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Edited on Mon Jan-07-08 04:15 PM by StefanX
This is a historic opportunity.
After seven years of criminal corrupt Republicans running the country, they now have the most unpopular President and Vice President in history, hated by the People and protected from impeachment only by the corrupt, criminal, corporate media.
The Republicans also have the most unpopular primary candidates in history, with a primary lineup that's even more of a freakshow than their normal freakshow. Every Republican candidate has flaws so obvious even the knuckledraggers can see right through them. There's no authentic trash-talkin' pork-rind-eating square-jawed silver-spoon Reaganesque millionaire riding over the horizon in shining armor and cowboy boots who Peggy Noonan and the money people can anoint this time around, because everyone in the Republican lineup is either an abortion-approving gay-loving adulterous metrosexual flip-flopper or a decrepit-looking zero-charisma over-the-hill washed-up has-been wanna-be. There's not a single honest-to-goodness, get-up-and-go guy with a solidly racist, sexist, and moneyed background among the whole sorry lot of them.
In this vacuum, the great unwashed Republican base has been finally getting its netroots on and discovering how to do some Kos-style gate-crashing by rallying around someone who's really one of their own: a dirt-dumb true-believer preacher. And as for that other raving netroots-spawned true-believer Ron Paul who swallowed the neocon tax-cut trickle-down mantra so hook-line-and-sinker that he actually wants to get rid of the IRS -- well, they're dealing with him by getting their Fox News channel to kick him out of their debates.
In the midst of this Republican crack-up, almost anyone the Democrats end up nominating will definitely win hands-down in a heartbeat in November. The only question is, by how much of a landslide.
And actually, it might be nice to actually take the landslide, seeing as they're offering us one this time around.
A landslide would come in handy right now for several reasons -- such as those pesky vote-eating machines we never got around to outlawing, or the lopsided media coverage which always favors Republicans in the papers and on the Sunday bobblehead shows even when we have a slim majority, or that genteel Senatorial tradition of requiring Democrats to have a supermajority of 60 if we want to pass any legislation.
Not to mention that a landslide would provide a nice mandate to let everybody know we all agree there's a real need for some changes around here now.
Right now you hear a lot about "unity" and that's a good thing. Unity is something we need right now, and right now it should be easier than ever to achieve. In times of crisis like this, it becomes easier to bring everyone together around a common cause to solve the most pressing problems -- precisely because they're so pressing.
Let's say you're a political strategist and your job is to unify as many of our problems as possible under one common overriding theme. What would that theme be? What's the main thing that's causing most of the messes we're in right now?
Let's see. Our military, healthcare, energy, economy, media, environment and legal systems are all a mess. So it's kind of hard to decide where to begin.
But everyone is pretty much starting to figure out now that our problems started when we let a bunch of corrupt criminals run our corporations and take over our government so that they could keep lining their pockets while they cannibalize us, the People. So the single unified theme for this election is a no-brainer: it's the criminal corrupt corporations against the People.
Right now, these corrupt criminals have a major potential disaster on their hands, because the American people are finally on to them and might actually rise up and come after them, united for once.
The danger is that Dems will finally dare to be Dems, now that the whole country is finally begging us to.
The danger is that Dems will finally come out and openly talk the talk about taking on the corporations and the criminals who have been destroying our country, and then actually walk the walk once they get in office.
The danger is that the Dems will run a bunch of candidates who all realize we need to roll up our sleeves and fight like hell to get these corrupt criminals and corporate cannibals off our backs.
The danger is, the Dems will finally, you know, unite.
But fortunately, the Dems are divided as usual.
Fortunately, there's a couple of obliging candidates, even among the Democrats, who have been peeled away from this unified message and unity coalition.
Fortunately there's a couple of obliging selfish Dem candidates who are willing to splinter this historic Dem opportunity for unity by taking corporate donations in return for spouting a neocon talking point here and there now -- and probably enacting more than a few neocon laws once they're in office. Funny how they always dance with the one that brung them, isn't it.
