I told my daughter that it was unladylike to burp in front of people--she told me that was sexist.

[trumad]

Now--- I'm one that prides himself as a guy who believes strongly in equal rights... And I tend to agree with her that a comment like "unladylike" is a bit sexist....but I guess I'm a bit of old-school when it comes to this.

I see guys all the time, most notably my brother and father, laying out some big belches... Yeah---they're a bit piggy with their manners, but I'm use to seeing guys act this way. When a woman lays out a big one, I ain't use to that.

I know I should have told her it's bad manners instead of throwing the "unladylike" comment at her.... and I should say the same to my Bro and Dad when they do it... but????

So I'm asking... is "unladylike" a sexist comment?

BTW: My daughter is 13 and she's already Gloria Steinem Jr.

[LynnTheDem]

1. I'd go with "rude and ignorant" rather than "unladylike".

"Rude & ignorant" works for either sex.

[Xithras]

101. Yep. Told my daughter "Wow, I didn't realize i was raising a Republican" when she farted at dinner.

Stopped that behavior in a heartbeat ;)

[mondo joe]

2. I just say "be polite" to my daughters. Never occured to me that "ladylike" was something

to aspire to.

[Captain Hilts]

34. It most certainly is, as is being gentlemanly. The world needs more ladies and gentlemen. nt

[Matariki]

87. Sure, as long as the standards for this are the SAME for both genders.

[Captain Hilts]

111. Damned straight, kineta! nt

[Lex]

3. Better comment is that it's "rude" regardless of who does it

but if your brother doesn't get corrected when he does it, why should your daughter?

"Ladylike" implies that it's okay if guys do it, but not okay if girls do it.

[iamjoy]

31. Don't Correct The Brother

And the way you can justify that is not with gender specific terms like "lady" and "gentleman"

In responding to why you don't address the issue of the brother's burps but do the daughter's - it is quite simple. You are her parent and as such have a responsibility and a right to correct behavior with which you disagree. Maybe that sounds old-fashioned, but as long as you would treat a son the same, it isn't really sexist. As for your brother, you have no right or responsibility to call him on bad behavior. So, you can tell your daughter you don't like it when the guys do it, but it isn't your place to correct it.

OTOH - if you have been laughing at the guys' burps while admonishing your daughter, she is right to call you on your sexism.

[ananda]

4. "impolite" will do..

nt

[TahitiNut]

5. "Better out than in."

... is what I always say. :dunce:

[lonestarnot]

8. "More room."

:toast: :party:

[Kadie]

10. More room on the outside than there is on the inside.

:D

[iamjoy]

22. Better To Burp

and bear the shame than to hold it in and bear the pain

:D

[cgrindley]

45. Don't expect a dinner invite

last night we had potatoes with black winter truffles, a herb encrusted rack of lamb, cooked baby carrots, and salad.

[TahitiNut]

52. Well, I guess that's the cross I must bear. Woe is me.

:eyes:

[dropkickpa]

89. Better the attic than the basement

is what I say!

[TahitiNut]

92. In the company of other scuba divers, I say ...

... "just off-gassing." :evilgrin:

[bluerum]

6. It is just plain rude to burp out loud in front of dinner companions. In this

country it is anyway. I have heard that in some cultures it is considered a compliment to the host/cook to belch with gusto after a meal - although I have never been witness to such a display.

My pet peeve people who chew with an open mouth so that we can all hear hard working salivary juices and teeth.

[Lex]

7. But the use of "ladylike" implies that it's only unacceptable if girls do it.

nt

[slackmaster]

13. When a boy does it, it's "ungentlemanly"

It seems pretty symmetrical to me.

[Lex]

17. The OP said his brother & father don't get corrected in the same way

as his daughter did, so where's the symmetry there? The OP laid out a specific scenario if you read it.

[slackmaster]

27. Sorry for not being more clear - I did read and understand the OP

In MY household a male belching out loud at the table was called ungentlemanly.

