Why the late-30s are a man's misery years

[AngryAmish]

"Some might say that all they have to worry about is getting to work on time and the onset of a little middle-aged spread.

But men in their late-30s and early-40s are the least content of all of us, it seems.


Whether they are mourning the passing of their prime or struggling to cope with the demands of a job and young family, those aged 35-44 invariably hit a mid-life crisis when their happiness level plunges lower than at any other age, according to a study for the Government.

It makes them the least satisfied members of society, scoring well below teenagers, the elderly - and women of all ages."

[PDJane]

1. Women tend to get more radical with age.......

It helps.

[Double T]

3. Easy for YOU to say, try living with Ms. Radical Change.........

because it sure as HELL isn't a picnic!!:evilgrin:

[SpiralHawk]

24. Meeegwich !

As someone with vast experience might say.

[shadowknows69]

2. I have more angst than a teenager?

Maybe I should write a song and become the new "Alternative Rock" king. Nirvana for the over 35 sect if you will. Come to think of it if Kurt hadn't taken the chickenshit way out he could write it.

[bamacrat]

4. Thats depressing, I guess I only have 11 years left until its all down hill. n/t

[Taverner]

5. It's because we have to be every bit as responsible as the 40-somethings

Yet can't have fun like we did in the 20's

Oh and our knees and backs give out. Our sperm count lowers. Beers go straight to the gut. We can't have marathon sex sessions as easily as we used to. Something like that.

[iamahaingttta]

26. Speak for yourself!

I have better quality fun now than I did in my 20's, just not quite as late.
The knees and back will be just fine with right exercise.
Sperm count? Vasectomy took care of that.
Beer does go straight to the gut, that's why a good cabernet is a better choice. And, I can afford it now.
And as for the marathon sex sessions? - it keeps getting better and better and better...

[Beetwasher]

28. Gee, Thanks For Reminding Me!!

And I though I was an asshole!

[AspenRose]

47. Yikes, you sound like my (37 year old) husband

That's too scary.

[treestar]

6. Isn't that supposed to be their "prime?"

Sucks to be a woman at that age more, I would think. We're valued for our physical attributes much more and that's the dawning of the signs of aging.

[yurbud]

7. It doesn't help that here in the US we are being economically strangled here in the US

By my age, my dad had owned a couple of houses, had a wife and three kids.

I'm struggling to pay my survival bills, keep up with student loans, and find a girl who will stick around without the house and all of that. I get health insurance at one of my jobs but for myself only--if I had a family, they wouldn't be covered.

And I have a masters and teach college.

[Phillycat]

9. Maybe the ladies don't love the casual use of the word "tard"?

Just a thought. :hi:

[yurbud]

10. so "Just give me a kiss, tard baby" isn't a good pick up line?

[Phillycat]

11. I mean, try it out, by all means.

You might end up having an interesting evening. One way or another.

[yurbud]

12. that helmet looks very fetching

[Hissyspit]

8. You know what happened in the years when I was 35-44? Americans let George F*ckin' W. Bush

take over the country.

Yeah, I've been pissed

[Gidney N Cloyd]

16. I know what you're saying. I feel like I've pissed away the last

7 years being worried and angry.

The worst part is I know a lot of people who voted the SOB into office did so because they're DUMBASSES WHO NEVER WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

[RB TexLa]

13. 38 and my life is wonderful

Maybe it's the not having children to worry about or take time away from myself and my wife. Who knows.

[NeedleCast]

14. I'm 33 and honestly, I'm having a great time

Political situation aside, I'm 33, single, no kids and no plans to have any and I can't remember a time in my life that I've been happier.

I think a lot of the mid-life crisis comes to those who realize they've been "had" by the American Dream. That getting a job, a wife and some kids was what they were told they were supposed to do, but maybe not what they wanted to do. It's interesting that most of the married women I know say they enjoy marrige and would do it again, while for my male friends, my rough estimate would be to say that at least half give the same response - "I love my wife, but if I had to make the choice again, there's no way I'd get married."

I'm the last male "heir" in my family. If I don't have a male child, the (my last name) line is dead...and it's not looking good because my desire to have children is pretty much zero. I think people are not very self-aware anymore. They really don't know what they want, so they just accept what they think society wants them to do. Get married, re-produce, get a house, some cars, possibly a pet.

My sister got married about four years ago in a viral outbreak of marrying among her friends. When the first one of her clique of friends got married, I'd guess that 4 out of 5 were married within three years. Seems to be a normal thing. My sister appears to be happily married and I like her husband a lot, but half of her friends who got married within a year or two of her are already divorced and several are divored with children.

