[AwakeAtLast]

72. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

I wish you nothing but the best!

I agree 100% with you. So many people think they know every person's circumstances. They are not God and should not behave as if they are.

Thanks for posting and keep us updated!

:hi:

[JNelson6563]

74. I'm the girl of girl/boy twins

My dad told me that before we were born he was terrified, wondering how he and my mom would ever manage. Then he said that the minute he saw us he fell madly in love and wondered how he'd ever gotten along without us. He also told me that having twins was so great because we always had playmates.

I wish he were still alive today to read your beautiful post. Good luck to you, I wish you and your husband as much happiness as my dad recounted to me.

Hugs and encouragement,
Julie

[omega minimo]

75. You said it all right here, dear IdaBriggs

"Whatever decision they made was a decision I would support; it was not my place to judge. I believe that still."

Whether it is a person we know, love or respect enough to support and not judge their OWN decision

or someone we don't know that the law affords the RIGHT to their OWN decision

they have that right and it is not our legal-- or ever moral--- right to judge.

[WinstonSmith4740]

76. Thank you so much.

What a beautiful essay. Of course you're pro-choice. You understand the nuances.

One of my biggest complaints about the pro-choice movement is that they allowed the anti-choice groups shape the dialog. Women were portrayed as empty-headed fluff-brains who would have an abortion because they didn't want morning sickness to interfere with their vacations...and the pro-choice groups did nothing to call them on it.

I had to make that decision. Did I try to avoid it? Of course. Was it easy? In a way, yes. But only because there was no other way to go. But 30 years later, it's still there. Do I regret it? No. But again, there was no other way.

I've long felt that if the "right to life" movement was as dedicated to preserving life as they claim to be, they would have put their remarkable muscle and funding behind research that would allow the fetus to be transplanted from the unwilling/unable woman to one that wanted it. I'm sure we could find many volunteers picketing outside women's medical clinics.

[eridani]

77. Wonderful post

Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to give up after three miscarriages. Don't know how old you are, but if you are old enough legal abortion has very likely kept you alive. Back in the 50s, women with miscarriages were left to bleed on the table until the doctors were sure that the fetus was out so they wouldn't be in legal trouble for performing an abortion. If you bled to death before that point, tough shit.

An old friend with a serious medical condition had two abortions before it could be treated adequately. The two kids she subsequently had owe their own lives to those abortions.

[janetle]

108. Yes, we need doctors with the skills...

..my post #67. This is my concern and a shocking but good point you have made about the sad history of women's health if abortion is not legal.

[sonias]

78. That was the most sane, pro-humanity article I've ever read

You will make a wonderful mother. You have an incredible understanding of the difficult choices that mothers have to make. I wish you the best with your babies. May they be born, healthy, happy and have your wisdom and understanding of life.
:hug:

Sonia

[mnhtnbb]

79. Beautiful post. May all go well with your twins.

[Geek_Girl]

80. Thank you for the wonderful post

Congratulations! I wish for you and the twins to have a happy, healthy delivery.

[Generic Other]

81. DU babies everywhere!! Congrats!

What fun!

[WildClarySage]

82. What a lovely epistle! Congratulations and best wishes

for a terrific outcome for you and the two karate kids you're carrying.

In January, I had the baby we'd been trying for 10 years to have. Infertility has helped cement my feelings on abortion. Knowing how important, life-changing and just *enormous* children are, I couldn't force that experience on someone else. And my denying someone else the right to choose isn't going to affect my fertility in the least. I've also experienced miscarriage and an earlier term pregnancy (my kids are 12yrs and 10mos), and no matter what, a pregnancy is a life altering experience, one that can have a satisfactory outcome *only* when one can choose that outcome.

I love my boys so much, and I would choose them again and again and again. I had them because I chose to have them, not because I was ever forced to. Next month, we're hoping to be choosing one last time, hoping that the meds I took to conceive my lilbubbababyboy will work again.

[sutz12]

83. Well said, and the utmost of best wishes for you and your children. nt

[ninkasi]

84. Ida Briggs

this has to be one of the most wonderful, beautiful posts I've ever read. You are able to share your losses, and your awe at the miracle that is taking place in your life, without passing judgment on others. That is a rare gift. So many tend to believe that what they experience should be the standard of what others experience. Your compassion for women who make choices that are not the ones you might have made, speaks volumes about you.

I have three cherished, and much loved, grown children. I thank God every day of my life that I have them. I also realize, though, that had I become pregnant after the youngest was born, I would have been faced with an agonizing decision, because their father and I were separating, and in the process of becoming divorced. I would no more begrudge another woman the right to make her own decisions, than I would walk into a stranger's home and begin to go through their personal effects. It is enough for me to be ready to be judged for my own decisions, but I would never presume to pass judgment on those made by another person.

