How's this for an unFreeping?

[KyuzoGator]

Got this Freeptard e-mail today (sorry the spacing is screwed up):

_________________________________________________________________
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be
found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes
around
the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,
raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal
40,
and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches
you
and your family.
What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the
man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that
would
inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think?
What
about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
the
knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?
Does
the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a
loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society
and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing
me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to
wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family
get
away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this
street
so
deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make
this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This
is
all
so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days
and
try
to come to a consensus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Republican's Answer:


BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Southern Republican's Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....
(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the WinchesterSilver Tips
or Hollow Points?
Son: Git-r-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one?
Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

________________________________________________________________________

Here's my response:

Clinton:

* Oklahoma City Bombing: Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols captured, tried and convicted.
* World Trade Center Bombing: Ramzi Yousef, Abdul Rahman Yasin, Mohammed Salameh, Sheik Omar Adbel-Rahman and others are captured, tried and convicted within two years of the bombing.
* Millennium Plot: Thwarted by law enforcement before incidents occurred. Captured conspirators contributed intelligence to the August 2001 Presidential Daily Brief, "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Within U.S." which George W. Bush ignored.

Bush:

* Osama bin Laden is alive, free and continuing to taunt and threaten the U.S.
* Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is alive, free and continuing to taunt and threaten the U.S.
* The Iraq War has been called "al Qaeda's greatest recruiting tool" by several military experts.

But yeah, Republicans sure are tough on terror! Also, I keep forgetting...who aligned with and armed Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein in the 1980's? Must have been some limp-wristed Democrat.

By the way, I'm a Democrat, I own a .45 caliber Glock and a Concealed Carry permit, and this hypothetical crazed knife-wielding terrorist would have gotten two in the chest before getting anywhere near my family.

But stereotypes are fun.

[redqueen]

1. Well done!

:thumbsup:

[Vincardog]

2. Get-r-don

[Caoimhe]

3. I like your response

You put the tard right in his/her place!

:applause:

[fiddlestix]

4. Did you send this back as a reply to the e-mail?

I've done that, with mixed results...usually, with non-political e-mails, I just delete them, but when some thoughtless chain e-mailer sends one my way, I zing them good. Then I wonder if they'll even read my reply...

I've never even touched a gun, does that make me a stereotype? I work in NYC, I carry pepper spray, does that make me a stereotype?

Sigh.

[KyuzoGator]

8. I get crap from this guy all the time.

He sends it out to like 100 people (most of them fellow Freeptards). I used to "Reply to All" on them, but I ended up getting a bunch of "fuck u fagit demoCRAP" replies back from people I don't even know.

So now I just copy the sender and a few of my friends.

[fiddlestix]

16. I got an e-mail about the Katrina response...

And it was from a Southern friend who forgot that I was not a Repug & also not a Christian. I spent HOURS & HOURS of my precious time replying point by point & then adding some carefully researched quotes from the bible that Jesus said in reference to the poor...and then added my own outrage of....um, if we're not there for the least of us, then who are we there for & did she really believe all the nauseating stuff she'd just forwarded to me?

She replied that she was sorry for pissing me off, that she hadn't REALLY read it word for word & that most of the replies that she got were "Amen"s & "Thank you for that!" & I was the only one who replied with such a long rebuttal & that she'd be more careful about what she forwarded to me...

By not sending me more of these kind of e-mails, she saved me from wasting my time & getting pissed off, as I put off all the crap I have to do just to reply...but did it change her way of thinking?

[Pacifist Patriot]

33. Yes, I've noticed that thoughtful responses loaded with facts are

the quickest to be ignored. Lazy bastards.

[Tigress DEM]

68. ...but did it change her way of thinking?

Depends on her capacity for change and how much she values you in general. My husband's Aunt is a Republican that's probably drifting toward Indy these days. She is smart but she is also Religious. If it were her, she would have cried at seeing the Bible verses and really thought about it.

Still she will act one way with them and a different way with you now. It will probably bug her some days.