My parents did not tolerate bad table manners from anyone.

[Captain Hilts]

40. The disparity in enforcement IS sexist. nt

[Captain Hilts]

35. and that should have been noted. Women and girls are expected to be ladies but boys and men...

are not expected to be gentlemen nearly enough.

[bluerum]

59. I know. Clearly, that was a faux pas.

[blondeatlast]

25. Alas, at my wedding reception, it was a belching symphony.

My husband is from New Delhi and men, women, and children revved it up.

I was prepared for it and made sure my guests were as well but it still was shocking even to me. Even now, when we go out with Indian friends (to an Indian restaurant) I brace myself. I've gotten past the belching but the looks from other diners still bother me a little.

FWIW, my husband has managed to teach our son that in some situations it is to be encouraged and in others it's taboo and my son is aware when to do it (it truly is considered a compliment to the quality of the food) and when not to.

Still, I can't bring myself to do it even in the "proper" situation, I just can't.

[walldude]

60. In Japan it's a compliment..

I think GWHB thought puking would be an even bigger compliment.. :rofl:

[supernova]

9. Equal time... belching at the table is also "ungentlemanly"

Yes, it's "manly," but it's not the hallmark of a well-bred gentleman. So, if you expect your daughter to be a "lady," be prepared to be a "gentleman."

Expectations of good manners from both sexes is not sexist. Expecting one sex to be more mannered than the other is.

[TahitiNut]

26. Thanks for the peek into the "Upstairs Downstairs" world.

I regard "well-bred" a term appropriately applied to domesticated animals. Not human beings.

The language of 'class' is pervasive. :puke:

[supernova]

30. Oh Get off your high horse, TN

1) I am using the language that the OP points toward and taking it to it's conclusion. Yes, in some ways it is offensive. But his attitude about manners for women vs none for men is offensive.

However, this situation is entirely fixable.

2) Manners are open and accessable to EVERYBODY. T'ain't no upstairs/downstairs about it. It's about being a decent human being to other people. There's a time and a place for everything. Belching at a pig picking or a cook out is one thing. Belching at the table with with multiple course flatware and three beverage glasses is not. Knowing the difference between the two is good manners.

Nothing classist about it, unless you want it to be.

[TahitiNut]

55. "High horse"?? Moi??? ROFL!!!

Wow! That's terrific projection from the brain-washed Amy Vanderbilt fan club! Thanks! :rofl:

:applause:

"None are so blind as those who WILL not see."

[supernova]

62. Seriously, let me know when you pick up the clue phone

Until then I will not sit next to your table in a public place, since you think everybody should be boorish.

[TahitiNut]

75. "you think everybody should be boorish"?? Really?

Just WHERE in your shit-for-brains world did you conclude THAT? Does your (alleged) CLASS and BREEDING give you powers of divining what others THINK? AMAZING! A fucking MIND-READER!!

What amazingly condescending and arrogant bullshit!! :wow:

[supernova]

78. Now we're getting somewhere

You're deliberately misunderstanding me.

Feels good, doesn't it? Not.

edit: No where on DU have I ever claimed to be superior to others as you so wontonly and carelessly suggest. In fact, my mission in life is entirely the opposite. I don't care how others choose to behave, but I can control how I respond and how I behave in the world. I choose to be considerate and yes, manners, including not loudly belching at the table is a part of that.

If you find that funny, selfish, or whatever i small-minding word you use. Feel free to put me on ignore.

[RadiationTherapy]

63. I also find the term "well-bred" offensive, although I understand

some phrases become habits.

Do you think well-bred people exist?

Some excerpts from dictionary.com bear out, what I imagine as, your intended meaning; the connotation is different to me I guess.

bred1 adjective

(often as part of a word) (of people) brought up in a certain way or place
Example: a well-bred young lady; American born and bred.

bred2 adjective

(of animals) brought up or reared in a certain way
Example: a pure-bred dog

[supernova]

65. It's possible to democratize the term

It's possible for anyone to be "well-bred," though I use it in a rather tongue in cheek way in my post above.

