Need advice....TIA

[Hepburn]

Here is the deal:

There is an RW Bush supporter mega bitch in the senior development where I live and she is supposedly a "born again Christian." I find out the other day that she is announcing to others in the area ~~ seniors who tend to be conservative, not street wise, and very naive ~~ that I am a lesbian.

Well, I am not...and she is using this as an insult. It does not insult me personally or bother me...I have NO hang ups about anyone being gay and have a lot of gay friends. But this bitch is using it to upset some of the people around here. I am a "young senior," and many of the people here are in their late 70s and even older and do not have the view of the world as I do ~~ having come of age in the 1960s and being VERY liberal about anything and everything. Note: Although I am not gay, I have had gay women hit on me ~~ and I take it as a compliment (assuming it was not done in a crude way) that someone found me attractive enough to show interest...and I have generally said "thank you, but I am straight...but it was a nice compliment that you found me attractive." So...no big deal to me. But some of my elderly friends are upset and concerned...and I don't like seeing this.

Well, the really elderly people are approaching me and asking me about this ~~ some just being curious and others with shock ~~ and I need some suggestions to explain this to people who are as old as my parents would have been and who just do not understand that homosexuality is NOT a choice that while I am NOT gay and this is NOT an insult to me personally, I consider it an insult to those who are gay to use their sexual orientation to try to cause me harm and to upset others.

This bitch who is doing this even went so far to announce this in a prayer group at her church....to pray that I would make a better choice.

Any suggestions? (Besides bitch slapping her....which I would LOVE to do!)

[BlooInBloo]

1. Who cares what christians think? May as well get mad at a rock for falling.

[Hepburn]

2. I don't care what the bitch thinks....

...but I do care that my elderly friends where I live are being upset by her. They are not for the most part "born agains." They are just nice elderly people with whom I visit and spend some time and take shopping since most cannot drive anymore.

[lonestarnot]

3. Sue her. (And that's not legal advise.)

[Hepburn]

7. Done, filed and served....

....my problem is the sweet elderly people she has upset.

How do I educate them that although I am NOT a lesbian, there is NOTHING wrong with being a lesbian...but to hurl it at someone like an insult is a wrong thing to do.

[MissWaverly]

16. get a male friend to go with you to her church

and sweetly smile at her throughout the service

[1monster]

19. You probably can't. That is something they have to learn for themselves,

and unfortunately you can't teach them that.

Probably the only way for them to learn is to have gay/lesbian acquaintences or workmates.

Having worked in the theatre for years, I've met many gay and lesbian people. I've learned first hand that they are just people like the rest of us.

Those who have not knowingly had that experience only know what they are taught. Those who are regular church/synagague/mosque goers, without that experience, will only know what they have been taught.

And the older people are, the harder (usually) it is to change decades of dogma pouned into their brains and souls.

[lonestarnot]

26. If it is done filed and served, I wouldn't be talking about it here, unless you represent yourself,

and not even then.

[Hepburn]

29. I represent myself...

...and there are a ton of witnesses to what she said. My concern is the upset she is causing everyone. Some of these folks are very, very old.

[billyoc]

4. Well, if you don't want to slap her in the face in front of a large group,

uh, I got nothin'. :shrug:

[Poiuyt]

5. Have you talked to the lady?

Tell her that you are not gay and you don't like her spreading it around that you are. Word will eventually get around the community that you have denied being gay and people will soon forget.

[Hepburn]

10. She is the type that hides....

...she can spew the hatred, but if you confront her....she fakes a seisure like she is dying...and then YOU are the bad person.

[Poiuyt]

17. Usually the way to deal with a jerk is to compliment them

Find something nice to say to her ("I really like your dress," "Is that a new hairstyle, It's very becoming," etc). Something about you is threatening her. Let her know that you're a nice person.

[Hepburn]

22. What I think threatens her about me...

...is that she was caught lying her butt off about me and she is terrified now of having been found out.

She told someone that because I drive past her house ~~ my good friend lives on her street ~~ that she wants a restraining order against me. I mean....what a bunch of hogwash. If I tried to approach this bitch, IMO, she would call the cops and make a report that I threatened her. I saw her get one phony TRO against someone and I just do not wish to give her any avenue to go after me. IMO, she is the type who would lie if the truth served her better.

JMHO

[shance]

41. The type that hides - interesting.

n/t

[rubberducky]

6. Ignore her.

The more you protest, the more you look like you are hiding something. I had this happen to me, so take it from experience. I know it drives you crazy, and you want to shout, " I`m straight". But, believe me you are better than her and you prove it when you ignore her. Keep your chin up and ignore her.

