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JeffR
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Sat May-17-08 07:27 PM Original message |
| ***DUzy Awards for week ending May 16, 2008*** |
 Welcome to the smilin', stylin', profilin' DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal. Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. DUzy Awards for week ending May 9 are here. On a thread by Ghost in the Machine: And you thought *you* were having a bad day?? "A Rock Island man whose car was hit as he tried to make a left turn into his driveway saw his home going up in flames as he was airlifted to the hospital. Tennessee Highway Patrol officer Monte Terry says 42-year-old Justin Hill was hit by an oncoming car when he pulled into its path on Tuesday evening. Hill's wife heard the crash and ran outside, leaving the kitchen stove, where she had been cooking, unattended. Within minutes, the trailer was on fire, and firefighters who had responded to the accident found themselves fighting the blaze..." response #1 by Warpy: Some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the restraints. response #2 by liberal N proud: Did someone shoot his dog too? That sound like a theme for a country western song. response #4 by Gormy Cuss: Poor bastid. Explain that to the insurance company. OP by Bicoastal: A Request For Tolerance (in which the word "asshole" and its derivations are used 15 times) There were assholes on DU before this primary started. This we know. There will be assholes on DU after this primary ends. This we also know. But what some seem to forget is that when an asshole has an Obama or Hillary avatar next to his name, it doesn't mean they weren't assholes before they chose a candidate. Neither, also, does it mean that assholes gravitate towards a particular candidate, or that a particular candidate turns their supporters into assholes. What it means is that when you're an asshole, and you happen to support Obama, you're not going to be kind and thoughtful and logical in your support. You're going to support Obama in angry, divisive, insulting posts awash in assholery. Same goes with the assholes who happen to support Hillary. Trust me, there are plenty on each side. In other words, the candidates aren't producing the assholes, the assholes are merely supporting their candidates in the only way they know how--by being total, raging assholes. You can't stop 'em--on the Internet, at least, it's the only way they know how to communicate. So don't suppose for a minute that the assholes on DU represent anything other than their own asshole-ish selves. 95% of the people on these boards are sweet, smart, sensible people, regardless of which candidate they side with. If you willfully ignore or simply can't tell the difference between the overwhelming number of Obama and Hillary supporters who are nothing but nice, and the small-but-vocal 5% who stir up most of the trouble around here, well... You're probably an asshole yourself. response #13 by BadgerKid: Please, it's *Mr.* Asshole ;) n/t response #16 by Towlie: 16, if you count the thread title OP by helderheid: I'm sorry I've been an asshole. I've had my moments. I've posted inflammatory cartoons. I've been snarky. I've been an asshole. Thank heavens this thing will be over soon. I really do love DU. :grouphug: and sorry for my assholiry :blush: response #10 by Vinca: What we need is a chapter of Assholes Anonymous here. My name is Vinca and I'm an asshole. :rofl: response #12 by helderheid: HI VINCA! :hi: :rofl: response #16 by dchill: I'm sorry... you've been an asshole, too! :hi: response #52 by shadowknows69: I know I have been too But I'm not ready to be sorry about it quite yet. :evilgrin: response #63 by SaveAmerica: Hey Helderheid: That's sweet of you, I haven't seen any behavior that was bad from you; you're not on my 'list' or my mental ignore. But you know yourself and if you feel you've acted outside your norm, that's good of you to apologize. Hey, while we're at it, when I first joined DU I said your Avatar looked like a dilated cervix, I apologize for that, it was late and night and I was sleep deprived. Kumbaya. Apologies all around :toast: Just wanted to edit to say that your avatar at the time was something different and I am not - repeat not - saying that Obama looks like a dilated cervix. Oy vey, the apologizing I would have to do. OP by horseface: Obama's VP needs to be an old, white hunter who wants to nuke Iran! We need some friggin balance on the ticket! response #3 by Ytzak: Obama/Cheney 2008 That's just too weird. response #7 by zidzi: Yeah, and it would smack of nepotism :evilgrin: response #4 by NewHampshireDem: Only if we want to lose. :evilgrin: In all seriousness, are you dismissing the 'balance' argument? Or just mocking what happens when it is taken ad absurdum. response #8 by horseface: I dont know what im doing. I think something, I laugh. I post. I have no point really. response #15 by Wetzelbill: that's been my whole DU career :) response #6 by mmonk: Obama/Fudd 2008 OP by Old Crusoe: Primary End-Game, Or Why My Librarian Hates Petula Clark -- A brutally confessional yet mythically pointless assessment of the current socio-political landscape –- -- in which feral cats seek vengeance, tulips are sacrificed, and a nominee emerges through the vapors of perilous despair… * * * * When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go downtown --to the library. We’re in the mid-May moments of a protracted primary season, and in search of insight and vision, I sought the sanctuary of the local library, a deliberate functional monument to ideas. Howard Dean drove the bus I took downtown. I liked the way he handled the thing. It was a 50-stop route, long and arduous but well worth the ride. I thanked him as I stepped off. He nodded back, smiling. The great provocation of the library environment is that figures both living and dead are vividly, inarguably alive inside those books at all hours, and for all time. If a 2-year old is impressed by a book on say, dinosaurs, those ancient creatures are at least as vivid and alive and real to that child as a contemporary politician -- say Ted Stevens -- might be to that child’s parents or grandparents. Some might even say decidedly more alive than Ted Stevens, in fact. Certainly more sentient. Deciding in advance to visit the library’s small book sale, I stopped nevertheless for a moment outside to appreciate the spring day. Of a sudden a shadow passed over. There was a reverential whoosh, and a man with wings landed on the roof of the office supply shop across the street. By damn, it was Icarus. “But…” I stammered, unable to find the words. “Dead?” He said. “Not at all. Never was, in fact. Never will be.” “But…” “Yes, I fell. Universally, all of us fall from far heights with much to lose. It had been a glorious rush, soaring so high, buffeted by currents, beyond all distraction and woe. The crash into the sea was despairing.” “But how – “ “Kind villagers in wooden boats out fishing witnessed my descent, came to my rescue, rowed me to their fire-lit huts, tended my wounds, and gave me welcome. It was there I found healing and fulfillment, even as I found inspiration soaring the heavens. It takes a village.” Stupefied with wonder, I spat out the first thing that came to mind. “So what brings you to town?” He gestured to the office supplies store. “I’m out of glue, dude.” “Glue? Oh. For the wings…” “Bingo. It’s a mythic construct. Deal with it.” Safety is a worthy goal of societies. So is adventure. You need glue for the wings, but you need wings to see far distances. And you need myth to know yourself better. Those are philosophical imperatives. On the practical plane, it’s a good idea to avoid sleeping in subways. Call me crazy, but at that moment, I could have sworn I saw Jack Kerouac drive by, a Kucinich 08 sticker on the left bumper. He waved casually with a sort of bohemian detachment, a seasoned grin across his sad, dark face. At 11 minutes after 9:00, Rudy Giuliani pulled up at the curb with half a dozen or so of his several wives and girlfriends. Rudy got out, picked up a bullhorn at the ready on the