ABC News: What Did Clinton Cat Socks Know and When Did He Know It?

[Bob Geiger]

When ABC News went to press with their latest investigative earth-shaker on Wednesday, you would have thought they found D.B. Cooper or discovered Amelia Earhart's final landing place. Instead, what you got from Brian Ross and ABC's "investigative unit" was the most shocking revelation they could find so far in 17,481 pages of Senator Hillary Clinton's first-lady schedule, released this week by the National Archives: That the Democratic presidential candidate "may have been in the White House when the fateful act was committed," referring to her husband's dalliance with Monica Lewinsky.

"Hillary At White House on 'Stained Blue Dress' Day," screamed the headline on the ABC News web site Wednesday, in reference to the dress that the Starr Report would later say was proof of President Clinton having sex with Lewinsky and obviously in shock that on a given day the First Lady might actually be in the White House.

"Hillary Clinton spent the night in the White House on the day her husband had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky, and may have actually been in the White House when it happened, according to records of her schedule released today by the National Archives," people claiming to be journalists at ABC actually reported.

I have obtained through top-secret, clandestine sources a pre-release of ABC News' next major investigative report. They have high hopes that this will also rock Senator Clinton's presidential campaign to the core and I present it here in the interest of the public's right to know

* * * * *

What Did Socks Know and When Did He Know It?



An in-depth investigative report by ABC News continues to show disturbing evidence that Socks, the White House cat during the Presidency of Bill Clinton may, like then First Lady Hillary Clinton, also have been present in the White House when the former Chief Executive was having sex with intern Monica Lewinsky.

"We've been going after this story for years, all the while being stonewalled by Socks," said Brian Ross of the ABC News Investigative Unit. "It's obvious that, like Senator Clinton, Socks may have been in the house during the Lewinsky affair, but he has continued to maintain his silence for well over a decade -- which if you think about it, is a really long time for a cat."

"Socks may have ducked Ken Starr, but he won’t escape the bulldog reporting of ABC News," snarled Ross, with obvious disdain for the black and white tabby.

As recently as last weekend, Team ABC staked out the home of Betty Currie, former secretary to President Clinton, and with whom Socks currently lives, and tried once again to ambush-interview the former First Cat. A partial transcript follows:

Brian Ross: "Socks. Socks! Were you in the White House on the day the blue dress was stained?"

(Ross and ABC News camera crew run frantically after Socks who once again eludes them by running up a tree.)

Ross: "Socks, the American people have the right to know: Did you know about Monica Lewinsky?"

Socks: "Meow."

Ross: "Answer the question, you fallacious feline. Were you or were you not in the White House on February 28, 1997?"

At this point Currie emerged from her suburban Maryland home and chased correspondent Ross away while beating him severely with an umbrella.

"The Clintons can keep running away from this and continue to maintain that Socks was just a, quote, 'family pet,'" said a breathless Ross. "But we will not rest until we get to the truth in this vital story."

As the investigation continued, ABC News moved to Chappaqua, NY, the current Clinton home and the place where Buddy, the Clinton's White House dog died under what Ross called "mysterious circumstances" on January 2, 2002.

Buddy, a youthful Labrador retriever was killed when he was struck by a car near the Clinton's Westchester County home.

"It's no secret that Buddy and Socks did not get along," said Ross, referring to the period when both domestic animals occupied the White House and fought like, well, cats and dogs. "Socks has continued to cover for the Clintons, while Buddy was the more talkative of the First Pets. Isn’t it convenient that Buddy suddenly got 'hit by a car' so soon after leaving Washington?"

ABC News spoke to Jeffrey Tiedrich, a neighbor of the Clintons, as he unloaded his car from a grocery-shopping trip.

Brian Ross: "Sir, do you know the Clintons?"

Tiedrich: "Of course, I do, they live across the street. Very friendly."

Ross: "Do you remember when Buddy was killed?"

Tiedrich: "Uh, yes, it was a very sad day in the neighborhood."

Ross: "Do you think Socks had anything to do with it?"

Tiedrich: "What?"

Ross: "Socks, the Clinton's cat, who's been running from us for 11 long years."

Tiedrich: "Who are you again?"

Ross: "ABC News. Do you think Buddy knew too much about the blue dress? Is it true he tried to bury it in the back yard of the West Wing?"

Tiedrich: "You're an idiot."

The tenacious ABC News Investigative Unit continued to run into even more evasive behavior on the part of everyone surrounding the Clintons, including failed attempts to interview other White House employees who, according to Ross, "saw their employment mysteriously end in January of 2001."

But Ross remains undeterred.

"We'll get to the bottom of this," said the frustrated reporter. "We also know that Barack Obama may have visited the White House sometime during the Clinton Presidency. And we'll find out what he knew about that dress as well."

You can read more from Bob at The Agonist.

[splat]

1. Socks saw EVERYTHING! Start the Vulcan mind meld

[Parche]

2. you are ILLOGICAL

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:hi:

[rpannier]

5. Waterboard him

That'll get the truth out of him.

[panader0]

3. Buddy knew too much.

And he wasn't "struck by a car" He was thrown under the bus!

[rpannier]

4. That pretty much sums up our insipid... I mean intrepid media

That was wayyyyy toooo funny.
Thanks

[CatWoman]

6. i just LOVE that picture

:rofl:

:loveya:

[liberalla]

7. Is Socks still among the living?

Quick! He needs a publisher to assist in writing his memoirs. That would be a bestseller.

[Dr.Phool]

8. Get Lucianne Goldberg on the phone right away.

Her and her dumbfuck offspring, Jonah, can help Ken Starr waterboard the story out of Socks.