Gerald R. Ford Sort Of Goes To Heaven.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

(LIGHTS UP. SAINT PETER sits at a card table, reading the sports page.

GERALD FORD enters, befuddled, looking back over his shoulder, wearing a red robe. Ford approaches Peter.)

FORD: Excuse me, are you Peter? Is this . . . ?

PETER (puts down sports): Name?

FORD: President Ford. President Gerald R. Ford.

PETER (scanning a list): President . . . President . . .

(Ford tries to read the list upside-down. Peter covers it.)

FORD: It might be under Jerry.

PETER: Oh, here. Gerald Rudolph Ford.

FORD: Jesus, you had me scared there! (starts to walk through the gate, but he bounces off some sort of invisible shield) What the!

PETER: Actually, there is one minor little eensy-weensy snag.

FORD: Snag? Oh, God, not the Nixon pardon!

PETER: No, no. We understand pardons here. (over intercom) Gerald R. Ford is at the gate! Commissioner Gerald R. Ford!

FORD: . . . Commissioner. Oh, no. Well, if God forgave me for pardoning Nixon, certainly He's forgiven me for . . . for whatever fudging of the facts I might have done on the Warren Commission!

PETER (reading sports again): Oh, yes, God's forgiven you.

(LEE HARVEY OSWALD, in a red robe, enters.)

FORD: You! What the hell are you doing here?

(Oswald stares at Ford. He starts circling the Commissioner slowly, calmly, contemptuously.)

FORD: What're you looking at?

OSWALD: A dirty, rotten liar.

FORD: How dare you talk to me like that, you little Communist!

OSWALD: Filthy, stinking liar.

FORD: All right, look, we did what we had to do to--- restore the domestic tranquillity! And we did a helluva job! Maybe you didn't do it, but you were certainly in the wrong place on the wrong day. You should just be a little more careful next time.

OSWALD (jabbing Ford in the chest): You better be careful right now.

FORD: Why, you little . . . (glances at Peter, remembers his position) We did our best!

OSWALD (pushing Ford hard with both hands): You put bloody murder on an innocent man's soul!

FORD: I wasn't the only one! We did it for the good of the country! For the good of the whole world!

OSWALD: Dirty stinking rotten lying frame-up bastard!

(Oswald knocks Ford down and starts pummeling him. Without looking up from the sports page, Peter gets on the intercom.)

PETER: Security at the gate, please. Security at the gate.

(TWO ANGELS come in and calmly, gently pull Oswald off Ford. Oswald's rage is sated. The Angels dust him off and lead him through the gate, removing his red robe and replacing it with a white one.

Ford lies there, weeping. He gets up, dusts himself off, starts to wander offstage, then suddenly charges the gate, but is repelled once again by the invisible shield. He exits, weeping, muttering. . .)

FORD: I am an honorable man. I am a decent man. I am a patriot. Who was he? He was just a little miserable smirking Communist, waiting to be sacrificed for the greater good. I did what I had to do, for the sake of the country, for the sake of the world. I am an honorable man. I am a decent man. I am a patriot.

[omega minimo]

1. "It might be under Jerry."

:rofl:





:evilfrown: so, where do Jerry, Ronnie and Ollie end up?

[calimary]

2. Nice one! I'd love to read the sequel script - for when junior tries

to gain admission. I'll bet no legacy status imaginable will work for him this time.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

11. It's a scene from a play-- Lee Harvey Oswald Is Under Your Bed.

[hfojvt]

3. it might be under Leslie King

"Surely character begins at home, and in Ford's case we know for certain that it began with his mother.

Dorothy Gardner Ford was a strong and resourceful woman whose own character was tested at the age of twenty. She grew up in a warm, loving family in a small town in northern Illinois where her father prospered as a businessman and served as town mayor.

In college Dorothy met the brother of her roommate, and fell in love with him. Leslie King was the blond, blue-eyed, charming son of a wealthy Omaha banker who also owned a stage-coach line and a wool business.

On their honeymoon she discovered that she had made a tragic mistake. Her new husband struck her, not once but repeatedly. When they reached Omaha, where they were to live with his family, she found out that King was not only brutal, but a liar and a drunk. His outward charm concealed a vicious temper...

She decided to leave King, but discovered she was pregnant. With the encouragement of King's mother and father, she decided to have the baby in Omaha, and did.

On July 14, 1913, the thirty-eighth President of the United States was born in the mansion of his paternal grandfather, and named Leslie King, Jr. Unaccountably, a few days later, King came into his wife's room with a butcher knife and threatened to kill mother, child and nurse. Police were called to restrain him...

Divorce was rare in 1913, but an Omaha court found King guilty of extreme cruelty, granted custody of the child to the mother, and ordered King to pay alimony and child support. King refused to pay anything..."

[A-Schwarzenegger]

10. Wow. Thank you for that. Middle name was Lynch.

[nicknameless]

4. Thank you

K&R

[A-Schwarzenegger]

12. Welcome.

[IndyOp]

5. Gore Vidal: We lost our country when we let them lie to us about JFK murder

And Ford was a member of the lying, lying Warren Commission.

I am so, so sick of the lies. Lies about the deaths of our prophets. Lies about Watergate and every other slimy, illegal GOP election theft since then. Lies about wars, genocide, war crimes. Lies about... everything.

:mad:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

7. You & Gore Vidal have nailed the significance of this matter.

Ford was involved in two momentous cover-ups & injustices.
Speaking for myself, may his soul rest in peace,
but let us not forget what has been done.

[Philosoraptor]

6. HEAVENLY!

[originalpckelly]

8. This is just a little rude...

Would like someone on their side to do this to Carter or Clinton? :shrug:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

9. RUDE?! It's a sweet & tender commemoration of the contributions

of a nice decent honorable patriot, Gerald R. Ford.

"Would like someone on their side to do this to Carter or Clinton?"

I would certainly hope that "their side" would produce something
as gentle and truthful about Carter or Clinton when the time comes,
yes.

[JustJoe]

15. You should wait a week to speak the truth about the dead.

:hi:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

16. Yeah, just like the MSM waited one second before telling bald-faced lies

about J Edgar Hoover's lapdog on the Commission
that committed the biggest cover-up in US history.
Bless you, Betty, if youre reading!

[Cleita]

13. I think all Republicans will be admitted to Christian Heaven.

For one thing, it's a gated community that keeps the riff raff out. They understand and are comfortable with that You have to have joined an exclusive club first before getting in and are initiated into it by baptism. No unbaptized people are let into Christian Heaven. All the wrongs and deeds you did on earth are forgiven so that's not a problem. They will spend an eternity with people just like them.

Outside of that Heaven is the Heaven the rest of us go to the one of diversity of many religions and no gates or exclusivity and what's nice is that all those hypocrites who made our lives miserable on earth are locked away in the gated community from us forever and they can't hurt us anymore.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

14. IF

there is a Heaven or a Hell, it will possibly involve,
among other things, facing the suffering we've caused,
regardless of our beliefs or nonbeliefs or political party.
Even maybe Independents. So, if I had to choose either mercy or justice,
for everybody, including myself, I'd have to take mercy every
time.