#1 on Wal-Mart's best-seller list: Audio Bible featuring Samuel L. Jackson as God

[Human Torch]

Audio Bible features Denzel W., Angela Bassett

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/books/11/17/talking.bible.ap/index.html

GRAND RAPIDS, Michigan (AP) -- It's an epic telling of the life of Jesus -- an ambitious production featuring an all-star cast. But it's not a movie or miniseries.

It's been at or near the No. 1 spot among the best-selling books listed on Wal-Mart's Web site since its early fall release. The retail chain Family Christian Stores say it's the fastest-selling audio Bible it has ever stocked.

The 21-hour production, which lists for $49.99, features the voice talents of more than 250 singers, clergy and actors, including Denzel Washington, Cuba Gooding Jr., Angela Bassett and Alfre Woodard. Blair Underwood portrays Jesus, and Samuel L. Jackson, who played a Scripture-spouting hit man in "Pulp Fiction," is the voice of God.

"It's really good and it's transcending every barrier. We're thrilled with the way that the product has turned out," said Paul Caminiti, vice president and publisher of Bibles for Zondervan, a Grand Rapids-based division of News Corp.-owned HarperCollins.

[dysfunctional press]

1. "hey eve..."

"i'm getting pretty sick and tired of you listening to that motherfucking snake, in that motherfucking tree.."

[noahmijo]

2. dammit you beat me to it bastard

I was gonna say something like "Rememba what ah said Eve you can neva trust dat muthafuckin snake"

[Rosemary2205]

3. There's also that passage in one of Pauls writings.

where he says real christians will be able to handle poisonous motherf*cking snakes and not die.

ROFL. :)

[Glorfindel]

12. The Gospel According to St. Mark, Chapter 16

17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;

18 they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

6. QuestionAll

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
(you were so close to having me lose my keyboard!)

[LA lady]

4. It has sold very well around here

Targeted for African American customers, it features over 200 black mega stars.

http://celebrities.suite101.com/article.cfm/new_bible_sparkles_in_hollywood

[bullimiami]

5. so gods wallet is the one that says 'bad motherfucker' ?

[azurnoir]

14. Moses & the burning bush who art thou?

It's God motherfucker.

[IntiRaymi]

15. 'Badass motherfucker'.

;-)

[bullimiami]

24. no. check your memory.

[Jack Rabbit]

7. I love it when he recite Ezekiel

!!

[Initech]

8. Does his Bible contain Ezekiel 25:17?

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. :

[Ian David]

10. I like to quote Ezekiel 4:12 at the fundies

4:12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.
http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/ezek/4.html#12

[Initech]

21. I see the Pulp Fiction reference is lost here.

[BleedingHeartRN]

22. Not at all!

I was thinking the exact same thing. Pulp Fiction is one of my top 5 fav movies!

[Ian David]

9. "I want these muthafucking dinosaurs off my muthafucking ark!" n/t

[w13rd0]

11. Oh man!

I'm totally getting that for my son. He can put it on his iPod!

[Starbucks Anarchist]

13. "Yes, you deserve to die and I hope you burn in Hell!"

:rofl:

[n2doc]

16. "Who put these mutherf**kin snakes in this palace, Pharoh?"

[Greeby]

17. Samuel L Jackson as God? WRONG!

Samuel L Jackson IS God ;)

[A Simple Game]

20. I knew Jesus was black.

But so was the old man, who knew?

[bullimiami]

25. he was one crappy-ass jedi, maybe he'll be better as god.

[madmusic]

18. News Corp.-owned HarperCollins. (and Rupert Murdoch)

Is anything he does Godly, or it is all political?

[Bonhomme Richard]

19. Also featuring John Travolta as the "Archangel" n/t

[Swede]

23. There are snakes on a motherfuckin' appletree.

And there ain't a motherfuckin' thing you can do about it.

[Leopolds Ghost]

26. "Moses, fetch me that stone tablet." "Which one, oh lord?"

"The one that says BAD MOTHERFUCKER on it!"

----

GOD: "So, did you f*** her?"

ADAM: "What kind of question is that?"

GOD: "Come on, man. I know you weren't gettin' any. So I created her for you. Did you f*** her?"

ADAM: "Well... yes."

GOD: "Ha ha haaa! See, that's my Eve. She my little white surfer girl. She does love to **** anything that moves. Ain't any good at it, but boy does she love to ****! I knew you two would hit it off."

----

On edit: No, this is just so wrong.