[mcscajun]

8. I think you said it best yourself. Here's what you say to those who ask:

"I am NOT gay and this is NOT an insult to me personally, (however) I consider it an insult to those who are gay to use their sexual orientation to try to cause me harm and to upset others."

Apart from that, do nothing. The more of a fuss you make about this, the more power you give it. Those who already know her no doubt have their own opinions on her, and her actions will reflect on her more than you. Her behavior will either confirm others' opinions, reinforce them, or shake them. Be who you are, live as you wish, and those neighbors who understand will come to know the real you.

[Hepburn]

15. Thanks....

...that's basically what I have been doing...and it has worked with most of the very elderly in here. And...with some...they actually have learned that being gay is NOT a choice. So...in one or two respects, it has been a good learnng experience....but I am just so angry that she is upsetting some of the really elderly who are not enlightened and think that anything gay is the absolute essence of evil. They like me...and to hurt them by doing this and to try and end the friendship I have with them is disgusting and it pissed me off totally that the bitch is downing my gay friends by using being gay as an insult and bad thing.

So...I just wanted to know if anyone had a better idea...and if I am on the right track. But for the really old people in here, I would totally ignore it....but they are more upset by this than I was when Ms. RW born-again Bush lover started this sick lying BS.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

24. stress the fact that she is lying about you

because that is what she is doing. And if she is lying about you, she could be lying about other things just to stir folks up. It's important that they realize the game that she's playing.

[blondeatlast]

35. I echo this. It sounds as if the other seniors aren't really buying what she's selling

anyway and she's just as apt to go after one of them once she's done with you. I live in a relatively small HOA area where we all know each other and this stuff tends to happen.

Just be nice to your other neighbors--they probably know her for what she is as well.

[earthboundmisfit]

9. She's obviously EXTREMELY jealous of you.

And is using the "worst" accusation possible (in HER idiotics mind) against you - you must've had a lot of compliments about you which she heard and it made her jealous...

[Hepburn]

11. You know....

....one of the young seniors around here who is a pal of mine came to me the other day and told me how jealous she is of me and how she hates me. So, yeah, you are probably correct.

I just wish she would leave the nice old people out of her hatred and just have an old-fashioned hair pulling fight with me if she has a problem with me.

[1monster]

12. Send her a cease and disist letter, and insist that she make a public apology and tell

her prayer group that she was wrong about your sexuality.

In that letter, tell her that if she doen't, you will pursue all legal avenues available to you, including suing for slander, defamation of character, harassment, etc. And that you would also sue for all legal fees, costs, court costs.

on edit: the public apology should not in any way be a snarky attempt to make you look bad.

One's sexuality is private and not for public discussion unless and until the person whose sexuality is being discussed opens the discussion him/herself.

[Warpy]

13. Pay a lawyer a retainer

and have him write a nasty letter threatening a slander suit.

I mean it. This old sow needs to know her words will have consequences for her as well as for you.

[lazer47]

14. Tell the older folks to ask her "Does she have first hand knowledge"

[Hepburn]

18. OMG........

....what a GREAT suggestion!

I am gonna use that one! Thanks! I LOVE IT!!! :hi:

[LiberalinNC]

28. I was thinking the samething..takes one to know one!!! hehe!

Seriously, I think she's jealous of you and finds the only way to fight back, so to speak, is to insult you in front of your peers. Good luck....I've found that generally this right wing, born again nut jobs, are the most hypercritical people.

[Hepburn]

20. On the legal advice stuff....

...I am a retired lawyer and I did the cease and desist letter and the demand for a retraction and she ignored it....so I filed a lawsuit and had her served. That issue I can handle just fine.

The problem is how she has upset my elderly friends. Most people in their late 70s on up have ancient ideas about what homosexuality is, etc., and it was shocking for them to hear things like this about me. So they this was upsetting.

I just needed to know if I was on the right track about this. This AM, I heard it again...and it saddens me and makes me mad that anyone in this day and age would even think about suing "gayness" as an insult or say that it is some choice. And, IMO, I think it has to hurt people who are gay to have their sexual orientation used as an insult.

What this RW Bush loving faux born again has done is so wrong on so many levels.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

21. Start by telling them you are straight

and that it pains you that someone who be telling untruths about you. For many, that's all you need to say--to add your position on lesbians would only confuse them. With others, you could say that it really shouldn't be anyone's business about another's sexual orientation.

[PCIntern]

23. you received good advice from the above posters...

I for one thought you'd had a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA) and rushed to your post.

I'm glad it was what it was...my advice is: well never mind. I'd do something nefarious to the bitch...

One time we drained all the oil out of this bastard's crankcase and clipped the wires to his 'idiot' light. He had beaten us up one too many times.