It's up to anyone whether they choose to be. It has nothing to do with wealth in my experience and background.

edit: When I use the term "well-bred" I mean anyone who treats everybody with respect and civility, and I do mean everybody.

[RadiationTherapy]

69. I agree. Welcome to DU!

Oh..wait...shoot, I screwed that up. sorry.

[supernova]

73. Welcome to DU, Radiation Therapy!

:D

This is the daily GD inane flame war that really shouldn't be a flame war. :eyes: :D

[RadiationTherapy]

79. Although I am a fan of paying attention to what words and phrases

mean to ourselves and others, it is a bit hot in this thread.

thanks. g.

[Matariki]

91. ...

:rofl:

[Xithras]

104. Well bred, in modern usage...

...simply means that your parents did a good job raising you. I don't know of ANYBODY who still uses it to refer to bloodlines and family trees. Nowadays it just means that you had good parents.

[cynthia]

106. Specifically that your parents taught you manners

Ladylike and gentlemanly are quaint, archaic terms for having good manners.

[Captain Hilts]

82. Perfectly stated. nt

[supernova]

90. Thank you MookieWilson

Nice to know there are sensible people in this thread.

[Captain Hilts]

109. You are welcome, Supernova. nt

[slackmaster]

11. Terms like ladylike and gentlemanly are generally used with respectful intent

A polite acknowledgement of a person's gender is not inherently sexist. But in some cases it may be better to use gender-neutral terms in order to avoid the perception of sexism.

BTW: My daughter is 13 and she's already Gloria Steinem Jr.

It sounds like trumad's daughter has a sophomore's understanding of sexism at a relatively early age. I commend her precociousness.

That's just my personal opinion. I wonder what the real Gloria Steinem would have to say about it.

[youthere]

12. Just tell your brother and father they aren't being ladylike.

Seriously though, it's rude when anyone does it.

[havocmom]

44. Conversely, when dad and bro don't burp, they ARE being ladylike?

I like old fashioned speech patterns, but there is a certain silliness when one takes things to their logical conclusion.

now, where did I leave that burping smilie....

[youthere]

47. LOL! maybe the OP can compliment his brother and father when they don't burp!

"You're being SO ladylike!"

[havocmom]

51. Best done within earshot of that bright daughter

;)

Methinks she would get a kick from it all.

[The empressof all]

14. Traditionally the connotation of ladylike is sexist

To be ladylike is to encourage someone to be demure, passive and submissive. So it is better to encourage her to be polite. And since I'm married to a man who loudly belches I frequently wish his parents taught him as well.

Congrats on having a Gloria Jr.

[Captain Hilts]

37. I like to think the definition has changed, thanks to folks like Katharine Hepburn, etc. nt

[The empressof all]

50. I never thought of her as ladylike

In her day she was frequently described as a "mans" woman. She rarely wore dresses, drank and cussed with the best of them. Plus she lived with a married man out of wedlock! Heavens!!! :scared:

What a delight but far from what would traditionally be called ladylike then or now.

[Captain Hilts]

80. True, in part...

but Hepburn was very gracious with co-workers on set, wrote 'thank you' notes to everyone, did not generally use vulgar or profane language, rarely drank and was helpful to her elders. And, if the occasion dictated it, she DID wear dresses. Check out the various news photo archives on line now, and you'll see her in a dress at a function where she's with Clark Gable in Paris, with Constance Collier going to the theatre, Ethel Barrymore's 70th birthday party, etc. Looks like she borrowed them from friends.

People consistently describe her as 'ladylike'. John Ford said it best, she was "half pagan, half Puritan."

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. she is right. if you tolerate it from males and not females, its the definition of sexist

i think its incredibly gross in either gender and no one lays out big belches in my presence.