dash, leapt onto the hood, and began barking commands to the women regarding their comportment inside the library. Something about “these field trips are a pain in the ass” and “you girls better be on your best behavior or the terrorists will kill us all.” At the corner stood Toby Keith in a small vendor’s booth, offering boots for sale, of which the red-white-and-blue–trimmed models appeared to be doing brisk business. George Allen was handing his VISA to Toby across the counter. Joe Lieberman, Zell Miller, and John Boehner were next in line. I turned back toward the library, preparing to go inside. Disturbingly, I saw Tom Cruise, furiously jumping up and down on the flowerbed adjacent to the entrance. He was wearing a t-shirt that said “I Drink Swan Urine,” and was yelping incoherent fragments at anyone who would listen. An entire bed of tulips lay trampled beneath, dirt and bulbs and crushed stems spewing in all directions. A 4-year old child, in the hand clasp of her mother, turned away from the scene in embarrassment. Just beyond, in a park thick with lilac were Gene and Finney, high in an old tree, Finney moving perilously out to the far end of the top-most branch, Gene closer toward the tree’s trunk with an odd, uncertain look on his face. My impulse was to shout a caution their way, but was distracted by a large sheep dog. It was Nana, who took care of the Darlings’ children in the Peter Pan narrative. “Nana, it’s good to see you. I’ve been a fan for years. How are things?” “I’m holding on,” she said, “But I’ve been a whole lot better. I’m in treatment for PTSD after far too long an engagement with the Darlings.” “Those kids were likely difficult," I said, "given as they were to Jungian impulses. That job had to have been thankless drudgery.” “The Mister & Missus were elitist snoots. And clueless besides. They were the real problem. It wasn’t the kids,” Nana corrected. "I knew in advance kids will test limits and try to get to Neverland. In fact, I was sympathetic. Readers take delight in that open window in the upstairs bedroom, a stage waiting for Peter’s arrival. But they don’t realize who left that window ajar on purpose.” “Dear god, you mean it was an inside job?” “No comment,” Nana said. “If I tell you any more, I’d have to kill you. Fiction is a ruthless business.” I wanted to press her for details. I wanted Amy Goodman to show up and interview her, just to have that true insider’s glimpse, to learn if Nana was in fact the Deep Throat hinge character that tripswitched that narrative. But it was not to be. Nana ambled off down the sidewalk, moving to its far edge so as to avoid the dirt and bulbs flying in a torrent from the tulip bed. At last I made it inside the library, and things looked busy. Just off to the side of the lobby, I spotted Cindy McCain at the photocopier with a stack of recipe books. In one of the larger conference rooms there was gathered a team of linguists and board-certified psychiatrists, a panel assembled to assess the Bush presidency, examining Dubya’s brain x-rays and speech patterns. I poked in for just a moment to see how the project was going. In a hushed tone, a spokeswoman told me, “This team is assiduous. The effort and modalities multiple and valiant. Yet the odds are long.” “And the president?” I asked. “Nuttier than a fruit cake, with half the intelligence and popularity.” Moving in the direction of the book sale room, I couldn’t help but notice former Texas Congressman Tom DeLay in the Entomology section, re-arranging chairs at given tables, placing more chairs at some tables and taking chairs away from others. He appeared to shove patrons out of their chairs without cause and then relocate the chairs to the tables he preferred. An assistant librarian dutifully stepped over to confront DeLay about this behavior, but he blasted her with bug repellent. And over there in the corner, I saw Mark Foley. He had selected a book and was fondling its pages. In the study room I was astonished to see leprechauns. There were leprechauns, elves, and land spirits of all sorts, happily industrious in work and games. They were building things. They were laughing. It was amazing to see. Still rapt with surprise, I stepped in and spoke with one of them, who seemed to be in charge. “I know people who consider you folks to be wholly imaginary.” “Well,” he said, gesturing about the room’s busy throng, “Clearly, those people are full of shit.” At this rate, it would take me all morning to get to the book sale room. I was worried that all the Danielle Steeles would be gone by the time I got there. I hate it when that happens. Finally, I made it to the sale room but was stunned to see the dastardly Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the Bond villain, at the cash table, stroking his nervous white cat. He was wearing a Ron Paul button. “Blofeld. I thought you’d been killed off several films ago.” “I was rescued by kind villagers in a wooden boat.” “Well, they’re a resourceful bunch, those villagers. You know, I’ve never bought you as a purely sinister figure. I always sensed some percentage of decency – minimal though it be – in your deep core.” “That’s a very insulting thing to say to a Bond villain. We work hard at being subversive, one-dimensional, world-threatening monsters. You know I can make things most unpleasant for you.” “Unlikely,” I snapped back. “After eight years of Bush and Cheney, there’s little you can dish out that would spook me,” and I left him there, counting proceeds at the cash table, the white cat purring uneasily in his dry-cleaned lap. At last, I stood before the modest sale shelves. Mostly books, and a few CDs on a small rack. I approached the CDs and picked through the selection, considering the Dixie Chicks, Jackson Browne, Stevie Wonder, then finally settling on Petula Clark. “I think this is the one with “Don’t Sleep in the Subway” on it, I said to no one in particular. “I LOVE that song,” Blofeld interjected from the cash table. “Well, I hate it,” said a woman re-shelving books along the wall just behind me. She was a library volunteer, there to lend a hand with the book sale. I was disappointed that she didn’t like an honored pop song, one of the better-written ones at that. “Why do you hate it?” I asked her, ostensibly to learn her objections but also accusingly, as if to suggest that she’s got it all wrong about Petula Clark. “Just listen to the lyrics. She wants him back after he was such a shit to her!” Blofeld jumped. “Madam! Please refrain from coarse speech. It upsets me.” “Sorry,” she said, then turned to me and offered the reason for her bias against the song. “Look. It’s a song about a woman who wants her man back after he’s walked out on her. She’s doing the Oh-honey-be-careful-don’t-sleep-in-the-subway hyper-protective-enabler thing, trying to lure him back into the apartment, back into the sack, when all along he’s a rogue weasel out for carnal distraction. You have no right to defend her for that.” “But it’s a singular voice – a characterization to tell a story. It’s not Petula Clark, specifically, expressing that sentiment.” “She’s a whore. She’s gotta be a whore. She’s gotta be a whore to want him back or wish him well once he’s left her. Feminism never gets anywhere with women like that.” “Is this some sort of Clinton impeachment allegory?” I was suspicious. “No. It’s a crap song and you need to come to terms with it.” She resumed her book-shelving, her face flushed. I was about to ask if there were any Danielle Steele novels still left, but thought better of it, and instead, took the Petula Clark CD up to Blofeld’s cash table and plunked down my money. “Don’t mind her,” he instructed. “She’s distraught. She was the one who planted all those tulips outside that Tom Cruise is trampling as we speak.” The CD with “Don’t Sleep in the Subway” was 4 bucks. I gave Blofeld a 5-dollar bill. “Keep the change, “ I offered. “I intended to. If you want another tax cut, phone the White House.” I nodded, and clutching the Petula Clark CD to my heart, walked toward the exit down a different hallway past a row of many rooms. In the first room I saw Thomas Paine, his hands to his