Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

[meegbear]

Former vice president Al Gore—who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save—launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.

"I tried to warn them, but the Elders of this planet would not listen," said Gore, who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message. "They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions. Yet even now, the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting, and the cities are rocked with tremors, just as I foretold. Fools! Why didn't they heed me before it was too late?"

Al Gore—or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al—placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity's hubristic folly.

"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race," Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home."

As the rocket soared through the Gore estate's retractable solar-paneled roof—installed three years ago to save energy and provide emergency rocket-launch capability in the event that Gore's campaign to save Earth was unsuccessful—the onetime presidential candidate and his wife, Tipper, stood arm-in-arm, nobly facing their end while gazing up in stoic dignity at the receding rocket, the ecosystem already beginning to collapse around them.

In the final moments before the Earth's destruction, Gore expressed hope that his son would one day grow up to carry on his mission by fighting for truth, justice, and the American way elsewhere in the universe, using his Earth-given superpowers to become a champion of the downtrodden and a reducer of carbon emissions across the galaxy.

"Perhaps he will succeed where I have failed," Gore said.

<snip>

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/al_gore_places_infant_son_in

[Marrah_G]

1. Hhaahaha - Awesome, I love the Onion !

[AsherHeimermann]

2. How Funny?

The photo is funny but the story is not funny to me.

[Marrah_G]

4. It's a play on superman.

Al Gore as superman's father.

[sui generis]

5. hey I think they accidentally removed your humor instead of your appendix

x( :P

[Dreamer Tatum]

9. The ability to enjoy gentle poking of fun comes at 16 or so...

...be patient, it'll come.

[Sanity Claws]

3. Funny

For those of you who were not Superman comicbook readers, Jor-El is the name of Superman's dad on Krypton. When Krypton was exploding, Jor-El placed his son Kal-El in an experimental rocket and sent him off into space. His rocket landed in Smallville where the infant was adopted by Ma and Pa Kent, an elderly childless couple. Of course, they named him Clark Kent and grew up to be Superman.

[Canuckistanian]

6. Hahaha! "Gore-El"!

That's funny.

:rofl:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. funny stuff...Love me some Gore-Al

theonion:thumbsup:

[The Backlash Cometh]

8. God, there is so much brilliance on this planet. LOL!

We deserve a second chance!

[SharonRB]

10. Hysterical!

I really do love the Onion.

[SpiralHawk]

11. Brilliant!

ROFLMAO

[Prophet 451]

12. I wish I could find this funny

but the fact is, humanity seems to resistent to actually doing something about the dying planet that this is almost prophetic.

[WhiteTara]

18. some see a particle some see a wave

we are co creators of our reality...chose carefully
:hi:

[Z_I_Peevey]

13. Godspeed, little Kal-Al.

Avoid making friends with alliteratively-named peers.

[Sanity Claws]

14. You mean Lara Lang and Lois Lane?

If he avoided people with alliterative names, he would be devoid of love. You wouldn't want that for our dear Superman, would you?

[badgerpup]

15. I think "Lex Luther" was the alliteratively named peer in mind...

Never watched Smallville, but IIRC one of the story arcs was that Clark and Lex were originally buddies. :shrug:

[Sanity Claws]

17. Ah, yes

But that was just the television show. In the comics, Lex Luthor was a criminal who was convicted while still on Krypton. Krypton sentenced its criminal to time in the Phantom Zone. Every once in a while, Lex Luthor got out of the Phantom Zone and, because he was from Krypton, he also had superpowers on Earth and caused all kinds of grief for Superman.
After reading this, I think you can figure out how I squandered a good portion of my childhood.

[semillama]

19. What comics were you reading?

Lex Luthor is from earth and has no powers. Always has been. I don't even read Superman comics and I know that much (Make Mine Marvel!).

Check out the Wiki entry for yourself:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lex_Luthor

[Sanity Claws]

20. Oh no!!

My memory failed me! There must be some kryptonite near me.
I used to read all the DC comics handed down to me from my older brothers. There was Action, Adventure. I think there was a separate Superman comicbook. It sounds like after 35 years, the heros and villians have gotten all mixed up in my head.
I quickly scanned the link and see that there seem to be various stories about Lex; the comic books did not seem to be that big on consistency.
Did you notice that I got Lana Lang's name wrong too? I called her Lara Lang. Lara was the name of Superman's mother, right?

[Gidney N Cloyd]

21. I think you're mixing up Lex and Gen. Zod (as in 'Kneel before Zod')

Oh, god, why do I know that?

[Sanity Claws]

24. Thank you for figuring that out!

It's amazing how memories get all jumbled up after a while. It is over 30 years since I've thought of these characters.

[SpookyCat]

25. For the same reason I find myself humming Kirk's fight theme,

or the song from Lost in Space...

pssst...<nerd>...

:-)

[badgerpup]

31. Probably because General Zod is running for President...

No, really!
Seems like there's more than one "Independent" party :scared:

http://www.zod2008.com/

(Is this where I'm supposed to say "I for one welcome our new Krypton overlord? :crazy: )

[Z_I_Peevey]

22. Yes, I was thinking of dastardly Lex Luthor.

Sending protective thoughtwaves toward little Kal-Al.

[Leopolds Ghost]

28. Lex Luthor, the pampered businessman who wanted to sieze the Presidency and destroy the environment?

Or his outlandlishly dressed henchman/rival with a sinister name,
heavily promoted rep, and remote underground headquarters?

Good thing there's no supervillains in real life.

[FreepFryer]

16. His son, 'Kal-Al' ... hehehe. (n/t)

[PVnRT]

23. Is Dick Cheney General Zod?

[Uncle Joe]

27. No, he's General Fudd

his *friend just calls him Elmer.

*Not really a friend but plays one on television.

[SpookyCat]

26. Wonderful, thank you! Needed the laugh! n/t

[Hekate]

29. "... for Truth, Justice, and the American Way!" Gods I loved that intro when I was a kid...

And I am talking about the old b/w tv show. That was some great mission statement for a little kid to hear over and over. I had it memorized. :D :D :D

Hekate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faster than a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a locomotive,
Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound,
Look, up in the sky!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
It's Superman!

Yes. It's Superman, strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities
far beyond those of mortal men. Superman, who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with
his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan
newspaper, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way.

http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/s/superman.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[hughee99]

30. Was the rocket a hybrid or an old school gas guzzler? n/t