[tularetom]

16. For god's sake don't let her watch this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHcDP_Yew-g

Mythbuster's bootleg tape "Do Pretty Girls Fart"

[Drum]

18. A conundrum.

...because when we were little, we---at least in my family, or era---were told to learn to act like "ladies" or "gentlemen." The terminology of that, and the differences that those terms classically imply do seem sexist in our present enlightened age.

Right?

But like the-baby-out-with-the-bathwater (another antiquated phrase) I sometimes now think that the concept of manners may get discarded as well. As a city dweller, media consumer, and blog reader, I see proof of that nearly every day: we don't behave very nicely around each other as a society, and make no apologies for it.

This is progress?

Concerning your OP, I suppose your daughter has a point (or at least I predict you'll hear from others that she does.)

Good luck with this. :shrug:

[wellstone dem]

19. Good luck with this,

I'm hoping that age will cure my daughter of this. For now, I just say--not in public.

[zabet]

20. Mom always told us...

"Act like ya got some raisin',
even if you ain't, when you are
in public."

[mrreowwr_kittty]

21. "but I'm use to seeing guys act this way."

That comment reveals that you have a double standard. You hold women to higher standards in their personal behavior than men and your daughter is calling you on it. Belching is something that both males and females do, but men are given more permission to do it. Kudos to you for realizing it and asking questions.

As for 'unladylike', some women don't care for the word lady because it's so laden with baggage and behavioral expectations. Whereas woman is simply a description of a person of the female gender.

[Captain Hilts]

38. Well said. 'Lady' is NOT a synonym for 'woman'. We need higher expectations for men. nt

[Occulus]

23. WTF

It's a fraking *burp*. As in, extra gas in stomach that must egress. Let me spell it out, so everyone understands:

A BURP IS NEITHER RUDE, NOR UNLADYLIKE, NOR IS IT DISGUSTING, CRASS, CALLOW, UNCOUTH, OR WHATEVERTHEFRAK SOCIAL "MORES" YOU CARE TO ASCRIBE TO IT.</BURP>

:silly:

[Kadie]

28. Thank You!

I have burped at least 5 times while reading this thread! (excuse me)

:spray:

I was raised that burping was rude, and had a bunch of stomach aches my entire life. Better to let it out.

[iamjoy]

48. Yes...Read My Response

#22


Yes, burping is natural, and as long as one covers his/her mouth when doing it and says excuse me that is fine. Letting it rip and looking proud of it should not be done in polite company.

Now, where is that warm soda and can I find a stairwell?

[Marr]

57. Defecating is a natural function, too. But you don't do it in front of other people.

Belching in front of people is inconsiderate and crude.

[supernova]

72. *SNORT*

:rofl:

[TahitiNut]

81. So is breathing. Please stop.

:evilgrin:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Marr]

83. You don't disregard the customs of people in other countries, do you?

There are lots of little do's and don't's anywhere you go, and I always at least make an effort to observe them. That's just being considerate. In some places, a loud burp is a compliment to the host-- but not here. Here it's considered rude, and so I don't do it.

[TahitiNut]

84. According to "some people," no host would EVER make a guest feel uncomfortable or demeaned ...

... by condemning their behavior according to some classist Code of COURTesy. The question is, as always, imho, "who's HARMED?" What's the INTENTION?

Think about this: COURTesy, COURTship, COURTiers ... all stem from the artificial rules of conduct adopted by the ass-kissers of some monarch. Class. Royalty. Exclusion.

The terms "lady," "lord," and "gentleman" all find their anchor in class-structured societies.

Try separating the wheat from the chaff. Freeing one's self from the banal 'conventions' of a culture thoroughly infected (infested) with shite-eating obiesance to all things 'royal" can often be difficult.

:shrug:

[Matariki]

93. Your subject line states a good point. That's exactly what Judith Martin would say.

[Marr]

99. I can't believe you're trying to equate manners with monarchy.

I grew up very poor myself, but we had standards of behavior just as all people do. Saying "excuse me" or "thank you" or managing to refrain from, say, belching in public has practically no connection to monarchy, beyond a tenuous etymological thread.

Again, anywhere you go, you'll find different ideas of what is polite, and what is rude. Try offering to shake hands with your left in Malaysia, for instance, and see if they don't make you feel uncomfortable. Or sit with your feet crossed in... alot of places, and see if they don't take offense at having the soles of your feet directed at them. Sure, either of these acts may feel completely natural to you, but they're considered impolite to others.

Observing these little niceties has nothing to do with class, it has to do with showing basic respect to those around you.

[TahitiNut]

115. Ignorance alloyed with arrogance is stupidity.

courteous
1275, from O.Fr. curteis "having courtly bearing or manners," from curt "court" + -eis, from L. -ensis. In feudal society, also denoting a man of good education (hence the name Curtis). Medieval courts were associated with good behavior and also beauty; e.g. Ger. hübsch "beautiful," from M.H.G. hübesch "beautiful," orig. "courteous, well-bred," from O.Franconian hofesch, from hof "court."

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=courteous

court
1175, from O.Fr. curt, from L. cortem, acc. of cors (earlier cohors) "enclosed yard," and by extension (and perhaps by association with curia "sovereign's assembly"), "those assembled in the yard; company, cohort," from com- "together" + stem hort- related to hortus "garden, plot of ground" (see yard (1)). The verb meaning "woo, offer homage" (as at court) is first recorded 1580. Sporting sense is from 1519, originally of tennis. Legal meaning is from 1292 (early assemblies for justice were overseen by the sovereign personally); courthouse is from 1483. Court-martial is first attested 1571; as a verb, 1859. Courtier is from 1228; courtly "having manners befitting a court" is from 1450. Courtship "paying court to a woman with intention of marriage" is from 1596.

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=court

If you're incapable of distinguishing between the FORMS of behavior and the MOTIVES for behavior, then my advisory to separate the wheat from the chaff is lost upon you. Imposing those arbitrary cultural forms upon others without full respect for their inherent humanity is, imho, obscene arrogance and the bigotry of classism.

Indeed, your disCOURTeous response betrays the hypocrisy of a sycophatic COURTier.

[Marr]

117. That has got to be the lamest argument I've ever heard.

If you seriously think a piece of word etymology is a good argument for the ridiclous claim you've made, then I don't know what to tell you. Are French speakers commending peoples' souls unto god every time they say good-bye, because of the etymological roots of the word "adieu"?

Please, this is beyond silly. If you want to live as an overbearing ass and call it a righteous social cause, knock yourself out.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

120. true. nt

[Rabrrrrrr]

24. Maybe just tell her that it's rude and a sign of being a socially ignorant boor.

Whether you call it unladylike/ungentlemanly, or just "rude" or "unmannerly", the truth still stands - burping in public is a thing that boors, not human beings, do.

And "unladylike" is, in a sense, a sexist word to use - rude behavior is just rude, no matter the gender of the one doing it. In the old days, the women had more social rules than the men did, and so some behavior that might not be rude for a man could be rude for a woman, and so have a term like "unladylike" made sense for those specific etiquette breaches. But etiquette rules have changed, and we no longer make gender distinctions and so "unladylike" harkens back to a day when women were held to higher standards of social behavior than men; thus, one should just use the words "unmannerly" or "socially illiterate" and so forth.

On the other hand, I do like the words "lady" and "gentleman" to describe people with good manners, and I hate to lose them - I think girls should be raised to be ladies, and boys should be raised to be gentlemen.

[Midlodemocrat]

76. .

:applause:

Burping in public is boorish.

[rAVES]

29. Its perfectly natural bodily function, and nothing to be ashamed off.

now, running up to a person and burping on their face so close that small pieces off food from your throat stick to their face? you might call that a bit rude.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

32. I believe your daughter is 100% correct. IMHO, It was a sexist remark. Burping is a bodily function

and a simple excuse me (no matter what sex you are) would be polite.

[Captain Hilts]

33. You could have noted that it was also ungentlemanly to do so. That's not sexist, it's true. nt

[Mike Nelson]

36. You have a GREAT daughter, and...

... "yes" is the answer to your question.

[LiberalArkie]

39. I am sorry, I agree with trumad

I was raised to be a gentleman. I was at a nice restaurant yesterday for lunch. I young woman and man were seated at a table near mine. They were eating with their mouths open, loud belching and yawning with out covering their mouths and talking with their mouths full. I was disgusted. My guest was disgusted. Why are manners now being sexist? But, I guess wanting your daughter to grow up to have manners and know right from wrong behavior is sexist. Give me old manners and grace any day.

[Captain Hilts]

49. Same here, LiberalArkie. EVERYONE needs better manners. nt

[Lex]

56. You missed the point.

The point is that the behavior is tolerated when his brother and dad do it.

But his daughter is chastised as being unladylike when she does it.



This statement misses the entire point:
"But, I guess wanting your daughter to grow up to have manners and know right from wrong behavior is sexist."

[undeterred]

41. Yeah, she's right.

You should have told her it was impolite.

[cgrindley]

42. She was also being ungentlemanly

but it seems more accurate to call her unladylike.

Belching is fucking rude, inexcusable and disgusting and people should be ashamed of themselves.

[TalkingDog]

43. Sexist only if you fail to tell your sons they are being "ungentlemanly"

for doing exactly the same thing.

I define sexism in everyday interactions by a "sauce for the goose" measure. If it ain't also sauce for the gander, it's sexist.

So a joke that is funny when the woman is the brunt of the humor is not sexist if you can replace her with a male character and get the same laugh. And vice versa.

The joke:
Q: Why do Dr.s slap baby's bottoms when they are born?
A: To knock the penis off the smart ones.

is sexist, because the joke doesn't work without it being gender specific and specifically favoring/insulting one gender.

Telling your daughter to "quit primping" is sexist if you fail to admonish your sons in the same manner.

Telling your sons to "stop whining and act like a man" is sexist if you don't also tell your daughter the same.

Because although many people refuse to see it, sexism hurts both genders. Females are told that if they don't act in a certain fashion they are unacceptable: if they burp or are too competitive or fail to "be nice", are loud, stand their ground, etc.

Males are subject to similar constraints: toughen up boy, be a man, don't be a girl, get out there and push it, don't let him bully you, take it on the chin. And boys are often as insecure about being accepted, so the messages we send them about aggression and suppressing "feminine" emotions are just as damaging.

I think saying these things occassionally will not cause lasting damage if they are balanced out by consciously "deconstructing" the messages at other times.

Check out this video with your kids. Then sit and watch a few commercials together and talk about the repeated messages they get every day about what it means to be a "man" or a "woman".

http://www.mediaed.org/videos/MediaGenderAndDiversity/KillingUsSoftly3

It's a real eye-opener.

Good luck with having a teenager in the house.



My Favorite Master Artist: Karen Parker GhostWoman Studios

[distantearlywarning]

46. Neither boys or girls should burp loudly in public. It's rude.

If you think it's ok for guys to do something, but criticize your daughter for the same behavior, then yeah, that's sexist.

You should tell her it's impolite and then make sure you hold the men around you to the same standard.

Also, being "used" to men doing something is not an excuse or a justification for either their behavior or your attitude about it.

[Marr]

53. It's uncouth no matter who's doing it. If you don't treat your father and

brother the same way then yes, it's sexist.

I'm a man and there's no way I'd do that in front of people; dinner or no. It's very rude and just plain slobbish.

[helderheid]

54. It's rude when either boys or girls (or men and women for that matter) do it. Unladylike could be

considered a sexist term... but I consider it more an old fashioned term than anything.

[sandrakae]

58. Gloria Steinem wouldn't burp in public.

[Lex]

61. But would she think it's okay for the men in her family to burp publicly but

not okay for the women to do so?

