defense of marriage?

[ellenfl]

so i have been hearing the last couple of days that women are opting to be single and that single women now comprise the largest segment of the population. what do you think this will do to the 'sanctity of marriage' crowd and do you think all of the marriage bru-ha-ha has caused this move to single-dom?

i have been happily single for 56 years but have been in a committed relationship for the last 9 years. honey worries that i will eventually want to marry him but i have indicated just the opposite. i guess technically i am no longer single. forutnately, his company allows him to have me on his health insurance policy. otherwise, i wouldn't have any health insurance. also fortunately, i live in a state that does not recognize common law marriage. :evilgrin:

so, what are your thoughts on this trend? as a (more or less) single woman, i like it. imo, it means that there are more progressives out there than conservative pundits (and promise keepers) would have us believe.

ellen fl

[no_hypocrisy]

1. Being single is the best kept secret and I am not talking sour grapes.

I have all the company I need. I like to share but I do treasure my autonomy and ability to decide 100 percent how to organize my life without having to compromise. Selfish? Self indulgent? Self-realizing? Don't know as it depends on the day and the situation. Gay or straight, it doesn't matter. I'm independent.

[no_hypocrisy]

2. dupe.

[no_hypocrisy]

3. Dupe

[MADem]

4. It shows that not many women want to put up with rolling over at night and seeing their own little

Fallwell snoring and farting next to them.

Can't say as I blame them!!! Life is too damned short.

They might still be idiots in other respects (way too often these "sanctity of marriage" assholes have two or three failed marriages in their own pasts) but it is a good statistic to throw in their faces.

[Phredicles]

5. I've been happily married for 18 years. I've never heard a coherent

reason why my marriage needs to be "defended" from gay people to want to be married OR straight people who don't: "pusuit of happiness" covers both, as far as I can tell.

[ellenfl]

9. sounds about right to me. eom

[Annces]

6. I think it is good to open up the options

I think there will always be people who want to marry. However for some people, it isn't the best way to live, so for those people, they can live that way without a stigma. I also think the trend probably has to do with women getting higher up in the work force, and just having more choices. There will eventually be a natural equilibrium reached.

[Bunny]

23. I think you're right in that women are generally less financially dependent on

men to support them. And, there isn't quite as much of a stigma to being an unattached woman as there used to be. Also, sexual standards have shifted as well, so having a fuck buddy or being "friends with benefits" isn't that big a deal either.

If you wanted to, you could get nearly all of your needs met without having to be married or even in a committed relationship. For some folks, this is a blessing.

[TechBear_Seattle]

7. You are doing the right thing

According to the Washington State Supreme Court, marriage has only two purposes: procreation, and child-rearing. If you two do not have kids, then it would be a violation of the purpose of marriage if you were married. So yes, you are defending marriage. :evilgrin:

At least, that is the premise of the initiative I have proposed (and which is wending its way towards approval by the Washington Secretary of State. See link in my sig.)

[MADem]

12. Gee, thank heavens for Viagra and those newfangled WOMB transplants, then!!!

That way, when the adorable little eighty year old man marries his long-lost seventy eight year old sweetheart, he won't be violating the letter of the law!!! See, they can fill him full of pills and slap a new womb in her, so she can get busy pumping out the babies....say, they can give her a couple of new hips when she goes in for the transplant, she'll need 'em--and maybe a few artificial knees, too, the better to chase after her new rugrats!!!! Get busy, oldsters!!! Busy, busy, busy!

[TechBear_Seattle]

16. Don't blame me: I don't sit on the Washington bench

Blame the five bigots who published this ruling more than a year after hearing arguments, and days after it was too late to file to run against them in the 2006 election. THEY are the ones who declared that marriage exists for the purpose of having and raising children; we at WA-DOMA only want to give that ruling the full force of law.

:evilgrin:

[RB TexLa]

8. I saw it worded as "living without a husband"

Which would mean they don't like widows taking advantage of modern medicine and outliving their husbands by 30 or 40 years either.

[sui generis]

10. what bothered me about the news special

was that the reporting seemed to subtly bemoan women being independent from a male partner, and unhappy being childless.

Why was the story about women? Aren't there two kinds of humans who are staying single longer? I guess it's alright if a guy does it, but women, tsk tsk.

Really real reality - marriage in civil society is truly only about legally managing disposition of property and shared fiscal responsibility for their children, if any. If two people want to make that legal commitment to each other and to raise a child with legal protections they should get married. If not, it's nobody's business.

Now a better story would have been, "fewer people falling in love" or "fewer people committing to long term relationships" - that story would have social relevance if there was a case for it.

[ellenfl]

19. actually, the reporting i saw did not denigrate the women

profiled. they were portrayed as confident and content in their choices. i come from a family where 4 of the 6 of us could not live alone. only mom and i were able to 'entertain' ourselves. i relish my alone time. i also greatly appreciate that the man i have does not have to be waited on hand and foot. he's not perfect but he does a share. in fact, he does ALL the laundrey. B-) i had to train him first, of course.

ellen fl

[cboy4]

11. Anything to piss off the "sanctity of marriage" hypocrites makes

me very happy. ;)

I'm in favor of whichever living arrangement works best for people -- whether that means individuals who love each other are allowed to marry, or people who love each other are allowed to live happily as you and the apparently growing number of women do.