face, weeping. Across the hall, Linndie England was reading Karen Armstrong’s BUDDHA. Actually, someone was reading it to her. It wasn’t at all clear that Linndie was listening. In the few instances when she was listening, it wasn’t clear she understood. In the next room sat George W. Bush, reading MY PET GOAT II. Actually, someone was reading it to him. It wasn’t at all clear that he was listening. In the few instances when he was listening, it wasn’t clear he understood. In the next room was Harriet Tubman. “Thank you,” I told her. In the next room was Dr. Don Blake, staring plaintively at his wooden cane. In the next was Condoleezza Rice. She wasn’t doing anything. In the next, Nick Drake, or his eerily beautiful ghost, was singing “Joey will come to say hello…” In the next, kind villagers sat in a circle exchanging rescue strategies. In the next sat Mario Cuomo, yearning to have the winter of 1992 back, wishing he had boarded that plane after all. In the next, a thousand feral cats clawed Bill Frist’s flesh from his bones. In the next, several hundred superdelegates conferred. One of them shouted, “Evan Bayh!? I don’t THINK so!” Nearly noon now, and as I stepped back outside, some people in crisp uniforms were shoving Tom Cruise into the back of a medical utility van. Tom was still squawking incoherently, kicking and thrashing around as they stuffed him in through the doors. Some rescues are messier than others. Barack Obama approached the flowerbed at just that instant surveying the wreckage of the damaged blossoms. The library book sale volunteer shouted from the doorway to him, “Hey! Obama! You’re supposed to be so damned inspirational. Can you bring those tulips back to life?” “No,” Obama answered. I can’t. But I’ll help you plant some more.” * * * * This is a 30,000th post. Thanks to the admins and the mods, and to the DU community generally for the brains, the wit, the laughter, and the good company. Now let’s beat the living crap out of John McCain. OP by scarletwoman: Yes, this is definitely DU's "worst fund drive ever". I can't BELIEVE you guys think we'd want to punch you at all, much less get charged for it! You know what your coolest fund drive ever was? It was this past February when we got to give valentine hearts to each other when we donated. Now THAT was inspiring! I spent more than I could realistically afford that week, just because it was so much fun to spread love around, instead of aggression and anger. After all the years I've spent here, I have nothing but love and gratitude for you guys; for all that you've done to make DU the most amazing forum I've ever seen. DU is part of my daily life, I've met so many amazing people here, and made many friends. Not to mention all the essential information and ideas that get exchanged here. So, I'm terribly sorry, aiding and abetting symbolic violence toward you guys is so far out of where my head and heart are at, I don't find it the least bit inspiring. It's just not going to motivate me. But, I'm not going to just complain without offering an alternative. Here it is: KITTENS Let us give a kitten to each other for every $5.00 donated. Think about it -- the sudden bursts of good will and giggling that might break out all over DU. Possibly even in grim-faced, deadly serious GD-P. Picture a furrow-browed, purse-lipped, seething-with-righteous-wrath GD-P poster suddenly faced with a darling vulnerable big-eyed kitten staring up at her from the bottom of her post. Are you still going to lash out blindly at everyone you think might be your enemy when you don't know who gave you that beautiful precious kitten? Who doesn't love kittens? Even that crazy guy Renfield loved kittens! Anyway, I want a kitten-giving fund drive. If you want my money, give me a kitten. response #32 by krispos42: A pit bull, a circumcised penis, an Olive Garden sign, a breast-feeding baby, a Best Buy receipt, and a cornflake-encrusted chicken drumstick should all be things you can donate to be punched. Like a race. Kind of like when the fundraiser was between all the various Dem candidates, yanno? :evilgrin: response #34 by leftofthedial: BS!! WHACK 'EM! WHACK 'EM HARD! response #36 by scarletwoman: Okay, so that's like some kind of guy thing, right? The image of Bam-Bam from the Flintstones springs to mind... :) response #37 by sfexpat2000: They get drunk, punch each other on the shoulder and say "I LOVE you, man. I f#ckin' love you." lol response #39 by scarletwoman: Yeah, then they stumble home to you and throw up on the floor. :rofl: On a thread by FlyingSquirrel: Hillary Clinton can STILL WIN THIS. response #7 by tularetom: If it wasn't so late on Friday night I could prove to you that it was possible for monkeys to fly out of my ass. But that doesn't mean it's gonna happen. :shrug: response #10 by TahitiNut: She's in the last 2 miles of a marathon - and needs to run them each in 3 minutes to win. Unless Obama is mugged by a spectator. GDP, May 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5911960 On a thread by 2rth2pwr: How about you Quit trashing Clinton and prove Obama is even faintly Viable instead? response #4 by Yael: Um, hes winning in votes, delegates, superdelegates and states. And now, here's Dave with the weather forecast. Dave? response #33 by Wetzelbill: thanks Chuck It seems that there is a faint wind of resentment and bruised ego over the horizon, and a squall of lunacy will be expected to extend into the next few weeks. However, the projected forecast from August to November is bright and sunny. Now on to Myra who has a wonderful story about puppies for you all. Myra? response #47 by VolcanoJen: Dave, you'll love this story! Four out of five of these adorable puppies chose Barack Obama as their choice for the Democratic nomination! They're available for adoption, and they're hoping for bright, cheerful, optimistic homes. You don't have to love Obama to love these cute pups!! Now, back to Chuck with the latest on the gerbil who waterskied across Lake Clinton this morning. Chuck? response #57 by Yael: Thanks Myra Amazing how many people aren't aware of the puppy delegation and its importance in this historical (sic) race. Up next, The RNC has a puppy roast to raise funds for ending abortions in Iraq. We will be live with photo journalism coverage after the break... OP by Horse with no Name: I'm going to educate you about Texas :rofl: This was too good to pass up! A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no one’s seen before. If it grows in Texas, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls in Texas, it’ll bite cha. “Onced” and “twiced” are words. It is NOT a shopping cart. It’s a buggy. “Fixinto” is one word. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals. You start drinking it when you’re two and we like a little tea with our sugar. The word “jeet” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?” You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see. “No. Chew?” is a common response to the question “Did you bring any beer.” All the festivals are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. You know what a “dawg” is. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and ketchup. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages for local gossip and motorsports. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit “a bit warm.” You know all four seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as “good chili weather.” Fried catfish is the other white meat. That’s really Texas! response #3 by cloudbase: A few more. For every opening in a house or machine, there is an insect in Texas that will fit perfectly. It's never too cold to fire up the smoker. Barbecue is not a verb. Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore. You've got to know how to pronounce Mexia, Palestine, Refugio and Waxahachie. response #52 by Sundoggy: Response from a Texan LOL, here's a point by point reply: "A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road." You're thinking of Arkansas. Here, that's an armadillo. "There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas." The only ones you need to worry about are the rattlers and the politicians. "There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no one’s seen before." Yep. Plus a few dillies. Scorpions in the kitchen. Ever heard of a vinegaroon? Go Google it. "If it grows in Texas, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls in Texas, it’ll bite cha." Pretty much true. '“Onced” and “twiced” are words.' Here again, someone is thinking about Arkansas. "It is NOT a shopping cart. It’s a buggy." Here again, someone is thinking about Arkansas. '“Fixinto” is one word.' Here again, someone is thinking about Arkansas. "Iced tea is appropriate for all meals. You start drinking it when you’re two and we like a little tea with our sugar." Okay. Ya got us there. 'The word “jeet” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”' Here again, someone is thinking about Arkansas. Have any of you actually BEEN to Texas? "You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see." Yep. And then we saddle up and ride home in our Priuses. '“No. Chew?” is a common response to the question “Did you bring any beer.”' Here again, someone is thinking about Arkansas. In Texas, the host provided plenty of beer. "All the festivals are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal." Ummmm.... yeah, OK. 'You know what a “dawg” is.' Ah, yup. "You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and ketchup." Tabasco? Isn't that the stuff they put in diners up North for people who want to pretend they're living dangerously? "The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages for local gossip and motorsports." Unlike all other local papers in the country. "You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday." Again.... Arkansas. 'You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit “a bit warm.”' Hey, with global warming, you'll be getting yours soon. And we're already acclimated. "You know all four seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas." Yeah, sure is a drag being able to do anything you want, any time, without worrying about the weather... 'You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as “good chili weather.”' What Canadian wrote this? In Texas, there IS NO weather that is not good chili weather. "Fried catfish is the other white meat." What's a catfish? "That’s really Texas!" No.... that's really Arkansas. Here's hoping my Arkansas friends have a sense of humor. On a thread by OhioChick: Wendy's incoming CEO says employees should expect job cuts response #4 by rzemanfl: Well, I hope they keep the people who speak English at the one I eat lunch at, there are so few left. I know that sounds nasty, but at least I sometimes can get what I ordered. Plus I have forgotten the Spanish I took in high school and college, so everything I hear sounds like "spit on the Gringo's bun" to me. response #13 by rocknation: Why not start by cutting the incoming CEO's job? :think: OP by FlyingSquirrel: I bet if I use all 3 of my posts right away I'll have an easier time avoiding GDP for the rest of the day. :P OP by raccoon: Is that the Three Stooges on the right up at the top of the page? If not, which one is which? On a thread by napi21: Beer is now cheaper than gas! Drink Don't Drive!!!! response #1 by flvegan: Yeah, but what KIND of beer is cheaper? Gas probably tastes better than whatever that might be. response #2 by SidDithers: But I don't drink 16 gallons a week....nt response #7 by taterguy: Your profile says you're from Canada I thought all you Canucks drank heavily response #10 by SidDithers: Well, there's heavy... and then there's 16 gal / week heavy :) response #5 by ribofunk: I'm Sure "Milwaukee's Best" is Cheaper and I could probably run my car on it if necessary. response #11 by orleans: at last! some good news i need to start drinking more GD, May 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3274451 On a thread by flpoljunkie: PHOTOS: BARACK OBAMA returns to Capitol Hill today response #10 by Crisco: What? He's Not On a Mule? I'm surprised. response #12 by Starbucks Anarchist: Maybe he can borrow Hillary's dead horse. response #19 by Bleachers7: Man he's skinny You'd need 3 of him to make a Taft. response #29 by Erin Elizabeth: Four and a half. Taft was some large lovin'. :rofl: OP by Wetzelbill: Breaking News: McCain Yells At Cloud response #1 by Catch22Dem: Was it on his lawn? :rofl: response #10 by Tesha: "Hey you clouds! Stop shading my lawn!" (NT) response #19 by Oregonian: Sing in Mick Jagger voice: I said Hey! Cloud! Get off of my lawn! Hey! Cloud! Get off of my lawn! Don't hang around 'cause two's a crowd On my lawn, baby response #11 by Lastlaughin08: Breaking: .....says it looked like Bob Barr. Details at noon. response #17 by Wetzelbill: Fox isn't even covering this, it's so typical. response #14 by berni_mccoy: UPDATE: It was his pillow. He was yelling at it to get back into the sky. response #16 by Azathoth: The question is, did McCain hear the cloud yell back? GDP, May 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5945505 On a thread by 28erl: buying blue - BJ's and Costco I believe Costco is a Blue company or has been in the past and pays their employees living wages I am sure I have read that home depot is NOT blue while Lowe's is blue - is this right? What about BJ's? response #1 by Liberal Veteran: Must. Resist. Snarky. Comment. About. Liking. BJ's. :P response #2 by Occam Bandage: BJs are a good solution if you have a, y'know, blue problem. response #4 by EOO: BJs isn't blue when you compare it to ZJs. "What's a ZJ?" "If you have to ask, you can't afford it!" On a thread by doxieone: Bush: I quit golf over Iraq War. "'I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal,' he said in an interview for Internet hub Yahoo! and Politico magazine. 'I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander-in-chief playing golf,' he said. 'I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them...'" response #3 by Mz Pip: Being a pig ignorant dumbshit asshole also sends the wrong signal. He hasn't stopped being one of those. response #6 by RUMMYisFROSTED: "Don't watch this drive!" :eyes: response #26 by FSogol: Poor guy, he should stay home and eat pretzels. n/t response #33 by rurallib: He has knee issues? from the service? Servicing Dick I mean? response #46 by bluevoter4life: Dear Mr. President Please accept my deepest condolences as you mourn the loss of your first love. It truly is a shame though honorable that you chose to commensurate with our heroic troops by making the ultimate sacrifice. I understand your roller coaster of emotions as you go through this tough time. I think our troops morale will be boosted after seeing the efforts made by their leader as he gives up a large part of himself. While their colleagues are getting killed on a regular basis, it provides comfort to know our mighty president is right there with them. Dodging bullets, IED's, urban warfare, sacrificing golf. All go hand in hand with each other in terms of suffering. Oh and by the way Mr. President, to quote the fine words of your fellow troop-supporter: GO FUCK YOURSELF. response #78 by Joe Bacon: Oh no. George W Bush is a "B"-Hole I call him a "B"-hole because he doesn't have what it takes to be an "A"-Hole! :evilgrin: response #90 by Mabus: and yet he hangs around golf courses almost as much as OJ and like OJ not being able to find Nicole's killers at a golf course, Bush has yet to find an WMDs at a golf course either. response #96 by yurbud: if you read the whole thing, he said ''...at Arlington National Cemetery.'' He couldn't figure out why no one else was playing there. OP by kdsusa: Barack's 57 states remark I don't know how long this has been floating around, but Barack made a joke about having visited 57 states, and has one more to go. The freepers are having a field day, acting like he really doesn't know how many states there are. My wife is a freeper, and she's bouncing off the walls over this. Jeez. can't a person have a sense of humor??? In other news: The Beatles think there are eight days in a week! response #4 by Starbucks Anarchist: McCain thinks there's 13 colonies. response #13 by jtg33: That's only because he remembers the days back when Jamestown was the only one! Cut the man some slack - it took him 400 years just to get up to 13! response #5 by kentauros: My first thought was the Heinz 57 bit from the original Manchurian Candidate movie ;) response #17 by Orrex: Maybe he thought he'd fallen behind And had to play a little ketchup? response #25 by temeah: Hillary would relish that thought! response #27 by Orrex: Especially since he's mustard the support of her super-delegates response #28 by temeah: Durkee politics? response #9 by GTRMAN: he's just pandering to the pro-Bush* crowd :D response #20 by Wetzelbill: Psh... there are 9 days in a week. Stupid Beatles. OP by crimsonblue: Looks like the goalposts got shipped to Australia... My notes from Hillary's MOMENTOUS speech... 