Overweight People, Compassion and Judgment

[Mike 03]

With great trepidation, I've read hundreds and hundreds of posts on the many threads about this subject that have emerged over the past few days. It is heartening to see that there is a lot of understanding and empathy, and the few instances of hatred, callousness or insensitivity are to be condemned.

But it seems to me this is not the dichotomy some DUers are trying to paint. I am sure that 99% of the folks here--particularly those who discuss obesity in the context of health issues--don't "hate" large people at all.

My parents are or were overweight/obese. They are the loves of my life. They have faced the same stigma, ridicule, silent laughter, points and stares, all the things I cringe to think of. It is painful to see. That is not right. But you think I have not worried about my mother's weight, or tried to encourage her to exercise, eat differently? Is that 'hating' her? When her doctor tells her the dangers of being overweight, is he 'hating" her?

There is a difference between care and stigmatizing, I know.

It's just plain wrong to ridicule someone for being overweight, just as it is wrong to discriminate against a Black person, Gay person, Lesbian, Hispanic, someone with Depression, Bipolar disorder, Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, or anything that could have a cause you don't understand. For many years I have suffered from depression, and that carries a stigma too that I don't enjoy. It has cost me some things in this life. It's not easy to get insurance if you have a history of depression.

Yes, it's probably true that many cases of overweight or obesity have some preventable cause (or, more likely, a syndrome of preventable causes), but the fact of the matter is we don't know that, and we don't know which cases are and which are not. We don't know who is on anti-psychotic medication (which causes in some instances substantial weight gain) and who is not. We don't know who might be on anti-depressants and who is not. We don't know which of the "devils" may have a thyroid disorder and which do not. That man or woman who sits down next to us on the airplane--how are we to determine the reason they are obese? This part of the process is in our minds: If we decide the person is a slob, we "hate" them; if we decide they are victims of a disorder, we "forgive" them. It's very pretentious when you think about it.

My policy is to give people the benefit of the doubt always, because you just don't know what they are going through, or why. Walk through the Mayo clinic some morning and you see all the bald people--chemo cancer survivors. What are you going to think or say about them? How about the awful driver? Is he drunk? Or is he rushing someone to the hospital, or trying to get to his ailing father before he dies of cancer, or has his sister overdosed?

My point is: Even though our brains exist in large part so that we can make intelligent judgments about what we see and experience, they are not always reliable especially when it comes to rendering judgments on people we do not know but whom we judge by appearance only.

I've been reflecting on some two or three "health" posts I've made over the past years I've been on DU and come to the conclusion that they are inappropriate, presumptuous, insensitive and condescending. People who have risk factors for chronic disease are most likely aware of that fact. Nobody wants to be diabetic, overweight, have hight blood pressure, atherosclerosis, but they have them. And they have them for reasons only they know.

Henceforth, when I come to DU in the future, I'm leaving my health judgments at the entryway. Why? Because it's not my place to judge other humans I don't know because I have not walked in their shoes.

Who among us doesn't have something that we wish we could change? I have a million things about myself I want to change.

For every healthy habit have, when I'm totally honest, there is something equally stupid that I do undermine it.

We have to lighten up about the human predicament. We are all in the same boat.

E.T. and Thich Nhat Hanh have it right: "Be good." Be nice. Be kind.

[yardwork]

1. On a large board such as this, there will always be a handful of jerks.

Not that that excuses their behavior or makes it any less painful to the objects of their casual cruelty.

[Mike 03]

2. You are right.

Maybe I over-react sometimes.

Lately, I'm hyper-sensitive to everything. Maybe just because of some things I'm going through. I need to toughen up a bit.

:hi:

[yardwork]

3. I'm sorry that you are going through a difficult time.

You were very supportive of gay rights, and a lot of DUers noticed and haven't forgotten. We appreciate it!

[Mike 03]

9. Thank you. I can't thank you enough, Yardwork

Hugs and kisses.

It means a lot to me. You have no idea. I don't have a lot of support right now, and it means so much to me to have yours. I respect you so much, more than you know.


:loveya:

[yardwork]

11. And I respect you, and appreciate your kindness. I hope that everything works out.

:pals:

[Mike 03]

10. P.S., I had round two of my debate with my republican friend about Prop 8,

trying to convince her this is a civil rights issue. I think my argument was strong and I hope it works on her.

[ben_meyers]

6. Who you callin' a large broad?

oops, never mind.

[honkydonkey]

4. Wonderful, thoughtful post. n/t

[mrreowwr_kittty]

5. Beautiful post. Thank you.

I know I'm guilty of being judgmental at times and I will endeavor to do a better job of being more empathetic.

[maddowfan]

7. Obesity Can Also Be Linked To Poverty

Our food is crap. People need to think about their health. I'm not an asshole though. I'm not going to go around and start bashing obese Americans. We have advertisements galore promoting unhealthy food. They start people young, just like they used to do with smoking. Why is the obesity rate so shocking?

[Mike 03]

8. Believe me, I know.

You know how cynical the investment industry is? They are saying invest in Yum brands, invest in fast food and donuts now, because when people get stressed, when people are assaulted by the economy, they toss out their good habits and they eat fast food, they smoke, they drink. I can't blame them. My habits are getting worse and worse too.

[renate]

12. you're a kind and thoughtful person

Thank you for writing this. You were sensitive not only to the people who felt harassed but also to those who meant well. And two of your sentences-- "Because it's not my place to judge other humans I don't know because I have not walked in their shoes" and "Be nice. Be kind."--are especially pertinent. You're lovely.

:hug:

[The Doctor.]

13. "Self propagating perspective"

You've written an excellent bit on something I've spent a great deal of time on.

Once you give in to your first impressions, all that follow will fall into line.

The key is to use one's imagination and consider other reasons... just as you have laid out... for why those around you might be doing what they are.

Most of the time, the BOTD is the best way to go. It's easier to create bonds and eliminate divisions that way.


Well done.

[The Doctor.]

14. Oh, and K+R

:kick: