Welcome to this week's DUzy Awards, honoring gnarly knee-slappers, nimble nuttiness and nifty nonsense from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!
And watch for a "DUzy of the Month" poll this Sunday.
The stemless and seedless DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. OP by Horse with no Name: Will the paid operatives please check in hereThat way we don't have to wonder who you are? :evilgrin:
response #4 by
Nikki Stone1:
I am a paid operative for the banana slugwho is looking more and more like the best candidate for 08
response #12 by
LoZoccolo:
I admit, I am the DLC operative responsible for driving the truck......full of duplicating equipment to run off copies of the Dean scream to give to the media. We made the tape where the mixing board only had the close microphone that Dean was holding turned up to make him look crazy. We knew he was going to scream so we set it up like that. Then we quickly jumped into a truck full of mini-DV tape decks to run off dozens of copies and drove them around to the media, where they accepted the footage without question and complied with our request to air it. It was our secret, until someone here figured out that it was us responsible for the whole thing. And we would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you sneaky kids.
response #16 by
Jackpine Radical:
Don't you know threads like this make us look bad?...Help me answer this email I got from a Freeper friend...
How come you people are attacking a sensible centrist like Joe Lieberman? I think he'd be our strongest candidate in '08...
The DLC is right. Kucinich will drive voters away...
Our politicians HAD to vote for the IWR. Anything else would have been political suicide.
(Is the interview over yet? Do I get the job? You can send me the monthly payments by PayPal to Jackpine@anythingforabuck.com)
response #18 by
Bucky:
I'm secretly working for Clark. Not Wes Clark, but President Clark from "Babylon 5"My secret mission is to figure out which poster is really Billy Mumy.
GD, February 23, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x277203 On a thread by RedG1: Dick Morris owes over $280,000 in Connecticut back taxesresponse #2 by
Fluffdaddy:
Paying woman to let you suck their toes can get very Expensive.....I Guessresponse #3 by
Ken Burch:
Maybe he tried to deduct the toesucking costs as a "business expense".n/t.
response #6 by
KamaAina:
Naturally he'd leave the taxpayers to "foot" the bill :spank:
LBN, February 23, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2743490 OP by RummyTheDummy: Hit the open water for a 7 day cruise....with Bill Kristol and Fred Barnes!The Neocon Love Boat sets sail for 7 glorious days of fun, food and entertainment. Hate mongering and lies included!
http://www.twscruise.com /
HIGHLIGHTS
-Special panels, sessions and programming
-Access to, and dining with guest speakers
-Traveling with like-minded conservatives (sounds like a barrel of laughs)
On edit: I wonder how many times the phrase "Get me another Chivas Regal, BOY" will be thrown around that week?
response #3 by
DRoseDARs:
I'd hate to have to be the deckhand on that ship......swabbing the poop deck of all that bile. *shudder*
response #5 by
maine_raptor:
Maybe we'll be lucky and it will turn out to be a 3 hour tourOne can hope.
response #13 by
Jacobin:
"With open kool aid bar"response #17 by
BerryBush:
Does anyone remember when Bill O'Reilly advertised such a cruise a few years agoand it had to be canceled due to LACK OF INTEREST???
It was a riot.
I guess the promise of free loofahs for every passenger and the Unlimited Falafel Bar just weren't appealing enough.
GD, February 24, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x278635 On a thread by Doondoo: Can smelling a cheeseburger shorten your life?response #4 by
antfarm:
OMG WE HAVE TO STOP SECOND-HAND CHEESEBURGERS!!!!!!!! :rofl:
response #5 by
The Straight Story:
No eating them in cars, or cooking them in attached condos, or near kidssoon, we will all have our wonderful bubbles and control of all bodies will belong to the body snatchers.
response #6 by
antfarm:
OMG the CHILDREN!!!!!!You can snatch my body as long as it keeps them SAFE!!!!!!!!!
response #19 by
seabeyond:
the moment your cheeseburger smell hits my nose is the moment you have no rightsthat is all i am saying.
on edit: i forgot. :sarcasm:
GD, February 24, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x279992 On a thread by Doondoo: Idaho considers making English official languageresponse #7 by
Dhalgren:
What do they speak in Idaho, now?response #9 by
struggle4progress:
Republicant -- a raspy guttural dialect especially useful for hate speechresponse #8 by
shain from kane:
Will they change the name of the state? I'm the whore is the English translation.response #16 by
mbperrin:
Why English? This look like England to you?We kicked their ass in 1776 and again in 1812 when they tried sneaking back in again. We won, dammit! Don't wanna speak a slave language! We won, and by gawd, I wanna talk USese! We're being culturally enslaved by a tiny island! Help!
LBN, February 24, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2744111 On a thread by Esra Star: US Vice-President Cheney's plane divertedresponse #2 by
Greeby:
The plane had other priorities ntresponse #28 by
daleo:
He was sucking the energy out of the fuel lineTypical for Cheney.
response #13 by
Whoa_Nelly:
Libby Trial Jury Still OutNot time to return to the US yet :evilgrin:
response #20 by
Zorra:
Maybe he's visiting Ken Lay at his little Chinese hideaway? ntresponse #14 by
brook:
Jeez. Maybe he's defecting!I wish. :(
response #24 by
seasat:
He must have been flying Jet Blue n/tresponse #40 by
merwin:
The JetBlue planes don't even take off though. They sit on the tarmac for10 hours.
response #29 by
Phredicles:
Ahh, the kitchen was probably just out of puppies.Still, if it's another what-passes-in-Cheney-for-a-heart attack, I won't exactly grieve.
:popcorn:
response #46 by
leomcgarrysghost:
Cheney discovers air travelAnyone who flies domestic know that planes have problems all the time. About time Cheney experienced the same problem the rest of us schmucks have to deal with. Lose his baggage too, while they're at it.
Plenty of other great responses in the thread.Special thanks to babylonsister for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:
LBN, February 24, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2744770 On a thread by Lex: MSNBC Breaking: Plane Carrying Cheney Diverted for Unspecified Reason.response #2 by
El Supremo:
Did his pacemaker not have software...to account for the international dateline?
response #13 by
aint_no_life_nowhere:
Did he get drunk and shoot someone again?Maybe he had the plane fly through a flock of geese and accidentally shot another friend in the face.
response #24 by
Xipe Totec:
The rifling was offhe accidentally shot the copilot.
He was aiming for the flight attendant.
Emergency stop to the nearest gunsmith.
response #46 by
jazzjunkysue:
Needed to top off the blood casks. Dang. Got caught this time.I hope they find a way to reconstitute from powder some day.
response #54 by
leftstreet:
Air Force took over 20 minutes to scramble the 101st Pacemakers:tinfoilhat:
response #63 by
B Calm:
Damn they raised a stink about Pelosi's plane, how about one thathas the capability to fly an 800 year old vampire non stop to Australia?
Special thanks to babylonsister for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:
GD, February 24, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x283154 On a thread by Doondoo: Va. principal deems Jesus chant offensive (Catholics shouted "We Love Jesus" at Jewish students)response #2 by
unblock:
saviors love it when their holy name is used as a sports cheer!onward, christian dribblers!
response #3 by
aquart:
Jesus was a good Jewish boy.And his Jewish mother loved him.
response #4 by
NCevilDUer:
Then his father brought him into the family business. ntLBN, February 24, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2744492 On a thread by WillyT: White House Conducts Bomb Drill (Bush Takes Bike Ride)response #1 by
CrazyOrangeCat:
Any fatalities from the bike ride?response #6 by
aint_no_life_nowhere:
After riding his bike, Bush had the White House chef make him some peanut butterand honey sandwiches. After that he had Condi read him a portion of "The Hungry Caterpillar" before enjoying his afternoon nappy-time time, of course with the help of "Mr. Pillie" under his head.
GD, February 24, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x282317 OP by LostInAnomie: I just heard! Skinner's going to sell off the Lounge!They're going to turn it into an Arby's! :o
response #1 by
Left Is Write:
They should turn it into an Old Country Buffet instead. :P
response #2 by
LostInAnomie:
That would just be sillyBe serious, would you! :P
response #3 by
Left Is Write:
Okay, okay.A Golden Corral, then.
