A call to the White House switchboard (received in my email today)

[BigBearJohn]

Thank you for calling the White House switchboard. If you are calling about the lies leading up to and the mishandling of the war in Iraq, press 1.

If you are calling about the abuse of prisoners and the endorsement of torture, press 2.

If you are calling about illegal spying on American citizens, press 3.

Note:

These calls will be recorded.

If you are calling to complain about the disastrous mismanagement of the Hurricane Katrina recovery, press 4. Your call will be redirected to
FEMA.

If you are calling regarding the administration's unwillingness to enforce immigration laws, press cinco, por favor.

If you are Jack Abramoff or any Saudi prince, please call the private line.
It is always open.

If you are calling about the Medicare prescription debacle, press 6.

If you are having a medical emergency, proceed directly to your local emergency room. Please understand that your Part D coverage may not pay for the visit.

If you are calling about the ballooning federal deficit or the recent hike in the debt ceiling to...THREE TRILLION DOLLARS!!!, press 7.

If you are calling to complain about efforts to block stem cell research, press 8. But if you are a scientist calling with new research findings or if you are calling to express concern about global warming and efforts to roll back environmental laws, press 9... unless you are a Government scientist, in which case you are forbidden to talk about it.

If you are calling to complain about efforts to "privatize" social security, press 1 and the pound key. Your call will be redirected to Merrill Lynch. Their representatives will explain the virtues of putting your savings in the stock market.

If you are calling about the need for more faith-based initiatives, press 10. Reverend Falwell will be with you shortly.

If you are calling to lobby for MORE Supreme Court Justices who will block a woman's right to choose, please stay on the line. The President AND Rev. Falwell will be with you immediately.

If you are calling about all the tax break$ for the wealthy, pre$$ *1. If you are earning le$$ than a million per year, call back $ome day.

Press zero at any time if you would like to hear these options again.

(NOTE ABOUT THIS POST: The preceding was a joke - not real - though there may be more than a grain of truth to it)

[madmunchie]

1. Hilarious!!!!!!

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. k & r

Glad to see you have 5 recs! Very funny!

[flying_wahini]

3. Love it, esp about privatizing Social Security !

ain't it the truth!

[dweller]

4. i think there's a typo in it.

it should read: "If you are calling to complain about efforts to "privatize" social security, press 1 and pound key".

stomp it, hammer it, kick it whatever.
dp