Fortunately there's plenty of obliging pearl-clutching Dem supporters who just hate all this rude name-calling and bickering and fighting and who believe that if we all just hope loud enough or find a Third Way, then our enemies will just melt away before us.
Fortunately there's a couple of obliging wishful-thinking Dem candidates who think that if they just apply their awesome magical charm or their awesome insider experience, all those nasty genocidal blood-sucking corrupt criminals and corporations will just suddenly roll over (in a bipartisan way) and miraculously agree to play nice with us. Charlie Brown's gonna let Lucy hold the football all over again.
Fortunately there's a bunch of Dem voters who have swallowed the neocon lie that progressive = peacenik, and who would rather be lovers than fighters -- even after witnessing 30 years of Republican take-no-prisoners bipartisan date-rape.
Fortunately there's a couple of unscrupulous, immoral Dem front-runners who are more than happy to take corporate handouts in return for breaking ranks, in return for destroying our Dem unity coalition (even while they talk a good game of "unity"), in return for closing their eyes and not speaking out as the corporate media blackout does the dirty work of stabbing yet another hard-working, highly-qualified, popular fellow Democrat in the back and forcing him out of the race -- this time, a fellow front-runner no less. ("Good riddance," I guess they're thinking, "that whittles the field down to just us two." Two, America's favorite number.)
Fortunately there's a couple of Dem candidates who think it's cute or clever to run counter to their own constituents. There's always a couple of Liebermans among the Democrats.
And fortunately for the criminals and the corrupt corporations these couple Dem front-runners are exactly the types who wet-behind-the-ears, politically correct progressives would like to have a beer with! (Or a white zinfandel or decaf mocha latte, as the case may be.) And as we know, America's need to vote for someone they'd like to have a drink with is always more important than the potential collapse of our military, healthcare, energy, economy, media, environment and legal systems.
So, vote for charisma and charm and "unity" and "hope" and bipartisanship and The Third Way again America!
Vote for the candidate who promises to invite the criminals and the killers to the table and negotiate politely with them! That's always worked so well for you before.
Vote for one of the two candidates who are taking in millions in corporate donations! If they turn against you once they get in office, you can always just light up the switchboards in DC and demand that they do what you put them in office to do.
Vote for one of the two candidates the teevee told you you liked -- the ones who came in first and third in the first caucus!
Don't pay any attention to that other guy who managed to get second place on one-sixth the budget, who's been vetted nationally before, who all the polls say would win in the biggest landslide against any Republican, who got endorsed by 30 leading economists, who has an actual track record of standing up and WINNING against the corporate criminals who are killing you, and who has even learned from 2004 how to get his fight on without leaving himself open to accusations of "class warfare" or "anger" anymore.
Economists are saying that 2008 and beyond will make 1929 look like a walk in the park, so go ahead and vote for the candidate that Oprah endorsed, not the candidate endorsed by 30 leading economists!
The insurance industry just let Natalie die (funny how that played out so different from Schiavo, isn't it?) and most of the rest of you are one paycheck away from medical bankruptcy, so go ahead and vote for the candidate who sold us all down the river to the insurance companies last time around!
Al Gore just proved to scientists and Hollywood that corporations are killing the planet, so vote for a candidate who's owned lock, stock and barrel by corporations! (Not for the guy who's refusing to take their dirty murderous money.)
Michael Moore just told you which front-running candidate will give you healthcare -- so ignore him!
Vote your feelings again America! You always do, and you've always manage to pull through somehow in the past, so of course you always will in the future!
After all, you're the greatest country in the world, and history doesn't apply to you, and housing prices will rise forever, and oil will always be cheap, and you'll never lose a foreign war, and your currency will never crash, and your people will never go homeless or starve or die from lack of medical care.
So go ahead America, vote with your hearts and not your minds! Just this one last time! You deserve it!
{Headline updated so nobody's head would explode.}
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