The Lounge, February 25, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6235990 On a thread by The Straight Story: 123-Pound Burger, $379 - only in America....Weighing in at 123 pounds, this giant burger features an 80-pound beef patty, a 30-pound bun, 12 tomatoes and 160 slices of cheese. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub also throws on a pound each of lettuce, ketchup, mustard and mayo -- and up to five onions.
response #8 by
BlooInBloo:
If there's bacon on it, count me in!response #28 by
LostInAnomie:
HEY! MINE ONLY HAD 158 SLICES OF CHEESE!I demand a refund!
response #42 by
The Straight Story:
I wonder if you can buy 8 packs of those buns at wal mart?Just in case ya want to make one at home :)
GD, February 25, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x287963 OP by stopbush: DNA Tests Link Jesus to Anna Nicole, Sharpton & ThurmondJust thought I'd tie all of the DNA stories in the news into one tidy little bundle... :)
response #3 by
valerief:
Is Jesus the daddy now? ntresponse #4 by
helderheid:
Maybe that was it. I was sure there was a Britney connection though. Could she be the father?response #8 by
newburgh:
Yeah, but Zsa Zsa will still end up with all the money ; )GD, February 26, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x293107 OP by NYCALIZ: GOP announces the elephant is deadin keeping with Bush policies and in order to not embarrass the president, the GOP has now adopted the ostrich as its symbol. If it's good enough for our President to hide from things he'd rather not acknowledge, it's good enough for us.
Surveys among GOP loyalists show strong support for the new symbol. They admire the quick adoption by the GOP Senators who refused to discuss the Iraq surge even though Iraq is the single most important issue to their constituents.
A few loyalists requested that a diaper be placed on the ostrich's behind so they didn't have to inadvertently see any private parts.
Others did not recognize the animal based on the 'head in the sand' sketch. They asked if the beheading was intended to demonstrate strength to al quaida.
GDP, February 26, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3135412 On a thread by goclark: PIckles has her fingers crossed on Larry Kingresponse #17 by
frazzledmom:
You mean, he doesn't have Anna Nicoles best friend's third cousintwice removed on tonight?
response #29 by
Buzz Clik:
Crawford, Texas. Hello!CALLER: "Larry, I just wanna tell the first lady that she's a hottie and smart as a whippersnapper."
KING: "So, Mrs. Bush, are you a hotty?"
LAURA: "You tell me. Do you like what I'm doing with my foot under your desk?"
KING: "Uh... what? Sorry, but I'm numb from my cheekbones down to my toes."
LAURA: "Oh, boy. You know what we call people like you in Midland?"
KING: "Flamboyant? Debonair?"
LAURA: "Dead. Are we almost done here?"
GD, February 26, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x296830 OP by mtnsnake: Breaking News: Dick Cheney shatters the world record for the 100 meter dashshaving more than 3 seconds off Justin Gatlin's previous record.
The AP is reporting that Cheney ran the 100 meters in 6 seconds flat after a bomb exploded a few miles away from the military base in Afghanistan where Cheney had been holed up for the night. As Cheney bolted from his bed to his plane after being awoken by the loud boom, witnesses said they heard him screaming, "Get me the fuck off of this base and outta here. RIGHT NOW!!!%@!!"
Cheney's dash to his plane was inadvertently timed when a guard, one who just happened to be taking some videos of wild Afghan chipmunks in the vicinity, caught the entire incident on tape. Measurements were then made from Cheney's bed to his plane, and the actual distance was 100.8 meters, confirming that Cheney had indeed set a new record.
One soldier said the vice president's dash created a blazing streak of light similar to that made by Chevy Chase when he zipped down that icy hill on his greased saucer in "Christmas Vacation".
Another witness who witnessed Cheney's record-setting dash said the vice president left a gaping hole measuring 4 feet in diameter in a concrete security wall that stood between Cheney's room and his plane.
Congratulations, Dick! You're the fastest man in the world!!
GD, February 27, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x298913 On a thread by CreekDog: Freepers here?response #2 by
CrazyOrangeCat:
yep.there are some here.
strange hobby . . . but I suppose life in ma's basement gets pretty strange . . .
response #6 by
TomInTib:
What I do in my Mother's basement is my own business.Why are you Socialists trying to control my life?
I just came to this site to try to find my buddy Bob Boudelang.
GD, February 27, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x302339 On a thread by CatWoman: Gore Responds To Drudge’s Latest Hystericsresponse #34 by
Liberal Veteran:
Sometimes I get the feeling that some people wouldn't be satisfied.....if Al Gore lived in a mud house powered by solar panels and drove a bicycle made out of recycled aluminum cans to his speaking engagements wearing a loin cloth woven by his wife out of bits of plastic retrieved from a local landfill.
