Study: Men are happier than women

[babylonsister]

He’s Happier, She’s Less So

By DAVID LEONHARDT
Published: September 26, 2007

Last year, a team of researchers added a novel twist to something known as a time-use survey. Instead of simply asking people what they had done over the course of their day, as pollsters have been doing since the 1960s, the researchers also asked how people felt during each activity. Were they happy? Interested? Tired? Stressed?

Not surprisingly, men and women often gave similar answers about what they liked to do (hanging out with friends) and didn’t like (paying bills). But there were also a number of activities that produced very different reactions from the two sexes — and one of them really stands out: Men apparently enjoy being with their parents, while women find time with their mom and dad to be slightly less pleasant than doing laundry.

Alan Krueger, a Princeton economist working with four psychologists on the time-use research team, figures that there is a simple explanation for the difference. For a woman, time with her parents often resembles work, whether it’s helping them pay bills or plan a family gathering. “For men, it tends to be sitting on the sofa and watching football with their dad,” said Mr. Krueger, who, when not crunching data, enjoys watching the New York Giants with his father.

This intriguing — if unsettling — finding is part of a larger story: there appears to be a growing happiness gap between men and women.

more, or mope...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/26/business/26leonhardt.html?_r=2&ref=business&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

[redqueen]

1. ...

:popcorn:

[Javaman]

9. pass some over will you?

:popcorn:

[annabanana]

2. Not a shock...

(We have to put up with all those slaphappy lugs, day in and day out)

:P

[T Wolf]

3. My wife sent me this un-related item this morning...

Fantasy

In a recent on-line poll, 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify a women's ultimate fantasy.

97.8 percent of the male respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

[supernova]

5. None of us wants to do it

in a dirty house.

:P


:rofl:

[SoCalDem]

26. One of my BEST Mother's Days?

Dad took all three boys Saturday night, got a motel room and spent all day Sunday with them at Magic Mountain.. and left me at HOME all day with peace & quiet...no kid-arguments to mediate, no noise, no meals..no dishes.. It was heavenly :)

[mzteris]

4. 'cause many men are

just f'ing clueless. and they want to keep it that way.

The wife/mom pays the bills, worries about the kids - health, grades, social life, activities. The wife makes sure everyone is where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be, how they're supposed to be. He just shows up sometimes.

The wife/mom does the grocery shopping - so knows how expensive it all is. Prepares the food, cleans the kitchen. Does the laundry. Buys the clothes/shoes for the kids who are outgrowing them daily (again, knows the cost).

She worries about every single penny. He wants to blow it on "toys." She worries about old age and retirement. He thinks it'll all be okay. shrug. don't worry about it.


If he gets a whim and wants to go on a "road trip" - he throws some things in a bag and goes. No map. No reservations. No nothing. Oh wing it. If he gets there and there's no hotel he'll sleep in the car - or hey! party all night. No underwear or belt or shirt or pants - hey just go buy some. it's only $$.

If she wants to go on a road trip - she has to pack for herself and the kids. Worry about the weather - with appropriate clothing and extra changes. Makes sure they have a place to actually sleep that they can afford. Get everyone's toiletries, including any potentially needed items like bandaids, tylenol, oragel, neosporine, hydrocortizone cream, gas-x, eardrops. The special soap the baby needs. Lotion. Decide whether those sniffles means a cold coming on or just allergies. Does he have a fever? NOW?? Is that a RASH? or hives. Did the kid break his ankle or just sprain it. If you're going out of town, maybe you should take him to the doc first just in case?

Check the map, airline reservations, times distances plan for rest stops and things/toys to entertain the kids in the meantime. and oops - make sure the favorite sleeping stuffed animals make it into the suitcase. Oh and make sure that when you get there, there's food the kids can and will eat. And worry about how much it's all going to cost and that there's $$ to pay the bills in the meantime.

And let's not forget that when we actually get to that little "getaway" - Mom's still have to do EVERYTHING that they usually do (except maybe cook and deferred laundry). While dad's relaxing by the lake/pool. Mom's still getting the kids dressed, calmed, referred, fed, picking up the towels, folding up the clothes, entertaining and ensuring EVERYONE ELSE IS HAPPY!!!!

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

7. honestly I'm not seeing the problem here

:hide:

[mzteris]

15. of course not.

don't worry your pretty little head 'bout it, 'k?

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

19. thanks....

but in my defence I did laundry last week. and I take out the garbage unless I forget.

[mzteris]

21. did you cram all the clothes

in the washer and then the dryer at once?

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

41. Sort of I got yelled at cause I pilled her dry clothes on top of the dresser

Thats because last week I got yelled at for hanging her clothes in the fat section of her closet.

[redqueen]

10. ...

:applause:

I know there are exceptions... but they do prove the rule, don't they?

[mzteris]

16. Funny true story

well - not really funny -

my sister had a 4 yo a 2 yo and was very pregnant with her 3rd.

One Sunday morning going to church, she had her purse, Bible & assorted church books, the diaper bag, the 4 yo's Bible, and a plate of snacks for the kids SS class she was teaching. She carrying the squirming 2 yo and the 4 yo was hanging on to her leg while she walked.

She was trying to get the door open to the building using that 3rd arm that mom's have, you know? that foot, elbow, leg, hip thing we do when our hands are full . . . and made it in all in one piece without dropping anything or getting a kids hand squished in the door.

Then she watched while her husband broke his damn neck OPENING THE DOOR for a cute young thing carrying nothing but a tiny little clutch.


:banghead:

[redqueen]

dupe

argh

[redqueen]

37. *sigh*

yeah, not funny... I'd hope it's rare, but... well...

*sigh*

[Desertrose]

Hey...you described my marriage!

but I'm MUCH happier now.....that I'm single.
:evilgrin:


DR

[mzteris]

18. I'm working on it.

Did I say - NSTBE? (not-soon-enough-to-be-ex?)

Only - I'm STILL the one worrying about the damn $$$$$$$ and the future, etc.

I don't mind DOING it all - really. Especially when I don't even think of counting on him to "do anything".

But his cavalier attitude towards $$ is going to drive me to an early grave. Especially as it's "his" money that he can 'blow' if he wants to.

Uh - huh. and meanwhile, my kid needs _______________________ (insert article of clothing of your choice, activity, camp, college fund, braces).

[Desertrose]

45. All I can say is...

:hug:


sometimes, in spite of the $$ issue...its still much easier without 'em. Ya just do the best you can do and let the rest go.

Good luck,honey. :)

DR

[babylonsister]

14. The voice of experience?

Nice rant there! :D

[mzteris]

20. I guess

I did get on a bit of a roll....

you did note, however that I left out - the wife is supposed to be ready to "entertain" hubby at a moment's notice and be ready willing and able no matter that's she's tired enough to fall asleep standing at the kitchen sink.

[Missy Vixen]

17. This is an accurate description

I've tried to explain the above to my husband for years. Men see the larger picture. Women are still dealing with the details.

Of course, this is IMHO, and will always be subject to the parties involved. There are women who just don't care about dealing with their families. There are men who've shouldered the burden over and over.

Julie

[mzteris]

22. The Big Picture

OMG - he said that to me just last night!

"I'm a Big Picture guy. I don't worry about the details."

"No @sshole - you don't worry about the details because I worry about the details."

"You worry too much."

"Well, I wouldn't HAVE to worry so much, if you'd worry even a little bit at all!"

[renie408]

24. I hate to say it...this is SO goddam true.

I need to make some changes.

My husband wanted to 'take a break' and go out of town for Labor Day. His contribution was driving the car to the beach and playing with the kids in the water. I made sure the sunblock and the towels and all the other crap got toted from the house to the beach and back. I did 90% of the packing, made sure the gas was in the car, did most of the cooking and all the other blah blah. It was like home, only with sand and salt water.

Don't get me wrong. My husband does help out around the house (I don't vacuum and he is good about doing the dishes). But he gets a fucking gold star for it. He isn't EXPECTED to do it. The only cooking he does involves flames and danger.

It's my fault. I should have done things differently all along. Now we have been together for 25 years and married for 20.

[mzteris]

25. **like home, only with sand and salt water. ***

:rofl:

Yeah - especially if you get a condo with a kitchenette and laundry to "save money".

Yeah. Right. NEVER EVER GET A CONDO if you want any semblance of a "vacation".

[renie408]

38. Too late. We got a whole house. n/t

[SoCalDem]

27. Precisely why we have a "no camping" rule in our marriage

Trying to cook & do dishes in a "toy kitchen" with three smelly boys & a husband never appealed to me.. I told them that if they wanted to camp, they could drop me off at a Sheraton on the way, and pick me up on their way back :)

we never camped :)_

[Missy Vixen]

31. Hey, SoCalDem, you're right!

I'm with you. Camping is nothing but drudgery for the person who's been designated to take on the packing, cooking, etcetera.

