Ex-governor who had affair wants child support

[rebel with a cause]

ELIZABETH, New Jersey (AP) -- Former Gov. James McGreevey, who resigned from office after revealing that he was gay and had an affair with a male staffer, is seeking custody of his 5-year-old daughter and child support from his estranged wife.

The revised divorce lawsuit by McGreevey, who resigned in November 2004, does not mention the "matrimonial settlement agreement" that McGreevey originally said had resolved all custody and support issues concerning his daughter, Jacqueline.

McGreevey's wife, Dina Matos, has 35 days to respond to the revised filing.

The papers filed last month in Union County Superior Court ask the judge to assign McGreevey custody, to award visitation to the noncustodial parent and to award him "suitable support and maintenance."

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/03/13/gay.governor.ap/index.html

Hope this guy was a republican because this sounds perhaps a little greedy, but then I don't have much patience tonight and I feel for his wife.

[JDPriestly]

1. What is the basis for your disgust.

This is not necessarily just a matter of money. Maybe he wants more time with his child. Maybe he actually was the most involved and caring of the parents. You can't know the situation.

[rebel with a cause]

3. I don't think I ever said disgust.about this at all.

I said it sounded a little like greed to me, because they had a settlement worked out with the custody agreed upon. Then suddenly he is asking for sole custody and child support. The child support thing makes bells go off in my head, because if it was just him wanting to spend more time with his child the money would not be his biggest concern. If you had ever gone through a divorce, and maybe you have, you would understand that sometimes things are pulled that are just "dirty pool". And you are right, I do not know all the facts, that is why I qualified my statement that it might just be my frame of mind tonight.

The reason I feel for his wife is because he cheated on her and it came out so publicly. I don't know if she knew before it came out or not, but if she did not then it is hard to be the only person that doesn't know you husband is fooling around with someone else. It makes you feel like the biggest fool around. Again I can empathize with her on that, if that is the way it happened.

[1932]

2. if his wife has a lot of money and he doesn't and if he's a good father

then what's wrong with this?

if McGeevey were the woman and Matos was the man, would you complain?

The law doesn't prefer one parent over the over based on gender. It's less influenced by stereotypes than you are.

[Solo_in_MD]

4. You seriously do not belive that

The law doesn't prefer one parent over the over based on gender. The stats are overwhelming

[1932]

5. The law doesn't. Whether judges and juries do is another question.

Judges and juries probably have the same prejudices as the OP'er.

But the law in every state, as I understand it, is that gender can't be taken into consideration in custody and support determinations.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

[rebel with a cause]

15. Sorry but the OP is not prejudice against the man except in the fact that he lied to his wife.

I am however suspicious of anyone who suddenly changes their mind about a divorce agreement and demands money.

[ComerPerro]

6. I think what the poster meant was, the law should not.

that's the context of "the law does not prefer..."

As in, there is no law citing preference toward one parent. Its the judges themselves, and the handing down of judgements, that is where things get skewed.

[1932]

7. That's exactly what I meant.

I thought it was clear.

[Solo_in_MD]

8. Im a pragmatist (with an intact 1st marraige) but the system (not just the judges) is clearly biased

[1932]

13. Do you know a single state which considers gender when making custody/support decisions?

?

[Solo_in_MD]

22. What statistics there are speak for themselves

They are so far out of balance, that was it a racial matter, that it was discrimination would not be questionsed.
- in what percentage of the cases are the fathers awarded primary custody?
- in what percentage of the cases is child support awarded to father?

Most states do not publish these numbers since they are so embarssing. What numbers that are out there are from reviewing of individual case files or attorneys who do family pratice. None of those are truly representative though the former is the best that is out there.

Dept of Social Services is as much if not more responsible for this as the family court judges

The de facto standard is adequate for all other forms of discrimination, why not here?

[1932]

37. All states publish their laws.

As I said above, the law doesn't consider gender. Judges and juries may. The law doesn't. The OP'er did, however, it appears.

[rebel with a cause]

10. Actually it is not about stereotypes.

If this was a woman and they were suppose to have joint custody and then suddenly she pulled a switch aroo, I would have the same reaction. Especially if her biggest concern was the child support.