2029 delegates.. my friends... enormous decision... i can lead this party to victory.. i don't envy you... We have won millions and millions of votes... we won in states that you need to be prepared to win in November... It is a fact that no democrat has won the white house since 1960 without winning West Virginia. The white house is won in the swing states... We have done it by standing up for the deepest principles of our party... With your help, I am ready to go head to head with John McCain... I believe our party is strong enough for this challenge.. I am strong enough... I ask you democrats to choose who you think is strongest in the fall and is ready to execute to office of president of the United States.... people who need someone who is fighting for them... who have stood fast and stood strong... for the millions of americans that know we can do better.. for the nurse on her second shift, for the worker on the line, for the waitress on her feet, for the small business owner, the farmer, the teacher, the coal miner, the trucker, the soldier, the veteran, the college student, ALL of the hard working men and women... You will never quit, and I won't either... (flails arms wildly) (the women on her left looks like a toad) (some tool is holding a bowling pin) For me, this election isn't about who's in and who's out, who's up and who's down... We are committed to putting a democrat back in the white house... Our nominee will be stronger for having campaigned long and hard... I will work my heart out for the nominee of the party... As we look at the stakes in this election, I think we can all agree it's unprecedented... It really does depend on those that will vote in the next contests... If you give me a chance, democrats, I will come back to WV in the GE and we will win this state and win the white house... I told him where I'd gone and what I seen... I don't know if any man has loved a state more than Robert Byrd loves West Virginia... A special thanks to my outstanding staff... At least once and usually half a times a day Bill and I check in with each other... I will be back... (pandering to little old ladies) Florence passed on a few days ago.... Thanks to Dalton Hatfield, who sold his bike and sold his video games to raise money to support my campaign... Let's finish the job we started.... KO-- Terry McCaulife said it would be one of the greatest speeches of all time, and there it was, tied with the Sermon on the Mount. Part fundraiser, part invocation of Michigan and Florida, part cue for the confetti. Senator Clinton speaking to her supporters, delirious supporters. --------------- Ok have it... best. speech. evaar! snarkity snark snark. response #3 by mcctatas: Maybe she saw that simpsons episode about the "Coriolis" effect and figured that if toilets flush in the opposite direction in Australia maybe her candidacy would come up the toilet instead of getting flushed?? OP by jazzjunkysue: I'm backing Hillary because the Obama people never let me finish a sen response #3 by PoliticalAmazon: Ironic. I'm voting Obama because Hillary people never finish their sentences. n/t response #11 by Lochloosa: Shut up! :evilgrin: response #12 by jazzjunkysue: Well! I ne response #20 by BushDespiser12: This is just bulls response #21 by jazzjunkysue: What do you kn ? response #23 by BushDespiser12: Typical. I can't be response #27 by mcctatas: I'm sure you would fare much better with Terry McCaulife, he seems crap, I won't even let myself finish a sentence!!! ;) OP by RoseMead: Well, I just brushed mah tooth and I'm about to roll my racist, hillbilly, cousin-fuckin', underedumacated trailer-trash ass out the door and go cast my pathetic, useless vote for Obama. Then ahm, uh, gonna go eat a possum, or somethin'. But don't mind me. Y'all have fun trashin' my state today, y'hear? :hi: response #9 by Liberal Jesus Freak: Yummy! And next week, I'll be doing the same here in Kentucky! We should get together and discuss the "shoe" and "pregnancy" options! response #107 by RoseMead: Here's my funny poll story for today I'm sitting in the line of chairs waiting for a voting station to open up, and I hear two guys who look to be in their 60's talking: "So, who're you going to vote for?" "Harry Truman." So there: West Virginians *will* vote for a Democratic president - from 1948! lol OP by Wetzelbill: Obama is weak on the Soviets I just don't see him putting much pressure on them. We have to consider the security of our allies in Berlin, it's too risky to have a president who needs training wheels. If it was up to him he'd have direct meetings with Brezhnev and I just think it's capitulation to meet one on one with our worst enemy when they have yet to renounce there invasion of Afghanistan. And with Danny Ortega back in power in Nicaragua, there is a pretty good chance the Soviet tanks could be on our Southwest border in like a day or two if the Soviets chose to mobilize them. That's something we have to consider. I'm just saying. response #10 by PretzelWarrior: wow. there's a whole genre of books and movies down the tubes or in massive rewrite after the fall of USSR. amazing. years go by and world events continue to amaze me. latest amazement is the US turning into THEM. response #16 by Wetzelbill: Oliver Stone is already making a film about myself and Kurovski It's called "W", you know, for "Wetzelbill." Evidently it's about a jocular simpleton who is drunk all the time and is in the vile clutches of his evil vice president. That's me and the K-man for sure. response #15 by impeachdubya: Not only that, he's positively squishy-soft on the Ottoman Empire and the Spanish Inquisition. And what's he going to do about all these folks who are getting dragged out of their caves at night by saber-toothed tigers? The people demand answers. response #17 by Wetzelbill: I plan to hit him hard with those questions during the debates response #24 by Usrename: Tear down that wall! the wall of confusion response #30 by Wetzelbill: the only confusion is Obama's flip-flopping I have counted six different positions alone on the Boer War. Consistency matters. response #28 by NewHampshireDem: Wetzelbill/Kurovski: Weak on Robots? Well, Mr. Drunk-and-lying-in-a-ditch, we've yet to hear anything from your campaign about Robots. How are we supposed to believe that you have any chance at all in the GE when you won't give us your plan for the most-cited concern of elderly voters: robots who eat old people's medicine for fuel? Will you call for universal robot insurance? Will your plan have mandates? Will it truly cover everyone? You and I both know that the American people deserve the best quality robot insurance we can provide--every senior should have access to the same coverage that Dick Cheney has. Please, won't someone think of the old people!?!? response #47 by Old Crusoe: Exactly. We need to bite down hard and beg -- BEG -- Condi Rice to stay on. She's a Russia expert, you know. She's the only one keeping Soviet tanks from rumbling through the streets of Tucson. response #49 by Wetzelbill: And I live in Tucson! Ground Zero. It's why I understand the nature of the threat better than all the other candidates. They seem to not even realize that a Soviet threat exists. I do. Vote Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08 Every Chicken Will Smoke Pot response #51 by Old Crusoe: And thank Jesus you're down there on the front lines, taking the heat. Keep