Peace in Iraq...

[mikelewis]

I have hatched a plot... a secret plan... a way in which we can WIN this war. See folks... we have to win this war... if we don't win this war then we will lose this war and you all know what that means. That's right... We're all going to die in a terrorist explosion and/or the cancerous plague caused by the nuclear fallout from a dirty bomb. It's inevitable and guaranteed and we just can't let that happen.

Don't you understand? If we lose, they will kill every man, woman and child in America. They will come here and butcher us all in our sleep. They will drink our blood and desecrate this beautiful and Greatest Nation on God's Green Earth. They are evil and we must WIN WIN WIN by any and all cost!!!!

Perhaps I'm not getting through to you... that's probably because you hate America and can't see how God is using America to save the world from this evil menace. Those who agree with me are patriotic and those who don't are traitors... You may not like hearing this truth but you know... you also look fat... I'm tired of white lying. You're fat and a traitor... a big fat traitor.

Oh... you're not a traitor? Then you agree with me... wonderful... now shut the fuck up and listen to this plan I have devised to straighten out the non-existent civil war in Iraq. In Iraq, there are people who want to kill us and of course, we must kill them before they kill us. Are you following this? Am I going too quickly for you? Okay... So, we must kill these enemies because they pose a "Clear and Present Danger" to the security of the country and indeed all of creation.

I'm going to give you a scenario... stay with me now... come on... picture a terrorist... you can see him... unshaven, olive skin, greasy, evil, hate-filled, slavering, spittle-dripping from his twisted grimacing face... see him in your mind... this man cares about nothing... he has no soul... he is not even a man... a dog is worth more than this maggots life... picture him....

Now, I'm going to tell you something about this man that is going to frighten you. Prepare your imagination... you have to envision this like it's real or you'll never understand...

This man has stolen the launch codes to several nuclear weapons... he knows where the nukes are... We know they are somewhere within India... if a nuclear weapon detonates in India, India will undoubtedly retaliate against Pakistan. Instantly the entire world will be plunged into world war... even in Poland. Muslims all over the planet will unite and butcher every infidel... you included... your children included... everything you know and love will be destroyed in devastation and war.

So now we have a choice to make... I know you think I'm going to say torture the guy... make him tell us... hurt him and he will talk...

We tried... he won't talk but there is one thing we haven't tried... yet.

He has two daughters... our intelligence tells us he loves his daughters and our psychologists believe he will break if we kill one of them. I was unaware that maggots had emotions but this is our only hope. One innocent person to save a billion... that mathematics is so simple our Congress can even deduce the answer. This is a no brainier... if Ahabia from Arabia won't talk... we sacrifice the girl... and save Billions and Billions.

As I lay in bed envisioning this scenario... trying to steel my soul for the day America will face this inevitability... I began to see how Iraq is exactly like this scenario... It is identical... EYE dentical in every way... Think about it...

We lose the war... the terrorists race after our planes and discover where we live... they send an invasion force through the underground tunnels in every corner store in America and within hours every American is dead. It will happen so fast we won't even have a chance to launch our nukes and kill everyone else on our way out... How is this different than a nuclear strike? It's WORSE!!! In a nuclear strike we at least can blow up the whole planet with one last giant "Fuck you" to God. How can we retaliate and get our revenge if we're all dead?

We must... We must... WE MUST start taking this WAR seriously!!!! We must set our minds on victory or death... Toward this end, I propose the final solution to the Iraqi Isssss-ewe. We must first abandon this ridiculous concept of "Rules of War". Are you fucking kidding me? Rules of war... how about rules of my dick... that's the fucking rules, baby... It's fucking WAR!!! There aren't any rules... No, I take that back... there is one rule... Win. Or you can argue that there is a rule number 2, "Don't lose". Either way, it's time to get creative... it's time to get vicious... it's time to get ugly... it's time to win.

The second thing we must do is abandon our tele-tubby concepts of humanity... Life is not lollipop town... what we must do to win is not something a cream-puff God will forgive us for... we must spit in his cotton candy eye and run him off like a stray dog... wussy God must Go... Yeah, there must be no possibility of retribution in this life or any other so we must turn away from the "Jedi" side of the force and start accepting the fact that, "Thou shall not kill" is absolute bullshit... Thou will kill and then thou will go home and make thouself an egg-salad sandwich. God... the true God... the God that said, "Poke me in the eye and I'll stab you a thousand times in the heart and then piss on your rotting corpse" the God of the powerful and the mighty... that God will be delighted.

Now that accountability is "Off the table" (Ma Bitch is in Da House!!!!)... sorry, Now that accountability is off the table in this life and the next and our mind is hardened for what we must do, I can share with you my secret plan for bringing Peace to Iraq... and indeed the whole world... forever and ever...

Here it is...

We execute every single man, woman and child in Iraq on international television.

Now, I know what you're thinking... I do... "This is madness!!!" "You are Insane!!!" "Do you know how many bullets that would take?" Yes, yes I do... roughly 23 million... though I understand that we could duct tape their heads together and maybe cut that number down to 9 million or so but I assure you, this is absolutely doable....

I know you're worried about what the rest of the world would say and what they may do but I promise you... they'll bitch and moan about humanity 'this' and evil 'that' but they ain't going to do shit. We've killed over a million Iraqi's already and those fuckwads just sit and stare at anything but the truth. Besides, we have about 50,000 nuclear bombs we'd shove up their asses and trust me, they know we'd use the BOMB's again... No, this world community is a bunch of pussies... what is France going to do? Surrender again... LOL... I wipe my ass with the French... I mean figuratively...

The world will lay down... they always lay down... that's what we pay them to do...

In all seriousness folks... let me bring you back into reality here... let's tone this down a bit and think rationally. Should we kill 23 million people... to save the Greatest Nation on God's Green Earth? If we have to, we will.

Do we have to? I don't see any other alternative... they want to kill us... they are capable of killing us at any moment so it's us or them.

And before you bleeding hearts out there start worrying about whose going to feed all the animals... we have a program already in place to handle that humane issue...

Oh come on... don't look at me like I'm psychotic... you want peace in Iraq... start killing their children on international television... kill one every five minutes... bang... bang.... bang... bang... bang... bang... how long before you bring that country to heel? Besides, we won't have to kill them all... A day or two and even the most hardened terrorist will give up... they'll see we mean business. They are not monsters... they're men... they'll crack. Let them listen to the wailing in Ashur and tremble at the viciousness Freedom can bring. They'll break... otherwise, they'll just wait us out... wait until we're weak... so we must act, we must resolve to act... we must kill them... we must be prepared to kill them all if that is what it takes!!!! And when that is what it takes... imagine how peaceful they'll be when they're all dead!!!!!

Now... once we showed the strength of our will and determination... the whole world will face a choice... either they are fully with us... or they face extinction... by sacrificing a few hundred thousand on television, we will save millions and millions in the years to come... even if we have to do all 23 million of them... it's a price we must pay for peace. No nation will ever rise up against another nation... they shall all be under our boot heels and batons... We shall reign supreme on the Earth and even God himself will tremble as we hold creation hostage.... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

**********

"Mr. President"

Wha... what?

"Mr. President, sorry to wake you but we're on approach."

"No, that's fine... that's fine... I wasn't sleeping; just day-dreaming of a speech about Peace in Iraq. Bring me a muffin and get Alberto and Rove on the phone... I need to make something legal. Heh heh heh heh heh."

[Amonester]

1. 23 million bullets!!

how high will uncle dic-k's option$ balloon?

[unhappycamper]

2. k&r

Excellent post. :thumbsup:

[mikelewis]

3. Thank you...