Good luck...

[GoldenOldie]

27. Very sweetly confront the "good Christian lady!"

But be sure you do it when those who are concerned about you are present.

Question this pious old fart, as to why she, who is known as a woman of good Christian principles, would not also abide by the 9th Commandment:
"You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor?"

If she has done this to you, she will do unto others and soft-spoken confrontation among her peers should give her pause to continue playing this hateful game of hers. Unless, she is having serious, senior mental problems and then she should be receiving medical care.

[blondeatlast]

34. So did I--I had one almost 2 years ago with no lasting effects but it really statled me

to read that!

[shance]

25. Are you pretty active outspoken about Bush policies? She could be a recruit.

Or just someone to stir up trouble in the neighborhood.


What is very good is the fact your neighbors mentioned it to you.

Not sure if you could file any type of complaint at this point. I know this sounds extreme (as if she is NOT extreme in her behavior)but individuals like this woman are bullies, and bullies test to see how you will react, along with testing the community around you to see their reaction too. Do you have an attorney friend? If you do, see if they will drop her a little note in the mail issuing her a cease and desist and give copies to some of your friends to let them have a record of it as well.

Bullies can't be ignored. Many of us have been told just to ignore them. That is not the right thing to do in many cases. Let her know, if she wants to play that game, she's going to lose, in fact she's already lost because the neighbors told you.

Kudos to your neighbors for checking this out with you!

Glad you posted Hepburn.

Your situation just might be a case of a spiteful mean spirited bully, or it may in fact be part of the Administrations neighborhood "projects" they have in the works.

Take care and keep us posted***

[Hepburn]

30. There are a TON of use here....including a minister....who are...

...outspoken against Bush. She has left them alone. For some reason, from the get go, she targetted me.

[blondeatlast]

36. Jealousy, I'm guessing. See my post above concerning my sitch.

I'm a happily married and attractive straight woman. One of my neighbors saw me as a rival and I got similar treatment. The rest of the 'hood paid no attention to her, though.

Good luck; that's an unpleasant situation indeed but it sounds as if the rest of your neighbors are decent people who can see past her.

:hi:

[TreasonousBastard]

31. I don't see why it's necessary to compound the problem by...

not only assuring your neighbors that you are not a lesbian and this woman is full of it, but then trying to convince them that there is nothing wrong with lesbianism anyway. Seems like the job just got a lot bigger that way.

Not that educating people about homosexuality is a bad thing, it just seems that there are times when it's best to concentrate on one thing at a time. Solve the immediate problem, then go for the long-term one.

Lawsuits, speaking out in church, people taking sides, talk of hatreds and jealousies... Perhaps there much that we don't know about going on here, and our advice might not be all that worthwhile.

[plantwomyn]

32. If the "false witness line doesn't work how about

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me". Sounds about her speed.

[RoBear]

33. How about...

commenting to her, "You promised you wouldn't talk about our little night together"?

Or similarly to others.

[Rosemary2205]

37. Sounds more like high school.

You'd think at 70 people would have grown up a little by then. Wow.

[Longhorn]

38. Tell the inquirers the same thing you said to those women who hit on you!

"Thank you, but I am straight...but it was a nice compliment that you found me attractive."

Actually, how would you react if she was telling everyone that you were from California when you're really from New York? You'd correct the information with those who were asking and you would go to the misinformed person and say, "By the way, just so you know, I'm not from California, I'm from New York." I realize that in her mind, she is doing this with malice intended, but since the "accusation" doesn't offend you, your nonchalance in handling it demonstrates what a non-issue you consider it to be.

[uppityperson]

39. Laugh uproariously

She's just upset I turned her down.

[ismnotwasm]

40. Actually It sounds like you ARE handling it

Very well. I worked with elderly for a long time, and was initially surprised at the openness and understanding so many of them had learned throughout so many changes in their lifetimes. No all of them of course. One thing I do know, is quietly telling the truth to those who ask, without anger or indignation,(My guess is they are actually the ones that probably tend to gossip) will get your truth out.

As far as the woman herself, I've found people like that thrive on attention, chaos and drama. (I always diagnose them with the personality disorder of my choice. It amuses me, and makes me feel better) The more you ignore her, the crazier you'll make her.


What I would LOVE to do in your situation rather than slap her, is find a willing elderly co-conspirator and plank a big wet one on in a safe but very public place in front of this idiot. But then, I'm like that.

[Vinca]

42. Throw a neighborhood picnic or potluck supper and invite all

your gay friends. Once the geezers actually meet the "demon" lesbians and gays, they'll realize what nice, NORMAL people they are. They'll also realize there's nothing "Christian" about the old biddy spreading the gossip.