Do you believe this crap?!?! Someone told me 'Happy Hanukkah' yesterday

[The Straight Story]

:sarcasm:
Thought I would put that at start to make it clear (we need a satire one...)

There I was in Bexley, Ohio, home of a large jewish population I might add, shopping at a small business looking for a unique gift for a friend.

I walked in and the clerk blurted out 'Happy Hanukkah'. I about fell over. I was so mad I wanted to break something. So I thought up some smart assed way to reply real quick, but I didn't want to go kramer on her ass. So I just said 'you know I am sick of people pushing their holidays on me and telling me to be happy'.

Can you believe the NERVE of some people in this fucking world? Oh, and get this:

I left and went downtown to see the lights, and lo and behold on the statehouse lawn there was a menorah - I knew it was there years ago (my attorney btw was the one who fought to put it there, a bit of irony in this satire - but true). Holy shit I about wrecked my damned car. I felt a sudden pain, as though I were a minority in the beliefs of my fellow citizens. If I did not become a jew quick, or make em stop such things as celebrating in ways I can see it, then I would probably go insane. I mean - hell, the city was acknowledging the fact that there were people in my own city who were jews and celebrating their holiday.

That's like having flags on the fourth of July, how do others feel who don't like our country and live here?

I have had enough, the madness must stop. I declare a new war, this time on Hanukkah - BEFORE it gets as bad as christmas and it's smiling happy joy joy assholes and their decorations, caroling, and giving.

Stop Hanukkah - before it stops you.

Rant off :)

[spoony]

1. This war on Hanukkah may require a draft

:P lol

Very nice satire, and yes we need a not-so-drippy satire smiley.

[The Straight Story]

3. Draft me, I got a seven barreled menorah locked and loaded :)

:rofl:

[hsher]

6. Not eight? What happened to the shamash?

Seriously though - loved the satire. Hurry up folks! Hanukkah's only three weeks away (Dec 21)! Get that shopping for chocolate gelt and Manichewitz done early!

I guess your shamash candle holder shoots blanks eh ;)

[The Straight Story]

8. I use it for my bayonet :) (nt)

[hsher]

9. LOLOLOL

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Best, fastest rejoinder EVER
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Nikki Stone1]

2. How many holidays must we organize wars against before we stop the madness!

Thanks for the chuckle. :)

[MoseyWalker]

4. thanks

excellent rant

:thumbsup:

[havocmom]

5. Have a very festive...

Kwanzaa :evilgrin:

Yule enjoy the season. The Buddha and Kali told me so. A Raven and wolf concurred. It is written in the heavens, or more accurately, on a banner being pulled by a space craft hiding behind a comet

Humans need a party this time of year, evidently ;)

[The Straight Story]

7. I think the OSU-Michigan game should be a holiday here

People worship football in Ohio more than other deities/entities 3:1.

If we fly enough flags and sing our hate Michigan songs enough the college football god will smile down on our team.

[sarge43]

13. Watch what you say or the Uppers will mount a stealth attack

and they have the Frost God on their side.

[Redstone]

10. Good satire.

Redstone

[conscious evolution]

11. I declare a new war

Are you crazy! We are already stretched to the limit on the GWOC.Fundamentalists and evangelicals,in addition to fighting us,are on the verge of full scale civil war!Not to mention the loss of global standing due to our insistance on stealing the worlds gift supplies.
You are obviously an adherent of the PNAH(policy for No Assinine Holidays).

BE GONE you nasty little elf!

[johnfunk]

12. The nerve! And I haven't even brought the Festivus pole down from the attic!

I swear, there is a war against Festivus, and Bill O'Reilly, the Reverend Moon, Skull & Bones, and the International Judeo-Christislamist Conspiracy are behind it!

[The Straight Story]

14. We should roll em all up into one huge holiday party

That way I can use my festivus pole on Bill O'Reilly's skulls and bones :)

[Ian David]

15. Hitler celebrated Christmas

Hitler celebrates Christmas with his soldiers, next to a decorated Christmas tree.

More:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=214x97928

[The Straight Story]

16. and if there was no christmas, he would have celebrated hanukkah

So we have to get rid of both holidays, because obviously people who celebrate them are evil...

[Ian David]

19. Maybe he would have celebrated Saturnalia? n/t

[SoCalDem]

17. A best Buy employee once told me to have a "Blessed Holiday"

I called the manager and told him I thought that was inappropriate..I do not come to Best Buy to be reminded to be religious:)..he agreed with me :)

[TahitiNut]

18. Imagine! A holiday about just burning OIL!

Don't they know our cars need that stuff?
:dunce: