Rapture Ready: "I used to get annoyed at the porn magazines....then I decided to fight back!"

[Bluebear]

I used to get annoyed at the porn magazines near the math & logic puzzle books I once often bought. Then I decided to fight back: while "browsing" through the magazine section I started to surrepticiously slip tracts into those disgusting porn mags. Imagine some guy starting to drool over the "meat" when out falls Chick's "This Was Your Life" tract!

http://rr-bb.com/showpost.php?p=720730&postcount=11

:crazy:

[electropop]

1. Plus, it's a good chance to secretly sneak a peek!

:evilgrin:

[Mabus]

7. No kidding

What bookstores is that woman going to? :rofl: I can't remember the last time I saw a porn magazine anywhere near the sections I browse in.

[Kutjara]

2. Oh, the delicious irony of a fundie...

...being a fan of logic puzzles.

And excuse me, but aren't the "math and logic" puzzle books usually kept with the hobby titles and gossip mags, not near the "porn"? Seems this particular "Christian" allowed their eyes to wander a little too far up the rack.

[mcctatas]

3. Well I can debunk that right here and now...

what would a christofascist be doing looking at logic puzzles? :crazy:

[lame54]

55. A great "gotcha moment"

[jobycom]

4. Oddly appropriate.

Some choose porn, some choose Chick tracts, but the purpose is basically the same.

[jeff30997]

5. I know what I would do :

Slip disgusting porn pics into the math & logic puzzle books. :evilgrin:

[ingac70]

6. He tore open the plastic wrap? n/t

[Bluebear]

8. Apparently. That's a sin!

[ingac70]

11. Leaving the mags wide open for kids to view....

how Christian. :eyes:

[distantearlywarning]

9. Math and logic puzzle books.

Suuuuure that's what he was looking at on the rack! :evilgrin:

[Marr]

22. Mm-hmm. Sure.

He could at least try to be convincing. I mean Christ-- say you were browsing the car magazines, or the entertainment magazines. "Math and logic puzzle books" is just trying so damned hard to be the opposite of porn that it's sad.

I'd bet you $20 this guy isn't so much annoyed by *porn* as he is annoyed by *his own obsession* with porn.

[distantearlywarning]

48. "His own obsession with porn"

I think you totally hit the nail on the head with that one.

That's what I think about all these fundie types - they can't control their own obsessive and scary behaviors and feelings surrounding sex, so they try to compensate by trying to control everyone else's behavior. Those of us who have normal relationships with sex and the human body and normal self-esteem don't need to care so much about what other people do in their bedrooms.

[paparush]

25. heh heh heh. . . you said 'rack' heh heh heh

[romulusnr]

40. obama brochures in puzzle books, i say

or any better combination of pamphlet / magazine you can suggest

it must be done.

[distantearlywarning]

10. Math and logic puzzle books.

Suuuuure that's what he was looking at on the rack! :evilgrin:

[aikoaiko]

12. I dont get it -- what tracts? What is a "this was your life" tract?

:shrug:

[Bluebear]

13. A "Jack Chick" tract....feast your eyes:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp

[Howardx]

14. i had a great collection of them when i was a kid

they used to leave them in phonebooths back then.

[Bluebear]

15. What's a phone booth?

:) How times change, yes?

[Kutjara]

18. It's a sort of public urinal with glass walls. n/t

[mitchum]

19. I have always wanted to know the "racy story" that the protagonist of...

"This Is Your Life" is telling his buddies.

That particular tract has been a camp favorite of mine forever. I own copies in 6 different languages and have even printed panels on t-shirts

[Vickers]

54. Do you have the "This Is Your Life!" in English-African?

I shit you not:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0409/0409_01.asp

:crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy:

[mitchum]

56. No, I don't, but that will have to be rectified

that's incredible

[JBoy]

24. LOL. "This was your life". So that's where all the drive-in movie theaters went.

[aikoaiko]

31. Ahhh. I suppose he's bigwith the fundies.

I think I have seen one of these before. Thanks for helping me understand.

[XemaSab]

46. You missed the black one

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1101/1101_01.asp

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

58. The guy dies as he's about to make love to Eartha Kitt.......

....what a way to go!!!!

[Kutjara]

16. "Chick tracts" are creepy little fundie comic books...