us safe. And why does this chicken taste funny? :thumbsup: :hi: On a thread by DAGDA56: I don't remember dropping confetti after any other speeches... ...isn't this usually saved for a nomination? It just struck me as very odd. response #1 by NYCGirl: How'd they fit that into the budget? :evilgrin: response #5 by shadowknows69: Torn up bills On a thread by Darth_Kitten: After Hillary supporters have been called every name in the book...... psychotic, demented, stupid, crazed, elitist, racist, etc, etc, etc....what will be the strategy needed to actually keep them in the Democratic party? Not that they have been made to feel unnecessary and unwanted, of course. :eyes: response #107 by Occam Bandage: I dunno. Why are you asking a bunch of sexist, egghead, lazy, selfish, naive kool-aid drinkers? OP by JimmyJubes: Sweetie don't call me Sweetie During the course of this election we had some really offensive things said by the candidates- but the one thing that the media should not dismiss is Obama calling a reporter “Sweetie”. Now I know that when females call me “Sweetie” or “Honey” it makes me feel so upset that I go home and eat five cups of ice cream and watch Waiting To Exhale for the umpteenth time –and then cry myself to sleep, so I can only imagine the pain that Peggy Agar is feeling. This is worse than when that lady Mika (don’t feel like looking up her unpronounceable last name- but she is the one who talks about why you shouldn’t talk about Paris Hilton for an hour a day on MSNBC) said Barack Obama evolved. I hope the media keeps the focus on what really matters most to the American public like what radical statement Obama’s postman might have said or what kind of dancing skills Bush has. These are after all the most pressing issues facing our country today. OP by Jack Rabbit: From the Tragedy of Julius Caesar From Act 1, Scene 2: McAuliffe: Obama! Obama: What, who calls? Dean: Peace, Ho! Obama speaks! McAuliffe: Obama! Obama: Who is it from the press that calls on me? I hear a tongue, shriller than all the music, Cry "Obama!" Speak: Obama is turned to hear. McAuliffe: Obama, beware the Fourth of June. Obama: What man is this? Dean: A soothsayer who bids to beware the Fourth of June. Obama: Fellow, come from the throng. Look upon Obama. McAuliffe: Beware the Fourth of June. Obama: Is this not the same soothsayer who Falsely foretold Bush's victory in distant Mesopotamia? Dean: Does Obama not mean the soothsayer Who dabbled is crystals? Nay, that was another man. This is the man who falsely foretold of our victory Here, in Rome, four and six years whence, Then led us to inglorious defeat and the hands of Bush. Obama: He is a loser. Let us leave him: Pass! From Act 3, Scene 1: Obama: The Fourth of June is come. McAuliffe: Aye, Obama, but not gone. Dean: Why speak you to Obama on the steps? Take up your business in the Convention Center. McAuliffe: Obama, beware Hillary. Take heed of Billius. McCain loves thee not. Billius: Come, man, bring your suit to the Convention Center. Obama goes to the Convention Center. The rest following. McAuliffe: I wish your enterprise today may thrive. Billius: What enterprise, Terry McAuliffe? McAuliffe: Fare you well. Hillary: What said Terry McAuliffe? Billius: He wished our enterprise today may thrive. I fear our purpose is discovered. Obama: Are we all ready? What is amiss That Obama and his Superdelegates must redress? McAuliffe: Most high, most mighty, most puissiant Obama! Terry McAuliffe throws before thy seat An humble heart. Obama: I must prevent thee, McAuliffe. These crouchings and these courtesies Might fire the blood of ordinary men Into the law of children. Be not found To think Obama bears such such rebel blood. McAuliffe: Is there no voice more worthy than my own To sound more sweetly in Great Obama's ear For the repealing of my banished brothers From the provinces of Michigan and Florida? Obama: I could well be moved, if I were as you; If I could pray to be moved, prayers would not move me McAuliffe, thy banished brothers love Obama not, And obeyeth not the rules of the holy Dean, And by decree they are banished. Billius: Pardon, Obama; Obama, pardon. As low as to thy foot doth Billius fall To beg enfranchisement for Michigan and Florida And the nomination for Hillary. Hillary: I kiss thy hand but not in flattery, Obama Desiring thee that Florida and Michigan Should have immediate repeal and I should have the nomination. Billius: Aye, let Hillary have the nomination For the people loveth her above Obama, so according to our math. Be generous, Great Obama! Be thou not niggardly. Obama (aside to Dean): That word means stingy, does it not? Dean (aside to Obama): Aye, Obama. 'Tis not the foul word Like which it sounds. Obama: That's good to hear. (To Billius and Hillary) Watch your language, knaves. And by just what math sayest thou that the people loveth Hillary above Obama. Hillary: Well, first you have to count the brothers of McAuliffe In the provinces of Michigan and Florida, who, were they not Under the heavy judgment of Dean, would have voted for me. Billius: And then you eliminate all the provinces That supported Bush in the recent civil war, which now support you. Hillary: And you don;t count count the elitists who went to college . . . Billius: . . . and actually graduated. Hillary: See, it's simple. I win. Deal with it. I'll make you my Vice President. Obama: But I am as constant as the Northern Star, Of whose true-fixed and resting quality There is no fellow in the firmament. The skies are painted with unnumbered sparks, They are all fire and every one doth shine, But there's one that doth hold its place. So in the world; Obmaa doth hold his place. And besides that, your mathematics Is all fucked up and doesn't add up. McAuliffe: Obama! Obama: Why don't you guys just go home? Hillary: Gimme the nomination. Please. McAuliffe: And make me party chairman again. Please, please, please. Obama: No. Hillary: Great Obama. Pretty please. Obama: No way. Billius: Pretty please with sugar on top. McAuliffe: Please, please, please. I wanna be chairman again. I know we can win this time. Obama: Absolutely not. Billius: How 'bout a nice, juicy piece of watermelon? Obama: Where do you think that kind of talk will get you? McAuliffe: Speak, hands, for me! Dean: Call the roll of the provinces. Superdelegate: Mr. Chairman, the great province of Illinois moves that Obama be made nominee by acclamation. All: Hail, Obama! McAuliffe: But you still have to count Michigan and Florida. Billius: C'mon, Hill. I think the jig is up. Obama: Liberty! Freedom! Tyranny is dead! Run hence, cry it about in the streets! Exeunt all led by Obama but Billius, Hillary and McAuliffe. Hillary (looking at McAuliffe): He is a loser. Let us leave him: Pass! Exuent Hillary and Billius. On a thread by auburngrad82: Reasons to vote for the Democratic candidate in November response #1 by GloriaSmith: MY SANITY 2. a healthcare system that makes sense 3. Veteran's care 4. A competent FEMA 5. Progressive tax rate On a thread by Breeze54: Food alert: Pig frog legs caught in the Everglades could have high mercury levels "After finding high levels of mercury in pig frogs in South Florida water conservation areas south of Palm Beach County, the state's department of health and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission this week issued an advisory to limit eating of frog legs. It says women of childbearing age, and young children, should eat no more than two 8-ounce (raw weight) meals of frog-leg meat per week from water conservation areas 2A and 2B, southwest of the Loxahatchee National Wildlife Refuge; no more than one 8-ounce meal per month from areas 3A North and South, and no more than one 8-ounce meal from area 3B. Everyone else should limit themselves to two 8-ounce meals a week, the advisory said..." response #6 by xchrom: i'm not eating anything called a pig frog. that just calls up images of mutant critters -- and bad, bad sci-fi movies and uncomfortable nights at the drive-in. response #7 by marmar: Agreed....Sounds like you're eating Rush Limbaugh or something.... :scared: OP by otohara: I Was 5 Feet From Karl Rove Today