That's the question.

[Captain Hilts]

112. You can dress Gloria up and take her anywhere. Manners should be similarly universal. Gloria ...

would agree.

[JackRiddler]

64. She's already working for the CIA and pushing corporate feminism?

That is young.

[malaise]

66. Yes it is these days

Just tell her it's bad manners whether males or females burp in front of people.

[mnhtnbb]

67. Yes, it's a sexist comment. Better to teach manners to both boys and girls and request the same of

adults of both sexes--brothers and fathers included.

[RadiationTherapy]

68. For me, the term 'lady' is classist.

Dictionary.com has PLENTY of fodder for the discussion ~ Bolding mine ~

la·dy /ˈleɪdi/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -dies, adjective
–noun 1. a woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken: She may be poor and have little education, but she's a real lady.

~like I said...the word strikes me as classist first as does 'gentleman'.~

also from dictionary.com:

2. a woman of high social position or economic class: She was born a lady and found it hard to adjust to her reduced circumstances.
3. any woman; female (sometimes used in combination): the lady who answered the phone; a saleslady.
4. (Used in direct address: often offensive in the singular): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Lady, out of my way, please.
5. wife: The ambassador and his lady arrived late.
6. Slang. a female lover or steady companion.
7. (initial capital letter) (in Great Britain) the proper title of any woman whose husband is higher in rank than baronet or knight, or who is the daughter of a nobleman not lower than an earl (although the title is given by courtesy also to the wives of baronets and knights).
8. a woman who has proprietary rights or authority, as over a manor; female feudal superior. Compare lord (def. 4).
9. (initial capital letter) the Virgin Mary.
10. a woman who is the object of chivalrous devotion.
11. (usually initial capital letter) a. an attribute or abstraction personified as a woman; a designation of an allegorical figure as feminine: Lady Fortune; Lady Virtue.
b. a title prefixed to the name of a goddess: Lady Venus.

[Toots]

70. I guess it would depend upon if the word Lady were a sexist word.

To some I guess it is..:shrug: To me it means a well mannered woman..but that alone could be determined as sexist I guess. Who determines what is good manners?

[JVS]

71. It's bad form for guys too

[JVS]

74. Did you tell her not to be contentious toward her father?

Whether the term is sexist or not is irrelevant. You are her male elder and that means she should STFU and listen to what you say!

[devilgrrl]

77. Do you give men the same lecture or is it A-OK for guys to belch in public?

Sure seems like it. :eyes:

[trumad]

85. Well---I find it more difficult to correct the manners of an adult

than my own 13 year old daughter.

You must be a hoot in a restaurant going up to strangers and telling them to quit talking with food in their mouths.

[Matariki]

86. If you want to be nit picky, "I ain't use to that" makes you sound like an ignorant redneck.

At least your daughter sounds sensible ;-)

And yes, the term 'ladylike' is sexist. Especially when used to attempt to control a girl's behavior. The idea that the same crude behavior you find objectionable in a woman acceptable from a man is also sexist.

Do you belch in front of her too, like your male relatives do? If so, you're using that doomed-to-fail parenting technique known as 'do as I say, not as I do'.

Calling your double standard 'old-school' in order to excuse it isn't helpful.

[Perry Logan]

88. She sounds like a redhead.

By which I only mean to say that that redheads--who are awesome--are renowned for their outspokenness. The young lady is a redhead in spirit, anyway.

[gulliver]

94. Try telling her it is "unfeminine."

She'll still tell you it is sexist, but she'll stop burping.

Then, in about a day, she'll see through it and start burping again. Teenagers are God's gift to the masochistic, second only to marriage.

[EFerrari]

95. I like your daughter.

lol

If my sons did that, I'd have told them they were being inconsiderate, not unladylike. :)

[Vinca]

96. You should've have told her it was rude - and the same to your male

relatives. What's with some men anyway? They seem to feel it's just fine to burp, belch, fart, swear, spit and wear their stupid baseball caps indoors. It's like basic manners have gone out the window.

