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Gas will go to $1.45 per gallon!
A happy spirit of bi-partisanship is born to the tune of 'Kumbaya'!
bush will land on an aircraft carrier that just ended the war and a giant banner declaring 'Victory in Iraq' will be accidental hung!
Osama will be captured, tried, and lowered slowly into a pit of starving baboons during super bowl half time festivities!
rumsfeld will the receive the medal of freedom and the nobel peace prize in one ceremony!
condi will announce a run for the white house with duncan hunter as her vp!
Affordable health care for all!
barbara bush will croak plummeting the nation into a dark phase of celebration!
Pamela Anderson will marry and divorce the widower george h.w. bush, re-marry, divorce, re-marry and divorce twice!
Another terrible terror attack will occur and bush will once again be instantly elevated to Churchillian heights of glory and respect!
Reverend ted haggard will make a full heterosexual conversion and take up wild boar hunting and grow a beard!
dick cheney will die, leaving the nation in the hands of the utterly incompetent george w. bush!
Democracy and peace will explode across the middle east in rivers of blood and misery unseen since the crusades!
bush writes a book entitled, "If I did it, I'd like to see you prove it"!
bush cheats on laura with another man and she forgives him and the Democrats can finally impeach him!
We will receive a two minute warning from Mars!
All the Jews, Arabs, and Christians will hold hands, sing hymns, and continue blowing the fuck out of each other!
The birthday of the Lord Jesus Christ will show the greatest retail profits EVER, jolting the sagging economy!
"Happy Shopping Season" will replace "Happy Holidays"!
Michael Richards will take a vow to never again attempt stand up comedy!
Paul Mooney will stop using the "N" word and the whole hip hop world follows suit!
Weirdos will make astounding predictions for the coming year with a 37% success rate!
The Mayan end of the world prediction is discovered to be 5 years off!
An asteroid will wipe out the human race entirely, ushering in millenia of peace and tranquility!
jerry falwell and pat robertson will both say something utterly stupid!
The Democrats will be blamed for the failure of the Iraq war and the subsequent fall of America!
bush and the neocons will be found guilty of high treason, acts of war profiteering, tyranny, corruption, genocide and multiple war crimes and pardoned to retire in baronial splendor!
mark foley will re-appear on the speaking circuit, telling of his fall from grace, his religious conversion and his new home for wayward boys!
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