Wanna know what really hurts?

[MichaelHarris]

When the state of Texas thinks a drug addicted convict will make a better parent than you. It's a complicated story that some here know about. Sorry if the details are sketchy to some.

My wife and I didn't get the baby, Children Protective Services called today and said they wanted to place the child with his father, who has never seen the baby with him when he gets out of prison. So that's the way it goes, a cocaine dealer with no home gets a baby he's never seen after my wife and I have spent thousands preparing our home, going through inspections, and putting our life on hold. Oh well, I'll keep fishing by myself.

Thanks for all the kinds words from everyone here during our process.

Michael

[BlooInBloo]

1. Don't mean to be a dick, but your first sentence IMMEDIATELY brings up...

... an obvious question.

I don't want the answer - just pointing out the first thing a lot of folks are likely to think upon reading your post.

[Sugar Smack]

3. Honestly, it went straight over my head.

What question?

[meganmonkey]

4. I am curious

about this 'obvious question' because the more I read the sentence, the more clueless I feel.

What am I missing? Maybe I'm just sleepy.

[BlooInBloo]

5. What does the State know, that we don't, that they'd rather give custody...

... to a drug addicted convict, over than person X?

Sorry - maybe I was mistaken in thinking that that was an obvious question following the OPs first sentence.


EDIT: Left out the "over".

[uppityperson]

8. Biology rules. That is what they know.

[BlooInBloo]

9. Ah - thanks! I'm glad someone in a position to know the answer in this specific case...

... showed up!

Thanks very much for your help!

[uppityperson]

15. your manners are only exceeded by your sarcastic wit

:toast: Anytime.

[uppityperson]

22. see post#18 below for more information as to biology ruling.

[MichaelHarris]

10. Sorry

My wife and I were adopting a baby from Texas, the mother and father are both in prison. The father wen to prison before the baby was born, the mother went to prison after the baby was born convicted of child abuse. The baby had a broken leg, broken wrist, and his face had been beaten up. He was 8 months old.

The father, who had never seen the baby showed no interest so my wife and I started the adoption process. A few weeks before the judge was to make a decision the father decides he wants custody thus the call from Children Protective Services today from Texas. Their words, "We are no longer considering you for adoption because the father wants custody when he gets out of prison".

This is his second conviction, both resulted in prison time. The reason we know so much of the back story is the mother who abused the baby is my wife's niece. The father is doing time for selling crack cocaine.

Hope that clears things up.

[BlooInBloo]

13. Gotcha - that does hurt.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

20. Wow, sounds like my cousin from the Dallas area

She and her husband were foster parents who wanted to adopt a child that had been abused by his father and mother when he was only a baby. They ended up giving custody back to the father anyway.

They were able to end up adopting another abused child, but I know that first instance still hurts them very much.

[ninkasi]

21. It seems to me that in this case

the father's rights are given much more importance than the rights of this child. MichaelHarris, I can understand how heartbroken you must be. An accident of biology, in cases such as this, should not be the primary consideration in determining child custody. Over fifty years ago, again in Texas, one of my aunts and uncles were childless, and became foster parents to twins, a boy and a girl. When they were placed with my aunt and uncle, the twins were close to a year old, and couldn't even sit alone yet.

They had been abused, and neglected. The whole family loved these children, I was 9 or 10 myself, and we all enjoyed watching them develop, and thrive. My aunt and uncle wanted to adopt them. The birth mother, whose tender care of them had left them unable to sit alone at almost a year, unable to talk, or even to smile, decided she wanted them back. The whole family was heartbroken. I was young, and it hurt me, but it absolutely crushed my aunt. I can only imagine how devastated you and your wife must be. There are some things that don't make sense, and are so unfair that they defy rational explanation, and your case is one of those. I pray your search for a child to love, and care for, will be successful. All I can offer is my prayers, and healing thoughts.

[proud2BlibKansan]

2. Oh I am so sorry

Poor baby. I wonder how long it will be before Dad loses custody.

[uppityperson]

6. I am so sorry for you and this baby.

My sincere condolences on the loss of a child to a homeless druggy convict.

[peace13]

7. My thoughts are with you,

Peace to you and your wife. Kim

[SoCalDem]

11. Oh Michael... That's such a shame..

There IS a baby out there for you.. I know it hurts like hell, but sometimes things like that happen.. Friends of ours were foster parents of a little boy from the time he was a few days old..they tried desperatley to adopt, him, but the state took him away at 8 months and gave him back to his druggie Mom (she had already relinquished 3 other kids)..

Our friends were devastated, but the eventually adopted another child and are not bitter..

A gigantic :hug: for you and your family

[silverojo]

12. I hate stuff like this

It makes me SO sick how society still dwells on the "family" issue to the point where they would rather leave a helpless child in the hands of someone who would neglect or abuse him/her, just because it's their biological parent.

I share Shaq's view of "biological" parents who don't keep their kids. :mad:

[Tatiana]

14. I'm so sorry.

I don't have any words...

I'll keep you in my prayers.:hug:

[MichaelHarris]

16. Wish there was a way

to do like a global thank you to everyone here. My wife and I do thank you all for your kindness.

[cynatnite]

17. There are parents desperate to adopt...

and this is how they solve it. What a sad tragic situation. My thoughts are with you, your wife and the baby.

Since the mother is related, do you not have any other legal recourse?

[MichaelHarris]

23. The court

took the mothers rights when she was convicted of child abuse. The father, who had to be proved by DNA didn't want the child at first nor did his parents. For some reason as the court date grew near he changed his mind.

I do understand the whole biological issue but this is a hard pill to swallow. In Texas if he's convicted of another felony won't he get life? He's on his second one now. When the mother was arrested no other family member wanted the baby so my wife and I "stepped Up". We live 3000 miles away so it would have been safer if the mother who lost her rights ever decided to take the child. Both the biological parents are so deep into drugs. We haven't seen them in years and only knew about it when the girl's mother called us and asked if we could take custody.

We agreed and went though months of home inspections, background checks and all that stuff. My wife is a doctor which should have been a plus but we all know cocaine dealers make alot more.

[MichaelHarris]

24. And Bill O'

if you're trolling around this forum we won't go on your show.

[Laelth]

18. US Supreme Court

The US Supreme Court has ruled that the right to raise your own, biological children as you see fit is a Constitutional Right protected at strict scrutiny (a very high standard). It is very difficult to get a court to order the removal of parental rights from a biological parent. Usually, when this happens, it's when the other biological parent is asking for custody.

Don't be too hard on the Texas judge. This question is governed by Federal Law over which a Texas judge has no control.

I am deeply sorry for your loss, and very sympathetic to your plight.

-Laelth

[Lilith Velkor]

19. Ouch

I'm so sorry.