Best thing you could do if you want to help her along is to simply give her quiet information about how it isn't the really faithful people that are the problem... bear with me... but those who are like the Pharisees and only give it lip service.

GW abandoned Katrina victims, still hasn't come through with real aid.

Because he was out to lunch and couldn't give the order there was a Navy transport with medical personel, beds, food, all ready and waiting to be deployed, but no orders so the people died.

Because someone in the DNR had orders to conduct search and rescue themselves they turned away half of a 1,000 boat citizen flotilla that could have saved at least that many lives - maybe more. Idiots playing politics while people die isn't anything God wanted us to do. The night I read that story on DU from someone who had been there I fell to my knees sobbing to imagine such STUPID cruelty.

[Pacifist Patriot]

32. Aw, I'd still be tempted to respond to all and

send back what looks like an automated message to the "fuck u fagit" senders.

"Please be advised this email has been rejected. The internet service provider has determined the sender is violating international CES statute 45:2-15. The NSA has been provided with your ISP address. Any future correspondence may be monitored."

What can I say? I'm a sneaky bitch.

ETA: Obviously CES statute 45:2-15 is totally bogus. Random sequence of numbers and letters but freeptards aren't intelligent or inquisitive enough to realize it.

[Nordmadr]

34. That is a great fucking idea!!!

[Pacifist Patriot]

35. Oh I've done it. One freeptard responded with...

"Really?! What is this?! Please explain!!!!!"

Moron!

[fiddlestix]

36. I'm stealing your idea, OK?

Hey, at least I'm being honest!

[Pacifist Patriot]

46. Honest about stealing? LOL!

By all means. I've had fun with it. I'd be remiss if I kept it all to myself. :toast:

[redwitch]

63. You're brilliant!

LOL

[Matariki]

62. THAT answer would have been well worth a few 'fuck u fagit's !!!

nice.

[Hekate]

91. I hit Reply All and got back a couple of "thank yous"...

... from other people just as appalled as I was by the crap this woman I know sends. (Tends toward the America is Jesus Country Everyone Else Shut Up type spam.) Then SHE had the nerve to be offended by what I wrote! In the end I just flatly told her to take me off her list forever.

What is it with these people? Live and let live just isn't good enough for them anymore? (I know the answer to that one already)

Hekate

[Dawgs]

5. Perfect!!!

Facts are so much better than BS!!!

:yourock:

[ariellyn]

6. Sweet! nt

[mark11727]

7. A liberal packin' heat.... a Freeper's worst nightmare.

I salute you. :patriot:

And since when does a Democrat's first, last, and only response always assumed to be "dithering?" Shit.

[Tigress DEM]

72. Neo CONs who can't hold a new thought in mind easily...

are confused by the complex process of analysing relavent information BEFORE deciding what should be done.

They do what they are told to do by the Bible or God or their folks and once in awhile something new they read in Woman's Day. But the idea of actually looking at facts and determining what they mean in the context of a new situation. Well, that's just all too much.

[mark11727]

83. Seriously, though...

The whole moronic email this post is about, implies that (1) liberals are so busy being "smart" that they're too stupid to defend themselves in the face of obvious danger (already setting the tone), that (2) big, brave "he-man" conservatives instinctively know how to immediately size up a situation and always react accordingly, and that (3) Southern conservatives, those lovable redneck rascals, are just plain crazy.

Like I said earlier, shit.

A few years ago, during the last real presidency :), I had to work with someone that was just boiling over with this kind of wit and wisdom...

I just wanted to :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: until he shut his stupid lying mouth.

Ramen

[BOSSHOG]

9. Is the sender of the email

in the military or has he/she ever served in the military? If not. an inquiry as to the reasons would be in order from a badass who would send such an email. A person sending such an email is an ignorant constitution hater whose ignorance is fed by the arrogance of the republican party. Please pass on the best wishes of this flaming liberal combat zone veteran who has dozens of reasons to "irrationally" hate "conservatives." And offer to drive the mother fucker to the army recruiting office if has not served.

[KyuzoGator]

12. I have forwarded him military enlistment forms in the past.

And asked him why he wasn't and won't serve, since he's such a "patriot."