[Sultana]

97. No nt

[HEyHEY]

98. ground her ass. Tell her she can belch all she wants in her room

[JVS]

102. lol

[Captain Hilts]

110. I laughed out loud at this one. Thanks! nt

[bobbolink]

100. In a word, yes.

If we all stuck to only what we're used to, we'd still have Jim Crow laws, and women wouldn't have the vote, or be able to own property.

Give your daughter credit.

[AlCzervik]

103. it's rude in public imo from anybody, now i say that as someone who can burp

almost the entire alphabet and then i laugh my ass off, i keep my awesome belching ability confined to my house and not when companies over and i try not to in front of my daughter "Gawd Mom, sheesh, you're such a princess"

[Forkboy]

105. I say nurture it and teach her to belch the National Anthem or something.

She could make you rich someday! Think, man!

[Joe Fields]

114. I grew up learning to belch the alphabet.

I used to be able to belch whole sentences. I haven't done it in many years. Just one of my many hidden talents.

[Darth_Kitten]

107. You would be a hypocrite if you didn't tell your brother and father......

that they weren't acting like civilized gentlemen.

No, it's not bad to say "unladylike", if you tell your male relatives they aren't acting like gentlemen.

Ms. Darth Manners. ;)

[Connonym]

108. I think your daughter is correct that it's sexist

I had this discussion with the principal at my daughter's school, curiously enough, after the lunch lady told my daughter that burping was "unladylike" I don't disagree with the sentiment that it's perhaps rude or impolite but calling it unladylike gives the implication that it's ok for a man but not for a woman and that's just wrong. I also have to admit that my kids have been taught that there are 2 sets of manners, one whereby in public you avoid passing gas and excuse yourself if it slips and the other set of rules whereby when you're at home your burps are subject to be rated as an Olympic sport (i.e., "The East German judges give you a 8.3") but we're sort of weird that way.

But yeah, back to the original question, impolite is a better way of saying it than unladylike. And good on your daughter for recognizing and calling out sexist behavior (even if that wasn't how you intended it).

[me b zola]

113. Ladylike/unladylike are words that make my skin crawl

...and makes me feel the need to burp.

[Geek_Girl]

116. I have a five year old little girl and I think

Teaching good manners is important. I wouldn't fret to much about the terms you use. But next time you correct your daughter try to use terms that are gender neutral. Also explain to her that belching loudly in public is just plain gross and her bother and grandfather are being rude. Maybe next time she'll think twice about doing it.

I don't think your being sexist but what's important is getting your point across to your child.

[Irishonly]

118. I never used the word unladylike

I heard it enough when I was growing up to last both our lifetimes. I use the word rude and tell her in our society burping, farting etc are considered rude. In other cultures although for the life of me I can't remember which ones, burping is a compliment to the cook.

[DawgHouse]

119. Your daughter sounds like a great person!

And you should also tell the males in the household that burping loudly is rude.

What exactly is "ladylike" behavior anyway? White gloves, a nap in the afternoon? Why, fiddle dee dee! Or maybe "ladylike" is better defined ala Tom Jones? :)

Well she's all you'd ever want
She's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner
Well she always knows her place
She's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner.

She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a Lady
Talkin' about that little Lady, and the Lady is mine.

Well she's never in the way
Something always nice to say, Oh what a blessing.
I can leave her on her own
Knowing she's okay alone, and there's no messing.

She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a Lady
Talkin' about that little Lady, and the Lady is mine.

Well she never asks for very much and I don't refuse her
Always treat her with respect, I never would abuse her.
What she's got is hard to find, and I don't want to lose her.
Help me build a mansion from my little pile of clay. Hey, hey, hey

Well she knows what I'm about,
She can take what I dish out, and that's not easy.
Well she knows me through and through,
She knows just what to do, and how to please me.