I'll take the room next door to yours. In the meantime, we can only imagine what will happen on the "camping trip" when they all get there and didn't bother to plan ahead, but we won't be there to deal with the fallout... :scared:

Julie

[Arugula Latte]

50. My husband is a different breed. I tease him that he's the Martha Stewart of camping.

He is FANATICAL about the campsite being picked up and neat, and he is the one who finds flowers to put on the picnic table, and he is the one obsessing over cooking dinner over the campfire (complete with fresh herbs) while I go in the river with the kids. :)

[supernova]

29. Thanks, You just made me feel better

about being a divorced single female with no kids.

[Buns_of_Fire]

33. You've been talking to my ex, haven't you?

But take it from me, that incident with the cream of mushroom soup and the neighbor's parakeet was really nothing more than an unfortunate misunderstanding. Really. I know I can trust your discretion (and if that doesn't work, I've got $8.62 here that ain't doing nothing, if you get my drift).

[hfojvt]

40. "ensuring that everyone else is happy"

Is that what anal-retentive, control-freak, worry-warts really do? All of that planning and worry is based on the idea that other people cannot take care of themselves. Yet the man, in your example, proves that he can without all of that worry and planning.

I am reminded of my anal-rententive, control-freak boss. He spends half of today planning and worry about tomorrow so that tomorrow will be 'easier'. Can you see why 'tommorrow' will never be any easier? Because tommorrow becomes 'today' which then has it's own tommorrow. My boss continues the example. Because he is always so stressed out, he spends alot of his time snapping at us, so we will do things right, do more planning, be more efficient. Then, completely missing the irony, he claims to be acting the way he does - in order to make our jobs easier.

I am 45 years old and have been taking care of myself for the last twenty years, and my mom STILL has this notion that I am non compos mentis.

[JVS]

47. That's "non compus mentis", you! If I didn't do everything around here it would go straight to.....

Oh, good post BTW :thumbsup:

[redqueen]

49. nope... from what i've seen

it's what one is forced to do after they've experienced what happens when they DON'T take care of things

it's not always the woman who has to pick up the slack... but it does make me wonder if it's true that the wife handles the finances in most marriages... and i doubt anyone would argue it's the woman's burden to do most of the housework... etc. etc. etc.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

42. Wow -- stereotype much?

How fucking offensive...

[cobalt1999]

6. Of course we are happier...

No periods. :)

[11 Bravo]

8. Hell, yeah! We can pee standing up!

(And if you've ever been in the men's room of any athletic venue in this country, you will know that is no small advantage.)

on edit: typo

[aikoaiko]

11. And we get paid more too.

:hide:

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

12. These kind of studies always make me grateful for my marriage.

If for no other reason, than we are not stereotypical.

We both consider ourselves free-agents. We are not dependent on the other to "make me happy". She does what she chooses, I do what I choose. We cooperate with each other in making our lives comfortable. We respect each other's privacy. We like each other, and enjoy each other's company. We share emotional, intellectual, even political, interests.

There's a lot to be said for compatibility.

We lived together for 1 year. Went through the rainbows and moonlight phase. Stuck together through the "long serious talk" madness. Decided we liked being together, and then we fell in love for real.

27 years and we love each other more than ever.

[Missy Vixen]

32. Congratulations, Tierra y Libertad

For the most part, our marriage is very non-traditional as well, but there's still the shopping/errands/cleaning up stuff. I'm happy to say that my husband is making a big effort in that area, too.

I hope the next 27 years will be as happy for you both!

Julie

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

35. Well, my wife told me say all that stuff if I knew what was good for me.

Just kidding.

We pretty much split the disagreeable chores. I'm a lousy housekeeper, but a (unblushingly) great cook. She hates cooking, and dusting, for me, falls under the "looks OK to me" category of perfection. We both do our own laundry. And, we both clean up after ourselves. No hard and fast "rules" we just both do whatever needs to be done.

Besides, the two cats are really in charge and run the place.

[redqueen]

39. "we just both do whatever needs to be done"

See, how is that so hard? :7



Thanks for sharing your happy story. :hi:

[Raksha]

48. The good ones like you are ALWAYS taken!!!

Now tell me something I don't know already. :mad:

[NashVegas]

13. Women Are More Likely to Be Criticized by Their Moms, Then Men Are By Their Dads

Is my belief. With most guys, once they get past the young adult stage, their father will back off on attempting to direct their life. Moms never freaking stop with us until we tell them to can it - and that's a hard thing to do.

[supernova]

30. Add the MiL and you got a deal

MiL/DiL friction is really sometimes out of this world. MiL can't stand that DiL does things differently. "But I'm only trying to help..."

[yella_dawg]

23. How odd...

Just yesterday I read a report of a study that claims men 35 - 55 are the least happy of any demographic tested, including teens.

Doncha' just love science?

[Missy Vixen]

28. I had to post the following from the comments section attached to the article

I apologize in advance to any male who is offended by this, but I think this is the crux of what the researchers must have found.