His reply is the standard cowardly, "You don't have to be in the military to support them."

I don't mince words, I call him a coward nearly every chance I get. There's no real snappy comeback to that when you are, in fact, a coward.

[BOSSHOG]

14. I call them "Patriot Boy"

Wave your flag Patriot Boy. Show off your magnets Patriot Boy. Vote for a lying deserter Patriot Boy. Keep avoiding the recruiters office Patriot Boy. Suck my dick Patriot Boy. He's a coward, benefiting from the blood and sacrifice of those who allow him to be a coward freely. Keep kicking his sorry ass.

[noamnety]

84. New republican plan

If a terrorist charges at your family while carrying a gigantic knife, blow them away with your car magnet that has a picture of a gun.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

21. Don't hold back, Bosshog,

tell us how you really feel. :)

Great answer, as usual-and again, thank you for your service to our country.

[BOSSHOG]

25. Thank You

Just like the others who have served or are serving in the military, we were just doing our jobs and you wonderful tax payers thank me the first of every month. But I really get wrapped around the axle when the flag wavers display no heartfelt desire to actually kick some ass. I truly do not understand. If they are such badasses would they not want to join the Army? The excuses are incredible. Trick Knee. I'm in school. I have kids. My father is in a nursing home. I can't swim?!? And my favorite, - I haven't served "yet" proudly spewed forth by a 30-something drunk. You have a fine North Arkansas weekend.

[daleanime]

10. Sure stereotypes are fun...

Problem is some people believe them.
P.S.-"W" can also claim credit for mainstreaming terrorist and lifting them from thugs, criminals, and killers to 'enemy comb-anions'.:puke:

[The_Casual_Observer]

11. republican walking on a deserted street?

No. Either driving in a big assed suv or sitting at home watching faux news. The premise in totally unrealistic.

[One_of_8]

50. Great response! N/T

[SammyBlue]

13. And yet, Democrats are emotional and don't use logic!

Jesus Holy Christ! :wtf: is wrong with these fucking people?

I own four rifles, a shotgun and a .44 Desert Eagle! The knife wielding terrorist would have gotten two in the chest and one in the heat before he took his sixth step.

Amazing the illogic of this douchebags!

:rant:

[flobee1]

17. A better answer

If a democrat were president, I wouldnt have to worry about Islamic Terrorists around every corner!


-its a trick question
:-)

[loudsue]

69. That's a great answer, flobee1 !!

:applause::hi::toast::beer: AND WELCOME TO DU!!! :hi::woohoo::bounce:



:kick::kick::kick:

[NuttyFluffers]

73. now that's a comeback! :D

:applause:

[calmblueocean]

15. Boom! Nice smackdown!

I've been thinking for a while that it would be great to have a Snopes.com-like site with liberal smackdowns like this for every piece of redneck Republican spam. Sometimes writing a thoughtful response to these idiots just takes too much time. Nice work!

[redwitch]

64. remember MAD magazine?

They used to do a feature called "snappy answers to stupid questions" Hilarious stuff. Perhaps we could come up with such a list and make it downloadable for all.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

18. Excellent answer!

It seems that the repukes are really good at talking big, but as your post shows, they don't deliver.

[melissinha]

19. Frankly my thoughts followed his stereotype

Just being honest, so sue me for being a kind-hearted caring compassionate reasonable person! I am so sick of this demonization of the caring liberal. I fail to see that a truly logical person would find fault in a reasoned approach.

I do not bemoan any of you who would react differently.....

Oh wait, I just considered if he were approaching my beloved dog Wrigley, I think I'll change my answer, I'd shoot the guy in the foot.... no fatal wounds......

Now if some cray Republican were follwing me in the same situation with some inane Repuke shirt on, I'd shoot em in the foot too.. deterrence, but no fatal wounds.... And I'd yell "Take that you neofascist zombie!"

[fiddlestix]

23. which is why I like my pepper spray

in my Left-Hand coat pocket. Cause I'm a LEFTY, donchaknow....