GD, February 27, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x295810 On a thread by LSK: Trivia question: Where was "Mission Accomplished" located at?response #5 by
NanceGreggs:
Inside Bush's head ...... just to the south of his tiny pea-brain.
response #11 by
B Calm:
Is this when he was Too Stupid to Unhook his Parachute Harness"and paraded around on the deck of the carrier with his testicles pulled up to his belly button?
response #12 by
Demobrat:
You mean his sock.n/t
response #14 by
Ron_Green:
That pic was taken aboard the U.S.S. Photo Opportunity.GD, February 27, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x303198 On a thread by oberliner: Was Thomas Jefferson the first Jewish president?response #2 by
babylonsister:
Oy gevalt! ntresponse #5 by
Atman:
Don't forget his black Jewish son...Sammy Davis Jefferson.
Left out of many history books.
response #13 by
leftofthedial:
I thought he was the first black president.what next? Was Thomas Jefferson the first mime President?
Special thanks to NanceGreggs for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:
GD, February 27, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x305931 On a thread by Bluebear: PHOTO: You know, it's the ONLY situation in which she seems to smileOP shows a photo of a beaming Secretary Rice gazing at her boss.response #1 by
Horse with no Name:
She gazed at him...longingly and lovingly and yearned for the man
who would never be hers...response #3 by
Bluebear:
He regarded her, catching a glimpse of what was never there before...
or was it always there? He seemed confused.response #6 by
Horse with no Name:
Of course, his confusion was often mistaken with the organic brain injury caused
by years of binge drinking. If only he had met her sooner...response #8 by
babylonsister:
But he retained that gleam, that distant memory, of how they were
comrades in arms, fighting for world domination...together.response #12 by
Horse with no Name:
and the image of him on a flight deck with a large codpiece was etched into her
mind. The thought was enough to make her shift in her seat...response #21 by
babylonsister:
and recall all the shafting they'd done to the American people, how
they stuck together, through thick and thin. And the throngs doubted, especially when the blood started flowing, but that only added to the 'rightness' of their cause. The blood joined them, and they became one.GD, February 27, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x302169 OP by yurbud: A thought on blast near Cheney--how did secret service determine he wasn't dead?No pulse, no body temperature, eyes half-open staring off into space, head nodded forward with chin resting on chest....
All of those are normal for him.
response #1 by
Cobalt-60:
They released a fly in front of himAnd his tongue lashed out.
Other great responses in the thread.GD, February 28, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x306569 On a thread by SoCalDem: Why was Karen Hughes in Baghdad?U.S. Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy Karen Hughes carries a baby, who was injured in a car bomb attack in Ramadi...
response #3 by
youngdem:
Right after this photo, she ATE the baby. True story.Special thanks to babylonsister for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:
GD, March 1, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x317547 On a thread by krispos42: trained scientists have reported seeing a live dinosaurresponse #1 by
baldguy:
Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum are not trained scientists.response #6 by
PA Democrat:
Yabba-dabba do! n/tresponse #19 by
Bornaginhooligan:
Well, they are trained scientists.It takes a lot of training to distinguish between dinosaurs, dragons, godzilla, and, of course, mechazilla.
response #26 by
SalmonChantedEvening:
They do exist!! They lost control of Congress this past November :) :evilgrin:
Special thanks to wryter2000 for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:
GD, March 1, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x317397 On a thread by AnnInLa: OlbermannWatch.com bites the dustresponse #1 by
MonkeyFunk:
LOL"the entire staff"
Who, him and his pet spider?
response #23 by
TahitiNut:
His rod and his staff give him comfort.:evilgrin:
response #15 by
Gatchaman:
"consultation with the entire staff":rofl:
I guess yelling up from the basement, "Mom, I'm going to take down my Olberman web site" counts as consultation with the staff.
Plenty more great responses in the thread.Special thanks to wryter2000 for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:
GD, March 1, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x319549 On a thread by IanDB1: Swiss Soldiers Accidentally Invade Liechtensteinresponse #1 by
xchrom:
shit -- they coulda walked right on through --in about two minutes.
then it coulda been an international international incident.
response #2 by
Teaser:
I did that once too.Most countries, entities, people, and objects will, at one point or another, accidentally invade Liechtenstein.
response #11 by
hootinholler:
What nobody had a knife with the compass in it?Geebus!
GD, March 2, 2007:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x322685 
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