The difference would be if she had been a housewife when he left her, then I would say she deserved child support if she was the custodian parent. If he had been the house husband I would expect the same for him.

the thing is here that he cheated on her and why should she be punished if he was the one that broke up the marriage. Why should she lose her child because he suddenly decides he wants the child so he can get child support.

You know what, I have known several men that their marriage broke up because their wives constantly cheated on them and I supported the idea that they should have custody of the children and get child support from the ex wife. When I got my divorce, I did not ask for child support, but the court awarded it because they felt it was for the children's best interest. I still refused support for the one child, because she was working and I felt we could do without it.

So get over this is a case where I am picking on the man.

[1932]

11. Do you know a single FACT about this custody proceeding?

[rebel with a cause]

16. The peice says that custody had already been resolved and agreed upon

within the divorce agreement. He is now changing that by filing new papers to revise that agreement and to get sole custody and child support.

There are differences between the parents about what the child should be exposed to, and that may be something the court will have to decide. I don't know all the facts and never claimed to. I pointed out in the OP that I was short of patience tonight and maybe was not seeing this as clearly as I usually would. But flame away if that makes you happy.

[1932]

38. So you know the one fact that he's filing new papers. But nothing else?

And you're making a lot of assumptions, it seems.

[JDPriestly]

21. In California, most courts consider a number of factors.

The most important thing is the best interest of the child. That one parent cheated is not usually relevant. If the parent that did not cheat is extremely bitter or tries to alienate the child from the other parent, the court may award primary custody to the "cheating" parent. If the child has a stronger bond for whatever reason to one of the parents more than to the other, the parent with the stronger bond may obtain custody. You cannot know what is best for the child based on the facts you know about this case.

[rebel with a cause]

24. Actually I never said I knew what was best for the child.

The only point I made about this was the fact that the man involved had decided to go against the agreement that he had with his wife, they are still married, and was now asking for sole child custody and child support. I said that I suspected this was because he might just be interested in the child support. Do I know this? No, it was only a suspicion and if anyone had told me that they knew the facts and informed me of them, I would have accepted that. But no one knows the entire story, not you and not me. This means that I could be entirely wrong on this, and probably am. But I wonder now why so many people have taken exception to this, because I never said anything about what I am being accused of. I only stated my suspicion and I said I felt for his wife because he had cheated on her.

I never said I was discussed by him, or that it would be better for the child to be solely with either parent. I happen to think it is better for the child for there to be a civil agreement between the parents and for the child to have a relationship with both parents. I do not know what the facts are between the parents, and did not state anything about that. My statement was a very narrow one and has been widened by you fellow posters to mean much more than it ever meant.

[951-Riverside]

9. Its bad enough that low life wasnt honest with his wife now he's try to drag his child into this

Scumbag. :mad:

[JI7]

12. doesn't McGreevey's family have a lot of money

isn't that why Dina Matos married him even knowing he was gay ?

[rebel with a cause]

18. don't know anything about their families or that she knew he was gay

when she married him. I am sorry I posted this at all. Geeeesh!

[saracat]

32. Dina Matos did NOT know he was gay and why would her having money

make her marry someone who was gay? My god she publicly stated she did NOT know and McGreevey stated she did NOT know.This was his second marrige.She had a child with him. Mcgreevey is as much scum as Guliani. I will never forget the look on Mrs.McGreevey's face at that press conference.It was reported he told her just before the press conference.
mcgreevey and Guliani are both slime cut from the same mold.

[RB TexLa]

14. Of course she has to provide financially for her children

Wanting the someone to provide for their children is being greedy?

[rebel with a cause]

17. No!!!!!!!

What would be greedy is if he filed for sole custody so he could demand child support after he had agreed on a divorce agreement already. The same could be said for a woman who filed new papers after a divorce agreement had been reached to get sole custody and chid support, when originally they had joint child support.

[RB TexLa]

19. People do that every day in courts in every city in the country

hardly anything out of the ordinary, or considered greedy.

[rebel with a cause]

20. No wonder our courts are messed up.

But then what do I know? I believe in being honest with your spouse and considerate of their feelings. I believe in caring about your child more than you do the money you might get from a divorce agreement. I believe in being fair in the agreements you might make with another human being and want what is best for everyone concerned.