No, really, I write with my left hand.

[uppityperson]

20. Good answer, non-insulting but proving the point.

the point of simplicity of thought doesn't necessarily mean it has any bearing on reality.

[donheld]

22. If they sent it to others besides you, i hope you sent your response

"reply all"

[Katherine Brengle]

24. Is this really what passes as humor among Republicans????>>>>>>>

I understand, to some extent, the mindset of whoever wrote this, because the current Dems are a pretty useless lot making us all look weak.

BUT here's a question the freeptard didn't ask: How do I actually know this attacker is a terrorist? Do I know Arabic, or does he praise Allah in English? And does it fucking matter whether or not he is a terrorist?

Hell, if someone comes at me with a gun, I don't care if that person is a terrorist or a paperboy--I'm defending myself.

But at the same time, what Democrat who would ask the questions listed in the original post would be carrying a handgun while walking down a dark alley with his wife and children?

God-damned cowboys...

[realisticphish]

29. touche'

no one who has a CCP and a glock is going to discuss community action days when confronted with a criminal

[Katherine Brengle]

42. lmao n/t

[TheModernTerrorist]

74. quick comment

as one with a degree in psychology, I must say...

I fucking LOVE your pic in your signature line :-)

[realisticphish]

86. thanks

i myself am 4 quarters from a BS in psych :)

[TheModernTerrorist]

90. I hope to get my Masters soon

it's all about finding a job in a terrible Michigan economy (and American economy, for that matter) and getting a good score on the GRE.

[realisticphish]

92. not looking forward to the GRE

but i should do ok; my masters will be in education, as id like to become a high school guidance counselor (in an even worse ohio economy)

[ComerPerro]

76. Exactly. Who takes his wife and son down a dark alley

moreover, have you ever heard of a muslim extremist attacking Americans with a knife in the streets of the United States?

WTF?

[PATRICK]

26. Same scene with glock

A circus clown charges at you with a cream pie.

Or a crook comes at you with his own gun already drawn.

Or the most hated politician you know charges at you with a campaign pin.

Or someone comes with a thousand dollar check to buy your glock.

Or better leave the kids at home, dress in black, go out at night and really find something to shoot from behind instead of waiting for the mere chance of being a successful one in a billion hero who didn't shoot his own foot off or already be minus a kid because he left the gun in the closet one day which is a statistical possibility.

Or shoot yourself in the head and leave this cold fearful world. Also a statistically higher probability by far unless you decide to shoot the family first(John List).

[BushOut06]

27. Simplistic, but kinda funny - especially the Southern GOP response

Except it wouldn't have to be a terrorist lunging toward them with a knife...

[jazzjunkysue]

28. This is what bigots call an aphrodesiac. Pathetic.

[ComerPerro]

77. LOL. Its not a political email. This is Right Wing Pornography

[jazzjunkysue]

88. Right on.

[July]

30. Since the freeps love the BANG! so much,

don't forget to point out that McVeigh was executed.

Also, Bush's own little domestic terrorist, the anthrax killer, is still free, even though the strain of anthrax is supposedly identified as coming from an Army research center (if I remember correctly, Ft. Detrick).

Especially important: Clinton (2-0 in catching perpetrators of actual attacks, not to mention the thwarting of others) did this WITHOUT the aid of a Patriot Act, "enemy combatant" designation, suspension of due process, a Guantanamo, torture, extraordinary rendition, etc., unlike Dip W. Shit (0-2).

[KyuzoGator]

55. Fuck fuck fuck...I knew I forgot something. The Anthrax attack.

Damn, that would have been good to include.

[Nordmadr]

31. As a liberal vet, in that circumstance...double tap center mass. N/T

[fiddlestix]

38. Ooooooooohhh,

"Double tap center mass", I know what that means, I know what that means!

Now, ahem, with pepper spray, center mass is useless, as the belly is rather impervious to the noxious fumes....

With the Pepper Spray, aim for the eyes....both of 'em, preferably...

[Nordmadr]

44. Welcome to DU. N/T

[fiddlestix]

45. Thanks!

I've been here since after the '04 elections, I just never posted much...

