DU Administrators Endorse Telly Savalas for President

[Writer]

WASHINGTON (AP) - After weeks of deliberation, the administrators for the popular Democratic online site, democraticunderground.com, decided to endorse Telly Savalas for President.

"Savalas will make an excellent president," DU administrator Skinner told the AP. "If you've got a problem to solve, Savalas has the answers. I mean, he's f@#$ing Kojak, man."

All three administrators shaved their heads as a show of unity. "It's time that we gather around our new candidate. It's time to cast aside the division and work for Telly," DU administrator Elad said.

After being informed that Savalas passed away from cancer in 1994, Elad seemed nonplussed. "So many have threatened to vote for McCain if Clinton or Obama didn't get the nomination. So would Savalas be any more of a stretch? We all have a bit of Telly in us. Oh - and he was f@#$ing Kojak."

DU participants seemed confused by the endorsement. "Say wha'?" said a poster under the username Starbucks Anarchist. "I mean, I get the Kojak thing and all, but the dude was bald. Like, very, very bald. And dead. How is a dead bald guy going to beat John McCain?... Oh, wait..."

At least one DU participant seemed excited by the possibility. "When I heard that, I immediately knew that we had a winner," said a poster with the username GoPsUx. "I immediately went to the local dayspa and got a Telly Savalas. Savalas is the man. But why is it so breezy in here?"

Savalas started acting on television in 1959's And Bring Home a Baby, but found fame with his lollipop-loving detective Lt. Theo Kojak in television's Kojak. He later became famous for his commercial endorsements for the Players Club Card.

"Who loves America, baby? It's Telly, man," DU administrator EarlG said. "All we need to solve our nation's problems is a little bald head."

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[MilesColtrane]

1. They now look like Gitmo detainees.

Hey, if the whole Democratic Underground thing doesn't work out, they can always come up with a Vegas review..."Blue State Man Group".

[Writer]

2. Skinner, Elad, and EarlG: Back in Bald, baby.