But then what do I know? I actually paid my own back child support for children I had custody of so I would not have to spend more of my life in court than I had to. The court was so biased toward the man that they expected me to do this, because they were tired of dealing with my ex and trying to get him to do the right thing. Yeah, what do I know?

I am sorry I posted this piece. It is unimportant to me what happens here, except I hope the court has enough sense to decide what is best for the child and to heck with both parents. Like I said I do not have patience tonight to deal with this.

[Horse with no Name]

23. What is wrong with him wanting custody of his daughter?

Would your disdain be equal if he was straight?

[rebel with a cause]

26. Yes! and I am not disdained or discussed just suspicious.

Him being gay has nothing at all to do with it, but at least you were honest enough to accuse me of what the others were thinking but was not saying. Again, him being gay has nothing to do with what I was saying, my whole point, and only point, was that he had an agreemnt with his wife about the custody and the divorce. Now he has backed out of that agreement and is seeking child support. That was my only point and the fact that the wife was the supposed victim in the divorce since he cheated on her. It does not make any difference if he cheated with a man or a woman, he still cheated and she was the one that would look like a fool if she did not know. My husband cheated with a woman and everyone knew before I did, and I understand how that feels.

As for him seeking sole custody, unless the mother is unfit I do not think it is in the best interest of the child for him to seek it. Neither would I think it was best for the child to have her father shut out of her life and only have visits with him on occasion. But this is something the court will now have to straighten out, because evidently they cannot agree upon it for themselves.

Unfortunately although my ex and I had joint custody of my children, I was their primary parent and he had visits because he could not behave and have a civil divorce. There were about five years that I had to hide where I lived from him so I could have any peace, and visits with the children had to be arranged. They did not want to live with their father and only my son would spend even a few days with him. After fifteen years he is finally able to act like an adult, but my children are now grown. I would not wish our type of divorce on others. And I know ours was not the worse, there have been some far worse.


Edited for grammer use.

[saracat]

33. Mine would.If he were straight he'd be Guliani!

Cheating is cheating and publicly embarassing your spouse at a press conference? McGreevey's child won't have any more respect for him that Rudy's and nor should she.

[southerncrone]

25. I believe he is a Dem.

[rebel with a cause]

28. Thanks for answering at least one of my concerns.

It really makes no difference except if the republican taking heads make a big deal out of it.

[Breeze54]

27. My ex had an

(one?) affair and wanted custody and child support.
I think that's the standard filing, although I thought
he was a scumbag, greedy, motha focker; at the time, myself.
All lawyers will include both of those in any court custody proceeding.
That's just SOP.

I just didn't connect (and still don't) your OP title:
"Ex-governor who had affair wants child support"

Do you think having an affair matters in custody battles? :shrug:

[rebel with a cause]

29. That was the title of the article. I had nothing to do with it.

I posted it the way it appeared on the CNN web page.

[wicket]

35. It's the title of the article from the AP

:shrug:

[Czolgosz]

30. I thought this was another thread about how even Guiliani's children don't support him...

[rebel with a cause]

31. How I wish it was!

;-)

[zbdent]

34. McGreevey was a Dem ... and he's not likely to get custody

no matter what his status or financial situation, unless he has an extremely sharp lawyer ...

I don't see any chance for a gay male to win custody in court these days ... gay couples are not allowed to adopt ... why should a judge risk a firestorm in awarding custody (against tradition) to the "father" when the father is gay? Unfortunately for him, that's likely the way it will go ...

[GreenPartyVoter]

36. Nope. The deck is heavily stacked against him. In the US custody is generally

given to the moms, and I htink his being gay is likely going to be a further stumbling block.

It should not be that way, but it is.

[gollygee]

39. Not enough information

Why does he want custody? Maybe the mother has some problem that is causing trouble for the kid(s)? If so, then it makes perfect sense for him to try to get custody. But I didn't see in the article why he was seeking custody - maybe I missed it? I think generally joint custody is best for kids so they don't have a sense of abandonment from either parent, but it depends on the specific circumstances.