[Yollam]

37. My version:

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be
found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, white, right-wing Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Jeebus, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:

BANG! "Damn, it sucks that I had to shoot this idiot. If we had a sane society, he wouldn't have been able to get a gun because of his mental condition. In fact, he would have been well-cared for if Red-Ink Raygun hadn't thrown all the mentally ill out on the streets..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Republican's Answer:


Piss pants, run and hide as terrorist kills other innocent family, watch as police subdue him, then go home and count your money to comfort yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Southern Republican's Answer:


Piss pants, run, hide and pray to Jeebus as terrorist kills other innocent family, watch as police subdue him, then thank Gawd for protecting you from the evil ones, and take your survival as proof that you are indeed more worthy of Gawd's love than others, 'specially non-Christians. Then go home, pray some more, then get in a circle and sing that stupid "Proud to be an American" song by Lee Greenwood. Next day, murder all your kids because the world is so sinful and you want them up with Jeebus before they get corrupted.

[calmblueocean]

52. LOL! (n/t)

[Maestro]

60. Hahahahah!

Good response too. The freeps need a little tongue and cheek every once in a while to make their heads explode.

[radar]

39. And during Clinton's time...

No American's killed in the investigation, pursuit, apprehension & conviction of the suspects. Even while obeying all the Constitutional laws & rights of American citizens.

"Weak on terror" means there aren't any good visuals for nightly news to show the armchair admirals, couch commandos, and lazyboy leathernecks that love republican machismo.

[Iowa]

40. My response to freeptards...

Nah, the republican party is a haven for soft, white, pudgy, momma's boys. Of course they carry guns! They perceive the world as threatening, because they know they'd get their asses kicked in a fist fight. But they never use their guns because they're always home at night with their mothers. Furthermore, real men instantly size them up as pussies and generally don't pick on soft, white, pudgy, momma's boys. These little turds are the safest people on the planet - and most don't have families to defend, because women find them lacking.

Pfft... This Democrat doesn't need Clinton's past actions to deal with freeptards.

[wicket]

41. Here's another thing to add:

The Bush administration had a chance to capture/kill al-Zarqawi before the Iraq war (in June 2002) but didn't for fear of undermining support for an invasion of Iraq:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4431601/

[IronLionZion]

43. There was a time when Dems were bad ass and Repubs were weak

FDR, Truman, Kennedy, and LBJ were all bad ass mother fuckers. These men were feared by Republicans and foreign enemies. What happened? :shrug:

[fiddlestix]

47. I dunno...

Was that a rhetorical question?

[IronLionZion]

54. They don't make Democrats like they used to

Honestly, I think the current bunch could learn from the old bunch. I guess back then it was a completely different set of issues. It's easy to be a Dem when the bad guys are Nazis/Soviets and you don't have to have a position on gays or abortion. And unfortunately the Dems had a lock on the knuckle-dragging racist vote. It's tougher when you have to fight the corporate takeover of our democracy without hurting your corporate campaign donors.

[TheModernTerrorist]

79. honestly, I wouldn't blame MOST of the dems for that...

both the media and Washington have shaped them into what they are today. YES, there are some that are total asshats that I wouldn't vote for if I had a gun to my head, but a lot of them are shaped by the reality that the almighty dollar is what runs Washington, not how they vote or what they really 'do'. The media has, over the years, not only been entirely complacent in this takeover, but they've helped lead the charge. There's a reason Faux viewers are dumber on actual facts compared to The Daily Show or KO's Countdown. They are molding and shaping this country into nothing more than wallets to feed their insatiable lust for money. So wen a politician looks at the people they serve in their respective districts/states, they know that most of these people don't know what's going on, and don't really care.
I'm trying to say that these people have not been held accountable for DECADES, and over time, you fall into that trap and nothing really matters anymore.

it's really sad, but the only way to change this is to take back the media. IMO, that's the ONLY WAY we'll win this, it's the only way we'll win an election from here on out, and it's the only way to make this country, and this WORLD a safer, and better place to live in.