Julie

>Sure, Erica, I used to think that way. Then I realized that having a child was going to be an important part of my life, so I did.

Five horrible years later, after five years of taking care of a man who who was sweet and wonderful and promptly descended into mental illness, I am a single mother and much happier. The thing is, though, that while much of the happiness has to do with decreased caregiving stress and fear, much is also the same happiness I found after splitting up with other live-ins. I am no longer playing maid to a grown man.

I don’t wash a man’s laundry anymore. I don’t clean his zillion hairs off the bathroom floor. I don’t pay attention to his family, I don’t send the thank yous and keep the calendar, I don’t prod him to go to the doctor and think about how to build a social life that gets him involved. I don’t plan things that help him build his relationship with his daughter. I don’t keep track of what needs to be done in the house, wait patiently while a man says he’ll take care of it, call in help after months and then assuage a man’s injured pride. I don’t watch a grown man sit by as I plan all the family activities and make them happen.

And I was married to a nice guy. I’ve watched, at dinner parties, as progressive, “good” guys berated their wives for not cooking dinner well enough. These would be the same women who took care of the children and worked fulltime.

It’s a big difference, not taking care of a man. Life is much nicer now. My 4-year-old has just asked if she can be my “dryer” tonight, and stand by me drying dishes.

And yes, I spend more hours working now. But I get paid well and appreciated for my work, and it’s useful on a cv. It helps me. Wife work? Girlfriend work? Forget it, never again. If I ever do take up with a guy again, he can keep and live in his own place, and be content with my never taking an interest in his family.

— Posted by amy<

[The2ndWheel]

34. We must not allow a happiness gap!

[distantearlywarning]

36. Not surprising to me.

My husband is much happier than I am, and over the years I have come to realize that it's probably because he gets treated much better by the world than I do.

I don't mean that people blatantly discriminate against me or anything. I mean, just in a general sense, people are more likely to: assume he's a competent, knowledgeable person; give him the benefit of the doubt; act like he is high status; forgive him for not being young or completely in-shape anymore; pay attention to him; assume he's smart and in charge; etc, etc.

None of these things is a big deal by itself. When we go into a store or meet someone for the first time and they treat me like I'm invisible and talk to him, that little incident by itself doesn't mean much.

But when it happens over and over again for 8 years, all the little stuff adds up. And he wonders why I'm angry and have low self-esteem all the time and he doesn't.

He gets treated like I did when I was 21, skinny, and cute. Except he's 37 and has a spare tire too. You could blame it on me, I suppose (e.g., people treat him better because she's angry/unhappy/bitter or whatever), but people didn't always act that way towards me. Only after I started to get old and gain weight. My personality didn't change, only my exterior did. And women in this culture are only valuable human beings when they are young and cute. I didn't realize that until I got old and pudgy. Men on the other hand, get to be valuable human beings all their lives.

THIS is one reason why men are happier than women.

I don't mean to sound bitter, but, well, I am. I love my husband dearly, and I don't begrudge him the respect he automatically gets. I just want a slice of the pie too.

[Writer]

44. I second this.

My husband is a software engineer with a six figure salary. He's never had too much trouble with personality conflicts, being doubted, or having his work criticized to the point that his job was in question. He's also a bit overweight, too, and that doesn't cast doubt on him, either. He is very good at what he does.

When I lived in New York, I was in a managerial position in my industry when he was a relatively junior engineer. He still earned 1/3 more a year than I did. We moved to a smaller city in the Rocky Mountain west a couple of years later, and I was completely out of a job and career. The high-paying fields here tend to be male-dominated. I now have a BS and an MA. I didn't realize during grad school that I was educating myself out of the work force, because outside a few select industries in this area, a Master's is considered overkill. Think I'm working? No. I've scrambled for the last few years, around my two years in graduate school, to put together something non-traditional yet fulfilling for me to do while my husband earns a traditional income: writing fiction, working in politics, and I'm even applying for my PhD. None of that has worked so far.

I feel like I am slowly being pressed into domestic servitude and being a stay-at-home-mom by societal norms and structures. It's a very difficult reality to swallow. I'm fighting many hegemonic influences that are out of my control.

So when a study reveals that men are generally happier than women, I find that not even the least bit surprising. Am I embittered? Maybe. But the feminist movement taught me in the 80's that I could have whatever I wished in life, especially a career. They lied.


~Writer~

[Heidi]

43. Well, color me surprised!

:wow:

[JVS]

46. Solution: My brother should let me come over and hang out with him and his wife can do the laundry.

Everyone's happy then! ;-)