this evil spirit brushed in front of me and it sent chills down my spine. He was with his teenage son at the airport getting into a car parked in front of me. The car had a McCain sticker on it. response #4 by simskl: Do you still feel dirty? I was staying in New York last year and felt an evil through the hotel. The next morning I was sitting at a table next to Newt Gingrich and everything fell into place. I lost my appetite pretty quick. response #10 by annabanana: Did'ja ever wish you could SPIT 5 feet? }( response #14 by MrModerate: That's just outside my reliable spit range. n/t response #28 by Tangerine LaBamba: OK, I've had cases like yours before It's treatable, don't worry. First, a hot, hot, hot shower lasting about thirty minutes, with a rosary around your neck. Scrub yourself down - everywhere - with a Brillo pad. Don't forget the soles of your feet. Third, a Drano douche. After that, I'd urge hanging garlic at every door and window. One on a string around your neck might not be a bad idea. Don't take off the rosary. You'll be all right. That throbbing in your eyes will go away in a couple of days. response #34 by rzemanfl: Olive oil soap with olive leaves in it works better and you don't get those nasty rust stains from the Brillo. Some say Mr. Clean Magic Erasers will work too. Or just scrub down with Lipton's Iced Tea while singing "Little Bitty Pretty One" loudly-but not while washing the groin area if you are a guy. It's shortening. response #36 by Beregond2: You should have handed him an envelope and yelled: "You've been served!" response #46 by WilliamPitt: You're a better person than I am. Kid or no kid, I don't think I could have managed that encounter without...well...let's end the public portion of that thought right there. Mind movie. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Put the fucking lotion in the basket. OK, I'm done. :) OP by TwoSparkles: Ordinarily, I'm a happily married heterosexual woman... I'm married to a terrific man and we've shared nearly ten happy years together. We have two beautiful daughters and a house in the suburbs. All of that pretty much ended this afternoon. At about noon today, a general hatred toward the heterosexual lifestyle--and marriage in general--washed over me like a high tide hitting the Jersey shoreline. Suddenly, I feel that heterosexual marriage is a sick fad, and that the institution of marriage should be destroyed. I'm wondering how I ever endured my husband for one minute. What was I thinking? I'm really feeling that urge...that urge to not only end my marriage, but every heterosexual marriage in the tri-state area. And my neighbor Sheila. Suddenly, she's looking pretty attractive. I can't help but feel the compulsion to have sex with her, and pretty much every female in my neighborhood. Orgies! I want to participate in orgies. Ten a day. With anything that moves. What has happened to me? Yesterday, my heterosexual, married life was blissful. But today, it's as if some subversive force has crumbled my way of life, and has catapulted me toward the hypnotic trance of my neighbor in her sexy gardening gloves and clogs. I want to take her now, under the rose trellis, and I don't care if the mailman watches. In fact, maybe he could join in...and bring his wife. I'm just wondering...are there other married heterosexuals out there experiencing a sudden, intense, repulsive reaction to the idea of marriage? Also...did anything unusual happen today, that might be contributing to the crumbling of my marriage or to my white-hot hatred of marriage and my family? Thanks for any insight. This is so puzzling. response #1 by tjwash: I just proposed to my hampster. Don't know why. response #41 by Jim Lane: Never mind same-sex partners or even animals... I think that GrovelBot from #33 is looking pretty hot. response #2 by rurallib: Yer catching the gays. A lot of that going around today. I heard a couple Republican senators caught it today also. I suggest prayers and cold showers and staying away from the mellon aisle, if you get my drift. response #7 by Tangerine LaBamba: It's to be expected We all want to be hip. We all want to be cutting edge. We all want to be popular and trendy and all the things that mattered in high school. No matter how many houses we own, it's always tenth grade. It's hit me, too. After a lifetime of embracing the heterosexual lifestyle, which was my choice, I realize that I made the wrong choice. I didn't realize that I'd be left in the dust of the thundering herd of gays who will soon take over the world and seduce anyone who doesn't join with them. I had a choice to make, and I went with the safe choice, the one I thought my parents would approve of. Now, seeing that gay marriages are legal in two states, I realize, alas, that it's too late for me. If I were to embrace the lesbian lifestyle now, I would only be seen as a wannabe, a LaBamba-come-lately, a poseur, a follower. My life is in ruins. So, I plan to marry the cat. If gay marriage is now legal, can bestiality be far behind? (I think I learned this from Jerry Falwell, who knew, and then croaked.) This is one trend that's not going to catch me flatfooted, I assure you. Fluffy and I will be the Grand Old Couple of the cross-species lifestyle. response #58 by REP: My toaster married my shoes My marriage is now utterly devoid of meaning. response #63 by xchrom: i think Gay Central Committee is going to run out of pannini grills. and they're going to bitch at me for it. On a thread by TechBear_Seattle: Have the candidates yet weighed in on the California marriage ruling? response #1 by Feeney2: McCain says he supports marriage between a man and woman and then taking a mistress and dumping the wife. On a thread by BR_Parkway: CA Supremes may have ended all GLBT discrimination today response #2 by IanDB1: Oh, let's see how happy you are when we start making gay people pay taxes! Oh, wait. Nevermind. OP by WCGreen: You see the Chamberlain left A Peace Mint on his pillow in the Berlin Hilton as a signal for Hitler and Hess to join together in singing Kumbaya with the Everly brothers, you know before they knocked up little suzy... Anyway, then this Stalin guy got involved and whoo, was he mad about those Uke's being all out of tune and everything so he invaded Turkey and then, well Mussolini got wind of all of this and sent Chuck DeGaul a scathing letter about French underarm deoderant not working on Sophia Loren and so Poland was invaded. And that is how Chamberlain started killing the Jews and prosecuting the Gypsies. All because of a Peace Mint. The World according to Kevin James, a man who stands tall and yells loud... response #1 by DS1: You're totally wrong It was an illegal immigrant who stole Hitler's Pillow Mint, and that's what caused him to invade Poland. They have some wonderful Mint crops, after all. response #5 by Tangerine LaBamba: No, no, no It started long before, when George Washington was the King of Egypt. After that, everything just went downhill. response #6 by WCGreen: So when did the apple hit Ben Franklin in the eye and he discovered global warming? response #8 by Tangerine LaBamba: No, no, no That was when he discovered zippers. And electricity. At the same time. Then he married Thomas Jefferson. response #9 by DS1: Well, of course he discovered them at the same time He rippped off the front of his dick, saw flashes of light, and like every other guy in the history of Man assumed his cock was magical. response #4 by CaliforniaPeggy: I dunno... Sounds like revisionist history to me... response #14 by aint_no_life_nowhere: According to Kevin James, Chamberlain and the appeasers appeased when they were appeasing and they called up Little Ceasars and got an appeaser delivered to their door and ate it with some appease and carrots for dinner after which they were appeased as punch and enjoyed their appeasement and Bush condemned it because it was too appeasimified. Every time Tweety asked James about what Chamberlain did, the only word that came out of James' mouth was "appease" or "appeasement". response #15 by Wiley50: I heard he left the money on the dresser and was gone before Hitler woke up n/t OP