</rant>

[FSogol]

48. You forgot the Anthrax Attacks: No arrests, no suspects. n/t

[NoAmericanTaliban]

49. Not all attacks can come from OBL - lets not forget the Anthrax

attacks. They have managed to sweep this under the rug - which is getting pretty lumping. Still no one caught there - who did it, where's the investigation at, what are we doing to prevent it, why isn't this failure discussed in the news, could this happen again??? :shrug: :shrug:

Bush & Co are looking at Quakers, Green Peace, Code Pink, Vegans not neo nazis, skinheads, KKK - heck they made a deal with Rudolf - though we don't negotiate with terrorist. By spying on dissidents they are ignoring real threats. There was no logical reason to by-step FISA, unless they are trying to hide something...


edited to add shrugs

[holboz]

51. BRILLIANT RESPONSE!!!!

I'm saving it because I'm sure I'll receive this stupid e-mail from a well-meaning yet misguided Reichpublican.

[brainshrub]

53. I thought the joke was funny.

But I have a weird sense of humor.

Good response.

[KyuzoGator]

59. I actually thought it was funny, too.

But I always do whatever I can to discredit stereotypes, especially when they try to pin them on me.

[joefree1]

56. Freeper masturbation fantasy, nothing more

They always need a gun because most of them are pansy inbreds that hate the light. That's why so many of them are chickenhawks that never served. Wimps.

By the way every generation of my family has served and died in every war including the American revolution. And we're all proud ...

[kryckis]

57. ...

I thought the democrat's answer was hilarious. Maybe it's just me.

[Straight Shooter]

58. Pathetic joke.

I have never in my life heard of anyone who calmly rationalized the situation while an attack was imminent.

It's just stupid. The joke has no meaning whatsoever. That's like saying no Democrats were heroes in Vietnam, and we know for a fact there were Dem and Repub heroes among the troops. Now, as far as our so-called leaders today, never have we seen such wimpery when called to do their duty. And yet, Repubs are very brave in fantasy scenarios or when other people's children have to fight and die.

As I said, the "joke" is pathetic. It's as bad as the story about Jack Black and the Muslims in the Phillipines.

I'll stop ranting now and say that your response is terrific. I bet Clinton doesn't even own a copy of My Pet Goat.

Hey, I just thought of something. Little Boots has Saddam's pistol. Do you suppose he still has the My Pet Goat book he was reading on 9/11/01? It's his favorite day and I would think that he would keep the memento.

[Maestro]

61. Excellent.

It's direct and to the point. The less words you use, the better with freeptards! :)

[blossomstar]

65. Good comeback! Thanks for sharing.

[Festivito]

66. That wasn't the RepubliCON response!!!! THIS WAS.

The RepubliCON called the police/army/navy/marines and air force...
... since CONs never actually do military action,
beyond marching in ROTC inside this country
while war rages in a different country.

In the mean time the terrorist sliced off his arm. And,
raised the weapon to the side.

The CON couldn't decide which weapon to pull from his arsenal,
since every time he wants to shoot, he buys a new weapon,
he doesn't really know how to shoot any of them well enough to defend himself.
But, the military arrives by now.

The CON insists on a ground attack and
cuts funding to missiles and planes beyond an initial run.

But, before further action, contracts with certain companies are required.
The new guns fail, the transports have no armor, and
the food supplier, run by his old boss, cooks rotted food which
it serves with dirty water.

While the CON checks his stock values the terrorist slices off his leg.

The CONs family is now upset.
So, the CON hires a PR firm to convince them that everything is just fine.
While the family is bound and gagged, the PR firm convinces them
it's just a PATRIOT ACT. And,
they have 1,984 new freedoms.

The cost of the battle is put on the CON's children's college credit card.

The terrorist increases his strength and runs the credit card higher and higher.
The CON's stocks continue to rise considering all the credit spending.
The PR firm helps stop investigations on the attacks and no-bid contracts.

It has cost the CON an arm and a leg.

So, he blames Clinton.