In fact, just last night I was playing blackjack at a casino in San Juan and a vacationer from New York was sitting at the table next to me. We were chit-chatting between hands...just small talk. She said she was in PR with her husband and two kids and asked if I had kids. I said nope, no kids, no wife, no plans to aquire either and she looked at me like I'd suggested we go out to the lobby and dine on some fresh baby.

[Scout1071]

30. In other words, you are everything the guys in this article are not.

Check back in at 39 with a young family.

And you might want to chat with a few more women. A huge number of women I know tell me not to get married and have kids, so it certainly isn't a guy thing.

Either way, neither of us really fit the demographic they are talking about. You are on your way, but there is a difference between your early 30's and your late 30's. Did you feel the same at 23 than you did at 29?

Never say never my friend. You may wake up one day in the future with a great woman by your side and decide that you do want to have kids. Never say never.

[NeedleCast]

42. You're Right about Never say Never

But to answer your question, Yes, even at 23, 29, etc, I had no desire to get married or have kids. It's something I've remained pretty steadfast on throughout my life. I don't think it's any more likely that I'll have a young family at 39 or 43 or whatever than it is right now.

I defiantly want to chat with a few more women. Please send them by my place. If they can bring adult beverages with them, even better! Seriously though, I'm not trying to show there's any statistical proof that more women are happy with their marriage than men...just relating my experience and yes, I've got a few female friends who have told me not to get married.

You're also correct in that I'm not part of that demographic yet, but the point I guess I was trying to get across was that there are a lot of people out there getting married because it's what they think they're supposed to do vice what they want to do. A lot of these mid-life crisis dudes are maybe realizing that marriage and kids wasn't what they wanted after all. One of my co-workers is an excellent example. We both used to travel very frequently for work (I still do) and had a lot of good times together. Now he's married and has a newborn, both in the last year. We were talking week before last and he was lamenting the fact that he doesn't get to travel anymore because of his responsibilities at home and how much he misses it. I asked him if he enjoyed it so much, why get married and have a kid when he did. His response was "I have no idea."

People need to make sure marriage and children is what they want BEFORE they have them.

[Clark2008]

39. So you're saying men are irresponsible asses?

I mean, that's what I got out of that post.

My husband - nearly 35 - seems to be very happy. He has his first wife and his first child. :shrug:

[NeedleCast]

44. Not at all

Not sure how you got that out of my post.

Nor am I saying that it's not possible to be in that demographic and happily married with children. I have friends who fall into that catagory as well.

However, the divorce rate tends to show that there's a lot of people out there who made the wrong decision about marriage.

[enigmatic]

48. I hear you

I could have written your post 10 years ago; 10 years later, I feel the same way.

I married a woman who also had zero desire to have children, and we're happy w/ our lives and content not having "The American (or in our case, Canadian)Dream".

Great post.

[porphyrian]

15. Isn't that also the age of most serial killers? - n/t

[Madspirit]

19. "Isn't that also the age of most serial killers?"

:rofl:

Yes.

[pitohui]

23. no, the twenties is, or at least it used to be

i guess now you mention it i haven't seen any stats on it in a few years

back in the day, the "classic" serial killer or mass murderer would be a loner white male in his 20s like, say, charles whitman of the texas tower

[Madspirit]

31. Mid-twenties to mid-thirties/early forties

However, unless caught or killed, they keep killing until they die. Mostly.
Lee

[Madspirit]

34. ...and Charles Whitman wasn't a serial killer; he was a spree killer...n/t

[TZ]

17. Yeah, try being a single never married woman of 38...

Not only the age and appearance thing but now I get the whole "must be something wrong with her since she is that old and never married"....I must either a) be a manhater b) have lots of emotional baggage.:argh:

[Javaman]

18. ahhhh so this explains the return of my teenage angst!!!

and I thought it was the fact that we had a moron* that's been fucking us all over for pResident. Who knew?

Whew! I'm glad that's cleared up! Excuse me while I go slamdance to some kenny G!

[Aristus]

20. What are you talking about?

I'm 38, and I'm very happy. I'm happily married, have a job that I love, and beautiful grandchildren. Life is good. B-)

Only discontent: B*sh in the White House.







Actually, B*sh anywhere in the world, but right now I'll just settle for him leaving government altogether.

[Alcibiades]

41. beautiful grandchildren?

You're really bucking the trend of either not having kids at all or having them late.