You have my most sincere respect, and deepest wishes for happiness for yourself and the little lives you will be blessed with. They are fortunate, indeed, to be born to a woman who is loving and compassionate. My wish would be for every child who is born to be born to people like you and your husband. I pray that your family remains safe, and that you will experience many years of joy together. Thank you so much for telling us your story.

[blue neen]

88. What a beautiful, eloquent post.

Your twins will have a mother who understands the nuances of life, and that the world is not always black and white.

I wish every anti-choicer could read the understanding and compassionate words that you wrote.

Best of luck with your journey and your babies.

[Hekate]

89. Ida, thank you so much for telling your story. Blessings on your blessed event, always

:hug:
You moved many people today, including me.

Hekate

[devinsgram]

91. I whole heartedly agree.

I have 5 beautiful children and would never even thought about abortion, but I would never begin to tell anyone else what to do. Nor would I condemn anyone for making that decesion. Each person must have that right to make their own decesion. The government has no right to do it for them.

[SunDrop23]

92. Very nice.

[Dystopian]

93. Beautiful & Inspirational. Best wishes to your family.....k/r eom

[JackCo]

94. Wonderful post

Best wishes for your family.

[LWolf]

95. Pro-Life and Choice: They ARE one and the same.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

"Safe, Legal, and Rare" is the way to move forward.

[omega minimo]

101. "Pro-Life" is the movement of domestic terrorism against women

women's health clinics and doctors. There has GOT to be enough imagination and awareness for folks looking for a slogan to come up with one that doesn't have such a bloody and horrifying history.


Safe, Legal and None Of Your Business is the way to move forward.

Instead of making apologies and promises to anti-choice types to make abortion "rare" and "unnecessary," Democrats need to include women and families in a renewed commitment to the Constitutional promise to Promote the General Welfare. If Dems and DUers genuinely care about making abortion "rare" (again another word is needed, that one implies a stigma on anyone who actually has an abortion) they will focus on improving women's economic, social and legal status, rather than kissing the asses of hypocritical "moral" bigots.

:thumbsup:

[LWolf]

118. Not from my perspective.

At least, not this part: From the perspective of a woman who has had an abortion, born and raised kids, and is an only child because of the back street butchering that nearly killed my mom, I say "rare." Rare because I've done it, and I don't want other women or young girls to have to except as a last resort. That's not applying a stigma; it's saying bluntly that I don't want my sisters to have to experience what I did, and I want to support them if it becomes necessary.

None of your business? That I agree with. The choice is no one's business but the woman's, up to the point that she chooses to bear the child. Then the future of the child should be equally determined by mother and father.

I don't think "liberal" is a terrible label because a political faction has tried to turn it into a smear. I don't think "pro-life" is, either. I think the term itself is a perfect illustration of the hypocrisy of the "unborn are sacred, already born are on their own" crowd. If you are "pro-life," then you value life. All life, not just the lives of embryos.

I agree that a focus on the social, economic, and legal status of women is what will make abortion "rare." I certainly wouldn't support restricting opportunity as a method to reduce the numbers.

[omega minimo]

120. The homocidal "Pro Life Movement" called itself that-- it's not a matter of opinion

Thank for the excellent post-- we are in agreement, with some clarification.

"I don't think "liberal" is a terrible label because a political faction has tried to turn it into a smear. I don't think "pro-life" is, either."

The term "Pro-Life" didn't exist until the homocidal Pro Life Movement did. THEY and their actions (crimes) gave it the charge and meaning that it has. IMHO anyone who would want to "reclaim" that bogus bumpersticker doesn't understand or remember the (recent, bloody) history.

" If you are "pro-life," then you value life. All life, not just the lives of embryos."

That's true. And the statement seems innocent or unaware of that history.

"I think the term itself is a perfect illustration of the hypocrisy of the "unborn are sacred, already born are on their own" crowd."

You are right about that, but the hypocrisy is made absolute and perfect by the fact that the "Pro Life" fanatics-- including the leaders-- advocated and/or perpetrated domestic terrorism against women, women's clinics, doctors (even in their homes), staff and passersby. The words "Pro Life" have blood dripping from them every time. We ought to examine WHY some folks find it necessary to adopt the slogan and title of a movement that made its case with bombings and assassination.

"That's not applying a stigma; it's saying bluntly that I don't want my sisters to have to experience what I did, and I want to support them if it becomes necessary.... I agree that a focus on the social, economic, and legal status of women is what will make abortion "rare." "

So we agree. And if more of us were willing, we could say without hesitation or shame-- with the same enthusiasm some proclaim "Pro Life"-- that we support equal rights for women and commit ourselves to improving the social, economic and legal status of women.