-----------------------
The Southern CON...
... same thing, only a Bible was held over the head when the arm was sliced off.

[Tigress DEM]

67. OK. Am I terrible? Southern DEM was a hoot.

I think it's all Jeff Foxworthy's fault for making laughing at RedNeck jokes so easy.


OH, and how I would handle someone coming at me with a knife... grab the extended arm turn in with back to him bring my knee up and his arm down at same time. Minimum he is disarmed, probably has a broken bone as well. TURN him around by the arm, stressing any fracture that might be there and put it behind his back, swipe his feet out from under him and push him face down on the ground in a police straddle.

NO ONE messes with MY family.


Edit.. oh, why waste the bullet? It's not like I haven't dealt with knife weilding crazy people before. Ask my ex.

[SillyGoose]

70. I'm bookmarking this thread and actually hoping I get this email

so I can use the responses posted in here. You guys have me in stitches!

Thank you for sharing!

:woohoo:

[stickdog]

71. Actual Republican Answer

[ComerPerro]

78. I was thinking their response would be something like

"Here, take my wife. Or my son. Just don't hurt me and don't take my money!"

[ComerPerro]

75. I would reply-all with

"What kind of sick, twisted, fantasy world do you live in, where muslim extremists are lurking around the corner and are attacking American citizens at knifepoint in the streets of the US?

If this lunatic scenario even seems remotely possible to you, maybe you ought to reconsider how safe Bush is actually making you feel. You are obviously terrified beyond the capacity to think rationally."

[CJCRANE]

80. Republican would do NOTHING..

Let his family get attacked..
Allow the criminal to escape..
Then two years later go and attack someone else who had nothing to do with it.

[KyuzoGator]

81. The Republican would read "My Pet Goat" for seven minutes.

I think that would have been a better answer.

[Clark2008]

82. My hubby laughed at this.

He's former Special Forces and Ranger and a liberal Dem.

He gets emails like this and asks if the Freeper served in the armed forces - of course the vast majority didn't, so he responds back that since they obviously don't know how to use weaponry, they ought to surrender all of it to him since he was trained on how to use it properly and with precision. :rofl:

[IowaGuy]

85. har! this e-mail has been modified since it first came out....

When I first saw this e-mail, it was forwarded to me by a freeper co-worker that up to that point incessantly ranted about liberals, etc... you know the type. However,this e-mail when he first mass e-mailed to everybody in our office just had 8 bangs - click - reload and then 8 more bangs. He, of course got in my face publicly and started laughing about this and goin' on about what wusses liberals, the French, etc. are.

I let him go on awhile and then said....hmmm, maybe your right, but at least we can count. Everybody knows Glock doesn't make a .40 cal with less than a 9 round clip, most are 10-15.
The look on his face was priceless.

He Fancy's himself a mans man, owns guns, hunts, etc. (couldn't hit his own ass w/ both hands, much less a pheasant, but thats another story)..so he was humiliated that he didn't know that. He started to argue, and I said...just go look it up, man.

He hasn't said one political or social comment to my face since then (over a year ago), and according to other co-workers has toned it down quite a bit with them also.

(edited for spelling)

[joefree1]

87. One more version

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:?You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.?
What do you do?
***********
Republican's Answer: Bang, you've just shot yourself because like most Republicans you've never served in the military and you've only shot your gun/penis at static paper targets.
**********
Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....
(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

You've just shot your wife who is also your mother and your children which are also your brother and sister. In your grief the terrorist boogyman takes away your gun and shoots you.
***********
Democrat's Answer: You realize that you are some Republican's masturbation/gun fantasy. So you start talking aloud about the huge deficit, Bush's poll numbers, and the Abramoff scandal. The freeper wakes up in a pool of body secretions.

[stickdog]

89. Top 6 Republican responses.

6) Strip the attacker down to his hood and leash and add him to the pile.
5) Ask for another tax break.
4) Keep reading "The Pet Goat."
3) Burn the Bill of Rights.
2) Ask Daddy to beat up anyone who looks remotely like the attacker.
1) Let It Happen On Purpose.