I'm 39 with a 2.5 year-old and we plan to have another in a year or so. I agree, though--it's a pretty good age. Sure beats my teen years, or the poverty of my young adulthood.

[Aristus]

49. Well, step-grandchildren, actually. The spawn of my step-daughters.

I couldn't love them more if they were biologically mine. B-)

[Jed Dilligan]

21. This scared me at first

Could anything be worse than the mid-20s?

But then I realized I'm not a statistic. I spent my youth struggling for the life I want (or mostly, against the various lives I DON'T want) and at 33 I have it. I think most people piss away their youth without even trying to accomplish anything other than mating, and therein lies the problem.

[pitohui]

22. it didn't really say "why" did it

but it seemed to hint that kids are the source of all misery, "struggling to cope with the demands of a job and young family," altho they probably have a job at least part-time from the time they're teen to the time they're 65 or 70, so it isn't the job

also, same article hints that young woman in their 20s with young kids are most unhappy of women

[AngryAmish]

25. Probably the pressure of providing for a family

Unless one is a complete bum one has to work, no matter how shitty the job, to put a roof over their families head and food on the table.

This is a lot different then just making enough money for beer money. It is a big change and while it can be rewarding it is not as fun as partying all the time.

This is not to say being a woman is a great treat either, especially a single mom. But if life was a complete blast then one gets huge responsibilities without the fun then one's life outlook changes.

[JVS]

27. Because they have families, and families are bad.

Look to the example of St. Alexis!

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

29. Interesting

since my husband and I married at age 38, and have been very content.

[hfojvt]

32. I was still trying to find a job in my late 30s

I think a major part of the problem is that they have perhaps 'topped out' in their career. Previously they were upwardly mobile and had hopes and dreams, things to strive for, some of which seemed reachable. Now, at 38, 39, they realize they've 'gone about as far as they can go'. There's less to look forward to, and now they have to 'run as fast as they can, to stay in the same place'.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[Katherine Brengle]

35. lol

What delusional bullshit.

Yes, men in their 30s have such a hard time balancing work and family. So much harder than say, women in their 30s.

Waaaaaaaah. Can you hear my tiny violin?

[LanternWaste]

36. Yikes! I'm quite the demographic-killer.

Yikes! I'm quite the demographic-killer.

I recently turned 41 and am pretty happy with the way my life has turned out. Could be better (like everyone else's), but it could be a LOT worse.

(Though I'm not married-- and that may have a LOT to do with it.... :hide: )

[DemGa]

37. I started college at 39

I'll graduate next year at 42. So I haven't topped out, I'm just now arriving at my creative potential. Physically, I'm in fine shape.

Oh, the misery of the those real late 30's and 40 somethings.

[MrSlayer]

38. Well, I have the benefit of never having "grown up".

When you are perpetually 18 you never have a midlife crises.

[Javaman]

40. so like a bazillion years ago, when people only lived to like 40...

did the 20-somethings then have midlife crisis?

[NeedleCast]

43. They went out and

bought convertible cave-man cars and got trophy cave-women.

[Javaman]

46. ...

:spray: :rofl:

[Alcibiades]

45. This is a snapshot

I'd say we need more data. Note that this is a British study, and there is something unique going on in Britain right now--the real estate market has been in a bubble, and prices are ridiculous, as though all of Britain were as desirable to live in as the San Fan Bay Area. I was watching a show--one of those home shows--wherein a couple was looking at houses in Belfast for about $350,000, which wasn't getting them much, little row houses with postage stamp backyards. It could be that the gentrification of the UK economy has hit this generation of men particularly hard.

On the other hand, these are differences between means. This group scored lowest on "happiness", whatever that is, with a score of 6.8 out of ten. The mean for both sexes was 7.3, for male teens 7.55, and for men older than retirement age 7.8. These are not huge differences.

I did hear on NPR the other day a bio-sociologist who claimed that male mid-life crisis is due to the fact that their wives are becoming less fertile, but their own reptilian brains want them to be making babies with fertile young women.

Anyway, the whole thing's overblown. The headline should have been "happiness varies more across an individual's lifetime than it does between groups." Or something like that. 6.8 is pretty damn happy, at any rate.

[RetroLounge]

50. Lets see...

I hit 44 and my wife left me for a younger woman, then tells me she's gay and asked me to move out of my house, and then spent us into bankruptcy, and we were forced to sell our house for a loss. And all the while I was just trying to keep our kids from getting (too) fucked up. Then she tells me she's not gay and starts up with some guy. And she wants me to keep paying her bills.

Yeah, I guess I'm part of the least satisfied members of society...

:shrug:

RL