At that point, all we need say is keep abortion Safe and Legal.


:hi: :hug:

[connecticut yankee]

97. Thank you for sharing

your beautiful story.

I wish you and your twins a long healthy life.

[depakid]

98. That was a fine piece of writing

You might want to consider submitting it as an op ed piece to various papers and/or magazines.

ps: congratulations to you and your husband....

[racaulk]

99. This is such a beautiful post.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, IdaBriggs. I'm sorry for the loss of your previous children, and I'm sending positive energy your way that you and your twins will pull through your pregnancy OK. And make sure to post pictures for us after they are born, I'm sure they will be beautiful.

All the best to you always. Thanks again for a beautiful and thoughtful post. :hug:

[catrose]

100. Blessings for a safe, happy pregnancy and delivery n/t

[Stargazer09]

103. Thank you so much for posting this

You were able to put my own feelings into words, and I really enjoyed reading your post.

Congratulations on your twins! That is so exciting!

A few years ago, while I was pregnant with my seventh child, I was eating lunch with one of my coworkers. The discussion turned to politics, and when I told him that part of the reason I am a Democrat is because I believe that women should have the ability to make their own choices about their bodies, pregnant or not. He said to me, "So, you are pro-abortion. How could you?" He then got up and left the table, leaving me sitting there in shock that someone would label me as "pro-abortion" when I had so many children and simply stated my belief that women are people, too. Fortunately, we were only working together for another week after that, so I've never had to see him again. I don't think I could be civil to him after what he said.

I've never had to deal with infertility, although some of my friends have, and I sometimes feel guilty for my overly fertile body. I've suffered through nine miscarriages, but I've also carried eight babies to term. Number nine is due in the spring. Unfortunately, this pregnancy was not planned, and I was on medication that causes birth defects when I became pregnant. I did consider a first trimester abortion, not because the baby wasn't planned, but because we were so afraid of what could be wrong with this baby due to the medication. We opted to wait and see. We have another month to wait for our big ultrasound, and I can only hope that this baby is healthy and free of life-threatening defects. If there is something seriously wrong with this baby, I will have to terminate the pregnancy. It's simply not safe for me to carry a baby to term if it isn't going to live; I've had too many surgeries, and even carrying a healthy baby to term is risky for me. I'm sure that there will be people who judge me harshly, if I need to make that decision, but I have to ask myself how my older children would feel if their mother died giving birth to a baby who we knew could not live. My oldest son has already told me that he's very worried about me. I'm worried about me, too.

I can certainly relate to the "what was I thinking???" moments. With my first child, I was sick the entire nine months, gaining a grand total of four pounds over the entire pregnancy. Popsicles are great, if you can grab one as soon as you feel the first twinges of nausea. I don't know about you, but crackers made me sick more often than not. It's important to keep your blood sugar as even as possible, because a lot of your nausea is due to low blood sugar. The popsicles are a good way to boost your blood sugar to stave off an attack, but you need to follow them with something high in protein to give you a sustained blood sugar level. Otherwise, you'll just ride a blood sugar roller coaster and be miserable. I know it's harder with twins, and that you are probably in for a difficult pregnancy, but hang in there! Once the babies are here, all of the suffering will be worth it.

Thank you again for your well-written post. Good luck with your pregnancy!

[Selteri]

105. Very Beautifully written.

And a position I prsonally agree with that statement for my own reasons. I feel it is a decision that should belong between the woman and her doctor with very very few exceptions. Those exceptions being so rare that they basically fall into the catagory of being able to go to trial rather than try to write a law to cover that small list of individual circumstances.

[Clark2008]

106. I'm 10 weeks pregnant (don't know the sex yet, obviously)

and I, too, made the CHOICE to keep this baby.

Thank you for the thread.

[Stargazer09]

115. Congrats!

You're only a few weeks behind me. At least we're having our babies before the worst of the summer heat kicks in.

:hug:

[Kerrytravelers]

107. Bookmarking. Excellent post.

[ceile]

109. Excellent post!

Thank you for not judging and holding fast to your beliefs.

[Name removed]

110. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[VelmaD]

112. that was uncalled for

Strange way to start out with your first post.

[flying_wahini]

113. obviously Johnq is not pregnant, nor will ever be, so you don't

have a clue what it is like. sorry to all the men out there but
only women REALLY get it.

[RaleighNCDUer]

122. The offending post was deleted before I saw it, but I can imagine -

and I agree -- we men CANNOT get it. Unfortunately, many of us don't get that we cannot get it. It may be a male thing, always gotta be right, always gotta have the answers.