by BlueJazz: I had the Strangest dream last night. ( Loud Commercials) I was on a Jury. The accused had supposedly kidnapped the owner of a product, had tied him up and set 42 speakers right by the Guy's ears. He let him go after the Man's hearing was clinically shot. The accused Lawyer was saying stuff like "The Owner of this factory has disturbed thousands of people late at night by allowing his product to be blasted at unreal sound levels" The Jury folks were arguing like holy hell about the punishment and were attacking me (verbally) I wanted him to spend 6 months in Jail. Woke up this morning to the TV I had left on last night while in bed....Whew... ...I need to quit eating junk food before I go to sleep. :) OP by janesez: Help me create a sexism bingo card! When someone posts yet another thread about how there is no sexism and Hillary supporters are whiny victims, I want to be able to just slap a bingo card on there so at least we can have fun playing. So far, I have the following phrases: You need to calm down. You're being hysterical. Can't you take a joke? Hillary deserves it. Who cares about sexism? There's racism! I'm a woman and I don't see sexism. SHE LOST; GET OVER IT. You're only playing the victim. Obama's had it just as hard with the media! You're just imagining things. The great thing about this thread is that the inevitable insults will work just as well as genuine responses! It's win-win! OP by A-Schwarzenegger: An Open Letter to Everybody: Dear Everybody, Hi. :* Sincerely, me On a thread by WCGreen: Have there been any sightings at all of Young Republicans... response #2 by Kerrytravelers: They've all enlisted! Bwwwaaahhhhh!!! :rofl: :rofl: Yep. Right. Seriously, after the past eight years, would you show your face in public??? :rofl: :rofl: response #8 by Hobarticus: Yes...a new generation has stepped up to do their duty. The Mexican border is safe, as they fly regular combat patrols, in the shadow of Dubya. Heh...I said "duty". GD, May 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3293937  On a thread by orleans: DUzy? Was Jeff Taking A Break? response #4 by dwickham he's DEAD to me since I never get a DUzy :evilfrown: response #9 by melody I haven't won a DUzy in two months ... clearly they are out of step with the voters lol (I'm joking, I'm joking) response #10 by Hubert Flottz LOL "I feel your pain!11!1!!1!!!1"  On a locked thread: Reuters' Political blog: Obama seemed to forget how many states were in the US response #13 by varkam Locking. Dearly departed, we are gathered here today... Cheers, varkam DU Moderator GDP, May 10, 2008 On a locked thread: goodbye response #41 by Call Me Wesley Lockin'. Buccanneer has keel hauled th' plank. Call Me Wesley DU Scurvy Dog Complete with snazzy Jolly Roger animated GIF! The Lounge, May 14, 2008  This one should have appeared in the previous edition of the DUzy Awards: On a thread by Writer: BREAKING: Scientists Engineer Clinton/Obama Love Child response #3 by DerekJ GDP, May 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5805802 On a thread by FlyingSquirrel: Hillary Clinton can STILL WIN THIS. response #33 by Swamp Rat GDP, May 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5911960 OP by Ichingcarpenter: Forget Super Delegates..... Hillary has a new Super Weapon on the way response #3 by stellanoir response #8 by Ichingcarpenter GDP, May 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5914479 On a thread by CatWoman: Thought you guys might want to see some pics of the blessed event at Crawford response #5 by Cleita response #35 by LibDemAlways response #15 by Lastlaughin08 response #20 by Fridays Child response #28 by KG GD, May 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3270624 On a thread by dugggy: Jenna Bush Wedding Pic response #8 by TomInTib response #49 by mtf80123 GD, May 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3270940 On a thread by napi21: Beer is now cheaper than gas! Drink Don't Drive!!!! response #6 by Reverend_Smitty response #13 by FredScuttle GD, May 12, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3274451 On a thread by Wetzelbill: Breaking News: McCain Yells At Cloud response #5 by SemiCharmedQuark response #13 by jakem response #21 by NewHampshireDem GDP, May 13, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5945505 On a thread by lame54: Caption response #3 by rateyes response #4 by lame54 response #5 by Not_Giving_Up response #7 by NV Whino response #8 by herbster GD, May 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3283526 On a thread by WCGreen: Have there been any sightings at all of Young Republicans... response #16 by quantessd GD, May 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3293937 |
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| flvegan
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Sat May-17-08 07:31 PM Response to Original message |
| 1. Love the Ric Flair intro. |
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| Fox Mulder
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Sat May-17-08 08:07 PM Response to Reply #1 |
| 7. I just noticed the Ric Flair intro. |
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| Kukesa
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Sat May-17-08 08:02 PM Response to Original message |
| 2. K&R. I love the DUzys; they're so much fun! Thanx. JeffR |
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| Yael
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Sat May-17-08 08:03 PM Response to Original message |
| 3. Bwa! |
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| CaliforniaPeggy
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Sat May-17-08 08:05 PM Response to Original message |
| 4. My dear JeffR! |
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| malaise
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Sat May-17-08 08:05 PM Response to Original message |
| 5. JeffR et al you're amazing |
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| annabanana
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Sat May-17-08 08:06 PM Response to Original message |
| 6. Wow! I did not expect a "make-up" DUzy thread!. . |
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| grantcart
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Sat May-17-08 08:27 PM Response to Original message |
| 8. thanks for the laughs jeff |
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| roguevalley
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Sat May-17-08 08:55 PM Response to Original message |
| 9. love the open letter one. 'kiss and run' now after julius caesar, |
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| Wetzelbill
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Sat May-17-08 09:33 PM Response to Original message |
| 10. I have to admit I was on fire this week, I blacked out midway like Will Ferrell in "Old School" |
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| HCE SuiGeneris
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Sat May-17-08 10:02 PM Response to Original message |
| 11. This is so remar |
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| helderheid
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Sun May-18-08 11:43 AM Response to Reply #11 |
| 14. LMAO! |
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| krispos42
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Sat May-17-08 11:56 PM Response to Original message |
| 12. Another good week! |
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| Richard Steele
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Sun May-18-08 12:20 AM Response to Original message |
| 13. Allrighty then. nm |
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| VolcanoJen
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Sun May-18-08 03:58 PM Response to Original message |
| 15. Another fantastic edition, Jeff!!! |
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| SalmonChantedEvening
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Sun May-18-08 08:53 PM Response to Original message |
| 16. Double Dosage of Dynamite DUzys!! |
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