...that threaten an eternity of fire and brimstone for anyone who doesn't follow the fundie faith. Jack Chick has been producing them for about 40 years.

My lunatic mother used to force them on me as a child, in between bouts of screaming about how I was going to "burn in Hell." I will be forever grateful to her, because I'm pretty sure it was reading these evil little pamphlets that set me on the road to atheism.

More here, for the strong of stomach:

http://www.chick.com/default.asp

[aikoaiko]

32. I understand now.

[Psst_Im_Not_Here]

60. Isn't it ironic

that they have books on how the fundies can ring the doorbells of Mormons and Jehovahs Witnesses? Bwahaha...that's a vicious circle of karma!

[Rob H.]

17. "Imagine some guy starting to drool over the "meat" when out falls

Chick's "This Was Your Life" tract!"

Like he's even gonna notice a slip of paper falling out of the magazine while he's lookin' at all the bewbies. :P

[Evoman]

20. Lol...or he could use that slip of paper to clean up afterwards.

Did I just go there...ha.

[Marr]

21. Christ, I'd laugh my ass off if that happened.

Seriously.

As kids we used to spend hours laughing at those ridiculous, religiously insane "Chick tracts". Used to white out the word balloons and put our own captions in there, and then pass them around.

[SpookyCat]

61. You were ahead of your time.

Please to enjoy...

http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/intro.html

"Pull my finger..."

[Marr]

64. Oh my god-- you just made my day.

Hahaha- thanks for that.

[greendog]

23. He was "annoyed" because he kept bumping into his Pastor...

...in the adult magazine section. This is his cover story. He's starting a "porn ministry".

:rofl:----> Puzzle Books <----:rofl:

[alfredo]

43. The puzzles were something like:

How did she get that in there?

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

59. If he wanted to piss off his pastor.....

....better slip some of them into "Playgirl".

[paparush]

26. "drool over the meat" ?? Sounds like this guy has experience.

Sounds like he might be a little conflicted over accepting his true self.
NTTAWWT!

[romulusnr]

39. way to go, referring to women as meat

that's so christian, eh?

[bluedeminredstate]

27. Meanwhile at the beginning of this fundi thread...

It shouldn't annoy me as much as it does / Borders Bookstore

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I saw a copy of a magazine called "Bite Me" in Borders today. It was promoting "vampire" lifestyle and encouraging women (and men) to dres immodestly, to believe that this was a positive thing and even to use things like ouija boards! I complained to a memeber off staff and they basically told me that these beliefs were just as valid as my own, that there was as much truth in their awful occult secion than there was in the Christianity section. I went to look, and the occult section was over double the size of the Christianity section! Whats worse is that they had included Dawkins horrid books of lies, and they were on prominent display whereas they kept their Bibles at the back of the bottom shelf.

Why is this sort of thing tolerated by society?! Why do people believe such demonic things can bring them any sort of good, and even claim they have more power than God? It makes me so angry- especially when they treat the Bible like it's just "some old book". It especially annoyed me that people allow this "vampire" magazine to be published, that people read it and attend events where they think they can become immortal or whatever. I'm very tempted to find out if there is anything like that near here so I can go and hand out tracts- I used to do that outside a Goth-themed club for teenagers a few years ago.

I worry about society today I really do.

I just had to go upthread and see what the tract-in-the-porn poster was responding to. So now you have it: Borders is promoting the occult and trying to squeeze out Jesus. Sounds like a boycott is coming...

http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?s=3fb38cee16ac82a684432f048faae521&p=720730#post720730

[Marr]

28. That post is actually a great insight into the fundamentalist's idea of "religious persecution".

To a person like that, "religious persecution" doesn't mean their own faith is being attacked-- instead it means that everyone isn't forced to obey it. Anything that does not conform to their religion is an *attack* on their religion.

You find this stripe of lunatic in every faith and every age. They're the ones who start crusades and jihads, forever "defending" their faith by murdering people who don't share it.

[malaise]

57. Excellent point

Anything that does not conform to their religion is an *attack* on their religion.

[CitizenPatriot]

30. Buy from Borders, they aren't crazy....

I'm sort of impressed that borders took this attitude with this guy, if his story is true (not much they say is the truth, haven you noticed?)...I'd buy more from Borders if I knew this to be true! thanks for sharing, bite-me fundie dude....You just made Borders more popular:-)

[hunter]

44. I'm picturing that poster as a creepy old guy loitering outside a teenage Goth club...

...leering at the young women and handing out tracts.

He has no idea why that atheist judge slapped a restraining order on him, and he's annoyed that he now has to sit in a dark car and use binoculars to keep an eye on the place.

[AllentownJake]

51. I left a church 4 years ago

When the pastor suggested that it was ok for the dept of welfare to take children out of houses of their parents homes not over abuse but over them not being raised christian....it was a shame the pastor seemed sane till he said that and I haven't been back to any church since. The pastor maintained a very non-political and was very well read but his true colors turned out. I've since become agnostic to atheist because no matter the good intentions religion always leads to the same place.

[Iris]

29. Ha! I thought this was going to be written by a woman who decided to finally sleep with her husband

for fun - and not just for procreation!

[DU GrovelBot]

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[AwakeAtLast]

50. Leave it to Grovelbot to find the porn thread

:D

[TlalocW]

34. Good Chick Tract Parodies

Involving one of their more absurd ones that role-playing games leads to Satanism.

http://www.theescapist.com/darkdungeons.htm

[sofa king]

35. One from the vault.

[Bucky]

36. Good plan! Those Chick tracts are very hard to masturbate to. Believe me on that!

[TexasObserver]

37. Sounds like a typically FALSE fundie Jebus story.

No one will lie more than a fundie to make their godly points.

I haven't seen porn mags in any store in years. Some little convenience stores have them, but even in those, I only see them back behind the counter where they cannot be read or accessed. How is this person in the story opening them and accessing them? They're in cellophane, they're not accessible to the public.

And who buys porn in stores, anyway? Must be people without the intertubes.

The one thing about the story that is true? The way those idiots love to try to use SHAME to shame those who don't share their world view.

This sounds like a story that is 20 plus years old, but the fundies keep circulating it and claiming it as their own. Like I said, no one will lie more than a fundie about what really happened, if they think they're doing their righteous work.

[Raster]

62. It don't matter if you're fibbin', stealin' or murderin', as long as you're doing the Lord's work.

[TexasObserver]

63. I'm now worth $70 million! Praise Jesus!! --- the Osteens

[romulusnr]

38. look at me i have been more prosyletic, preachy, and obnoxious than you!

i expect someone tomorrow will say they went to a strip club and got up on stage and preached the gospel (i.e. book of paul).

heck, i'm surprised there aren't fundies who get gigs at strip clubs just to convert the girls and make them quit.

maybe there are.

[NoodleyAppendage]

41. Females described as "meat." That explains everything...females are sub-human in fundyland.

I'd love to drop porn pictures into the Bibles of that asshole's church.

J

[ShenandoahAspen]

42. Would a guy even pay attention to...

the tract? I mean really... he'd probably chalk it up to the nutjob fundie that poster is and laugh about it. I can't imagine a guy reading porn would find one of these, read it, and go "OMG, I'm going to hell, I better convert -- NOW!" I've read some Chick tracts, and I find it hard to believe any logical thinking person would take them seriously.

[Raster]

45. You know, I used to get annoyed at the math and logic puzzle books over by the porn I liked to buy.

Then I decided to fight back. While "browsing" through the puzzle book section, I secretly slipped porn flyers into those math and puzzle books. Imagine some geek drooling over the latest puzzle and out falls "Bouncing Babes!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

47. you can have fun in the xtian book section.

go over to philosophy.
Get "Why I Am Not A Christian" by Bertrand Russell and put it in the Christian section.
Or books on christians persecuting jews.
Or Nietzsche.

[Orsino]

49. Revenge fantasy.

The tract ends up on the floor with the subscription cards and tissues.

[LostInAnomie]

52. I think it would add a sweet element of taboo to me drooling over "meat".

Thanks, fundies.

[Vickers]

53. Call me crazy, but I always got a boner reading those Chick tracts

that I got for Halloween from that sexy fundy lady down the street...

[Ikonoklast]

65. OK.

You are definitely crazy.



And 'that sexy fundy lady' was probably the local minister playing 'dress-up' for Halloween.

[Skittles]

66. I WILL KICK YOUR CRAZY ASS, VICKERS

yes INDEED

[TrogL]

67. Ever noticed the chicks in Chick Tracts are really hot?