My answer is, it's none of my business. When a girlfriend of mine got pregnant, many years ago, I argued for keeping the baby, but she didn't -- and I cannot blame her. It was her decision. She allowed that I had some say, and shared responsibility, but the end decision was hers.

I may not get it, but I do get that I don't get it, and the decision is not mine to make.

[BleedingHeartRN]

111. Beautiful, eloquent, heartfelt......Thank you!

And may you not suffer another second of hyperemesis! Congratulations on your babies, I know they are very much wanted and loved, as every child should be.

[Irishonly]

114. Thanks For Such A Beautiful, Heartfelt Post

While reading your post I found myself in tears because of memories it brought back. My husband and I wanted a child desperately and were in the same situation as you. As more and more of my friends became pregnant and had children it always seemed as if my dream of being a mother was not to be. I became Auntie to many children and had come to accept I would not be a mother. Then a miracle happened. I was pregnant. My miracle baby is now 16 years old and the joy I have felt being a mom is almost indescribable.

I have always been pro-choice. I chose to have my baby and she is a precious gift. I cannot or will not judge another woman who has not made the same decision as me. I haven't walked in her shoes. My next door neighbor just gave birth to her first child last night. She is a full time veterinary student and although her baby was not planned, abortion was never a thought. I am thrilled for her. There are those in our country that have tried to become rulers of our thoughts, decisions and judges of all behaviors. They have no right to be a woman's judge and jury. Abortion cannot be an easy decision.

[demigoddess]

116. Beautiful, beautiful and so true. so honest

I am the mother of a severely mentally and physically handicapped child who was born before Roe v Wade. I had no choice. I try not too look back and second guess because 35 years later I have no choice but to go forward.
However, I have known women who have gotten pregnant on every form of birth control, including male and female sterilization. All of them were married and all of them gave birth to those babies. To outlaw a medical procedure that may be very necessary because of the faith based idea that women have abortions on a whim is outrageous to me.
I base my feelings on the idea that the decision should be left in the hands of the mother not the state. The father was historically the one who made all the decisions, but in childbirth the father may not be alive, and I do not want the state to step in and fill that place. A decision by the supreme court was reported to have said "the state has an interest in setting policy concerning reproduction". Now people think that means preventing abortion, but in the future that may mean forcing one to have an abortion, or choosing one sex of child over another , or banning reproduction altogether.
This has to be kept in the hands of the mothers, and NOT left in the hands of the state. As we have seen recently, it is all to easy to slip over into tyranny, and dictatorship.

[cynthia]

117. What a beautiful essay!

So much of the hateful crap that is out there against abortion comes from men, who have no idea what it is like to be pregnant or give birth! I applaud your courage and talent to write such a lovely essay that speaks for so many of us

Pro-life, Pro-choice, Pro-privacy!

[emmadoggy]

119. What a wonderful post.

As a mother of not-quite-five-year-old boy/girl twins I offer a wholehearted CONGRATULATIONS!! My husband and I also went through fertility problems, though nothing as heartwrenching as you have been through, and after going through my pregnancy and having my two beautiful children I REMAIN STAUNCHLY PRO-CHOICE.

As to your pregnancy, well, I found that 18 weeks was when I started to really enjoy my pregnancy (for a while, lol). If you haven't already, you will start feeling them moving in the next few weeks. 16-20 weeks was my little reprieve. I was very nauseaus for weeks in my first trimester and lost 14 pounds because it was so difficult to eat anything. But by about 16 weeks it had finally passed. After that I started to expand so quickly that I started to have a lot of discomforts after about 20-21 weeks, including Braxton-Hicks contractions when I would walk the two blocks to the post office every day for my job. By 30 weeks I was measuring the size of a full-term 40-week pregnancy and quit working because it had simply become so difficult and uncomfortable- but I ended up carrying for another 9 WEEKS!! (You DON'T want to know how miserably uncomfortable I was! But thrilled and joyful, none-the-less!) My twins were born at 39.2 weeks weighing 7.1 lbs. and 7.10 lbs. and it has been one helluva wild ride since then!


I hope that your pregnancy continues to be healthy and happy (and that the pukies go away soon!!) DRINK LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER!! It is VERY important in multiple pregnancies - keeps those contractions at bay.

Parenting twins is a huge challenge, but it comes with even bigger rewards. Congratulations again, and thank you for your heartfelt post. The Choice issue is something that goes right down to the soul of me as a woman.

[FighttheFuture]

121. "I am Pro-Life. I am Pro-Choice"... Beautifully and brilliantly stated!!

this is where the debate should be; how to best help the women who do want to go to term AND the women who do not; fairly, equally and without condemnation. The crux of the matter is "such decisions are best left to the individual." As a society, we should be fore the individual to live their lives, not to control them!

Thank you.