[MuseRider]

13. I think it is a wonderful trend

and I am married. I am not unhappy but I think "marriage" needs to be redefined in this society but I have doubts that it ever will be (it might make it easier for the gay folks and you certainly can't have that).

If something changed my life back into a single life that is exactly where I would stay. I have even thought of changing the status without changing my life situation but that was not met with much enthusiasm by my other.

[Warpy]

14. I've had shackups and I've had marriage

and shackups are better. In a schackup, a woman retains the illusion of independence. The guy knows she can get disgusted and leave at any time without having to pay lawyers to make the whole separation legal. He has to treat her more as an equal partner and less as an appendage or subordinate.

I've known disastrous shackups friends were party to, involving substance abuse, violence, and the whole miserable package that comes with a bad marriage. Yet, these women also had an easier exit, and most of them eventually took it. Married friends of both sexes took the abuse far longer.

Marriage comes in handy when one partner is sick or dies and his/her family is hostile to the life partner. It also allows the state to referee squabbles over property and children at the dissolution of the union. It's also hideously expensive to have the government referee.

I know I hadn't been long divorced when that infamous Newsweek article about how women over 35 were more likely to be killed by a terrorist than newly married came out. I was literally dancing around my flat when I read that one.

Marriage is OK for anyone who wants it, male or female, gay or straight. It's just never again going to be something I would possibly consider.

I can buy my own damned candy on Valentine's Day.

[ellenfl]

20. lol! right on, sistah! eom

[gollygee]

15. I'm quite happily married

it's something that people have to decide for themselves. I didn't get married till I was in my late 20s and I was very happy being single as well. I think someone who will be miserable in one of those situations is likely to be miserable in either situation, and someone who is generally happy will be happy in either situation .

And my marriage certainly doesn't need any "protection". It makes me sick that bigots are using "protecting marriage" as their excuse to perpetuate hate.

[raccoon]

17. His company allows you on his health insurance policy, and you're not married?

"forutnately, his company allows him to have me on his health insurance policy. otherwise, i wouldn't have any health insurance. also fortunately, i live in a state that does not recognize common law marriage. "

First time I ever heard of something like that.

[ellenfl]

21. actually, a few big companies have allowed 'domestic partners'

to be covered. usually that means same sex couples but, fortunately for me, he works for one of those big, and employee-friendly, companies.

ellen fl

[raccoon]

24. Never would have thought it! nt

[Orsino]

18. Just one more datum for the wingers to ignore.

Won't have any effect whatsoever on their policies. Just gives 'em another "evil" to deplore as they push their agenda.

[ellenfl]

22. i had to laugh that the msm was reporting this trend.

that should, hopefully, put a bug in the conservative agenda. and we have to keep fighting that agenda. btw, i saw one report that said a survey of young people says that this bru-ha-ha over gay marriage will be a non-issue when they are old enough to be in charge. hope equity happens sooner than that.

ellen fl

[DaveJ]

25. It's all cool

I support marriage and monogamy personally. I would be very uncomfortable with a non-monogamous lifestyle with all the diseases going around. But I would not ridicule anyone for their personal decisions to be single. I just ask that single people do not belittle married couples as I've heard them do... saying that we marry just because 'it's the thing to do' or whatever the latest ridicule is... some people just are or are not the type to marry and that's fine.

[youthere]

26. *gasp!* you mean you aren't DYING

to catch yourself a husband and raise a bunch of babies? You poor confused shell of a woman!:sarcasm:

[DaveJ]

27. Marriage and babies don't need to be related

I noticed the sarcasm tag but just wanted to mention that I think a child born out of wedlock by a single parent would be happier than a child with divorced parents. I think it's a flawed paradigm that marriage is a prerequisite to child birth.

[youthere]

28. You don't have to convince me..that's the reason for the sarcasm.

[ellenfl]

29. actually, i never planned for babies so

the husband part was mostly moot. besides, until honey came along, my longest relationship with a man was 3 months. it took a LONG time to find the right guy. he never wanted or had kids (that he knows of) either. just a couple of boomers who aren't ready to grow up!

ellen fl

[youthere]

30. Well long life and great happiness to both of you.

As my mother always says, "When it's right it's right."

[cynatnite]

31. Makes me wanna scream...

'my marriage doesn't need protecting!' :grr: This kind of shit pisses me off. I loved being single and I'm pleased with all 18 years of my marriage. I don't need anyone to tell me what it's supposed to be or what it shouldn't be. The only thing my marriage needs protection from is hubby's overdriven libido (not that I'm complaining :smoke:)

People should do whatever the hell works for them and the rest of the world ought to keep their nose out of it.