"War on Christmas" update.

[Cyrano]

The battle is going well.

Dasher, Prancer and Vixen will be Christmas day's main course at local homeless shelters. The others have been shipped to help feed those still suffering losses from Hurricane Katrina.

Our raid on the North Pole turned up 50 empty drums of homemade moonshine, which accounts for Rudolf's and Santa's red noses.

Santa's sled is being auctioned off on e-bay. The bidding has gone through the roof ever since someone painted "Rosebud" on it.

All copies of "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life," are being recalled. Yeah, I know this sounds like a difficult task, but we've put out the rumor that terrorists have sprinkled them all with anthrax.

A Christmas eve raid on Fox News is in the works. If it succeeds, O'Reilly, will be put into an orange suit and delivered to a Mosque in Baghdad for interrogation.

That's all for now, but stay tuned. There's much more is in the works.

[Scout]

1. Hey! we're not supposed to talk about that! I thought it was a secret project. n/t

[Cyrano]

2. Not any more, Scout. They're onto us, so it's now open warfare.

[Leftisalwaysright]

3. Bravery

You're brave to speak the truth!

[Gregorian]

4. Is it true what I hear about Santa using dolphins?

I heard he was gearing up due to global warming. He might even have to start using an abandoned oil platform due to his workshop being on unstable permafrost.

[Cyrano]

5. That's all propaganda, Gregorian. Our intelligence has informed us that

Santa is hiding in one of Dick Cheney's undisclosed locations. He's busy trying to contact Al Gore to try to find out if there's any truth in what Cheney has called "This global warming crap."